How Long Would You Let Your Child Be Hungry?

At 10 I say she's old enough to deal with the hunger until supper time, since it was her decision to not eat. If she won't eat what is provided for her, there are no snacks until the next meal time. I even do this with my 4 year old.

I would wait until she asks for food and depending on how close it is until dinner time, I'd have her either wait till dinner or I would give her a snack. She made her choice by not eating whatever you offered to her, so I feel she needs to make the first step and live with the consequence. Maybe next time soup or last night's leftovers won't be such bad options.

If she says that she's hungry before dinner, I would allow her to fix HERSELF a small snack that you approve of. Do not cook anything that she can't cook or heat up herself or help her in any way. If she chooses to eschew the meal that you are willing to help prepare at meal time, she can be on her own to fix herself something later.

I say this because when my kids are truly hungry they are *monsters* and it's just more punishment for me to deal with their crankiness. If hunger doesn't affect her mood, then you may consider just making her wait it out.

Wow, this would never be an issue with me. You don't want to eat lunch? Fine by me. Next meal is at dinner time. And if you skip a meal, you don't get a snack. So if you want a snack later, eat your meal.

My kitchen isn't open 24/7. My kid knows that.

she chose to skip lunch, she's old enough to face the consequence, if she's hungry an hour or two before dinner, bummer, she can wait til dinner, she won't starve.

Never let a child WIN by punishing YOU. If you do, she will do it over and over and you will be a very sorry mommy!

Nothing to eat til dinner, mom. Hold to it with all your might. Even if you have to sit in the kitchen for 2 hours. Get something to work on and stage your quiet protest. She will get it. And no mac and cheese or hamburger for dinner. Give her something that is not something that she would have picked. You are the parent, she is the child. She doesn't get to rule your household.

Sending you strength!
Dawn

Let her be hungry. It won't hurt. If she starts asking to eat before the next snack time or meal time, tell her "NO, I'm sorry, but its not time to eat. You should have eaten when it was time to eat. It will be time to eat in blank (30 mins, an hour). Don't give in or she will do this again and again and again until you just want to forget lunch time ever existed. When my daughter decided to get picky about eating, I showed her videos of starving children. I explained that those kids would give ANYTHING to eat even just 1 meal a day, and that her bowl of ramen noodles would last them a whole week. We talked about being thankful for what we have and how its selfish to be picky like that. To this day (she's 15 now) she eats whatever is served, and whenever she starts to say "eww," she stops and says "starving kids in Ethiopia would love my dinner." LOL

At 10, I promise she won't die before dinner ;) Stick to your guns or she's going to take advantage of you going forward! If she's hungry, a glass of water will fill her belly and hold her over until dinner time. Maybe she'll think twice before being so irrational next time ;) Best wishes!!

Hey shes 10, don't give in. By her not eating she isn't punishing you, she is punishing heself, and you are not letter her be hungry she is doing that herself as well. Just little tid bit if she was really hungry she would eat what you put in front of her, I hae been a mom for 28 years and a daycare provider for going on 15 years, and let me tell you if kids are really hungry they will eat, your dsughter is trying to manipulate you in giving her what she wants. Stand your ground. J.

When my daughter does this, I give her the option to eat the choices I gave her within the hour. If she still chooses not to eat then she is done until the next meal. The only thing she can have is a snack of fruit or vegetables, with water or juice.

Works like a charm, with her. She usually will eat after 15-20min.

I always offer an afternoon snack around 3:30 - 4:00, BUT there is no eating after that until dinner which is usually around 6:30. So, I would offer the snack at the usual time and if she didn't eat then, she would wait for dinner. It won't hurt her and she will learn to eat at meal times!

Huh? What do you mean she's punishing you by not eating lunch? She is not punishing you unless you choose to look at it that way. She is punishing herself. She is the one with the consequence of being hungry.

I suggest you adopt the attitude that here is lunch. She can either eat or not but there will be no food, except for a snack mid afternoon, until dinner time.

