How Do You Handle It?

I usually try to think about those who are less fortunate than myself...it helps put things in perspective. When things get rough, especially regarding $ I try to tell myself that we have a roof over our heads, beds to sleep in, food to eat and lots of love! When we don't have the $ to go out and do fun things, I try to look around our house at all the things we do have like, toys, DVD's a nice TV and a fireplace and I try to be thankful for what we do have and what we can do...like build a fire, put on a family movie and pop some popcorn:)

The other thing I do to try to cope when having a rough time is read(gotta love the library), take a long bath or paint my toe nails. All of these things require me to have some space...and I just wait for DH to come home from work and tell him I need a time-out! When I really get desperate and can't wait for DH to come home for some "me time", I decide to clean/organize a closet...nothing makes the kids scatter faster than cleaning:)

I personally would be having a fit if I was only allowed a certain amount of $ each week and would not allow it...but I do all the finances in my house, so we each have control over the $...not just him! It has been my experience that men have NO concept of how incredibly expensive most things are! Since all the kids need shoes, this would be a good time to hand him back the $100 and let him try to accomplish all the grocery shopping and new shoes with it and see how he does? Maybe he will understand what you are talking about, in regards to needing more $!! I have read some other responses you got and I am not going to jump to conclusions and tell you you need to leave your marriage and that your DH is "abusing" you...only you know if that is true...just because he has a foul mouth and controls the $ doesn't necessarily mean he is a bad guy...but do try to think about what some others have said...is he controlling you or are you letting yourself be controlled? We woman are A LOT stronger than we realize sometimes...we have the power to change anything in our lives we feel need changed!

We have all been there...and we all know what you are talking about...you are not alone Mama!

I had actually written a list of people, situations and things that were making a negative impact on my live and future goals. I eliminated what I could immediately and then started to figure out what I could change (that is key) You cant change people, but you can ask for rules
i.e. I have a sister with the foulest mouth, she cusses up a storm in front of my mom, dad etc. I have asked that when she come to my house there is to be no cussing, she repsoects that. It was causes me stress listening to her disrespect in my parents home so I stopped visiting.
Since you are aware of it, seems like you can make a choice to let it affect you or not. You seriuosly need to ask yourself at the moment you feel it, is this worth my good day, moment etc. Take control, its your attitude.

If its something specific share and maybe we can offer more specific advise.

Mama, you sound like you feel powerless. So what can you do to have more control over your life? Sit down and make a list. It may include working from home so that you have a few dollars to call your own. It may be counseling. It may be as simple as hiring a babysitter or deciding to live in a dirtier house to give yourself more time to read a book!

We Mom's do have to make our kids our Number 1 priority, but that does not mean we can't find ways to take care of ourselves too.

He limits your money? It is not him money if he is the only one working, you are raising his kids, cleaning, cooking, ect... Write him out a bill for full time child care, maid service, laundry, and chefs services (asking what professionals do). I am a sahm, and the money my husband brings in is our money, because we are a family and we have different roles, and one is nto more important than the other. Giving you an allowance is demeaning and I would nto tolerate that kind of disrespect.

Other than that, I just get through things a day at a time, love my kids, and try not to stress the little stuff.

I have a question - is he limiting your funds to $100 because he can or because he has to?? We are a single income family & have been for many years... currently our income is unemployment since the plant I worked at for 12 yrs closed last year. Anyways, when I was working - after all the bills were paid the budget only left us with $60 a week to cover "other" expences (smokes, gas, clothes, school supplies, groceries, medical co-pays, ect.). It wasn't that I was trying to be cheap or anything like that - it all I had left after paying all the bills. And we have never been able to have a savings - so we have never had anything to "fall back on". Oh, and we also have 3 kids at home & 1 elsewhere. So, not knowing the full situation to the budget you have been given I can't really say if he is being controlling or just doing what he must. If you feel there is more $$ available to help you take better care of the kids... take a month, keep all your reciepts & show him where the $$ goes. Also, show him where you need extra funds inorder to better care for the family & see if you can get a bigger budget to work with. In any "job" budgeting is important... show him that you understand this & see if it impresses him.

As to my stress relief... being pregnant w/ no job & 3 kids - I'm not sure there is a true relief for me - lol. But I enjoy gardening... which if you were to see my house it's a bit over done. Also, walks... we all love walking in the local metro parks. Seeing all the beauty around us & the naturalness about the woods just relaxes me, plus it helps to calm & ware down the kids. Lately a dip in the pool has been helpful (since it has been 85+ deg & it helps to releave the pressure/pain on my hips). I also, try to go out for brunch once a month w/ my sister, mom & grandma... I'm only away for a little over an hour, but it is "girl" time & ever once in a while (about every 3-4 months) I try to get together for lunch with my old co-workers to get caught up on eachothers lives.

As for cooking - I get Monday nights off... hubby cooks that night. Yes, we end up eating a lot of the same meals due to budget, but I don't know many families that don't. We have started going to a meat market to cut down on meat cost & really watch adds for B1G1F. Plus, if I can get stuff at the dollar store or "cheap" stores I do... a lot of times it taste just as good. Also, if you look up budget meals on google - it might help you change it up a little. Something else - if you have room (it's a bit late this year) but plant a small garden. Even if it's just a few plants - they are a lot cheaper then buying produce. Or hit the farmers market - they are cheaper then stores.

If you are looking to vent - start a journal either on your computer or in a notebook. You can read it later to see if you are able to work out your issues or if you are still feeling the same way months later... which sometimes help to set goals or see the growth you didn't even know you have done.

I wish you luck in relaxing... it can be hard to do sometimes!! Take care!!

