How Soon Is Too Soon? (Did You Say It First?)

for me and my husband he said it first after only 2 weeks. We were engaged after 1 MONTH. We are now happily going on 10 years of being married!

My guy said it first... on an etch a sketch... we were having movie night at my place a few weeks into dating... he wrote on the etch a sketch 'i'm falling in love with you'... I FREAKED. i pretended i never saw it ;) But 2 days later he grabbed my face like he was going to kiss me, and said 'I've never fallen this hard and fast for someone in my life'... and then I kissed him!!

I usually wait for the guy to go first because I'm so guarded with my feelings... but I DID ask him to marry me 1/2 dozen times before HE finally popped the question!! We're getting married in 19 days :)

A lot of this depends on your situation. Do you have kids? Does he? Have all the pertanant family members met and get along? When you take chemistry out of the question, do you like him? Do you like youself when you are with him? Does he have baggage from previous relationship that would make this step difficult? Do you know enough about him to answer the previous question?
I would take it slow and start with telling him how much you like him, and after that has had time settle in, move to how much he is begining to mean to you. Feel out how he responds to these declarations and move accordingly.

Well, considering I dated my husband for about...four months before getting engaged, I'd say there's no time frame involved. I think we were saying "I love you" within a month, even though it took a week or two before I got a kiss. Many people thought we did things too fast since we were married less than a year after we started "dating," but we've been married over seven years and are still best friends.

If something happened to one of you tomorrow, would you wish you'd said it today? Be honest with each other and share how you feel. :)

L.:

This is great that you are going sooo well for you!!

I don't know when "too soon" is....I knew the minute I shook my husband's hand that "he" was the one....and I was married to someone else....separated but not divorced...

I wouldn't rush it - especially since you are feeling like a "highschooler" don't get so caught up in everything that you aren't looking out for you....gosh I don't want to crush it - but I would watch how he treats his mom, how he treats your kid(s) - what do they say about him? Don't go with rose-colored glasses!!! Although it is great to live life that way!!!

I guess I'm trying to say - don't rush. Take your time....have fun!! listen! enjoy!

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Ahahahaha I love this debate. I love you are just words to express feelings. If you love him say you love him. It does not change anything. If you love him not saying you love him doesn't change that fact. Saying you love someone you don't doesn't mean you really love them, ya know? They are just words.

I told Troy I loved him after knowing him a bit over a week. He told me he couldn't say it until he was sure that was how he felt. Which happened to be five minutes later. We have known each other almost two years and are getting married next month.

I agree with Sarah and Robert E. You are in the delightful throes of new excitement and infatuation. Enjoy that.

Meantime, meet his friends, his family, (and vice versa) see if you both enjoy participating in each other's lives & interests. Is he open to meeting your friends and sharing your joys? Do you have the same values? Are you compatible religiously, politically, intellectually? That doesn't mean you have to be in the same political party or have the same degree of education, but is there mutual respect and tolerance in areas that are critical in a long term relationship? How does he handle stressful situations or areas in which you do not agree? With respect and humor, or with dismissal and frustration? (And the same with you for him.)

There need to be ways to disagree and to accept each other's flaws - in the beginning, everyone tries to please the other and you relish the laughs and good times. That's all great. But the passion and the fluttery heart need to live in the real world too.

Keep doing what you are doing - spend time together, laugh, kiss...and experience a variety of settings and activities. Expand those horizons in a natural progression.

So I guess I'm suggesting that it's too soon to say "I love you" - you can say "You're irresistible when you..." or "I love it when you...." or even "You're becoming very important to me" or "You're making it easy for me to fall for you." See what he does. But don't push yourself to say something before you are truly really and (dare I say it?) LOGICALLY ready to express something whether or not he does.

Keep having fun! I hope this is IT for you.

I've been single and dating way more years than married. Nearly all of my relationships ended around the 3 month period even tho we'd both said,"I love you more than once." I suggest that the words don't matter. What counts is how you treat each other.

The words can be powerful at the same time. If one is not ready to share the word love then saying it can cause fear and withdrawal. I suggest that you not say them and let the relationship move along at it's natural pace. You will know when it's right to say, "I love you." It's not the right time now.

my boyfriend and i were only together a few weeks and i knew i was in love but i sure wasnt gonna say it, a few days later he says...I know this is crazy but I love you, dont freak out and run away! I laughed and said I was thinking the same thing! we are eloping in july! if you feel it then say it! cause you never know he may feel the same way and be thinking the exact same thing you are! good luck!

Three months is way to soon for professions of love. The giddy feelings of the first months of a relationship are wonderful - but, sometimes we confuse those feelings with love. When I say love, I mean the love that stands the test of time, co-parenting, snoring, caps left off the toothpaste, strange nose hairs, etc. Not the time of heightened awareness when you are first getting to know each other, both emotionally and physically.

Personally, I would wait before saying "it".

Couple of questions...
Has he met your daughter
Is he interested in being a positive part of her life
Has he met your family
Have you met his family
Does he have children
Have you met his children

All of these things have a bearing on love.

Give it some time
Enjoy dating him
See how it goes
If it is love - it will not go away.

Good Luck
God Bless

nah, 3 months isnt too soon

If it's what you're feeling, then say it! Love is to be given, with no expectations...

You could mail him a letter that says, "do you love me?"
Check this box for yes....
Check this box for no....

Just kidding. I find myself saying it when it just feels like it's gonna burst right outta me. If you are hemming and hawing about what the result will be, who should say it first, yada yada...then I probably wouldn't say it yet. If you are ready to say it and not care about who says what...then say it now!
L.

I don't have the correct time that you should say it. I do however know that when things are right then you both should know right away. I have been around many men and the right one just knocked me down mentally.

When you know, you know.. I would let him say it first though :0) My husband and I were dating for 4 months and got married, so some things are never too soon :0) We've been married for 9 years and have a great relationship!!!!!

Personally I think love is a beautiful thing, however fleeting! I say GO FOR IT!

:)

When I met my current boyfriend, it was online and I was inviting him to come have sex with me. I was horny (And a slut) and he was available. He knew I was sleeping with other people (One other guy), and said he was too... Though I don't think he actually was. So when he asked me if I wanted to start seeing him exclusively, I admit that I wasn't too sure about the idea.

A month later (3 months after I first met him) I was completely in love with him... But I couldn't tell him that. Guys ALWAYS say it first. It's an unwritten rule. Plus, he is 12 years older than I am... So ya, I didn't want to sound 'highschooler-ish' either. Lol. I had to wait another month for him to be brave enough to share how he felt about me. Now we've been together for a little under 2 and a half years, have a child together, and I'm impatiently waiting for him to pop the question. Lol

Well, this is just my opinion (obviously), but I think if you are still at a point where you are nervous, anxious about what is the right thing to say or the right time to say it, you just aren't comfortable enough together to be making any real commitments of any kind.

On the other hand "I love you." is just a sentence, so maybe you can say it without it adding pressure. But given the amount of thought and energy you're putting into it, I'd say you're not ready.

Hope this helps,
T.

L.,

The rule is---ALWAYS wait for him to say it first---if you say it and he doesnt feel the same way, it could ruin things between you two and make things super ackward. Let it ride for awhile and see how things go....GL

M

I've always noticed a tendency for some guys to say it because the woman said it and don't want to hurt her feelings because he likes her a lot just not love yet. Sooo, I'd wait for him to say it first :)

I told my now husband about 1 or 1 1/2 months into our relationship. We will be having our 10 year wedding anniversary in July! Good luck!