For all of us, it is much easier to critique another person's actions or behaviors than it is to model the best behavior! It's much easier for your husband to find fault with what you do that to do it himself. Your SD is in those confusing teen years, and he may be worried about her going back to her mother, but he may also be worried about losing "control" of her in other ways too. Of course, the grass is always greener so Mom's place may look more appealing - and I agree with the other posts that judges will start listening to the child regardless of what the current legal arrangement is or what the mother signed over. I went through this roller coaster with my husband and 2 SDs some years back. If you can avoid the lawyers and the courts, do so! You have known this child for many years so you should have as much of a handle on her as any parent does - but the teen years are hard for all of us. When they have another "option" about where to live, it complicates things. That may be why there are no "complaints" about your parenting skills with the younger ones, or it could be that the oldest is, obviously, facing situations for the first time, which makes HIM insecure, whereas the issues facing the younger ones are easier to handle and not the first time around. The biggest problem it seems is that you and your husband are not on the same page. That is the place to start. If he overhears you, he worries that it's not the whole picture. Even a "nanny cam" doesn't tell the whole story. And this smart 14 year old is well aware that he doesn't trust you or doesn't trust her, and that can fill her with insecurity as well as give her openings to play one against the other. I think the absolute first place to start is with family counseling - probably just you and your husband to start. If he won't go, go without him. You have to get some perspective, some skills, some strategies in place. Everything you read is something YOU have to tell HIM about - he's not going to hear it. You might consider a male therapist if you feel your husband will listen to another man more easily. It's really important that your SD has consistency and solidity in your home - and it's good for your marriage and your own sanity. Good luck!