How Do You Deal with People Who Try to Lay Guilt Trips on You?

i agree with you maybe you should write a letter to her and tell her how you are feeling. Good Luck!!!!

You know, I don't know where these other women are coming from., but you absolutely have the right to state when you want to watch your gr. daughter. You have a very full life and it is harder when we are older to just add more to out plate. Of course you love your her. It isn't about being mad at your daughter, it is wanting respect from her to let you have the right to say no when you need to. It's not like you never watch her, is it? She needs to respect your boundaries just as she would want to be respected. It doesn't have so much to do with the child at all. She does need to grow up. She is not a teen mom. She could be just making you feel guilty so she can use you and not have to pay for a sitter. We who have adult children understand.

I don't know what to say. I have a lot of friends who feel the same way as your daughter. They feel their parents have some sort of obligation, and they are entitled to the help. I just don't get it. Good luck.

Hello D.,

You are extremely busy!\''/
That's a good thing.

Your daughter really takes you for granted and expects the whole world to be delivered to her on a silver platter. She expects WAY TOO MUCH of you, when she is the one that got pregnant and chose to have the child. I've seen way too many young adults with this attitude. For some reason, they have some type of grudge towards their parent(s). A lot of growing up is needed on their part.

Young adults nowadays are really selfish and don't give any thoughts of the outcome of having a child. They unfortunately don't forsee the future and the consequeces of EVERY decision that they make.

I wish the younger adults would try to open their eyes to see what the consequences would be after having a child. Kids are expensive!

Then after having kids, the young mothers (and father's) fail to see that the rent needs to be paid, not to mention water, sewer, phone and cable tv (if they watch tv). Oh. We can't forget the car insurance and most importantly is the health insurance (medical and dental AND vision).

So, with all of that being said, I suggest that you be straight with her, if you're able to talk to her. Let her know that she is to be responsible of taking care of her child and that you'll let her know when you have a day open for visiting. She shouldn't try to dictate her mother. You are her mother...and let her know it too. You have a busy schedule and you are trying to do something with your life.

Take care!\''/

You should tell this to the 27 yr old girl the other day that was frustrated that her grandparents wouldn't take all THREE of her kids to spend the night - I think you are completely justified - you already did your part and if you didn't offer to take care of the girl all the time, then your daughter needs to get a clue, take some responsibility, and figure something else out. You're already being a good grandparent, but you are still working full-time and can't be expected to be a full-time nanny on top of that.

Do you think it is more about your time constraints or lack of recongnition/feeling like you are being taken advantage of?

At 6, your grandchild may be able to help you with what you need to do or entertain herself. If she is high maintenance, maybe she can't be there while you are trying to get business done but I bet she could do something...

If it is the respect issue, it is always better to be straight foreward but explain. Maybe actually set dates/times to watch her so you can both look forward to the time without resentment.

No one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow it. You know you love your kids and have personal boundaries. Feel good about it and let it be her problem. Maybe try to brainstorm other ideas with her so you are not her sole support. I am doing a mommy swap right now and it is perfect. We both get time away from our kids and they get to play twice a week.

Hi D.,

I'm a direct gal who says...

You are RIGHT.

I can only assume you did your job as a mom. As a grandparent, you are not the responsible party when it comes to child care (it's a lovely, beautiful thing to share - that time between grandchildren and grandparents - but it's a choice by you that affords a luxury / blessing for all; certainly not a requirement!).

Grandparents are human beings with lives and wills of their own. They are not indentured servants (who, in this case, should see things the way your daughter apparently does and do things the way she wants - WITH GRATITUDE?!!).

No human being likes to be controlled and you are no exception to that rule. Your daughter needs to appreciate this simple fact and show more respect for you, as an individual, not a servant to her ideals, needs, etc.

Moms who accept the 100% responsibility for the care of their children, cannot possibly have any unfair / unrealistic expectations of grandparents and their time.

