How Do I Tell Her My Son Won't Be Coming Back?

I think I would simply tell her that you think it is time the 3 year old get started with his education and that he will be going to pre-school. As far as the compensation goes, that is a tough situation. You should just be honest and tell her what you can afford and hopefully it will work out but are you prepared to look for another sitter if she won't budge? Have you thought about finding another sitter anyway if you aren't happy with her services?

I cannot tell you what you should do per se' but I can tell you for sure what I'd do. I do not mess with a compromise in my kid's care or even the fear of that. I would just find someone else because inevitably it WILL compromise how she treats and cares for your daughter no matter what. Even if she is the sweetest person she will be annoyed (or her husband will be) and she will feel justified to not tend to her as much since she is not earning what she was initially. I know you may get postings from others saying "if she is professional she will understand..." well, in my own opinion, that is bogus. Professional, smeshional. Her husband wants her to be earning a certain amount and he's gonna hassle her about it even if she doesn't care that much. Don't leave your child in that situation. In regard to finding another good sitter, try sitters.com (my neighbor got great ppl. from there) and craigs list. There are also agencies if you want the screening already done for you and are willing to go up in payment. Good luck and hope it all works out for you and your kids. I know finding a good sitter is so so difficult.

Give her notice. Childcare is her job and I'm sure she budgets her expenses including this income. You need to give her at least two weeks notice, preferably more. As a daycare provider myself, I ask for a months notice since I plan things out ahead of time, crafts, supplies, food, preschool curriculum, etc... Explain that your son is going to preschool, but you would like to keep your daughter in her care. Ask her if she would be willing to continue caring for your daughter only and what the cost for her would be.

As a daycare provider myself, I can tell you it will be heartbreaking to your sitter to lose a child. However, if you explain that your son needs more of a preschool curriculam and be sure to give the required notice, there shouldn't be any problem.

As far as payment goes, Your sitter should have set rates for individual children as well as siblings. Just ask her for her rates again to make sure you know what you are going to be paying.

D.,

I totally agree with Naomi S.

For every action, there is a direct re-action. In your case, there will be a dominoe affect and it WILL directly affect the quality of care that your daughter will receive in the future from this particular care provider.

I recommend moving both of your children completely out of this situation as soon as possible. There is no denying what you already know based on what you have shared about the provider's husband and I would think his attitudes and words will impact his wife, your care provider of your children. It seems that this situation has been "comfortable" at best for you up until now, but it seems obvious that you've always seen the red flags based on what you have shared. Now it is very important to pay attention to them for the sake of your sweet daughter as well as your dear son and consider moving both of your children completely out of this situation, especially if you try to re-negotiate things with your care provider and things don't work out.

I want to encourage you to not be overly focused on your care provider's feelings as it is so important for you to focus on your children and their care and their needs as well as what you want for their care needs to be. Please don't get me wrong here as I think it is great that you are a sensitive person to another's feelings. What I am trying to say is that it is best to focus on your own feelings as it seems that you already know that this person is not providing the quality level of care that she could be for your children as she is busy doing other things like keeping her house while your children "play" in front of the tv.

There are so many resources available to find and research online at your fingertips for truly great child care providers. I would not settle for mediocre when it comes to my children and their care as there are so many great caring and loving people that are not in child care for the money alone. I would recommend starting to look online right here on mamasource.com in the child care directory. I would urge caution should you decide to use craigslist.com based upon warning postings that I have read from parents where their new provider was less than desirable, but I think keen awareness is best used anywhere you decide to seek your new provider.

I have a compiled list of child care websites that I'd be happy to share with you. Please let me know if you are interested.

D., I wish you great success should you decide to find a new care provider.

My best,
B.

Dear D.,

I want to tell you up front that I am a daycare provider. when parents come to my home, it is clean, but they can also tell that I don't spend the whole day cleaning. As for the tv, I think that tv should be limited. Something that I do want to say is that not all babysitters are good for all children and vise versa. I don't want to rush to judgement, but if you seem to have problems with the husband I would say it is about time to take the kids out. I also want to say that if she truly cares about your kids she would be glad that your son is going to preschool.

As for the pay, it should go down. If your son is in school will he be at her house at all? If the answer is no then you should not have to pay for him at all. You would then only pay for your daughter. I wish I had more info, because I could give you better advice. If you would like to talk more please feel free to write me.

I hope you get this all worked out. And if she truly cares about you and your kids it shouldn't be a problem and if it is then maybe you should find a new sitter.
B.

D.,
I run a small daycare form my home. I truly believe that at 3 years old the children need to be in a preschool It helps them to interact and get ready for real school.I encourage my parents to do that even if it only for 3 days a week. I even will supply the transportation for them if need be. If you really feel like she may hold it against your daughter, then I would change her place of care. I would be little wearly of the husband, if youare uncomfortable with him imagaine how your daughter must feel. I only hope he is nice to the children. They can sense when someone like them. A freindly face and a happy smile go a long way with kids. And yes your payment should go down. Good luck.
Kris

If you are looking for another day care, in-home care - go to google.com and type ( action for children ) there you will find your local office and phone number you can call. they will send you like 10 pages or more of different in- home day care and centers. The service was free for me. The provisders all licenced and preces vary depending on the provider. (150/week - 260) . You can scedule appointments with them and go check their settings. This is how I found the day care for my son.
Don't be afraid to tell you sitter, this is about your children, their weel-being , comfort, and safety.
T..

Speaking as a Child Care provider that teach the children in my care, it's our job to get them ready for school. She should'nt have a problem with this move since its better for the child. As far as what you want to pay her??? I missed that one and may answer it wrong, but does she have a set price? You are charged for services for 1 child or and a discount for having 2 children in care. It's not up to you to pay what you think she is worth or what you feel you can pay. If you can't pay the required amount try finding someone else. Yes it's true you get what you pay for. Please give her a two week notice as to your son not returning, so she can make arrangement to replace her income.

I'm so glad you found a better situation. I just want to add that I think you should tell your sitter what your concerns were. I don't care what you're paying, you should not allow your child with a sitter that let's them watch tv all day while they clean. They are just unethical and god knows what else they do (or don't do). She should know so maybe she can get her act together-if she is a better sitter she will get more work and it will be better for all involved. The husband situation sounds weirdly inappropriate.

Just simply explain that your son will be going to pre-school. It seems like while your daycare provider is reasonable, it sounds like you are not very happy with the care. And I think by trying to negotiate down an already low price, may not be the best - seeing as you mentioned "you get what you pay for". It sounds like the type of care your daughter receives may be even more reduced. That is she were to even agree on a lower price. I understand that you feel you should be paying less since she'll only be watching one, which is fair, but at what seems like such a low price it might be worth it to leave it as is. Especially if her rates are so low you might not be able to find anything else. Good luck.

I Honistly think that she should understand. I do home day care myself and if She truly loves your 3 year old then she should understand. Also for that matter she should realize that she realy does not pay much attention to the kids once they reach that age and I personaly feel she should kind of expect it. Anyhow, and as far as the payment think Of corse you should not have to pay the 2 kid rate but as for the 1 kid rate, if it is not the normal agreed upon 1 child rate, all you can do is ask.
Good luck Shantel