How Do Other Blended Families Deal with Christmas?

Updated on December 13, 2013
J.S. asks from Chandler, AZ
13 answers

This year will be different for our family. In the past, my husband and I have had our kids for the same holidays so we could celebrate together. For example, we'd alternate years for Christmas Eve and Christmas with our ex's. If it was our year to have all the kids Christmas Eve and not Christmas, then we told our kids Santa made a special exception and came to our house a day early so we could celebrate together. They were all young enough (except maybe my oldest step son) they bought it. If it was our year to have Christmas morning, no big deal, we went on as usual. But since my ex moved 3 hours away, this year my 2 boys will be going to his house the day school lets out until the night of 12/26. We'll get them for a week, then they will go back up there for the remainder of the winter break. So for the first time ever, we will not have them for Christmas Eve or Christmas. My step kids will be at their moms Christmas morning but she lives 2 minutes away and I'm sure we will work out something so that they can come to our house (probably in the evening) and also go with us to my husbands moms for a gathering there. So that leaves my 4 year old daughter being the only child we have Christmas morning. I have no idea how to handle gifts. Do we make our 4 year old wait to open her gifts from us and Santa until my step kids come over? It could be as late as after dinner because again they will be at their moms, then they will probably go to their maternal grandmas house, then probably meet us at paternal grandmas house, then finally to our house that evening. Do we allow her to open 1 or 2 in the morning and wait on the rest? What about my kids? Do they just open theirs after everyone else when they come home the night of the 26th? How do other blended families handle the various schedules that come with the territory?

BTW - our kids ages if it helps. Our daughter together is 4 years old. My boys 7 & 9. My step kids 7, 11, 13.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Don't make her wait. Tell her that Santa knows where to deliver and do Christmas with her, on time.

When my DD was only 4 months old, the sks were not here. I did not want the precedent set of DD waiting on everyone else and told SD that no, we would not be holding DD's Christmas. Even little kids know when Christmas is (especially if they do any countdowns at school), so just go on with HER morning and then fit others in when they arrive.

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J.E.

answers from Washington DC on

Why would you want to make your 4 year old wait. You do realize that your other children and step kids will all be opening gifts on Christmas, so why cant your daughter?

Enjoy Christmas morning with your daughter and husband and open gifts, and when your other children come home they can all open their gifts then. Also if you don't want to have your daughter feeling left out when the other children come back to open their gifts you can save a few for her to open also.

Don't over think things, it will just stress you out.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

She gets her Christmas with you when YOU guys have Christmas yourselves. I think it would be cruel to make her wait entirely for Christmas until all the kids are there again.

I would also put all the gifts that are not going to be opened that morning in a closet or a bedroom you can lock. She is 4 and impulsive. She's going to focus on those other gifts, especially the ones to her from them until they get opened, out of sight is best.

So let her have Santa, from you too.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I think you should let the 4 year old open all of her gifts xmas morning. It's hard enough for them to wait that long; I think it would just be cruel to make her wait the entire day - and it might also make her resent her step brothers! The other kids can open their gifts when they get there. It's really not a big deal for them if the whole family is there for the gift opening, it's only important to the parents. All that 4 year old wants to do is open her presents - she could care less who is or is not there (with the exception of her parents, of course).

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J.P.

answers from Lakeland on

I would let your 4 year old open presents and then let the other kids open theirs when they come over. Your boys will open theirs when they get home as well.

We had an issue like this in the past when my daughter was that age and my step daughter didn't mind opening her gifts later in the day (we did put a couple aside for my daughter from Grandma). I don't think it is fair to ask a young child to wait on Christmas morning and I am sure the older children will understand.

