How Do You Discipline a 9 Month Old That Thinks Your "Funny"

Hi M.,

When my son was about 10 months old I started a form of time outs. I made a corner his time out spot. What I did was everytime he did something that I didn't want him to do. I would say "that's not ok" and then pick him up and put him in the corner. I didn't make him stay there, whenever he got up, he was done. But that seemed to work for my son. Now he is 2 and sits in timeout for 2 minutes. He sits there until I tell him he can get up. It's not the traditional time out, but it really worked with my son. He is very strong willed and I had to show him who was boss. Sometimes I still do. Try it and see if it works.

Wow, what a response. My son is almost 2 and we still have some of the issues. I tried to do the discpline by the slapping etc and he just hit back. We use "stop" instead of "no" and it works a little bit more. But the best thing I have done is to set by example. Children are mirrors, so I try to show him how to act. I also use distraction. This seems to work most of the time. Hope this helps.

M.,

You have gotten a lot of responses. Being in education for 10 years and being a k-5 counselor for the last 4 I have learned a lot. I am also a mother of a one year old. FIrst of all you it is very difficult to discipline a 9 month old. You redirect. You may have to redirct one thousands times a day depending on all the valuable and unsafe items your children can reach. He is curious. You need to provide him with activities that let his creative juices flow. Let him empty out the cupboards and sit in them. PUt all dangerous applicances and cords up so they won't tempt him. It is good that he is exploring. When we as parents start to view our children's curiosity and creativeness as growth and not more work for us, you will begin to enjoy parenthood and all the messes that come with it. Remember people are more important than things. Kids laugh at their parents when they get mad because it is a new face and tone they have never seen before they don't know that you are mad. They have no idea that laughing is disrespectful. It teaches us as parents that when we get all emotional it only makes the situation more serious than it is. Kids focus on you instead of on what they did that was wrong. So I say to my daughter once or twice, no touches. I get down on her level and make eye-contact.I use a stern voice, but I don't get all worked up. I use that phrase all the time. Because NO is so universal. It means nothing to a infant. Saying touches lets them understand you do not want them to touch that item . Just saying no is so vague no what? no looking????If she listens it's all good, if not I remove her and redirect. Slapping a child's hand only teaches them to hit in my opinion.I think spanking is okay, but not until 3 or 4. Infants and young toddlers do not understand the difference between hitting by parents(discipline ) or them hitting. You are teaching him to hit when he wants something from someone or wants a person to do something. I hope this helps. I realize my opinions are strong, but I have worked with all kinds a kids from all backgrounds and I have learned children learn what is right and wrong from their parents. M.

I haven't read all the responses youare getting. In fact, I didn't get past the first one.

A big hurray to Maria!! She is right on target in my opinion! I am a former foster parent and mother of 3, the youngest being 13 months. I know what you are going through, and can understand that it gets frustrating now and then. I love the "no touches" phrase! I am going to start using that one myself.

Ok, I'm not even going to ramble, cause Maria said it all so well!
Good luck and happy learning!

M.,

You've had some wonderful responses here. I just want to remind you that the more curious a child is, the more intelligent he is. That sometimes helps us get through some trying times, LOL!

God bless you and your family.

Hi M..
I feel your pain (and frustration). I feel like "No" is the only word I know. And it still doesn't work. I even pop his hand when "No" doesn't work the first 5 times. That usually doesn't work either, at least not until he cries and then we are done with whatever it was for the rest of the day. I hate popping his hand but that is the only thing I have found that works. My son also doesn't do time out (I have tried but I can't get him to sit still for any length of time). I wish I had some suggestions that really worked.
As for the other thing, I really wouldn't worry about it. It is entirely natural for him to be curious about his body, and according to Sue Johnson ("Talk Sex with Sue Johnson" on the Oxygen channel), it is natural for boys and girls to rub and touch themselves to comfort themselves. But, like you, I would be incredibly embarassed if he started doing it in public. I would just keep pants or shorts on him until you can explain to him that you don't do that in public.
I wish I could be more helpful. I really feel for what you are going through.
Good Luck!
N.