I agree with Hazel W. Take this out of the realm of a power struggle. Either fix her a plate and let her decide whether or not to eat it, or let her fix herself a snack mid afternoon. Whether or not she eats is up to her.

I also wonder why mac and cheese was not possible. Do you not use the boxed variety? She's old enough to fix lunch for both of you. Could' you have compromised and let her fix the mac and cheese only and supplement with your choices too.

I suggest you'll have better success if you start including her in lunch choices and prep. Perhaps one day a week when she can fix anything reasonable and be willing to discuss her choices in an open manner.

At 10 she is once again (remember 2 and 3) wanting/needing more independence. Find ways to let her make responsible choices. She may not do things the way you would do them. Let her feel the consequences when things don't work out.

I also agree that fixing lunch can be a part of your home schooling. It doesn't have to be purely academic to count. You are teaching her responsibility as well as goal planning and execution. Regular school also does things that don't on the surface appear to be academic. For example my granddaughter and her classmates work a week in the cafeteria. And it's not related to income level. It's a work experience.

At my house, if you don't eat lunch (especially if I give you options) you don't eat until dinner. My kids are MUCH younger than yours and I feel no guilt. They don't even ask anymore or if they start to they say "oh, never mind."

Wow, quite the little stinker, isn't she? :)

If she was 5 or 6, I would cave. But, she's 10, and is clearly able to tell when she is hungry and she WILL cave when she is hungry enough to give up her power struggle. Good job, Mom! If she IS hungry and hour or two before dinner, offer her some fruit or veggies. If she's not hungry enough to eat that, then she doesn't really need to eat.

ETA: Just read your follow-up

I think it is time for her to learn how to clean up after her messy lunch. I really hate to scrub pans too, so maybe if that becomes her responsibility, she will be more understanding about why you didn't want to do it.

I don't homeschool, but sometimes I get into it with my 10yr old over breakfast (seriously, what is it about 10yr olds?!). I think it's really important for her to eat something in the AM before school, but she often pulls the whole "There's nothing to eaaaaat! I'm not in the moooood for that!" ____@____.com I wish I could let her just make her own breakfast (of which she's perfectly capable), but she would choose not to eat at all. So in the evening, I write out a quick list of about 3 or 4 things with a box next to each choice. I hand her the paper and ask her to check the thing she wants for breakfast the next morning and leave it outside her bedroom door. Somehow, it works! I guess feeling like she's ordering a hotel breakfast is fun or something. Anyway, it'll be interesting to see how long the novelty holds up for her THIS time. We go through this every couple of years and it always works. For a while...

I wouldn't let her eat a thing until dinner. I would simply say "you chose not to eat lunch, your next option will be dinner. If you choose not to eat then, that's on you...but these are your options for food. You need to choose one or go hungry." She will make the right choice for dinner, I am sure of it.

As a side note, I would make a dinner that I know that she will eat. :) Good luck.

N.

I only read a few of your responses, but I'm in agreement with the ones I went through. She's not a baby & she's not hurting you or anyone else aside from herself with a rumbly tummy for a few hours. If you guys normally do a snack-time every afternoon I'd still allow that, but nothing additional. No lunch at 4:30 because she "can't make it" until your usual dinner time at 6 (or however you guys generally do it at your home).

What about just putting what you think is reasonable on a plate, and leave it out for her? It doesn't need to be a large plate, and you can omit things that might "go bad" over the afternoon, just food that can sit out. This way, the element of power struggle is removed. Don't ask her what she wants (this is one way of keeping your authority in the situation), just put out a bit of food which you think is appropriate.

"I know you said you weren't going to eat lunch, and that's fine. If you are hungry before dinner, this is what I have for you." Leave it at that. She knows she created her own problem and you can feel that if she's digging her heels in, it's on her. You aren't making her hungry, she is.

It might also be worth letting her choose the lunch one day of the week. You might be able to incorporate the cooking into your homeschool curriculum, depending on where she is in her math and science. This might be a way to get better cooperation by giving her a small choice. Good luck!

