How to Connect with My Seven Year Old.....

It sounds like you girls need to spend some quality time together before the baby comes along. I also have a wonderful strong willed daughter. She is now almost 11. When we are doing something together we go and get a pedicure/manicure. The place where we go has a special for girls under the age of 13. I also let her plan some of the things that we do. Also, make it a priority, when you are doing your night time routine, that you spend a couple of minutes letting her tell you about her day. You may want to share something from your day. This is my daughter's favorite time of day, she says.
I also like the idea of you reading the book, The Five Languages of Love.
I hope this helps!

Hi H.,

As I read your message the first book that came to mind was "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Although it's main intent is for mates the concept can be used for the parent/child relationship too. The main idea of the book is that we each recognize love being expressed by others in five different ways, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch and words of affirmation. The book teaches you how to recognize and speak the love language of your loved one. Here's the address to a website about the book http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/forfamilies.html

I hope this is helpful. It helped me with our daughter who is now 28 when she was younger and went through the independence stages of growth. Actually I had forgotten about the book and thanks to you I will be using the techniques with my 16 year old son.

Good luck.

W. Q

Hi H.,

My strong willed daughter is now 11. Two of her first words were "my do." I would also reccommend the Love Language Book, but the one for parents about their children. Some things I have done to conect with her, are to get our nails done together, or let her do my nails. I typically don't wear polish, but it lets her do something FOR ME. She LOVES doing things FOR me because it makes her feel so grown up. We do lunch dates, and make a point to have "girl time." We may go to the grocery store and pick up a pizza and rent a movie, letting her pick. She loves to see me excited about some of her choices because she wants to have the best "girl time." Your daughter may always be strong willed, but it's important to make a connection with her. I always try to talk to my daughter in a way that she can understand. My daugthter also wanted to plan her own birthday party. I told her how much I always wanted a daughter that I could love and do special things for, on her special day. You know what she did instead? She waited until MY birthday, and SHE planned MY birthday! She told her dad that she wanted to give me a surprise party. It was very basic, but she did it (with a little help from her dad.) She talked about it for a year, and planned another party for me the next year. It was so special to see how much love she put into it. She is a big daddy's girl, but she didn't plan a party for daddy last year. Only for Mommy! Hope some of these ideas help you!

A strong will is a good thing, properly channeled. Let her do her own thing as much as safely possible, even if it means that she doesn't include you in her activities as much as you'd like. What you perceive as closeness and bonding, she will perceive as smothering if you push too hard for it. Letting her be independent will not stop her from coming to you when she needs you - it will make her more likely to do so, because it will help her to learn what she is and is not capable of doing for herself.
My daughter was a very strong-willed, independent child - her first sentence was "Me do it." She is now a strong-willed, independent young woman who is confident of her ability to make her way on the world.

You could ask her to plan a weekly outing for the two of you. Make it a very improtant appointment that you do not miss no matter what.

Also having a nightly check in can help to keep the lines of communication open. Ask her how she feels and you share then same. Ask her why she feels that way and you share the same. In the begining this might feel kind of awkward, but over time it will feel very natural to share your feelings about things.

Hi H.,
This probably won't sound terribly helpful, but may just be a little reassuring.

I have heard my mom say on a number of occasions, "There's just something that happens when they turn 7." I've heard this same sentiment from a number of sources, and they all seem to agree; little girls start to pull away from their mothers at this time. I think this is normal, and part of her development as an individual - be patient (like 10 - 12 years patient) and she'll be back, better and closer than ever!

Good luck!
-H