How Often Do You See Your Mother In-law?

My MIL DOES the same thing!! She talks about everyone that is not in the room. She lives in FL so I do not have to put up with her. She dearly loves everyone who is blood related. She also loves the son-in-laws......Just not us daughter inlaws!!! Make s horrible comments about my children. I just stay away when she is near.

I see my MIL & FIL almost everyday.
We talk several times a day on the phone.
We email daily.

To most this might seem like alot, but I love my inlaws.
They are good people.
We all have faults and we all have our good points, we all try to work
together.

I do it for my husband, my children, for myself, and I do it for them because they love their grandchildren VERY MUCH.

God bless.

I see mine 1-2x a month. Usually it's when she's watching our kids!! But I lucked out in the MIL department and she does not butt in, does not voice her opinion of what I should or shouldn't be doing and does not really say anything negative to me, so I am lucky in that aspect.

If you know your MIL is like that, do not engage with her when she talks about other people. Tell her you are uncomfortable when she is doing that. When she offers stuff about your son - tell her thanks and ignore her!!!

EVERY DAY lol, she lives right next door, it took a lot of getting used to, she also talks a lot about other people, and gossips a lot - BUT she has some really good points too, she will watch my kids at a moments notice, bring me food, and bake cakes for us, help me in any way she can.
I love her dearly for that.

maybe focus on the positives - you only see her twice a month - a positive lol
she buys clothes for her grandchildren - a positive
she cares enough to worry about her grandchildren - a positive

we can't choose our family and you can't get rid of her, be sickly nice for those 2 times a month then you won't have anything to feel bad or guilty about.
although....gossiping is a sin, you can politely change the subject - or not so politely change it if you want to get your point across.

Vent away. This is not the craziest I've heard of, but not the most normal, either. Some women are simply like that--your mother or someone else's. I shudder to think of what people say of us! I nursed for about a year with each (which my mom thought was weird after 6 months, but my Father-in-Law apparently thought was awesome and was bragging about). My mom is the weird one, but she lives on the other side of the U.S. I've made certain topics off-limits (namely my husband) but I pretty much don't see my family. Travel is not affordable, etc. We see my in-laws infrequently also because of work schedules and living 2 1/2 hours away. We are probably lucky to get together once a month. It sounds like she mostly just gossips and complains and criticizes. It is annoying, but not unheard-of. My husband's grandmother apparently complained a lot about her daughters-in-law who nursed instead of giving formula, but she adored her grandchildren and was a wonderful grandmother. You could just offer information on child development, change the subject, or say you don't like to criticize other people. If she close to you, this does not sound like too often for seeing her. We always wear hand-me-downs (sometimes my favorite outfits for my kids had been through several other children). Unless she has a negative and damaging relationship with you or your child, I would just try to ignore the comments for now.

As a side note, my husband hates my mom (really hates her--it annoys him when I have any contact with her, etc. and he resents that she does not call for our children's birthdays, for Christmas, after they were born, etc. even though he called her from the hospital). We finally just don't really talk about her. I believe she loves me and my kids, but it is more comfortable for me to have less contact and fewer opportunities to feel hurt about something. We've had email drama (my family, apparently, was shocked that my husband and I read each other's email unless it is about something we're planning like a gift or other surprise), we've had in-person drama, phone drama, everything. Good luck...

Hello Katri, I have been blessed with a wonderful mother in law. She for 17 years every Tuesday would show up and check the house and the frig to be sure it was in order and for 17 years I was nuts about it-- my husband refused to do anything about it. Then when he did say something it turned out her mother in law had done it to her and she was making sure we didn't need anything.
She has been the keeper of secrets-- she knew who was dating before they were allowed to , she could help a child see reaon when I was the dumbest parent on the planet. I have no relationship with my mother or my father and his wife. So I knkow that she has given me advice and leadership in becoming a good mother and wife as well as a woman. I see her at least 2 times a week or talk to her on the phone as a check in on thier health and ours. When my husband recently died I was beside myself with grief and she was there tohelp me through it and has never stopped loving me. Our adult children will call her on their way home from work or they will stop by and just visit her.
I never had to compete nor make her feel she was not needed and still part of her son's life. Does she have hobbies or social groups? If not that may be the problem her life is unfulfilled and she is lonely for other people. This you may not be able to do anything about as its a choice she had to make but tell her about the Adult Senior Centers or Churches inher area that have things she can do that are all free. Good Luck

Oh my goodness. She sounds like my own MIL. Thankfully my MIL lives in TN and we live in CO. She is madly in love with her 3 sons, resents their wives and has zero interest in her grandbabies. She came out 3 weeks or so after our second was born, didn't lift a finger to help (I had just had a c-section) and talked about how tired my poor husband must be because he was getting up with our 3 year old (for nightmares) in the middle of the night instead of me--never mind I was recovering from a c-section and caring for and nursing a newborn all night. Needless to say, I feel your pain...I guess it depends on how your husband feels. Luckily, mine admits his mother is crazy and vicious but I know of women with horrible MILs whose husbands side with their mother. Keep it to a minimum if you can, right? And it's good to vent---better to us than your hubby!

My MIL lives 3 hours away and I see her maybe, once every 3-4 months. We exchange phone calls every 2-3 weeks, but that is about it. She's great though, but she has a busy senior citizen lifestyle and I don't want to disrupt it. I'm happy for her and my FIL that they are so active. My MIL too has some old fashioned views on raising kids, but I listen in one ear and it goes out the other. I think if she lived closer, it would be tougher to like her if I seen her more.