I suspect, if she evolves to a place of appreciation and respect, you would likely easily find more time for her / her children (even with a busy schedule - because it's hard to find time for those who make demands but easy to find it for those who inspire). She has nothing to gain by her current tact and everything to gain by digging around in herself for more gratitude for you / your potential role in the life of her grandchildren.

Many grandparents offer their grandchildren a unique relationship - one that can be rich in wisdom, experience, love and patience. In this way, grandparents can be quite a blessing to any parent who happens to be depleted and in need of a break - a chance to unwind and re-focus. I hope your daughter comes around to this consideration.

I wish you, your daughter and your grandchildren a relationship free from control issues - free from guilt and resentments - free from all the toxic things that prevent what everyone actually could use more of - love, time and togetherness.

I will think positive and healing thoughts for you and your family.

T. B.

Is there an issue of favortism here? I looked at your "a little about me" section...and you speak glowingly of your son, then mention your two youngest daughters...and then comes "single mom of a 6 year old little girl." I'm sensing issues in the family that don't necessarily revolve around the "babysitting grandma."

I think that everyone has the right to say "no" to something they don't want. It doesn't mean that it won't be hurtful to the recipient...for whatever reason. Maybe your daughter feels rejected by you and there is some sort of acceptance in you watching her daughter. Maybe she hopes that you might sympathize with her because you were a single mother yourself and you understand how hard it is to bring a child up in this world on your own.

Communication is vital and honesty is the best policy. Say what you need to, set your boundaries, and be prepared for the consequences. Take an honest look at how you treat her child/situation in regard to your other grandchildren. Are you coming from a loving place? Are you being fair? (Were you rejected by your own mom?)

I take issue with the fact that you seem to single your daughter out for the same mistakes that you made. I take issue with the fact that you seem to want to be paid to spend time with your granddaughter.

Your daughter should raise her child...but I don't think there is anyone here who would dispute the fact that raising a child on your own is the hardest thing one could ever do. I raise my son with an incredible partner, and it is still HARD.

Try to have some compassion. You should know where she is coming from.

My husband and I live less than a mile from my in-laws. When our first child was born, my mother-in-law sat us down and laid out her position firmly: that she would love to spend time with her grandson, and was certainly there in an emergency if something came up suddenly, but that she was not a babysitter. At first, I was a little offended, but 10 years later, I can see the wisdom in her choice to lay out that boundary at the beginning. (Particularly after witnessing my brother and his fiance dump their new baby and her 3 older kids on my mom constantly... but that's a whole other story!) I have always been very conscious with all family members about not asking them to babysit (except my youngest sister-in-law who was 15 when our oldest was born and we paid her to babysit). As a result, both sets of grandparents and all three of my husband's sisters love to occasionally take the kids for a weekend or longer. Three different family members even offered to take our kids while we went out of town for a week for our anniversary this year!

What I would recommend, is to sit your daughter down and let her know what the boundaries are. However, since you also enjoy spending time with your granddaughter, maybe offer to take her for the weekend once a month (or an evening... however frequently you think would be reasonable) to give your daughter a little time off, but have it as a scheduled event. And, make the effort in between to initiate times when your granddaughter will come over to spend time with you. I think you'll feel that if it's on your terms, you won't resent it at all. You might also want to explain to her that you have 5 other grandchildren, and if you were taking care of all of them to this extent, that it would be a full time job.

Although your daughter's feelings may be hurt initially, once she sees that you are still helping her out and love your granddaughter, she'll come around. This way, everyone will eventually be the winners... your daughter gets some help, you don't feel taken advantage of, and you and your granddaughter get to spend quality time together that you both can enjoy. If you're busy resenting having her dumped on you, she's going to pick up on that. Better to have positive interaction that you're both enjoying.

