How Do You Working Moms Do It?

Hold your head up and know that you are doing the best you can in each arena.
Try to compartmentalize. When working, don't think about childcare, when cleaning, don't think about the dentists appointment, etc. Be wholly immersed in that which you are doing at any one time.
Delegate and outsource-
If you are creative about this it, can be done for each and every category.
i.e. Mom duties- you can have your kids carpool rather than take the Mom taxi. House cleaning- hire a maid. Your health- join a fitness group.

Most importantly, simplify and declutter your life. This means physically, mentally, and empotionally. Get rid of stuff that you no longer need want or use frequently, there is less to upkeep, clean and maintain. Get rid of subscriptions you don't make use of, no nagging pile of magazines you'll never really get around to reading. Get rid of memberships you don't avail yourself of, never going to the zoo, terminate the membership. Get rid of committments you seldom participate in (retire from the ladies league you never make meetings for). Get rid of committments you scramble to meet, little johnny doesn't need to do both soccer and tennis on Tuesday night if it makes you crazed.

Finally - SLEEP. Seriously, set an alarm, and go to bed an hour/ hour and a half earlier every night for a week. Or check into a hotel alone for a long weekend. Sleep. It is restorative, and will give you the strength and perspective on how to make it all work better for you.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Honestly, you know what I do? I let the house be messy. I mean, it's not ungodly disgusting, I don't think, but ... Disorganized piles of bills, paperwork, etc? check. Kids' books in heaps on any available surface? check. Overflowing laundry basket? check. Dust bunnies under the couch? Check, check, check. I do try to keep up on things like dirty dishes, cat's litterbox, etc, b/c I draw the line at stinkiness, but what I figure is, I have to be the best mom I can be. I do not compromise there. I have to do well at my job. Consequences are huge if I don't. I personally make a point of working out 2-3 times a week, but I think someone else could make the opposite decision. They need a clean house; they can live without the gym. The point is to do really well at the things that matter most, and to forgive yourself for falling down on second-tier jobs. I also know a lot of people who work "from home," but their work really happens in public libraries, cafes, etc. A lot of people don't do their best work from their living rooms. In other words, take a deep breath and prioritize. You have to let some areas go to really succeed where it matters most.

1. Hire a housekeeper if you can swing it. This has relieved an enormous volume of stress in our lives. I LOVE my Rosie and the $140 a week I spend on having her at my house 2 half-days per week is money well spent. She cleans, does the laundry and occassionally makes dinner. For less than we used to spend on a "nice dinner" on the weekends pre-kids, we have our evenings and weekends back to ourselves!
2. I make simple, but healthy meals that allow me to "chop once, use twice". I plan out our meals for the week on Sundays and shop for the entire week at once, which eliminates the mid-week run to the grocery store. I make on "Big Dinner" on Sunday and then use "parts-and-pieces" throughout the week (chopped onions, roasted potatoes, roasted veggies, make 2 chickens at once, etc).
3. Do as much as possible the night before.
4. Schedule in daily fitness time. I eat lunch at my desk so that I can take a 30 minute walk every afternoon. I bring sneakers to work and it is literally on my calendar (meaning my secretary is less likely to schedule over it).
5. Ask for help when you need it... this includes your kids!
6. I also have started getting up at 5:30 in the morning. Sounds crazy, but this morning I prepped all of the ingredients for tomorrow night's dinner, which I will make tonight. It's quiet at that hour and I can get a lot done in the hour before the crew gets up!

Best words of wisdom I have ever received regarding achieving balance as a working mother came from a former employer/mentor. She essentially told me that "balance" does not mean that everything carries equal weight every day. It means looking at the big picture and figuring out what needs your attention on THAT day to achieve that long-term goal. Focus on that item and do it really well so that you aren't spending time on it later.

What is important to me today? Getting through the last part of my report so that I can spend tomorrow planning/prepping a staff meeting on Friday. Why is this important? I don't want the staff meeting to run over because I need to be at the soccer field by 5!

