How Important Is a Nap Routine?

At his age he needs about 14hrs of sleep or more, so if he can make up for it at night that's ok. However sleep is SO important to brain development............

Very! Naps and sleep in general affect every ounce of this child's being. Think about how you are when you are tired.. you can't focus, you can't think, you are more impulsive..etc! That's the same thing with a child, but often they are at the mercy of the adults. I don't know what you can do or say to the father to get that across, but maybe the son needs to stay over night with dad so that he can be the one to deal with any crankiness that the missed nap is causing.

Hello, I was a licensed daycare provider for many years when our children were growing up. On the weekends, most of the toddlers would be off of the schedule I had going during the week. Mondays were a little shaky with getting back into the routine. However, they went back into it by the second day. It was just the way it was.
I would save the battles for bigger things. People with anger issues usually don't work well with ex's. If you try to push the idea of schedules, he might try harder to make it an issue. My daughter is dealing with some issues with an ex and he tries to turn all of it around to her. We document everything. My other daughter and I supervise visits and I document everything. It came in helpful when my husband and I had custody of one of our grandsons. Keep it factual and mention your son's behavior upon return.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

Hi J. -

Personally, I think it's parents who want (and to be fair - need) a routine who think it's important to have a nap routine. The overall getting enough sleep is important, and if your son is doing that, I doubt it does him any harm to not get a nap on Fridays.

Kids change their nap routine on their own anyway, and we just have to adapt to it. That's how it was for me anyway. My daughter was all over the place and was so incredibly healthy I was never concerned. I was a stay-at-home mom, so it really wasn't an issue for me when she slept. I didn't love it when she gave up her naps, but found that I couldn't force sleep on her, so I gave up.

Some things just are not in our control, and unless you see physical signs of problems resulting, it's not worth getting upset over. Your son is probably so happy to see his dad he doesn't want to sleep through it anyway. I am sorry you are having to deal with his anger toward you and I hope that gets better with time.

All the best to you,
Colleen

PS - just saw your addition in the "So what happened?" category. I can totally understand the concern about future attendance to your son's needs. There are co-parenting counselors out there (court appointed, if necessary). I'm not suggesting you go that route at this point; there's nothing in your post that suggests out & out neglect or mistreatment. But I thought I'd just put it out there in case it becomes necessary. People aren't born knowing how to be parents, and some need a bit of counseling to learn what to do. If the suggestions come from someone other than you, then there's less for him to blame you for.

I have been down this road with my first child and father. After a nasty custody battle, which I won, years later we are actually friendly with each other. I know its wierd. Anyway,now that my daughter is 16, and I was a GAL, guardian ad litem for family court. I must say that if you have custody, you must respect the time spent with the other parent provided the child is not neglected. The nap situation works on your end and not on his. You being custodial parent and loving mom will work around this. Yes, it sucks, I know but this is what we do. I had a problem with full strength apple juice. My daughter 1 at the time would go to his house and they would give her ice cream and full apple juice, not the carefully diluted stuff I did. I was livid, and she adored them because they were filling her full of sugar. It drove me mad. Now 16 years later it seems funny. But at the time I actually discussed with my lawyer, the paralegal pulled me aside and explained the part about neglect and naps and full strength apple juice weren't on the criteria list. Being a mom has heightened your sense of concern for all the right reasons, but now you must respect evildoers time with your son. Just know that after many years of love, the full strength apple juice which turned into lavish gifts did not prevail and all my sacrifices I made have created a great young woman.
He will have his different, if not bad parenting style. You will be happier once you realize this and just pray your baby is safe. If he's not that's a different story. Best Wishes ! Sometimes being the mom is harrrrddddd !

Dear J.; I understand... My ex has so much anger towards me it is better we do not speak, ofcourse we have no choice. i would say, for the sake of peace and harmony,let it go. Yes, he SHOULD follow the routine, but if he does not, it is only once a week. that is what i think wghen y ex returns my kid after having sent a day at the mall or at Mc Donald's . At least they have routine and healthy dinners when they are home with me, which is most of the time. Good luck.

V., mom of 2 young boys.

its super important and i'm so sorry he's being difficult. your son need to have a regular nap every day!

It's only one day and it really is ok to be off of your routine 1 day a week. I actually had a doctor say that if you are too regimented with your schedule your child could develop OCD b/c of the rigid routine. Change is not bad once in a while and if it is only one day I wouldn't stress about it plus if he only sees him one day a week he might be too excited to take a nap with him. Best Wishes.

A nap routine is very important. It sounds like you are doing a great job of providing a routine for your son six days a week.
My parents watch my daughter once a week. Sometimes she takes a good nap there, and sometimes she doesn't. I have decided not to worry about it, especially once she got older; it was different when she was a baby. It is more important to me that she has quality time with her grandparents.
You may want to cut your son's dad some slack. He may want to spend as much time as possible with his son.
You can always put your son to bed early on Fridays or let him sleep in on Saturdays. If his dad complains about a cranky child, that would indicate that he's ready to hear more about the importance of a nap.

Hi J.,

Personally, I think nap time is sacred. I was completely anal about it when my sons (now 15.5 and nearly 12) were babies/toddlers. If something happened during nap time, we didn't do it. Period and amen.

But, I truly believe you're better off not fighting this battle with your ex. There will be bigger, more important battles in the future, I'm sure. Make Friday nights and Saturday mornings calm and quiet and he'll likely nap extra well on Saturdays. I'm sure he'll be just fine.

