How to control texting and mobile phone use for teens?

Hi, N.,

I highly recommend two books, Always On by Naomi Baron, and Me, My Space and I by Larry Rosen, who is the professor for who I do research on the subject of kids and their use of technology. All chapters in both books are well-researched and written and thus worth reading, but if you're pressed for time, you will probably want to read a couple of chapters that focus on phone use.

Lynne E

I have taken texting privaleges away by contacting the wireless company and requesting a block, end of story and no problems.

OMG, IDK WHAT 2 SAY?

You have a 16 year old? I have a 13 year old and I caught him at church texting. I don't really have any words of wisdom, but at 13 years of age, I can still take the phone away, which I did. The phone was a means of getting a hold of each other when he was somewhere else. Now, it's become the major form of communication, that is texting. Not even using the phone to speak into.
For all you parents out there, take HEED: Think twice before you buy your little ones phones. It's another thing that takes them away from the family, (like being in front of the computer and/or T.V.), and it deprives the parents of being able to know who your kids are talking to.

If you do get your kids phones for the reasons they are for, get the cheapest and easiest to use, i.e. no texting features.

Hi N.:
My Grandson and Grandaughter both have cell phones,and They are encouraged to use their text rather than using minutes of yapping.They have unlimited texting for 5 dollars a month. Whats the worse thing that could come out of it? OK- one of them could wind up as one of those poker-faced COURT REPORTERS)when they grow up. LOL I have to admit, both can (out type me) on this computer now! N.,They call it progress. Don't try to fight it. Everything is high tech now. Your son is 16 and considered a (young man)Sure,you could (bury your head in the sand), pretend that hes going to adhere to your demands to only use his cell phone,that (YOU most likely purchased) for minutes a day. But thats pathetically unrealistic.I'd also like to add,that if a parent begins the practice of depriving their teenager of some privacy,by digging through his texts messages,mail,or dresser drawers,you can almost be sure they are going to build up some real recentment. He will feel he must resort to (sneaking around) to retain anything he deems private.You didn't say anything about your son being in trouble,the only time I could rationalize prying,is if he gave you good reason to. then, he shouldn't be given a cell phone period.When the kids are here at my house, I do have rules,one is that they cannot bring their phones to the dinner table.I already made the mistake of allowing them in the bathroom and my grandson had to fish his out of the toilet! The very best to you N.

Hi N...

I understand your frustration with it all..because I sometimes feel the same way. No one writes a letter any more, it's always email. No one calls to talk, it's text or IM. I used to fight it myself..but I gotta say at this point your son is 16..anything you try and force on him now is only going to come back to haunt you. He will start to resent you for taking away his past times. If you want to set rules i'd make them reasonable. EVERYONE has cell phones now, it's a way of life, no use is making waves. My litle sister is 16 (I'm 30) and we limit her usage as such. She is not to use her phone during school hours. If we see on the statement that she used it during those times her phone gets taken away completly for 2 weeks.That worked wonders. We also have a rule of from 6:00-8:30 it's family time so no cell phones for anyhone. Then she is free to use her phone until bed time. At 11pm no more phone. She knows she cant hide it because everything registers on the cell phone statement so if she screws up she knows the phone goes bye bye for a week. Some minor limits wont hurt but remember teenagers will be teenagers. Good Luck to You!

You may be be a fan of current forms of communication, but this is the world we live in so we have to deal with it. My rules are that they can not text anywhere it would be inappropriate to take out a crossword puzzle - dinner, movies, in another conversation etc. Also, all electric devies are to be turned off while sleeping and doing homework. They can still IM or email but this cuts it down. Also, they ARE NOT to be uesd while driving or during school hours, except at lunch. Good luck

don't fight it?
roll over and give in?
to manufactuarers and dumb lifestyles???

YOU are right on the button!
And you can make up any rules YOU want

;-)

Texts at a certain time ... after school, for 1 hour only?

whatever works for you

You are 100% right about communication problems as a result,
and its unreasonable that you should have to put up with it all the time or
have a teen at home and ignoring you and adults - relating solely to peers instead of talking on your wavelength not just to a box in their hand... to you an family and neighbours in REAL LIFE.

If not they will lose out there too!

Good luck.

Remember you are their guide....
and you are the boss!

Both of my children (age 12 and 9) have cell phones but we blocked text message and internet. They phone is for emergency's and to contact us. They both have to wait till 7pm to call anyone and there friends know the times they can talk and can not talk. It Works for us, we are in tune with there life and know what is going on. We all talk every night as a family and I can tell from there actions when something is bothering them. Our school has a firm rule on cell phones in school and they will be taken by teachers or coaches if they are caught with the phone in use. So my kids know they can not use there phone till school is over, unless given permission from teacher or coach.

Hi N., our rule for texing when our kids were under 18 was no texing except for emrgency's where who ever they needed to get a hold could ot receive calls, or they thrmselves were somewhere where they coulf not call out. J.