Give up the idea that you have to be Super Mom and do it all. In reality, there will be things undone and untouched and that's ok. You have to take care of yourself first, otherwise you really can't give your full potential. Striving for perfection in everything will wear you down completely. Sometimes good enough really is good enough. Take time for self otherwise you will go crazy. There are times you will be too tired to cook or too tired to do laundry. It's really ok. It happens to all of us. You can do it. And remember, June Cleaver and Claire Huxtable weren't real. LOL

How do we do it? The best we can and sometimes that's not very well. But each day is a new opportunity to try to do better.

All anyone can ask of any person is that they put their best foot forward every day. As long as you're doing that, you're good to go!

Focus on your priorities - family and health. The rest can be thrown to the side to be gotten to when you have time. In the long run, your family and your health are what truly matters.

Think of it like this: When you are preparing to meet your maker, do you want people to say "she was a great mother and wife" or "her house was so clean!"

It's just habit for me. Some things go undone. Not the important things, and sure sometimes I have to spend my ENTIRE weekend cleaning what I've been putting off for forever, but you do what you gotta do. Don't feel guilty, we all do what we can. :)

I have learned to make lists and this has been so helpful for me. I also purchased a planner that I love becasue I use it for notes, visions, thoughts appiontment ect... I keep a daily top 5 to do list in there and when I complete a task and check it off in red it makes me feel as if i have completed something.

Chore list as follows
Monday- laundry by tuesday 1 child's hair
Tuesday- laundry bathroom walls, 1 child's hair
wednesday- ect....

First thing I do is I don't worry about the "mess" in my house until the weekend. I see having the dishes done on a daily basis and a good day. If the dishes are clean I don't worry about the rest until Saturday morning.

Second...one day at a time. With both kids now in activities I keep a calendar. If it's not in the calendar well it's not going to get done. (it's my iPhone, google calendar).

Set bed time for me. In bed by 10 every night...except Friday night...my "Stay up late night to watch movies". If the other stuff is not done it's not worth the cranky mom that doesn't get sleep.

I am lucky...my husband is more than helpful. I won't say we split the duties 50/50...because realistically we can't. But we talk about what needs/wants to be done and typically the things I don't like to do he does...and vice versa.

He works from home and I know it's not easy for him as our little one is only in school 2 days a week. But he will unload the dishes at lunch, or throw in a load of laundry when he goes to the office to begin his day...move it at lunch...

Little by little one thing at a time. Don't focus on the big picture...just what can you do in 10 minutes!

Don't sweat the small stuff. Close enough is good enough.
As long as there isn't fur growing out of the toilets, they don't have to be clean enough to drink out of.
As long as the kids' clothes are clean and fit properly, they don't have to be coordinated ensembles with matching socks and underpants.
As long as there is food on the table, it doesn't have to be the winner of a Bobby Flay throwown.

I work full time and we are not encouraged to wrok from home, though we have the option and I have a little over 4 hour a day commute to work.

First of all try and work at a place that you enjoy working. Think positive, cook for two - three days so you are cooking a day or two during week at the max. I rotate my laundry grocery and cleaning every weekend. So we are on three week cycle for them - dont do every week it is exhausting. I know keeping three week of laundry!! all you need to worry about undergarment to be in a seperate bags and launder them first with bleech.

I have a 6 year old and 8 months pregnant w/ gestational - keeping my spirts high - I do enjoy my work and the time I spend with my family. Take a poer nap that seesm to help!

You can do it. Its all in time management.

Eat healthy and get plenty of rest, or else you will be and feel sluggish and can't make good decisions.

Get up before everyone else does. I have enough time to do some light housecleaning, devotions, make coffee, make breakfast and do some actual computer work. By the time everyone wakes up, I am caught up, well planned and prepared for the day.

I hate having distractions when I am with my family, that's why I make the sacrifice of waking up early, so I can give husband and son my full attention.

I keep a housekeeping schedule and I stick to it. Laundry on Mondays, dusting upstairs Tuesdays, dusting downstairs Wednesdays, Bathrooms Thursdays, sweep steam vaccum floors Fridays. Nothing on the weekends. I also meal plan - I grab a few cookbooks, pick a few recipes, make a shopping list and bam! meals for the week/month are decided.