It's never easy with blended families but it gets easier as they get older.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Don't make your four year old wait. I am facing same thing with various families. Good God. I am telling you not easy. Of course, we have step grand kids who get anything and everything from their father, so gift cards and a little something to open. Then we have one soon to be step grandchild (I never use that word to describe them. they are all our grandchildren) but for this purpose I will use the term,. Financially things for them a bit harder so I got some clothes and Legos. Looks like more. You get the picture. So I am,having to figure who,will,be where when. Then of course we have our biological,grandchildren. They are all young, so you know,there Re a zillion things to get. I try to keep what I spend equal but depending on age it is hard. Try to have equal nu,very of gifts for younger ones. The teens understand. Oy!! As far as schedules go, We tell our kids, talk to each other and then just let me know where we need to be when. We do Christmas Eve. After that we go where we are told to go lol. We are really easy so it never is an issue, but I feel your pain. Have a Margarita!

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M.C.

answers from Chattanooga on

Since she is only 4, I would probably just wait and celebrate when the whole family is together. She won't know the difference, and if it's no big deal to your family, it's a win/win. When she is old enough to know the understand that Christmas us "supposed" to be celebrated in a certain day, then it will be a different story... But at 4 Christmas is on the day you tell her it is.

If you want to do something for Christmas morning, you could let her have a stocking full of busy toys and save the bulk of gifts for family time. That way, when the rest of the kids are opening their presents she isn't sitting there feeling left out.

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T.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Don't make the 4 year old wait. It isn't as if the older children won't be celebrating Christmas until they get to your house. THEY will be celebrating their usual Christmas Eve and Christmas morning traditions with their other parents. Your 4 year old gets to do that with her parents too!

Save the gifts to/from the other children until they are all home and do a second round of gift opening when everyone is together. No one will be upset to get Christmas Part 2!

Hope this helps.

T.

O.H.

answers from Phoenix on

We lucked out. BOTH of our ex's agreed that every year we will have the kids Christmas Eve and they will have them Christmas morning at 9am until the next morning. My family has always opened family gifts on Christmas Eve and then stockings that Santa fills in the morning. So our kids are always together on the holidays and open presents and stockings together.

All of your kids are old enough to know what's going on and that the holidays need to be 'shared' with both families. I would let your 4 yo open a couple things with the 2 of you then the rest when you have the rest of the kids all together, whatever day that is. We have learned to juggle around all the birthdays and holidays as we need to and the kids understand that as well. In fact this year my ex said we could just keep my 2 kids for Christmas Day since it's during the week and he and his wife have to work the next day. They will just open presents on the weekend before when they have the kids. So you just work it out and the kids will understand. Good luck.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

The kids can all open gifts as soon as they can. Your daugther in the morning, your SKs later in the day, and you other bio kids on 12/26.

ETA - Marie I can assure you that even at age 4, my kids were well aware of what day Christmas is. To the OP, I would not suggest trying to pull the wool over your daughter's eyes and really don't see any reason why the kids wouldn't open gifts at different times. I think you're over thinking this.

FWIW, we are a blended family and my SD always did Christmas at her mother's house when she lived with her, then would come to our house a day or two later and open her presents from us and Santa when she got here. No need to make the rest of our kids wait as she was also opening gifts on Christmas morning.

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M.M.

answers from New London on

Well it was different in the past...our son would be with my ex Christmas Eve and me Christmas Day. Now we just alternate years since Christmas Eve started to feel like a chore since we all had to do a half way point. Now this year I get our son both Christmas Eve and Day and it's exciting.

I would have kids open their presents asap...especially the four year old

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

We all opened the gifts based on where we were in the moment.

So, if I was at my father's I opened the gifts at his house when I was there - even if it was days late or early. Same goes for being at my mother's.

Most years I was at my mothers and saw my father (3hrs away) the next day or few days later and opened my gifts from him then. When he lived in another state, he simply shipped the gifts and I opened them over the phone so he could hear my reaction.

Simply celebrate with whomever is there in the moment. The gifts are not what it's all about any how.

J.S.

answers from Richland on

Our switch has always been Christmas morning at nine. So they would open gifts at one home and come over to find Santa came to the other house too! Win win!

Not sure why you guys made the switch so late in the evening. For the kids to play? Never was an issue with my kids because they knew they were getting more toys to play with and then would have these to play with in a week...

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