Hi M.,
I understand your frustrations. As a teacher and mother, I've experienced the very things you're experiencing. You've received some good advice so I don't want to ramble. But...and we all know but.. hehehehe I might add that you could reconsider what you mean by "discipline". We should understand that discipline is what is taught in order to make good decisions in our actions and words. It also incorporates the family's morals. Punishment is what is earned with making bad choices and decisions. I caution you against negative reinforcement (slapping hands/spanking) particularily at this stage of development for Preston. What he learns is "I am hurting because Mommy hit me while I was having fun". It is all cause and effect. Remember the "baby toys" he had/has where you push a button and something happens? It is the same concept. I understand being so scared that you automatically slap hands. If every mother was so honest, we will ALL admit to having that very same reaction. I know I have and in more than one situation! DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT HAVING DONE IT, just keep other things in his line of sight. I also found that I had to keep an even closer eye on my little ones. I found that big tupperware-like bowls and big plastic serving spoons were great to keep mine busy while I was in the kitchen. Also, that sharp sounding no is not a bad thing. Use few words, that gives them less to "laugh" about, or at least, that's the idea...
Let me also ramble about the reinforcement stuff a bit.... Negative reinforcement, while not bad in and of itself is not nearly as effective at teaching children to control their behavior as positive reinforcement(PR). You may want to keep that in mind as he continues to develop. It's not always easy, but I've found it always works better with my kiddos, and even my students.
OK... next issue(s). Ask yourself when he takes off his diaper...is it when he could be slightly wet/dirty or just anytime. Some kiddos dispise being even slightly wet. However, for what you've said, I think he is doing it to play. Anyway, it sounds like you've handled his taking-his-diaper-off problem. That is exactly the right thing to do in my opinion. The difficulty is really going to be when he learns how to undress himself. When I was a director in a child care center, I had one little boy in the younger toddler room that would take off his diaper when he was dirty and scoot on the floor to clean it off. Fortunately he only did it that one time, but the teachers watched him very closely after the first time he did that! Especially when I had them bleach the floor, carpet and all!
I think your fiancee is right about him touching himself. The less attention you give him regarding that, the better. He cannot understand why you don't want him to do that. However, there are documented cases of children of both sexes exploring themselves in this way. In some cases with a bit older children, they may even orgasam, for lack of a better word. Discuss it with your pediatrician. It isn't as abnormal as you might think. To save yourself from the embarassment though you could just be mindful of keeping him in clothes around other people to discourage him from this. If this continues when he is older the current advice from the early childhood authorities is that you explain to them that they should only do that when they are alone and definitly not at "school".
Everything you've mentioned is completely normal as well as your concerns. Be sure to talk openly with your pediatrician with these concerns. They will be able to put you at ease and even maybe give you more suggestions.
Parenting is not for the weak. Just remember, in another 20 or so years when he brings home his date-most-likely-to-be-mate, you can sit on the couch and talk about "oh, when Preston was little..." conversations! Smile!
I know is sounds a little crazy now, but if you write it in a journal/baby book, in years to come you will find it enjoyable reading.
Best wishes for many happy memories,
L.

HAHA! Sorry to laugh but I have 4 boys and one long awaited girl. You are going to be fine. Just keep redirecting him to play something else, consistency is best. I know that takes away from what you are doing sometimes, ie dinner, laundry etc.. but it has to be done. Try putting him in the high chair with a little snack and toys when making dinner (or any other chore) so you can get it done faster without worrying what he will get into, just put him close to your area so you can talk too. The whole playing with his parts, completely normal, it freaked me out with my first son (now 11). If you don't make a big deal over it, he discovers it then he is done. When he touches himself, just say that's to go potty, peepee, however you plan on teaching him about going to the bathroom. Good Luck!

Hi, M.!
I'm also a mother of a son who will be 10 months on the 7th of Sept. He's going through the same thing. What works for me is when I him no,if he doesn't listen,or laughs, I try to redirect him to something else,another toy or whatever. Sometimes, I pick him up and take him to the other side of the room and give him something he can play with,instead.(Out of sight, out of mind, is my motto,lol) He's getting better at figuring out the meaning of no, and will independently go find something else to do,sometimes. It's all about exploring and testing their boundaries. Be consistent in no matter what you do, and he will learn.
About the body touching...I also have a 3 yr old son, and he went through that,too (my 10 month old hasn't yet), but it's all about self-discovery, exploring their body...the same they do with all their other body parts. It's perfectly normal, and they obviously don't have a clue whether it's a good or a bad thing, they just want to know what it is. Anyway,just one of the many phases, and it will pass. My 3 yr old still does this once in awhile, but I try to teach him that those are his private parts, and he should not touch them in public. He's only done it a few times, but I think when they get to this age, they should know what is appropriate and what is not. To me, I'm not trying to tell him it's good or bad, I'm just trying to teach him about good manners and etiquette. But, for now, don't worry about it. He's really too young to know any better. Hope this helps a little.

Hey..
I went through this with my daughter who is now 19 months old. I was told, and have read, kids at 9-2yrs have no impulse control. I was cracking Sophie's hands for things just like you did...and I KNOW how you felt when he burst into tears,,,cause Sophie did the same thing. All they have the mental ability to know at this age is "mommy hurt me"...they don't make the connection that you cracked them for doing something wrong..something that could hurt them. Don't get me wrong, I am not above cracking hands, even spanking once they are old enough...but at the age of your Son, and my daughter...they are just not old enough. You are totally right in saying no a thousand times a day. I said the exact same thing LOL You sound just like I did :-) I promise...it is a stage...and with your persistant no's and re direction..eventually he will learn. ( then a whole new stage, totally different from this one will come about! LOL)

As for the boy part exploration...

