Seeking Moms Who Can Help with a Slapping Problem

My daughter went through this phase as well and would always laugh when we said no. Here is what we did (and it worked).

We told her "no" in a calm, but firm voice. And, then we showed her how to be gentle. I would take her hand and show her how to stroke my face gently and I would smile at her and tell her how much I liked her being gentle. The positive feedback I gave her while teaching her gentle has worked, and she very rarely is rough with us now. And, when she is, we're able to quickly get her to be gentle.

We went (and are still going through) something similar. My 18 month old wouldn't hardly ever hit me, but she would hit other kids when she got frustrated or they did something she was unhappy with. I truly think it's a communication thing. BUT, that doesn't make it acceptable. I've started putting her in timeouts where I hold her arms down (b/c she thinks time outs are a reward if I don't "restrain" her). They have been helping a little, but she went through a phase a couple weeks ago where she would slap me across the face (I don't know where she picked that up, since we don't hit at all at our house!). I tried "NO", timeout, etc, but for this one it didn't seem to work. So, I gently popped her back in the face as soon as she did it to me. Boy did that get her attention!!!! It didn't hurt her, but she was so shocked, she hasn't tried to slap me since! Good luck... I hear this will pass!! :)

I agree that is a phase, and the fact that he is not slapping the teacher's face is proof he has a lot of awareness as to what he is doing!! Read a lot of good discipline books, especially from Christian authors because they are not as dry as some, but avoid "rule" and "punishment" methods because he is just too young!! You can gleen a balanced approach by "gel-ing" the good advice and then you will be confident what to do in the future as he grows into other stages, because you "have a clue" what is good and normal, and you will see that he is still on a healthy path and then you can deal more patiently and confidently on a daily basis! :o)

I am an early education teacher who has been providing family chilcare in my home for the last 12 years. Between all the little ones I have loved here and my own two, allow me to put in my two cents worth on this. 12 mo olds, actually young children in general, are the original scientists, always interested in cause and effect. I don't think this problem is rooted in anything deeper than this. What happens if.... I would encourage you, an anyone else experienceing this behavior to consitently and calmly to continue with firmly holding his hand and saying "no" sternly when he hits a face. Back this up with setting him down if he does it a second time. As well as teaching him limits, you are teaching him that it is OK for people to set boundaries on how they allow other people to treat them. Obviously he won't catch onto this "sub-plot" at 12 months, but this is the beginning of you modeling this important for him. The most important thing is to be calm and consistent as he learns what is appropriate and inappropriate.

Additionally, for the children in my care, I feel that slapping anyone anywhere on the body is inappropriate. No one needs practice in hitting. When toddlers slap others, I hold their hand and say "gentle touch" as I demonstrate with their hand just how to gently touch another person. This wild and wacky hitting is also related to the fact that children this age are still learning how to control their bodies and the appropriate amount of energy with which to touch another person. I am more strict on touching the face though, since our faces, eyes, are particularly sensitive to pain. For me its a matter of self-defense since I wear contacts and don't want to have one lost.

Hope this helps. I had my children late too. My son is now 20 and doing very well at college. Parenthood has been the best experience of my life. It goes very quickly, so enjoy, enjoy!

K.

I have read through several of the responses and it appears that you have enough advice to get you through this ;). I offer my empathy as my son is the same way- he slaps us when he is tired. He also bites when he is tired. We tried almost everything written here for the past year(he is turning two soon) with little to no success. Not saying that the methods are not impactful with some children, but our child didn't react the way we were hoping from the other methods(time outs, explaining his actions, telling him no while holding his hands, saying gentle, etc). The last thing we did either worked or he grew out of the phase because his behavior has really tamed down- it is probably most similar to the ignoring reaction. I read a book(I think it is how to raise a 2 year old) that said that they are not doing it on purpose so just look at them after they do it and say "You will learn that you can not hit." Best of luck, my saving grace always was- you don't see adults walking around slapping each other for the heck of it do you? I hoped that meant my son would grow out of the phase too!

My daughter did the slapping in the face thing when she was 10 months old - she also started walking at 10 months. Anyways, we just told her no, with a stern but not raised voice. I always said, "no hitting, hitting hurts" and then I would gently take her hand and put it to my face to show her how to touch my face gently and she caught on how to be gentle real quick, which worked out well since she was only 15 months when her little brother was born and she has always been gentle with him and other kids. Also, time outs don't work at that young of an age.