She's 10... she's old enough to make her own lunch. Surely she knows how to make mac and cheese by herself, all you do is boil water. If she's hungry, tell her to make her own lunch and be sure to clean up afterwards but not to bug you about it.

Surely you do an afternoon snack before dinnertime?

She can be hungry until dinner. She wont die. She wont faint. It's one missed meal. She's ten. She knows the consequences of not eating. She doesn't want lunch..fine...she doesn't eat again until the next meal.
L.

She's not going to starve to death...she can be hungry until dinner time, no snacks in-between unless she decides to fix it herself and it's more than 2 hours before dinner time (if it's less than 2 hours, she's allowed water, that's it). She's too old to let her keep manipulating you like this.

The boys (ages 5 and 2) know there's a routine, and the children I babysat regularly knew the same (it was posted on the fridge, along with the menu for those that can read). They eat breakfast at a certain time and used to have snack in the morning but they've chosen not to have that anymore. We have lunch around the same time everyday, and a 3:30 snack everyday. We eat at dinner around the same time every evening. If they CHOOSE to miss an eating time, knowing the routine, then they are CHOOSING to wait until the next eating time to eat. She'll need to figure out that she is not punishing you for skipping lunch if it's not what she wants; it's her belly. She'll learn. Don't sweat it. Besides---it's not really going to "hurt" her to skip a meal today, it's just unpleasant, just as her digging her heels in and expecting one specific lunch was also a little unpleasant. (I'm not mean or evil, but just matter of fact on those things).

Well she's 10. So that's fine.
Because... SHE can very well, make her own food/snack.
Even if that is a bowl of cereal.

My Daughter is 9. She sometimes, will not want what is there. So then, we tell her Okay, you can make what you want. We don't say it in a challenging or impatient manner. We just say it matter of fact. This diminishes, the "whining" that may come from it, from the child.
Then my daughter, like last night, she COOKED her own eggs and sausage, to eat. Which is fine. She did it, with no attitude. And she ate, when she was then, hungry.
But I do not make.... my kids starve to make a point. If they once in awhile do not want to eat, what I made.
Because, they can... (even my 5 year old), make their own food or snack in a pinch.
I know that.
They know that.

good for you for not caving......it would be one thing if she was 3 or even 4

LOL
I got to this post late, so you are probably about to give her her 3:30 snack! :)
I agree with your plan. I have a 10 yr old girl, too, and I have noticed (since doing cyber/home school this year) that I offer her a few too many choices sometimes in the lunch arena. When she was younger and I just made her lunch without consulting her opinion on the matter, things were less stressful for both of us. Now I try to incorporate her into the planning, and sometimes it becomes a string of "no"s.... So I eventually, say "those are the choices, choose one." She hasn't tried the "I just won't eat anything" end run on me yet... She usually will offer up something she can do herself if I will agree to let her have it. (sometimes even a frozen microwavable dinner)...
Good for you for sticking to your guns.

I know there are thirty answers here, but I just have to laugh.Kids are kids. Even my twenty one year old just moved back (that's another story) and he has a culinary certificate! And there's still NOTHING TO EAT MOM!!!

Oh mine do this all the time. We homeschool too.
Mine are 10 and 14.
If you need her to be on a schedule then tell her, she needs to eat something small on Mondays so you can go to piano, or whatever.
Otherwise I let mine "graze". THey are not always hungry at 8 or noon. My 10 yo eats a small breakfast at maybe 7:30-8. Then at 10:30 needs a food break. He makes a pb&j or something. At noon he will eat another full lunch or sometimes would rather wait until 2ish.
After "school" we are at the pool until 6:30 and he will snarf a pretty huge dinner about 7.
Most people do better on 5-6 small meals than 3 large ones.

<grin> Another HS'ing mom saying "Been there, done that!"

It's rare, but it's happened two or three times over the past 4 years.

My son upped the ante once and threw a fit about it.

Fine :D Grounded. Not for the meal. For throwing the fit. He spent the rest of the day up in his room and I spent it reading a novel. All plans for the day cancelled.