The thing that I struggled with and really had to let go of was having a clean house. I wish my house could be as neat and clean as I'd like - but with work, kids activities, preparing nutritious food, helping with homework, maintaining a relationship with your husband, etc - something has to give. And it was not going to be me. When my now 16 yr old was an infant I would find myself staying up until 1 AM to get the house neat, laundry put away, etc. That didn't help anyone! What good is it to be cranky & run down?

Now that my kids are teens they are much more helpful in cleaning up - but let's face it they make most of the mess! They have chores (I don't clean the kitchen floor or scrub the bathrooms anymore - except to get some details done that they missed) and they get an allowance.

If you can, get a cleaning lady every other week to tackle the big stuff thoroughly - the kitchen floor, the cabinets, the bathrooms, etc.

It's tough working and raising family. As much as dads are more involved than ever before they don't carry as much of the home-burden as moms do. My husband doesn't really care if the house is a mess - so it doesn't bother him!

Also, do whatever you have to in order to stay healthy. If you have to go to bed cuz you're exhausted leave the dishes in the sink and get up 15 mintues earlier to get them in the dishwasher. You will have ALOT more energy in the morning than at 10:30 pm. Early morning is also a great time to throw in a wash. If you add white vinegar to the wash it won't get that funky smell so when you get home and throw it in the dryer it'll be fine.

The biggest thing that has helped me is to line up my morning the day before. So I'd show the kids their clothing options (at your kids' ages - it doesn't work when they're 16!) and lay out their outfits (and mine), get their backpacks, shoes, permission slips ready to go. Make lunches as soon as dinner is over.

I learned to make alot of extra food when I make anything. if I'm going to mess up the kitchen making meatballs I make a huge amount and throw lots in freezer bags. When chicken breasts are on sale I buy 4 large packages, slice thin and grill them all then freeze them. I do the same with anything like that - chili, lemon chicken, etc. So when I get home and there's much to do I can microwaove dinner. Grilled chicken cutlets make everything easier - sandwiches, on top of a salad, add to pasta & veggies (frozen) with broth & grated cheese, etc. Frozen veggies are more nutritious tha fresh since they're frozen within hours of harvest - so you can get rid of some of that guilt!

It has taken me 16 years to get to this point - where I now have a small amount of down-time each evening. Eventually you'll figure out what works for you and your family. (But I still wished my house was as clean as I'd like it to be...)

Fanged Bunny has is right. You have to compartmentalize everything.
Focus one one thing at a time.
Make a schedule for your day, if you need to.
Sometimes looking at the order in which things need to go will let you concentrate on one thing at a time, rather than feeling overwhelmed by all of it.

And on a really crummy day, remind yourself that it's OK if you "mail it in" in one way or another. You can't be the best at everything all the time, and no one expects you to be.
It's OK if the kids eat chicken nuggets instead of making a feast for your family....It's OK to hire a house cleaner (if the money is there for it - we do!).

You're gonna have down days and up days. But they should balance each other out. You can do it!

You have to set up a schedule and stick to it. I didn't work from home but i did work full time outside the home and that's how I made it work most of the time. House Beautiful you won't have until the kids go to school full time. So make sure the floors are not sticky, the dishes are washed, the kitchen picked up and the laundry done. You might have to do a load a day to keep it caught up.

Plan your day into sections where you can do a load of laundry in the morning and cleaning the bath one day. The next day you might have the living room to do and so on until you get a rountine. The routine will include time outside for everyone so that they get exercise and you get a bit of alone time.

You just have to let things go and know that no one is coming to do a white glove inspection. If the do, hand them the cleaning equipment and supplies and they can help.

The other S.

Xanax. Haha- j/k.
The most important part is to give yourself some time each day for YOU. Me? I watch Young and the Restless everyday (yay DVR). Sure I don't get to watch it from beginning to end without having to check on dinner, fold up clothes, give a kid a bath, etc. Sometimes I even fall asleep watching. But it's something I do every day that's just for me. Finding that "me time" is so important to my sanity and allows me to let go of all that other stuff, even if just for a little while.
Hope this helps.

I work from lists. I have a list of things to do in order of importance. The most helpful thing about my list is I understand that there may be 20 things on it and I actually feel accomplished if I am able to complete 3-5 of them daily. I usually figure I can get close to the 20 done in a week.