I was a nanny for 14 years..we went through this with the one boy...When he was your son's age, we kept "onesies" on him. When we were changing diapers, especilly poopy ones, we were VERY strict about not letting him touch there. Even if it made him cry,,so what...that is NOT a clean place and if they always have their hands there, imagine the germs being spread all over your house..or whatever and wherever he touches. It is fine to explore your body...but when it comes to spreading germs, there has to be a different view. (that is what my charges mother told me at the time we had to deal with the same problem..and it made alot of sense) It did continue till he was about 5 years old,,,then he finally got the point that if he does it in front of people, he gets punished...and he has to go do that in private (what dr told us to tell him as he got older) I am of the mind that just because a child wants to do something, does not mean we have to let them. We are their mothers and we have to do what is best for them, protect them...even when they don't like it at the time. Have a blessed Day. Jenny

Use redirection with the word no - At this age, it's really hard to implement "discipline", you want to make an association. My advice, but I'm no expert. Just a mom of an 8 year old and 7 month old! Good Luck.

I don't have any suggestions for you, just an "I know what your going through". My son is 18 months and he is getting into everything. I've tried time out now that he's old enough and he LOVES it, so that doesn't work, I tell him no and tap his hand and that usually doesn't work, what I have found that works is to divert his attention to something else. That ALWAYS works! It's not too big of a problem for us, my husband and I are pretty patient, and this first year and a half have gone by so fast, I tell myself he'll listen one of these days!! LOL
And he like to touch his "pee pee" too, but usually it's only when he's getting a diaper change or in the tub.

I had the same problem with my son. Popping the hand is the only thing that worked for me after exhausting other options as redirecting. Just remember that they usually aren't crying because it hurt, just that it scared them. Fondling themselves
is a normal thing (boys and girls both do it). My son sometimes does it absentmindedly and he'll stop when we bring his attention to it. Just don't make a big deal out of it because young children definately do things more when they get more attention from it. Also, you don't want to give him the idea that his body parts are gross or nasty or that he's abnormal for wanting to discover himself.

M.,

Everything that you have described here is completely normal. I have a 14 month old son and he does all the same things. Our peditrician says it's all normal as do all of my more experienced Mom friends and things I have read on the Internet. We live in a very small space and it is impossible to remove all hazards that our little one can get into.Unless I can be with him while he is exploring I put him in his Superyard XT

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=226697...

It has been a life saver and he can move around freely and play with his toys without hurting himself.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

hi M.
marias respons says it all.had to send her a flower.i am the mother of a nine month old and a 14 year old daughter.we need to learn how to see things on the level of a nine month old.since there are quite a few years between my two girls i can look back ,which i do often,and see the mistakes i made with my first one.now that i am older and "wiser",lol,i take more time to understand what is going on in that little brain.i enjoy much more the little things she does and way she grabs the cat food for the 5thousands time to see what it tastes like, after i told her "no,don't touch" 5000 and 1 times.
try to understand what it is he wants to explore and if it is the ac cord ,which of course is unsafe for him,offer him a trade-off in the same color or texture.
in the end just be patient and consistent.like most of the other moms said hitting him is just teaching him to do so too.kids mimic everything you do!
good luck
M.

You have just described my son perfectly. He is now 14 months old and is starting to obey us a little more. After a few weeks of hearing, "no no, don't touch" he walked up to things like the tv and started to touch them but would turn around and look at you and say, "no no don't touch." Sometimes he just seems to not be able to help himself and must touch the tv or something he knows he shouldn't. I figure eventually the thrill of touching things he shouldn't will wear off -- well except for unrolling the toilet paper. That is my biggest battle with him.

I was surprised he even knew his "little boy parts" existed. I usually tell him that he shouldn't play with his "pee pee" in front of people. I figure eventually he will start to understand what I am telling him although I don't think the thrill of touching that thing will ever wear off. :)

RELAX!!! your son is perfectly normal. as far as him taking his diaper off...maybe try putting a pair of shorts/pants on him as well that he cant take off on his own. for your childs discovery of his privates...he IS just discovering his body. remember when he first noticed his toes and was thrilled to pieces about them?? if it embarrasses you when/if he does it around other people..tell them hes a baby and simply learning who he is.
for the getting into things and not listening to you, childproof your home. i know you prob have and its obvious, but it seems we are always changing things of how we childproofed. you gotta get down to his level...on the floor and think like a baby ready to explore without fear....everything you see that he could get hurt on or if you even suspect he might, remove it or make it safe. it takes time, but it will make life easier on you in the end.
one thing that i wish i was told when i had my first child, that i now know is that you really need to sit back and enjoy your baby...enjoy the coos...the cries...the weird things they do. it goes fast and you dont get it back...

My son is 16 months old and just learned how to take his diaper off as well. And for awhile now, too, he has also been exploring the area and it drives me nuts when he's got a "dirty" diaper! I usually try to give him a toy or something to fill his hands with when I'm changing him. As for the disciplining, something that mostly worked for my son is that as soon as I told him no and he didn't listen to me, I put him in his playpen. I didn't really consider a time-out, it was more of a, if you're not going to listen, you're going to lose your freedom to explore. Plus he had toys in his playpen, but it usually worked because he would rather be crawling around, etc.

Hope this helps! Good luck!