First of all D., you raised this young woman and the two of you really know each other. Trust that. She will likely come around when she comes to her senses. Second, stick to your very appropriate boundaries. You are not responsible to take your grandchildren every time mom or dad want to do something without the kids. I'm always a big fan of the 'get away from the house and have a talk' method of clearing the air. Get a latte or some tea, maybe go for a walk together, or a drive (not too 'green,' I know) and have a talk about respectful boundaries in a relationship. Reiterate to her that you love and respect her and you love and cherish all of your grandbabies...and you have a life that is important too. Depression in women of your group (kids are raised and gone) can be very high if they don't have a life full of relationships and activities that they choose. It sounds like you are creating a great life for yourself that will help to keep you healthy and happy. And you'll be no good to anyone if you get depressed.
Be gentle and loving with your daughter as you explain this, but firm. Set and enforce those boundaries first and foremost. Then find out why she's feeling this way...is she overwhelmed right now for some reason? Tell her she needs to figure out what/how she's feeling and what she needs to do about it...and while you might help her figure out alternative daycare, you are not available to be her only daycare source.
And finally, make sure you don't already have a relationship with your daughter in which you typically rescue her...is it possible that she became accustomed to you saying 'yes...' and now that you said 'no' she's mad about it?
Good luck! I know it feels really bad to have one of your kids mad at you.

D.,

You have every right to say no. Like you said you have raised your kids and should not have to feel burdened with raising another generation.

If it were me, and it will be in about 20 years, I'd tell her that you are no longer the free babysitting service. You have raised your kids, and don't want to be a primary care giver to your grand child. You would like to visit and build a relationship with your granddaughter, but she is your granddaughter, not your daughter.

My grandmother always told my dad, and he has been telling me for the past five years this: the best thing about being a grandparent is that you can give the kid back when they are being naughty, or you can just straight out say nope, not today, I don't want her.

DO NOT!!!! feel guilty for pulling the "grandma privilege" you've earned it!!!

Hope this helps,
Melissa

You aren't doing the child any favors by watching her with the anamosity that you have toward her mother. Having the child in an environment where she feels wanted (I totally understand you love her) is so important at this young age. I can promise that little girl feels the tension from both you and her mother, which makes me so sad. It sounds like you are completely overwhelmed, so maybe suggesting a babysitter you trust would be an appropriate. I am guessing you know of a lot of trustworthy people given what you do. This way you can do your work, and your daughter will not drop off your grandaughter at any given moment. Stating what would work for you (1 day a week or 1 day a month)with the reference would be in everyones best interest. I just want that little girl to not be stuck in the middle when she is building her self esteem and trying to find safety and love in this world.

Sounds like a situation for tough love. I would tell her just what you've stated in your message. Maybe to compromise (if you want to) set up a schedule with her, something that will take minimum time from you, but still give her a little break. Maybe take your grand-daughter once every other weekend or once a month for instance. Good luck.

I am sorry that your daughter is not talking to you over this issue. But you have to stop allowing her to give you a guilt trip.

You've raised your children to adulthood and they need to do the same for their kids. Where is it written that grandparents are built in babysitters? How does your husband feel about what's going on?

Perhaps you and your daughter can come to some prearrangeed agreement that you'll babysit for a weekend every couple of months or so.

I hope that you will continue to see your daughter and granddaughter at holidays, birthdays or just for a walk in the park. It's important for families to be and work together BUT not at the expense of another. D., do what makes you comfortable, you have earned that right. E.

You don't really explain how often; TRULY often, she asks for help. So it is hard to say that she is taking advantage of you. Being a young mother and having chosen to get pregnant "AS WE ALL DO...PLANED OR UNPLANNED" I would hope that my mother would be willing to watch my kids on the occasion especially if they lived close. Now for us we don't have any family at all within 1600 miles of us so we don't get that option. Admittedly when they come over to visit we do expect/ at least wish that they would watch the kids for at least one day so we can get a break!

And not to be rude but I cannot imagine that you didn't on the occasion wish that your parents would help you out for the first 9 years or for anytime that you were raising your kids. Or at least anyone's help for that matter. She is lucky to have you in her life still.