No mom is perfect and we all have our short comings. Cut yourself some slack. Learn how to talk to yourself with love, tenderness and kindness. Really learning how to fight against your own mind is an important battle many of us moms must learn to master.

Cut out blocks of time in about 2-3 hour increments where you are dedicated or devoted to working on 1 thing perhaps 2 related things from start to finish. As you do this begin to develop a sense of accomplishment. I find that when I multitask and get nothing done but 50 things only half done I feel like a failure. So I stopped doing that to myself and now I feel more accomplished. You must determine how much of a block of time is realistic.

It has become habit now. :)

If you can carve out some time for yourself, go for a walk. It gives you time to clear your head and work your body.

I just do the best I can and roar at any family member who tells me something isn't right. (kidding...kind of)

It is important to ask for help when you need it. It is not a sign of weakness, although I think I had it in my head that it was. I work really long hours and still don't complete everything and that is okay. My house is semi clean. I sanitize my restrooms & kitchen, change my sheets and vacuum, but I have a STACK of mail on my countertop. I also have a stack of laundry that needs to be ironed. Sometimes I get it caught up and sometimes the stack grows.

In your case, maybe you just need to prioritize and focus on the most important things, as opposed to trying to make everything perfect.

Best wishes.

Forgive yourself. You can't be all things to all people. (And neither can I, or anyone else!) All you can do is your best, and your kids and husband will be okay. I do think it's important to carve out a little time for yourself, to take care of your own needs as best you can. Being a working mom is just hard, no two ways about it. It's good that you have some flexibility with your job, but even so, it's 40+ hours per week that you can't spend doing anything else, and you only have so many hours in the day. Just know that as your kids get older and more capable, it does get easier in many ways (they will one day be able to bathe themselves and brush their own hair and teeth with some reliability, for instance). Hang in there. You're not alone! :)

I realized a long time ago that their is no way my house is going to look like the magazines or even like my brother's house where his wife stays home and they have a weekly cleaning service.

I focus on having clean clothes, food on the table, no garbage piling up, and the pets fed and cages cleaned. Everything else is hit or miss as time is available. The garden has weeds, the dust bunnies roam freely, the counters over flow with things waiting to be put away.

I work 45 hours+ out of the home, in addition we are building a house and doing a huge amount of the work ourselves while still trying to have time to enjoy our kid while he is young enough to want to spend time with us. The house keeping can wait until another day.

I've worked from home for many years and I think that parents who work from home have different challenges than those who work elsewhere and are struggling with doing it all. You've gotten some great advice here and giving all of it a try to see what works for you is a great idea. One comment I would make is that I take a different approach to compartimentalizing. I use my short work breaks (like when I need a 10 min. stretch) to do something household related. For ex., I'll throw the laundry in in the AM before work, let it sit in the washer for a bit, then take 5 min. to throw it in the dryer when I get up to get a drink, then take 10 min. to fold some of it when I need to stretch. Other ideas--empty the dishwasher, clean 1 toilet, wipe down the kitchen counter, or whatever REALLY needs to be done household wise. (We use a house cleaner 2x/month for serious cleaning & do the less pressing household stuff on the weekends or when we get to it.)

Another comment is that though your kids are little, they can help out some now. Keep a good focus on getting them to pick up their play things, putting their clothes in the hamper, shoes away, etc. and this will be at lot easier when they get a bit older. You can also get them to put out napkins, load some dishes in the dishwasher or find the right ingredients for you while you are prepping dinner. This worked well with us and helps take a bit of the pressure off, plus provided the bonus of helping with counting, reading, etc. & overall responsibility skills that are helpful when they get to elementary.

Great post. I've been feeling this way lately, also. I just totally freaked about folding laundry last night. Ugh, is this really what I've reduced myself to?!

I think you just have to allow yourself to be imperfect. As long as your kids are happy & healthy, who cares if the vacuuming doesn't get done?

Working from home can make you feel unfocused. Trust me, I'm looking at a pile on the couch right now. You feel like you should do x and y since you are home, but you really need to work, and the dog needs to go out...In some ways, working FT with DD in daycare was easier. Right now she's in preschool and it's easier to focus.