Katri, I think you should consider moving far away, just kidding:) Just vent away when you need too...we've all been there, it is okay:)

M

I feel your pain :) My ex-MIL was a HUGE pain in the you know where. Her thing was to corner me alone and basically tell me that I ruined her son's life. Of course, if I called her on it she would deny everything *sigh*

I ended up working out a deal with my now ex-husband: he could see her as much as he wanted and he could take the kids to see her as much as he wanted. However, I would only have to see her 2 - 4 times a year. Usually one holiday at my house, one at her's and maybe one or two other times at another relatives house. I explained to him that the tension between his Mom and I was ruining everyone else's good time and that simply wasn't fair to the rest of the family. When I did have to see her, if she tried to corner me to gossip about the other grandkids, etc., I would immediately say "I'm sorry you feel that way - excuse me I think one of the kids needs something" and walk away. At least that way I felt I had some control over the whole horrid situation.

Good luck - I would say that this gets better, but it rarely does :(

Well at least she and her husband havent taken you to court to have visitation with the grand children. My in laws are beyond crazy! long story behind this but our older 3 have a court order scheduled to visit with them. They have barely laid eyes on our 4th child and have no idea we even have a 5th child. No I do not see my in laws!!!

mom of 5

Think about relocation :) My MIL is on the other coast and we see her about once, maybe twice a year! We have a great relationship, but I am 100% sure it wouldn't be that way if she lived down the road!

Good luck!

My MIL is the same she has always treated my hubby not so nice, the girls of the family are the jewels. my hubby is the only boy of the family and is treated like a second class citizen. His sister lived with his parents rent free child care free for the first year and a half of her child's life. and his mom is always saying everything is equal B.S. she was always buying formula diapers and clothes for her 1st gc. while we struggled to pay bills and keep food in the fridge she never helped out once. she knew that things were tough for us. (it was when GM was going through all of the restructuring they shut down my hubby's plant). so he was out a job for about 6 months. I was working but not enough to really put a dent in our bills. anyway she never offered to help with anything baby or bills. now that he has been transfered out of state she lays the guilt trip on him.
we are always the one to chase her down to talk to her. I made her a dvd of our dd for mother's day so she can see how much she has grown, nothing, not even a thanks you. I doubt she has even seen it yet.
Mind you we only live 2.5 hrs away she has yet to come and visit we have to go to her its rediculous. sorry i had to vent also; since you know how your MIL is just take it with a grain of salt and try to cut back on visits let your hubby go over there alone make yourself busy for the visit so you and your LO doesn't have to go. gl

Your MIL will be talking behind your back no matter how often you seen her. How does your Hubby feel about that? She needs a hobby and friends of her own. Maybe she'd have something interesting to talk about if she went on a cruise every so often. It might do her some good to get out every now and then to see the world. Try to cut back visits to once a month. Then maybe once every other month. You have a child now and you can go to Mommy and Me classes and get busy - too busy for the bi-weekly gossip fest.

My MIL used to live with us, and had some pretty outdated notions on child rearing. Luckily for me, she was an OB/Gyn back in her native country, and, as such, was very willing to change her views when she was presented with updated research from the American Academy of Pediatrics and Obstetrics/Gynecology. If she seems like she's interested in knowing the scientific backup for your child rearing methods, feel free to print off articles for her, or to let her read the books that you're reading.

I cannot tell you how much that helped keep the peace and sanity in our household!! My FIL, on the other hand, was not so easy to deal with, and, despite being repeatedly shown evidence, persisted in his own way of doing things. He'd ask if he could take my son for a ride in his car (with no carseat).."It's ok, I'll hold him REALLY tight," insisted on trying to give him egg whites from about 2 mos on, would try to trick my son into eating more solids by distracting him with TV, and did numerous other (wrong, albeit well-intentioned) things that drove me bananas. For him, I just had to stay firm and let him know that I would never leave him alone with my son if I couldn't trust that he wouldn't try to use these methods with my son when I was not there. Eventually he acquiesced. Thank God, because now he has twin grandkids and their dad is really OCD about them and I think he might have killed my FIL by now if he hadn't learned from me that parents will NOT allow them to enforce their (grandparents') views on them.

Good luck!

I don't see my family as they are in other states, but if I lived near her, I'd see her a lot cause I like her. If I lived near my mother, I'd see her for holidays, and maybe for dinner once in a while - actually, I'd rather only see her 2-4 times a year cause I don't like her as a person.

Twice a month seems reasonable, but at the same time, if it's too stressful, than work it down to once a month, and keep going less frequently till she notices (LOL). Your husband has to be on the same page as you, though, if you're going to reduce the time you see her. If he finds her equally as stressful, then he will have to deal with it when/if she noticies the change in visits.

You just have to be polite, you don't have to like her. Re. your son - use the pedi to get her off your back - "his dr. says..."

Good luck!

I love it... "She's crazy"!!! I feel the same way about mine. Since, literally, day three of my son's life, she has asked everytime she has seen him, if he is taking vitamins!!!! What the heck, lady?!!??! Vitamins, at 3 days old....She is totally off her rocker! I probably see her about as much as you see yours, she lives about 45 mins. away. The only comment I have ever said to my husband is she is a little loopy, which he agreed. Now that he is a little older, my husband thinks we should let her keep him overnight...yeah right..maybe when he knows how to dial 9-1-1!!! No kidding, everytime she comes over, she rearranges my whole kitchen, but now I just smile and talk to her as she is doing it. Here's something I can laugh about now: She paid for some of the flowers at our wedding and at one point asked the florist to change the roses the flower girls threw to daisies because they were her favortie...uhhh, last time I checked, it was MY wedding. In regards to the weight comments, she once told my sister-in-law, the last time she saw our son, he looked GAUNT... who says that?!?! Glad you vented and me too! Sometimes, I really wonder what is going on in her brain. Just take it with a grain of salt...and a glass of wine during one of her visits!!!!