I agree that it is a phase (and an easier one to deal with than biting and clawing so you can be thankful for that :) ). My son who is 18 months today has been slapping in the face and laughing for the past month or two. We just keep saying no in a firm voice while holding his hands. Hopefully it will pass soon. It's completely normal as it's a tough time when they can't yet express themselves clearly and yet so want to. :)

My daughter does this when she gets over excited or tired. We taught her 'nice touches' which is an open hand and soft strokes. So now when she slaps or hits, we say nice touches and she will stop and stroke your face or hair instead of slapping. She knows to do this to other children too and we often see her when we leave her at school nicely touching the top of a childs head or a baby's hand.

J.-

You are not alone. Most children go through a hitting and biting phase. There is a book called "Hands are not for hitting". You can find it in most book stores. Our daughter heard that story and we just kept telling her "no we don't hit" and I would fake cry. Eventually it ended. Your child is trying to communicate with you and doesn't have the words to do so. So when your child hits try to figure out what he is saying like "I'm tired" or "I'm frustrated" and give those words to him. He might not be able to say it, but it will become familiar to him and he will feel understood and eventually he will stop hitting.

Good luck,

M.

Almost all children have some form of cause/effect reaction that they are looking for, it's not that he is slapping you, he is looking for your reaction. He is far too young to be punishing for this behavior, as he has no idea what you are doing, or that he is even being punished. Maybe at 18 mos he might understand the meaning of the word "no", but for now, keep telling him no and teach him what "gentle" means. He should catch on pretty quickly. Read child development books or go to parentcenter and read up on where your child is at this stage of his cognitive development. What he is doing is totally normal in his developmental stage. What I did w/ my son, who was a biter, was gently tell him no no no, pulled him away. Same w/ the slapping -- just pull him away from you, maybe set him down gently on the floor and distract him w/ a toy. Distraction is the best thing to do at this stage, he will get over it. Give him something else to focus on w/ you, play peek-a-boo, or play hide behind the couch and pop up. He sounds like he loves the visual stimulation and that is what he is looking for when he slaps. Good luck hon, it will pass -- onto another stage that you will have to figure out! :)

Sorry if this advice is a repeat... I didn't read through all of them. I also have a toddler and worked in toddler classrooms for many years. The BEST thing to do is completely ignore the child. Any attention they get from it (good or bad) will only encourage it. When he hits you, simply put him down and walk away - ignoring any reaction he might have. Don't acknowledge the act in any way. It may take some time, but he will give up I promise!

You might want to monitor what he is watching on TV/Videos. Some of the images may be sending the wrong message to your son. Also, you might want to consider reading a book called Toddlerwise by Gary Ezzo (I forgot the other authors name). The principles helped us out with our 3 year old. Hope this helps!

S.

Hi J.,
My 18 month old does the same thing. I really feel that she knows it is wrong, because she looks at us for reaction, and only does it when she isn't getting what she wants. My husband thinks I am nuts, but I swear this is working. When she hits, her hands get a "time out." I hold her hands in mine and tell her, "No hitting. Big girls use gentle hands." She knows what gentle means because we have cats. Your son is younger, so maybe just "No hitting" would work. I really have seen a decrease in the hitting. She still does it though, so we will see. I don't think it matters where he is hitting people, the consequences should be the same if the slap is in the face, arm, whatever. Good luck. It is just a phase, but, boy, is it frustrating!!
E.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT IS JUST A FAZE, I HAVE 3 BOYS AND THEY ALL DID IT. DYLAN MY YOUNGEST JUST STARTED IT (HE'LL BE 1 IN MAY) THEY DO NOT KNOW BETTER. yOU JUST HAVE TO TELL THEM NO. BY MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE TIME OUT DOES NOT WORK WITH BABIES THIS YOUNG. HOPE THIS HELPS.

J.,
I know how frustrating the slapping issue is; I've dealt with that and biting. Saying NO once is good and then put him down and "ignore" him. If he's getting any kind of attention from you it's reinforcing the bad behavior. I've found that "ignoring" your child for a few minutes works. Give that a try and tell us how it goes.
K.