Try to have a schedule. Devote x time to work. Then take a break and throw in laundry. And really give yourself a lunch break. And try to find ways to separate Mom and Worker and Wife and DM as needed.

I've learned to just let some things go. My focus is my child, my husband, my dogs and my work. Those are the things that make me happy and that I take pride in. My house being clean - eh. If it is great, if not - its OK. My landscaping being weeded - let's be honest, if the weeds grow big enough they look like plants.

I have always worked, and we only have 1 child, but my husband works full time too. I've been at the same company for nearly 5 years and LOVE what I do - I love my team and what people look to me for. That said, it went completely out of control about a year back. Without realizing, I did let my job take over my life - I traveled nearly 8 months total out of 1 year. I knew that travel was important for my job, and my husband was completely understanding so it felt ok. I came home one day though and realized that I practically missed an entire school year for my daughter, my puppy loved my husband more than me and I was utterly, absolutely, miserable. My house was a disaster, my health was failing me, and I didn't even want to be around me. It happened because I was (a) too worried about work and (b) I didn't pay enough attention. Even though I thought I had control of everything, it turned out that everyone else had control of everything and I was just skating by.

It was in that moment that I realized everything I loved, was just putting up with me and that was when things had to change. I had to pick the things most important to me, prioritize and then let the rest fall off my shoulders.

You're doing exactly what I didn't do - which was identify my struggle. Take this opportunity to shift priorities, to enjoy the things you find most important and to be the most important person to those that love you. I felt the same way you're feeling but it was WAY too late for me.

Now, I only travel when I have to and never more than a day or two a month. Because I learned that the job would survive without me. Every Saturday my family and I spend time together - cooking, laughing, walking, playing games, to make sure we all spend time focused on each other.

I also do simple things to help me out (because at some level, it is ALL about you and that is OK!)

- I cook a full week of meals on Sunday (plan the menu, shop and cook). Makes me only have to spend 15-20 minutes prepping dinner at night.
- I pick up the kiddo every day from school so I can spend a few hours each night with just her. When the hubby comes home, the phone goes away (at least until I check my email before bed ;o)
- I pay someone to clean my house every other week - if you can afford it - DO IT! There is no shame it in - let them vacuum, mop, clean the counters - it makes picking up way easier.
- Realize that what you don't do today at work, will be there tomorrow. Communicate and set expectations, then people will know what to expect from you and then you won't feel like you're failing.
- Find what you enjoy most and do it every week. Me - I love to read. I take 30 minutes on Friday nights and just sit in my office and read a book.
- Pick the battles with the kids - that way you don't feel cranky and mean all the time - sometimes when my kiddo wants to make a huge craft that I know will make a huge mess, I let her - because it makes her happy which makes me happy.

It will be ok, and I almost guarantee no-one see's you doing a bad job; in fact they are probably amazed at how we'll you're doing - but they don't know what is in your head. Don't let their perception fool you - make yourself feel better and everything will fall into place.

We've all been there, you are not alone. You kinda' wish you could clone yourself like Michael Keaton in Multiplicity. One of you for each job that needs to be done, right? Well, let it go girl! You will drive yourself crazy trying to do it all. You can't and shouldn't try. Especially because you mentioned your health. That comes first. No healthy you, there's not much of anything else, right? Forget the house. I have learned that not cleaning is not such a bad thing. I have learned to delegate. I have a 22yr old and a 15yr old and am lucky in that respect. They can clean, especially in the summer when one is off and the other has days off from work consecutively. Get yourself a service or cleaning woman to come once or twice a month. The fact that you are concernedd and are trying to juggle it all, makes you a good wife. You have a helpful husband, delegate to him. Fanged Bunny has it right, compartmentalize....when you are working, work. When you are with the kids, think kids. It does make it easier. Also, SLEEP is a wonderful thing. Sleeping extra instead of vacuuming will go a long way. Having a hard day, take yourself outside and get some sunlight, air, break up the bad mood. Let go of the Wonder Woman boots that we most definitely cannot fill. Perhaps when you are young and have all that great energy, not as we become older and wiser. Take good care of you, the rest is a drop in the bucket.