You seem to be very angry with the fact that she had a child and I feel sorry for her for that. I don't know if your parents pushed you away after becoming a single mom or what. Maybe that is why, I think you need to assess why you are really angry with her. I don't imagine you were a perfect mother all grown up when you had your child, do we ever really truly grow up. She is your child and will always be your child to raise. I am a not a single mom and I look up to all single moms out there because I don't think that I could do it. It is so hard to be a mom and to have to be one without a father would been so much harder. I can only imagine how much of a break she needs from time to time from being a mom.

As I read your story.. my only thought is that she is lucky to have you at all. Both my parents and my in-laws live out of state and all of mine/husband siblings all work full time. So if we want a night out.. we have to pay a sitter. If we need extra money.. I work a grave yard shift.
I was a single mother for years.. I had one aunt who was available to "free babysit" and I used that sparingly so there would be no bad feelings.
You need to let your daughter know that she needs to be more creative with her options of daycare. If she is a single mom.. has she checked out to see if she qualifies for DSHS daycare support.. there are plenty of highschool/college girls always looking to make a cheep buck.. are a couple of examples..
Also.. in your story is sounds that you resent your daughter for geting pregnant in the first place.. I think you need to look inside yourself and ask yourself if this is why you feel the need to say no to her and not the other grandchildren who you are obviously more fond of (in your "a little about me" you put your eldest daughter last.) maybe you two need to have a spa day together or shopping day just the two of you and "re-connect"

hope this helps

i have 5 daughters the oldest is 23 and the rest are still minors. I also have a grandson who is 5. And,my youngest is only 2- so I have been raising kiddos for 23 yrs and have about 16 more to go. I completely understand the whole your job is done. That is exactly what my mom said. At the same time, I was a single mom for 9 yrs and had my mom not been there, I would not have made it. I worked full time and the kids were in day care, but to be able to make it I needed all the extra hours I could get- Then my mom watched them. I went out maybe 1 time every few months and mom watched them then too. Can your daughter afford to pay a sitter?
I have had and still have friends that expect me to watch their kids with no pay. Really good friend that I may need help from I do this willingly- others I have started charging. The kids eat etc.. while in my care and it is only fair that the parent pay for that.
With my oldest, If she needs to work etc.. I will help her out- if she is going out to party- I sometimes do because she does not always make good choices for sitters, But I put my foot down early on about whos responsibilty her child is..

I'm sorry that you are feeling that way. Honestly sometimes I feel like I am inconviencing my mom and my husband's mom at times when I have to have them watch my son at the last minute if I am able to pick up an extra shift. Usually it's not a big deal for them - and if they can't watch him I'm ok with it. I will make other arrangements or just not work the extra shift. You're right it's not your responsibility to raise your grandchildren - you have done your deed as a mom. You are suppose to enjoy the time with your grandchildren and cherish it normally on your terms. Fortunately my mom doesn't "work" and stays home. I think my mom really enjoys having him there with her. And usually my husband's mom would have my son everyday if she could. I don't think you should feel guilty about saying no....by the sounds of it you have a really busy life that you are running as well. Maybe she needs to find some regular daycare instead. It's hard being a single mom - I have many friends that are or have been. But women are very strong when we need to be. Good luck.

You are certainly busy enough that your daughter should see that you have your own life. But she probably just sees her own needs which leaves you to set your own limits in order to keep your sanity.

Have you read the "Boundary" books by Anne Katherine? The first one is subtitled "Where you end and I begin" and the follow up "Where to Draw the Line" is an excellent handbook of responses to people who would push our boundaries. Anyway, I found them both helpful, perhaps you would too.

Maybe you could suggest to her she pay for your time by helping you in one of your businesses or do some house work for you to make up for your time in watching her kids. They are only little for a short time and it is truly a grandparents blessing to get to enjoy them as much as they can, spoil them rotten and then give them back. Both of my parents died just months before my 8 year old was born and they never knew about my 6 year old. My husband's mother died several years before that. So my kids have no grandparents to love them. I have 2 grandsons that I watch and love as much as possible. My 26 year old trades me babysitting and has joined me in my home based business.
Don't make it about a guilt trip, make it about the little ones. God doesn't give them to us for 18 years, he gives them to us for life. Enjoy being a grandma and set some limits with your daughter. If she isn't talking to you right now, enjoy the break from the grandkids, she will be back when she needs her mom.

