How to Balance Out Handling 3 Kids and Having a Full Time Job

Mamazita said it well. This is your reality. You had three children with a man who is married to someone else.

Previously you were only receiving child support for two of his three children. Did you get that resolved?

You continue to defend the father of your children, saying he's a great father. What does that mean? Does he pay adequate child support for all three kids? How does he help you in practical ways?

A great father makes sure that his children are secure and loved. A great father is there to feed the babies, bathe them, and read to them. If the father of your children is simply depositing a check in your bank account, then he's not a great father. He's a father, yes. But not a daddy. And not anything "great".

Your kids' father has another family, and it's quite obvious where his priorities lie. You're alone, trying to take care of his children, having to work full time.

I'm sorry that you continued to have babies with this selfish man, but for now, that's the reality. I think you should discontinue the classes. Try to provide a stable home for your children.

Sadly you're now dealing with the reality of deciding to have three babies with a married man. Hopefully you're at least getting child support (?) Beyond that these children are all on you. I hope you have friends and family offering whatever kind of support they can, either emotional or financial. Beyond that you have made your choices, and now must spend the rest of your (most productive part of) life raising three human beings on your own. I would skip the classes (that ship has sailed) and focus on work. Kids need food and clothing and shelter and those things cost money. Good luck.

It's tough being a single parent and raising 3 little kids.
There's only so much of you to go around.
You need the job and your kids need you.
You might have to put the classes on hold till the kids are a bit older.
It's going to be a tough row to hoe but you'll get through it.
In 10 years time you'll look back on this time you are going through and wonder how you did it.
My mom raised me and my sister on her own and it's certainly a struggle.

Additional:
Your 'great father' married-to-someone-else man isn't there help to feed, bathe and put them to bed is he?
Paying child support - I'm not knocking it - is good - but there's more to being a father/parent.

How much hands on time with his kids does he have?
Does he change diapers, give piggy back rides, play with them, read to them, take them places, have any sort of custody/visitation?
When they are old enough for school will he come to plays, concerts, sports events, parent/teacher conferences, pick up a sick child, review homework, look at report cards, meet their friends, meet/question who they date?
Will he go to any award/graduation ceremonies?

You've made your peace with your situation - but I really think you cut him WAY too much slack.

When I decided I was going to do something different with my life I decided to go to college full time.

I went to a local community/jr. college and meet with an advisor to see what was offered.

I filled out the financial aid packet and got it sent off. I got confirmation back on how much I qualified for and was able to go enroll.

I got in low income housing, I applied to get on welfare, I got food stamps, I applied for and got child care assistance, and medical assistance. I got on every program I could find like Displaced Homemakers, Voc-Rehab, and more. I applied for every scholarship I could, that I thought might have a chance.

I didn't work a job, I went to school full time and I maintained almost a 4.0 GPA. It was my full time job.

The investment of my time on my studies was an investment in my future income.

I graduated and got a full scholarship to a 4 year university. I moved to that campus and lived in married student housing. My low income housing transferred there. It was all bills paid, $43 per month. Period, all bills paid. My financial aid paid my rent for the whole year before I ever took out a penny of the left over money. I had no bills each month for rent or utilities. For a year.

I went to school, spent time at the library, studied on campus, and I did a good job with my education.

We have to make sacrifices sometimes so that we can take care of a need now. Living on welfare for 4 years wasn't my ideal lifestyle but, BUT, when I got done I was able to go into the workforce as a desirable employee and was able to make a good enough living.

My daughter is raising 3 kids 5, 4, and 3 (her own and her fiance's two, which he has full custody of), she works full time and she is going to school nearly full time. Her fiance works out of town so is gone all the time, so she is much like a single mom, but in some ways even has it harder because she takes care of all of his stuff as well. She really is an exceptional person. She has the kids "help" her make dinner every night, they do game night twice a week, she has passes to the local museums, Y, etc (all through the library or insurance - they don't have a lot of money) and takes the kids every weekend on an outing. Her house is clean, she cooks wonderful meals, and the kids are amazing small human beings.

If it is too much, then you need to drop schooling until you are better able to handle it. Not everyone is built the same way and there is no shame in not being able to do it all. The only shame would be that you are "punishing" your kids for your choices. YOU decided to wait until after kids to attend college, YOU decided to have 3 kids under 5, YOU decided to be a single parent (I am assuming since no mention of a significant other). So giving your kids the short straw because of YOUR choices really doesn't seem fair . . .

Get a babysitter for when you would need to do your class work or do it after they are in bed. If your married get your husband to help out

Add: I didn't look at your other posts so I didn't realize who you were. You said he is a great father and does a lot for the kids. Get him and his wife to watch them so that you can take classes. Or like I said do it when they are asleep. To get aid you will have to be at least part time but to get enough to cover classes you might have to go full time. I would talk to the school you are wanting to take classes at and see what your options are there and they may have resources to help. It's worth looking into. Not your situation in not ideal but you know what no one is perfect and I commend you for wanting to better yourself!

i only have 2 kids, but evenings are chaotic. i decided that i would do a bath 3x a week, the other days we do something simple together.. playdough, puzzle, little letter games. then its books ( i read 2-3 books to one kid while dh reads with the other, if he is at work i read to both kids at same time) then its lights out. after the kids are in bed i get things done. i have scheduled days that i do stuff like this bathroom cleaning or the kitchen scrub down.. you could plan this time for schooling. set aside some time to make sure your house is clean and your laundry is done or consider hiring someone to help you with these mundane tasks.

-can you get any help from anyone?
-let things go (let some things fall by the wayside like some of the cleaning. Just
do topical things every day like wiping down the countertops, doing dishes, the
laundry. Save big cleaning for weekends & don't overdo it.
-can you do your online classes after they go to bed?
-maybe bathe them every other day to give yourself a break? Make their
bath times quick and short
-do a little something for yourself every day. I know it's hard but if you could
carve out 15 mins a day just for you. Even if it's just sitting on the couch with
them to just sit, rest, spend time with them and "take them in" after a long day
-see if you can hire a local teen girl for $10 an hour to come help you for one
hour 2-3 times a week. She can help you do dishes, fold laundry, dust, pick
up groceries or watch the kids while you're there studying etc.
-see if you can, look into a local supermarket delivery. Just have them do the
basics like milk, bread, baby formula etc. every once in awhile to cut out
your having to go to the grocery store
-get things done on your lunch hour (pay bills, run errands, pick up non-perishables from a nearby store)
-if you know anyone nearby, ask for their help to run errands or babysit
-after they go to bed, do your online classwork but make sure you get your rest.

the answer i was formulating went out the window when i got to the SWH.

i guess a good start would be to stop having babies with someone else's husband.

in the meantime you might have to drop your online classes and take care of the children who had no say in the terrible position they've been put.

khairete
S.

It's a hard time in life when your kids are this young...it's SO exhausting! And you are doing it all as a single parent!! But time flies and they will not be this young for long. As they get older things will get easier. I think it is awesome that you want to do classes online...but don't run yourself down! Can you do classes 2 nights a week and get someone to come help with the kids those nights? (your mom, a family member?) I get so tired...I would probably wait till my youngest was 5 and then I would start classes. Good luck! PS - I have two different friends who waited till their kids were in high school/college and then they both went and got degrees and PhDs!!! They are both the head of science research programs now. They amaze me.