How Long Out of Town Without Two Year Old?

Why would you leave the older one. Yes, it will make the older one feel horrible. You need to take both or leave both.

If you leave town, your two-year old will be stressed. Whether that stress is visible to anyone without lab facilities (to measure the stress-hormone level) is answerable only in practice, but 2yos know that they need their parents and they are by then fully aware that their parents are specific people, not randomized adults from wherever... even loving aunts are not mom.

Yes, it will be detrimental to bring one and leave one. And there is no way of talking a 2yo mind into understanding that abandonment in the way that you'd (or your husband would) like the child to understand it.

I am opposed to the idea of 'alone time' with one child in the first place. If you would like to demonstrate a marked preference for one child over the other, it's an excellent technique. The problem, from the child's point-of-view is that it doesn't matter to them, at all, whose 'turn' it is, if they need you when you are with the other it means you think the other is more important than they are because you're not there when they need you, period.

Since you can't stack children like file folders and sort their needs in an order that is convenient to your lifestyle, inevitably whenever you're doing 'older kid' time, the younger kid feels abandoned... but that child is likely to attribute the abandonment to the sibling.

Add to that being gone for nearly 5 whole days, and you have created a 2yo that will be demonstrating signs of distress for weeks to come.

I have noticed that whatever 'break' a parent might get from being away from the energetic and chaotic small person is more than overcompensated for in the acting out of distress for weeks to come. A lot of what is considered to be 'normal' childhood behaviour is actually demonstrations of stress, most of which is completely avoidable.

If it were me, and I had the money to take two people on a 5 day vacation, I'd hire a cleaning crew, send all the laundry to the cleaners and order ready-made meals from a caterer until the money ran out rather than leave town and deal with the separation anxiety that it provoked in the child.

Frankly, I'd probably do that over a vacation, anyhow, just because of what a stint of travel does to babies and small children --when nothing smells familiar, when no other familiar people are around, when none of their comforting home sights are visible it is simply stressful. So, the gearing up to get-away is stressful, the being away is stressful and the sorting-through-it and waiting for the stress from it all to abate afterwards is stressful... that's got to be one seriously alluring trip for me to get on board!

You know your kids -- maybe it will be a fun adventure for your 2.5 year old to do something different too. Unless you're going to a super fun toddler destination, what's the 2.5 year old missing out on? I would definitely say an immobile 5 month old would be much easier to travel with, than a mobile, energetic toddler. My husband & I went away for about 5 days, and farmed out each of our 3 kids to different friends and family -- it was fun for them, and we were all excited to be back together -- we had an awesome time away too; it was so important for us to have that time to reconnect as a couple.

My question is also why? It seems to me that the 2 year old would be easier to take than the baby. I feel bad for the older child. I would either take both or none at all.

i think a lot will have to do with how you tell the older one what's going on. I think if he has spent time with grandma and your sister's family, he would find it fun. But i would tell him, that he is going on vacation. And if grandma and your sister don't live far away he can either spend time with both families, or just one. But I wouldn't tell him, that he is going there, so you can take the baby and go somewhere else. that will make him feel left out. but tell him, he gets to spend a whole weekend at grandma's house, just him. he will probably think thats really cool. most kids are excited to go to grandma's for a weekend.

I would have to say "take both" or "leave both" as well. While I do think it is good to have some one-on-one time with each of your children, remember that your 2 year old is still adjusting to this new person (the baby) being in "her" house and having sharing "her" parents. The oldest might not see it as "fun" when she sees her new sibling (who already steals mom/dad-time away) leave with mom and dad while she stays behind. Even if she is fine at the initial leaving, later, she might wonder if any of you are coming back. I know that 2 seems so much older compared to a newborn, but when your kids get older (like mine) you will see that 2-year-olds are still just babies themselves. Good luck, I know whatever decision you'll make will be made out of love.

Some things to consider...Have they stayed overnight with grandma before? If so, how did they handle it? Is grandma around them a lot, very regularly? Does your older one ever spend one on one with grandma, without baby being there?
I think your older child may feel hurt if the baby is being taken along and not him/her, but then again the older one may feel it's special time with grandma on their own.
Saying that I do not think the length of stay would be a problem for either of your children. I left my then one year old with his grandparents for a whole week (out of neccessity) and he did just fine, I called every night to say goodnight and check with the grandparents how he was doing. I then had to leave my other child who was five months at the time with grandparents while the older brother was hospitalised unexpectedly. He was only left for a couple of days but did great. Kids are resilient they will both do fine if left with grandma.
Your older one may feel hurt and left out or may feel special to be at grandmas on his/her own.
Have you tried to ask your child about it. Are they able to communicate at all with you yet? Maybe put the suggestion to the older child to gauge a reaction.
Good luck with your decision, it's a tough one.

I guess a lot of us may wonder "why" you want to take one and not the other ? I'd say, rightfully so, that the 2 1/2 yr old would feel left out.

We did this with my daughter for four nights when she was that age. She loved the time with Nana in Chicago, and now she attends "Camp Nana-Bunka" for a full week every summer.

We've taken a vacation without either of our children for 9 days for a cruise. However, we left both, not just one. We have left our oldest at 1 1/2 yrs old for about 4 days and he was fine. I think it's good for the kids to have separate times and understand (althought they're still young) that they can have their own time with Mommy and Daddy.

I'm sure it would be fine. If you are nursing the baby that would explain why you would take him or her. I doubt a 2 and a half year old would feel hurt and left out! It would probably be nice for your older child to have some undivided attention from grandma! It's just five days. Try it out!

L.
two 1/2 is young to be away from for that many night why take one and not the other i think the older one will feal hurt and left out i would take both or none at all but my youngest is 4 and only spent one night away from home and i did not sleep the whole night good luck

We left our 18 month old with my mother for a week while we went on vacation. She barely missed us. When we came back, she acted like it was any other day. However, she is very good with new situations, does fine with babysitters, and in the church nursery etc. also, she LOVES being with my mother. Your older child may really like having time to himself with grandma, without the baby! you know best how he/she likes being with your mom, and being away from you.

I think it is really good for parents to be away by themselves, and also for kids to have time away. When i was a camp counselor and had 14 year olds crying because they were homesick, i vowed to not let that happen to my kids!

If you tell your older child that he/she gets to have a "vacation" or a "special visit" with just him and grandma, he will prob be excited! Have fun!

I would say it depends on the tempermant of your older child...