Here is a little note I got today that sums it all up...

__________________________

PARENT - Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment i s due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **

I'm sure you will get tons of comments... but I wanted to throw out some of my experience with this. I am happliy married and am fortunate enough to mostly work from home, and am able to take my son with me to work. I also have a wonderful husband who is an involved Dad. This being said I rarely ask my parents to watch my son (in fact only 2 times EVER) and both times they have said yes, then back out at the last minute. So, as a Mom, I don't wish for my parents to raise my son - but I do strongly wish that they wanted to spend time with him once in a while. I am not one who would take advantage of the babysitting, but I wish they wanted to once in a while. It sounds like our situations are different- but try to make sure she knows you love her child, and want to spend time with her sometimes and then don't feel guilty when you don't ~ that's just my two sense (coming from the other side of the fence)- do with it what you wish :-)
~C. (Mom to an adorable little boy who is growing up way too fast)

Yuck :(.

I heard this great advice once: you can only decide what you are going to do.

Decide what you will (and won't) do (and how far you might be willing to 'move'--in order to, for instance, maintain relationships with your grandchild if she tries to blackmail you with that), tell her (and tell her if you might be willing to change your mind, and under what circumstances).

She gets to choose from that point her actions. But at least you'll know your life is yours.

D.,
I think a lot of times, it is in the way that your children ask you to watch your grandchildren. If it is treated as a right instead of a privledge, then of course it isn't going to make you want to do it when you know it is the other way around. I am an on again/off again single mom, because of my husband's work schedule. He works away from home for weeks at a time, and there are times that I just need some extra sanity time. I have been so blessed to have family (parents and siblings) that I can turn to to help me. But I am always aware of over doing it and taking advantage of the situation. Sure there are times when it would be more convenient to drop the kids off somewhere so that I could go to the store by myself, or run here or run there, but I try the best I can to take care of the kids myself, then if I need some extra help, people are more likely to want to help me. I also show appreciation for it.
Another thing that I have found to work, is to find people that our kids play well together, and I trust them to watch my kids, and vice versa, and we trade babysitting. It works for us.
Good luck!
J.

I would deal with her like she is your child (which she is :-)) and tell her guilt trips don't work on you, and that you love your granddaughter, but cannot be at her beckon call. Be firm but loving, and how she chooses to take it is not in your control. As long as you are loving and not harsh, she will not stay mad forever! She will eventually grow up...it may just take her awhile. Hang in there, you are doing the right thing in my opinion.

Talk with her. She had to understand that you raised your children already. My sister used to do this to my mom all the time. My mom would drive 3 1/2 hours to watch my sisters 3 boys without so much as a thank you. She finally stopped, and now my sister is not speaking to her. I fully support my moms choose.

You mentioned your daughter isn't currently speaking to you. I hope she is not also keeping her daughter away so that your relationship with your granddaughter suffers as a result.

I've watched both of my sisters be single moms at some point in their lives (one was married and got a divorce, the other has an absent ex-boyfriend). I believe in family support because I know it would have been near impossible for them to make it alone. But I also see how much having to care for the grandkids has taken out of my parents, who are nearing retirement.

On the one hand, you get to spend additional time with your grandchild. On the other, there is an expectation you'll work for free and provide daycare on call.

If you don't mind watching your granddaughter, I would recommend trying to create a schedule so that you know when she'll be showing up and be able to fit your work schedule around watching her. There are probably programs (it varies from state to state) that could help your daughter pay you for childcare. You might have to get some form of certification from the state. The main thing is it would require your daughter to be aware of how many hours she is expecting you to watch her kid and hopefully help her get the message that your time is money.

Even if circumstances seem the same, she's not the same person you are and she's coming to you for help. I wouldn't use that as a justification for not helping. There are cultures where as older family members age, they move back in with their offspring so that they can help care for the younger children. It's not all that weird I guess is the point I'm trying to make.