Now... we don't do set meal times PER SE (we eat about every 3 hours). He gets his own breakfast, I cook brunch, lunch later, tea later, dinner later, snack later. He decided to throw an unholy fit about wanting x (30 minutes) instead of y (2 minutes). Fine. Pick something else, we have to scoot today (and he knew that).

Household rule; you throw a fit you don't get what you want AND you go on timeout. Randomly, I'll exchange the timeout for grounding in his room the rest of the day. That day earned it.

He missed his outside class, and playdate, and had dinner in his room. If he'd STILL been throwing a fit/disrespectful, he could have gone to bed hungry. He didn't think I'd ground him, because we had such a full afternoon planned. Well, guess what kiddo? Blackmail doesna work on me. I will cancel EVERYTHING before I put up with the MASSIVE disrespect he decided to try out. And I had a good afternoon reading my book.

((You know... if he'd done the same thing in awayschool... the consequences would have been the same. He'd have gotten sent to the principals office and got sent home for the rest of the day.))

My first response is no child will starve if there is food in front of them, so the child will be fine. We do a menu for the week, each child gets to choose one meal and do all the planning for it, make it(with help) and clean up after. My theory is if you can cook, you can clean. I also don't start a meal if no one is hungry. I figure if no one is hungry, no one is ready to eat and motivated to get things done quickly and eat in a reasonable time period.

Helping in the kitchen involves the whole thing beginning to end from planning, budget, couponing, grocery shopping, putting groceries away, prep work cooking, eating, table clean up, and learning how to clean as you cook so the task of cleaning up is quick and efficient after a meal. No one sits until everyone can sit. Kids as little as 2 years old can take their items to a waiting person by the sink and put napkins in trash, a 4 year old can help put leftover containers in a fridge, a 6 year old can help dry dishes or put them in the dishwasher, a 10 year old can wash a sink of dishes(we have a dishwasher but I have chosen to show them how to wash them and be water efficient,time efficient and wash by hand so when they move out and don't have one they can do it and get it done). Home school them through this task too, everything episode in life is a learning tool.

I would let her wait. It's not like you aren't letting her eat for a week or something. She will be just fine (hungry or not) by the next meal.

My kids have to eat at meals, or the only other food they are allowed is fruit. They can always have fruit, so there is never an excuse to not be hungry (but nothing, not even fruit, if it is within one hour of the next meal).

I'd make her wait. It's still lunch time, if she mentions she's hungry again offer her the same options, if she refuses then make her wait until dinner. You can offer her a light snack if it gets too close to dinner time, if you want. If you really don't want to give in, a glass of water can suppress the appetite for a little bit.

Missing a meal now and then never hurt anyone.
I'd let her be hungry until the next regularly schedule mealtime.

Im probably going to get a lot of backlash for this BUT my daughter is two and she eats 2 BIG meals a day plus a snack or two, after she wakes up she normally has something small for breakfast and an hr or so later has a good size lunch and then nap time and SOMETIMES she will have a small snack after nap depending on when dinner is or she will just wait until dinner to eat and she will be good to go until the next morning. if she starts to get hungry and we will be eating dinner within an hour or so she wont eat anything because she wont eat dinner

Other than letting her drink something...She'll just have to wait until the next meal. I can't tell you the number of times my kids have had a snack prior to meal time and then they're not hungry...You were right. Let her wait until dinner.

She is 10 and not a toddler. If she does not want what you offered for lunch, then she can wait til whatever you make for dinner. If she's hungry an hour before dinner, she doesn't need a meal. Lunchtime will be over, and a snack of fruit or a yogurt is what I'd offer. If she is picky in that she wants you to cook special, time consuming meals instead of a quick sandwich or pizza bagel, I wouldn't offer her options. I'd make one lunch and that's what you get, rather than offer four different things which you mentioned.
I would move on with the day as if she had eaten and not mention it again. You can't force her to eat and now she needs to admit that she is hungry and be ready to eat what you have offered. She will not starve to death, she is 10, I've already passed that age with both of my kids and missing a meal is not going to harm her.