It sounds like you may benefit from some marriage counseling and perhaps some personal counseling to figure out how you want to journey into your new phase in life. I do think we sometimes expect a little too much out of men- who are simple creatures. (I don't mean expect too much as in 'taking care of you,' but in having psychic abilities to know what we are thinking, feeling, or want).
I think you need to figure out what are your non-negotiables that will make you feel taken care of. You may want to jot down what you need from your husband...
Phrase EVERYTHING in 'I statements." (When you __________, I feel ________), etc...
It sounds like you need to negotiate what you both need in the marriage... For instance, perhaps golfing ONE time per week is more fair then three... And- in exchange, you get your one night out of free time, etc..
I think gender (and spousal) roles are so blurred in the 21st century... Men are no longer expected to be the sole bread-winners... And, as women, we can't have our cake and eat it too! (We can't expect to be treated as independent saavy women, and also have our men act as our father's and Grandfather's did....) For instance, did you hear about that guy in that movie theater shooting who RAN away leaving his girlfriend and children to fend for themselves?????? Chivalry may truly be dead... [He later proposed to that woman!]
On the other hand- I only have to watch one episode of "Man Men" or hear a snide comment from an older gentlemen to appreciate that my husband doesn't treat me like a subservient wife. Sometimes I feel as if I have to do EVERYTHING (make almost or equally as much money, do the bulk of household work, carry in all the groceries or heavy objects, be Mr. Fix-it when something breaks, etc....), but I don't think I'd have it the other way...
I do think the small things are more important than the big things. (And this is why men don't have psychic abilities to understand that). For instance, your husband should NOT have said that to you about 'putting a wrench' in his day, etc... Instead, he could have done so many little things to make you feel loved, etc.
I think most men are 'big picture' or 'big action' types... (flowers or gifts when they mess up), while women are into the small things... (a hug, holding hands, kind words when needed, etc.)
Some examples of the 'big' things that husbands think gets them all the credit-
1. bringing home the bacon (allowing you the 'honor' of staying home... when really it can seem like the most thankless 24/7 job)
2. putting a roof over your head and providing for the children (same as above)
etc... (usually along the same lines)
Some examples of the 'small' things that we may need as women to feel loved-
1. Listen to us........ when we're venting, sad, worried, scared, etc... Sometimes listening and acknowledging that we're heard (without wanting to put on the 'Mr. Fix-it Hat').
2. Hold our hand (in public or otherwise)
3. Show affection (hugs, gropes, etc.)
4. When we're sick, step in to be our hero......... etc. and acknowledge how hard our jobs as mothers really is
5. Take our side (similar to #1) when we have a conflict (instead of playing 'devil's advocate')
6. Prioritize us (instead of golfing 3 times per week... it's ONE)
7. Call when they're going to be late, etc.
Good luck!