Best of luck.

I would simply say no I can't do it right now. If you want me to check my calendar we can find a time convenient to both of us. Let her know your time is valuable too and you are not a center open 24/7. If she stops talking to you for a while it's sad but I'm sure it won't last long, just until she needs something again. She is taking advantage of you and you need to get over feeling bad about not giving in to her. That is manipulative of her.

I would reccomend having a sit down talk with her. That is what my Mom and I did when I was pregnant with my now 1 year old twins. I didn't want to take advantage of her and she didn't want to be taken advantage of either. She is a full time fiber artist and runs her own business as well. So making sure that I am not taking advantage we sat and discussed what we expected from each other. So far it has worked well with neither one of us feeling like we have pushed to hard and it has made it very easy to be together. At this point I am a SAHM and she watches them maybe once a month for a couple of hours. Most of the time though, she meets with me and helps me do stuff, mostly doing the stuff that needs to get done and then I deal with the twins.

Good luck, having difficulties discussing these things is really hard but if you lay the ground rules sometimes it makes it easier.

S.

It sounds like your daughter is feeling really overwhelmed with her responsibilities of being a single mom. She really needs some understanding which you are not able to give because you've never been one. I agree that you have to set boundaries because you are really busy with your own life. Maybe you could try to understand where she's coming from though and relate to her without overstepping your own limitations. When I read your " a little bit about me" I heard you describe your son as giving you "5 beautiful grandchildren" and when you describe your daughter, you simply say she is a single mother of a 6 year old. Your lack of enthusiasm about your daughter comes through to the readers, maybe she is feeling like you don't really care and that is why she is not talking to you. Maybe you resent her for some reason but don't know why? Whatever it is, your daughter needs your love and I don't think she feels like she's getting it.

5 beautiful grandchildren v. a 6 year old little girl.

It makes my heart break. Your resentment is so strong that, even if you loved her dearly, you're not even including her in the family.

My feeling is this: You're a strong woman, who raised your son on your own for nine years, & who (for whatever reason) didn't trust your parents to love/care for your son or to help you. Also, that you wouldn't be feeling guilty unless there was something either in your history (remembering what it was like to go it alone? or secretly wanting your daughter not to have it "easier" then you did?...I could be way off base, but that's what leaps to mind.) that's making you feel this way.

I'm NOT saying you should feel guilty. I obviously don't know your daughter. She could be a manipulative, lying, hateful person who is disgusted with the idea of raising a child and tries to get away from her as much as she can. Her only care for the little girl could be dumping the responsibility (the joys and hair pull out times)of raising your Granddaughter onto anyone she can weasel into it. She doesn't care who, you're just convenient.

If that were the case, I'd be pulling my hair out, too. In fact I've BEEN in a similar situation with one of my in laws trying to use us in a similar fashion.

OR

Your daughter could merely love and trust you FAR more then you trusted your parents, and sees you as a natural extension to herself (Still "SuperMum! Guardian of all that is Right & Love & Fair in the world! etc...."), and doesn't see you as a busy adult who's struggling to live her own life. Or she gets so busy with her own life, she forgets.

OR

She could be feeling jealous. Or exhausted and at her wits end. Or. Or. Or.

Without knowing her, I can't give you any kind of advice other then this:

Search yourself. Find out the WHY behind you're feeling guilty. Once you figure that out, you'll have your own answer. Which, of course, is far better then anything we could tell you.

Best of Luck
~ Z.

PS. My situation is in the reverse, btw. MY mother wants SO much time/influence/playtime with my son that 1) It allowed me to go to school when I otherwise couldn't have afforded to & 2)I have to limit her time with my son to FAR less then she actually wants, WITHOUT hurting her feelings. I LOVE that she loves him so much, it makes him a better, happier, more confidant person...But I AM his mum. And I'm even willing to fight my own mother for him. Ah, love. Puts us in positions we never thought we'd be in, doesn't it?