The best thing you can do for you is to be able to take care of you. I'm sorry that this man has put you on such a tight budget. I've been down that road. I can not and will not be happy letting some man "take care of me". They are unrealistic about what's possible and right financially.

You need to start an in-home daycare so that you can stay with your kids AND maintain financial control. Beyond that, a relationship with the lord helps a great deal. Once you have a good relationship with the Lord and money of your own, you will be in a position to lay down bounderies in your relationship with your husband.

Positive steps taken is the ONLY way to deal with lifes crud.

Breathe. Are you happy with your marriage and life are the first two questions you need to ask yourself. Do you truely love your partner? Can you continue to live the way you are living or do you do it because you feel you are trapped? Answer these questions. Then truely look at your self. Don't look at your husband or the money issue but yourself. Are you happy with yourself? The reason I tell you this is because a month ago I was in a similar situtation, except I was a working mother drowning in my life. One day I received a call from a creditor at work and it was my breaking point. I called my husband for emotional support and did not get it. I was devastated. But it was my Ah-ha moment in life. A week later I put my notice in at work. Two weeks later I was a stay at home mom. I know that sounds crazy since I had creditors calling me. But the reality was we had over extended ourselves in our life. I had a two and half hour commute every day and was working a full time and a part time job just to pay for my car and daycare. My husband and I could barely stand each other and were not combining our finainces very well if at all. My husband I will admit did not really expect me to quite but has been great in not complaining. I came home told him when my last day was and that he had a choice on which vehilce went back to the lien holder. My first two weeks at home I was lost, but here is what I did: (Money is very tight and I would love to have $100 per week for food and necessaties.) I inventoried the freezer, refrigerator, and cabinets. I emailed my husband the list and asked him to print it off for me. (I wanted him to see what we had, so he knew what I was working with and we don't have a printer.) Then I got on Allreceipe.com and typed in some of the food I had to see what receipes came up. I mealed planned for a week with the food I had available in my home. I wrote out a grocery list of items we needed and what I wanted for future meals. I sent that to my husband too. I got the Sunday paper and cut out coupons and looked at all the adds and on my shopping list I put down if I had a coupon for it and who had the best sale. I then headed to my two kids' room. I went through their dressers and closet. Took out all the things that did not fit. Wrote down the items they were needing. I had a garage sale using all of their old clothes and toys they no longer used. It was a lot of hard work but I made about $200 that weekend. But the best thing for me was I was introduced to Flylady.com because of a question I asked on here. In working that program and the other things I was already doing I learned my issue was not really my husband but the clutter in me. The physical and emotional clutter I had collected over the years that I did not want to let go of. I have learned it is okay to use the Grandparents on occassion. It is important to get involved in a group of some sort. I work in a church nursery part time so my children get to have a social hour or two with church friends while I work and on occassion a play date where I don't have to go along. One of my best friend comes and eats lunch with me at least two to three times a week. We eat up the left overs that no one else will. I go walking every morning as well as I get up two hours before the rest of the house so I have "Me" time. My husband and I are happier now than we have been in the last two years. We are poorer, but working together to get out of debt. My husband is not a communicator and when he is mad - I would rather not have him say anything because it can be crude. I have learned communicating through email and using "I" statements when addressing issues I don't like help a lot. I don't accuse. I also journal my anger towards the situtation in the form of a letter (I do this in emails too), then I set it off to the side for at least two hours, then read it and decide if I should really send it or not or was it me blowing things out of portion or is it worth the argueument? 95% of the time it is not sent but I feel better for releasing it. If you want your marriage to work and love your husband and can live with the allowance you have been given then work on your self and build a network of friends to vent too. There are wonderful tools on the internet to help with the budget of $100 per week. I would be excited to have that. Look at Becentsable.com. You can also exchange your children's old clothes with some resale shops or sell them and use the money to get new ones. Most important though is take care of yourself and build a network of friends you can turn too when you are frustrated. Good luck.

I am sorry you are going through this rough time. I think all of us have had hit a bump in the road from time to time. He might be a little controlling, I know I have been there with my own husband on money, house, etc. If he will not budge on the allowance then I would find ways to make some money. Like having a garage sale and selling things that he, you and the kids no longer use or have out grown and open your own checking account. If you can ask a friend if you can have the sale at their house and have it while he is at work. Also, you might check out "The Grocery Shrink" she is a lady that has created an e-book on how to live a frugal life. I think the web address is www.thegroceryshrink.com if not I believe if you Google the name it should pop up. Also, check out Dave Ramsey website it has a lot of great information to get out of debt and to save for the future. The other thing you might do to get the point across that you need more money is to eat up all the food you have and then when he comes home one night and there is no supper let him know that there is no food because you have ran out of $ because of other necessities. If you are a person of faith or are open to it find a church and get connected a lot of churches now have a women's ministry and children's ministry and you and the kids go to get the renewal that you need. Hang in there and God bless.

First all the Ladies are right your husband is trying to control you, no he's not cheating YET. But when the day comes and he does then he'll have made it out to be your fault for what ever reason and then you'll have to swallo your pride and except his behavior because you my dear will be stuck. STAND up to him now, if he dosn't want to change his attitude towards the money inform him you will be getting an evening job so you can have your own money. Also go open your own checking acct. every time you use coupons,rebates,gifts from parents put in your acct you saved the money there for you earned it and its yours. Also by going out and earning your own money and being with other adults your husband will start losing his control over you (which may bring about another side of him good or bad) but you will gain the strength and confidence to stand on your own. I've been down the same road now 20 years later the shoe has been reversed my husband has been laid off for 7 mo. Turn about is fair play. ; ) Good luck and STAND your ground remember everything he wouldn't have if it were for you.