When your ex complains about how "difficult" your son is late on Friday afternoons, you'll just smile and say, "Yeah, he gets that way when he doesn't get his nap!" Maybe he'll catch on. <wink>

Good luck.

just put him to bed earler that night...at 2 it shouldn't be a big deal if he skips a nap..or offer to go pick him up ..and let him fall asleep in the car on the way home..then sit and read while he naps a bit in the car. My ex and I used to be that way towards each other til one day i said to him..."look we're stuck knowing each other for the rest of our lives..we can either make it unpleasant or pleasant" i said i was willing to let the past go and he did too..we have a healthy friendship now..he still upsets me b/c he rarely pitches in financially so its time for me to file w/ child services...but if i were you i would talk to the ex and ask him if he thinks he could let go of his anger b/c you have a little one together.

In the grand scheme of things, If your son missed one nap per week, he will not be adversely affected. The time that he spends with his dad is so limited, daddy probably wants to eek out every moment and not "waste time" on his nap. I know it is inconvenient for you and probably a hassle to get the little one fed bathed and bedded down when he is in such an exhausted state, but this is not the worst thing that can happen. Just expect it to happen, and before you know it, he'll be skipping his nap every day (my kids stopped napping at about 2 1/2 year old).

Its important for babies and toddlers to nap. But what is really important is a peaceful and happy family life and some time with his dad. Since you can't control what your X does, you'll have to just let it go. Its nice when we can make everything work well for our children, schedules, happy homes, plenty of food etc. I think you will need to accept that with divorce not everything can be just so.

A little about me first - I'm a stay at home mom to a 17yr old boy and 2yr old girl with another on the way. I have the benefit of hindsight raising my 2yr old this time around.

1. I think naps and routines are very important, it gives kids stability and know what to expect. However, if your son is only with Dad one day a week then I don't see a problem either. You have to start picking your battles with your ex because there are going to be many bigger issues to work out as your son gets older.
2. Having a very strict routine and schedule also lead to other problems as they get older. My sons nap/bedtimes were very routine and as he got older if we went off that schedule he was TERRIBLE! Ex: lets say we went to a birthday party that fell into nap time or went later into the evening past bedtime. It was awful! He would cry over everything, he would start acting out towards the other kids etc. He didn't know how to adapt to a change in his schedule. My son was still taking naps on the weekends until he was 8-9. On top of all this he did develop OCD as a teenager...never made that connection until I read someone else's post.
3. My 2yr old has a pretty set schedule however we have no problems with her when we keep her up later or push a nap to an earlier time to accomodate our schedule. We rarely skip a nap because it is pretty rough when we do but I don't have a problem doing that either if that's just how our day works out...it just means an earlier bedtime and I definitely don't have a problem with that!! :)

I wouldn't worry if it's just this one day a week. It sounds like dad probably just wants to make the most of his time with your son, which is good. Think of it this way, he'd rather spend the whole day interacting with him.
I know how you feel, my daughter is almost 2 1/2 and lately the grandmas (who alternate watching her while I work) cannot get her to nap or don't bother. So when I pick her up she is all loopy and wired, then crashes out on our 4 pm ride home and I have to deal with the late, cranky wake-up that sometimes ruins the whole evening. So it stinks that you are then the one who has to deal with an exhausted child the rest of the evening. I totally get that!
Personally, I decided to just deal, and not complain when other people are taking care of/spending quality time with my kid. The naps will all be a thing of the past within a year probably.

I can't stress enough how important it is to have a nap routine, not only for their physical, but also mental development. Your brain grows too. But if it's just one day of missing a nap a week, I wouldn't worry. But hope it doesn't get to be more than that, though. My daughter is 3.5 and still naps 2-2.5 hours a day (as soon as she comes home from preschool, she goes straight to the bed). I admit that I'm a bit of a "control freak" when it comes to my kids nap time (especially my 3.5 year old). I don't know...my gut tells me that it makes a difference in her social and learning development at school.

Missing a nap doesn't matter. Having a good relationship and fun with Dad does.
B. v. O.

Here is a GOOD link:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-much-sleep-does-your-chil...

www.babycenter.com is a good site for Parents.

Next, yes naps are PARAMOUNT... AND, lack of sleep affects the IMMUNE system too.... tired kids/adults get sick more. Sleep.... is actually important for the immune system and is restorative.

If anything, you could possibly get an instruction/info sheet from your Pediatrician... which says the importance of naps.

I would just as a matter of routine... 'document' everything (just in case for future use), and note how 'exhausted' your son is at night when he comes home to you and how it may/may not affect him/if he gets sick more etc.

As you probably know, EVEN IN SCHOOL.... lack of sleep very much affects kids. Teachers can ALWAYS tell if a child has not gotten enough sleep, or has 'poor' sleep habits at home or sleeps too late at night....because They are less focused, not able to keep up, their motor skills are not as sharp etc.

So lots of reasons why. AND that it is a "routine" for you son in his daily life... so he is used to it. Except that he has no routine at his Dad's.

Anyway, don't know if you can really 'make' the Dad give him naps if he as a Parent refuses.

All the best,
Susan

Hi J.,
NOT IMPORTANT!!!!! It's ok to bend the rules sometimes. Maybe his dad thinks that, if he only gets 1 day a week with his son, giving up 2 hours (or however long his naps are)is just something your ex doesn't want to do. Don't stress, let him do what he wants to do. It's his son too.
Sometimes you just have to let some of the control go. I know how hard it is. After my daughter was just born, my husband took her to a neighbors house for almost a half an hour. I was literally having a panic attack. I can't explain the feeling, but I don't like it. Anyway, I think I got in a big fight with my husband becase he took WAY to long. He just didn't get it. (they never do!LOL)
After about a year or so, I started leaving her for longer periods of time with my husband. NOW? Well, now that my daughter is 2 1/2, I love to leave and do stuff for myself. I have only left her over night with him one time. I had to put faith in my husband that he would always do the right thing.
So.....again, let it go, and enjoy the few hours you have to be alone.
Take care,
M.