We have set the rules that when our daughter walks through the door her phone goes on the table with ours. She has to aks to use it when she wants to contact a friend. We let her use it when we are outside the home, but it is not aloud to interupt family time. It gets turned off always during dinner and after 7pm.
Good luck and take care,
B.

i N.,

i have the family plan, the $30 unlimited text for the 4 of us. you can keep tabs of the teens on a on-line-account, it shows the time/date/pm-am (great to check times at school that they shouldn't be texting, who is texting/calling). i alway text my kids when they are at functions, parties and when to be expected home, its better than embarrassing them. make sure all celly's are insured. just simply take the cell away for a few days if the child not complying with rules you set. always tell them its a privledge not a right. had a niece of 11 y/o that told her mom, not to be answering her cell or checking to see who is texting. she ended up not having her celly for a week . . . lol.

i'm not a phone person. always hated talking on the landline, even if my life depended on it. with texting or e-mail i can get to the point without getting tongue tied and with no interruptions.

its important for parents to keep up with technology. best to be informed and know how. got tired of 5 y/o telling me how to operate a computer.

my noah's ark contains 1 husband, 3 adult girls, 1 sister and her 1 daughter, 1 taruntula, 4 cocka-tiels, 2 dogs, 5 cats. 1 turtle(RIP).

Hey N.,

I didn't read all the replys, so forgive me if I am repeating myself. I have a 13 year old daughter who is already in high school. Our rules progressed over time. We got a plan with unlimitted to all networks because it was too hard for her to keep track of who was on our network and who wasn't.
1. No texting at the table during meals.
2. The phone goes on the charger in our kitchen at night when she goes to bed.
3. No texting during class
4. Do not send mean text messages and do not end friendships via text.
5. Do not text when you are being spoken too.

We used to limit the amount of texting, but we backed off that over time. We realized that to them it is like talking on the phone. They can have multiple conversations going at once.

Good luck, I am definitely going to read the feedback though. I want to see if there are new rules we can add.

T.
PS...I find that texting with my daughter she actually tells me more about her day. I send her texts during the day to ask how she is and she tends to tell me the latest drama. It keeps me in the loop and has really kept the lines of communication open.

I think monitor your child's connections/friends like you would monitor anything else your child does. Texting is no different than websites like this and the internet -- started by adults and used by adults to communicate. I actually prefer text to talking because it doesn't waste time and is to the point. Just my 2 cents.

Hi N.
I have a 15 & 17 year old girls. They both don't text, don't have my space. Their not missning out on anything but "DRAMA". Once in a while they complain and want text because it would be easier. I'm am strict about the whole cell phone issue. I find that kids are plan rude and disrepectful when one is in their hands. But I must tell you, you can either join in or not. I simply told my carrier "Sprint" to block it. Their friends know and just call them instead. I have set ground rules about answering the phone at the table and yaking to one friend while with another, I find it terribly rude. My girls are both fine and have accepted this is the way it is in this house and their friends know how I feel about it.
I tell their friends when their talking to someone else while with us ( while I'm spending money on them and taking them places ) if you want me to drop you off over his/her house I will. I just layed the law that this whold behavior is RUDE! Be the parent, it really works,.............

My older daughter is now 17. We set rules in place to set curfews on texting and Myspace, no texting durinig classes, no texting during meals. She doesn't always completely comply with the rules. We will be eating and that phone starts buzzing. But we try to limit her reasonably. So long as she gets all her other work done we pretty much go at it. We had more restrictions on her when she was younger, but finally decided this is the way teenagers communicate these days, even though it seems strange to us that they just don't pick up the phone and talk directly. She also has a MySpace, with the agreement that I have her password and can check anything anytime.
Goodluck!
J.

Hi, N.. I have 2 teenagers and 2 little ones. My teenagers are text maniacs! We are going to redo our phone plan and drop our phone minutes and go with unlimited texting for us all. We all do it. My rules are no texting at the dinner table and not during a family discussion. My kids are pretty good about this. It is my only contact with my older son who is in college. I don't know his schedule everyday so a quick text keeps us close until he has the time to call me. My daughter who is 16 texts like she breathes. She will pay for it when he fingers get arthritis when she is older. LOL! I also have a myspace for me and they are my friends. I can go onto their pages and see what they and their friends are talking about and how they are feeling. Their friends love it when I request that they be my friend too. I am a cool mom! The last rule is no texting while driving!! It seems simple but you would be surprised how many kids do this. My husband did this and rear ended someone and my daughter swears that taught her a big lesson. She will text for me if I am in the car driving. I wait if she is not there. They all need limitations but still feel that they have some privilages. Good luck and have fun with them. My favorite thing is to tell my daughter about the cute boy that I saw for her!! ;-)

http://www.alternet.org/healthwellness/80709/

Hi N.,

I am amother of girl 13, boy 16, girl 17 so text messaging is part of life. Though it seems crazy to me that they have complete conversations via text instead of simply talking to the person!

Here's our ground rules:
No texting in the car
No texting at any dinner (home or out)
No texting during class
No breaking-up with someone via text (My son actually did this!)

I'd love to hear other rules that you have or that other's send you.

L.
3 teens, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 bird

One problem I see happening is a spelling problem. I know a girl the writes everything in text shorthand. I had to delete her off of myspace because it drove me to distraction to read anything she wrote. My kids are not old enough to read let alone text yet, but for what its worth I say limit the phone, take it away every night at 9PM and then sit down and read every text message he got that day. If he starts deleting then take the phone away. You need to be monitoring what he is doing. For all you know other kids are offering him drugs or encouraging him to skip school. If you are worried about minutes then encourage him to use the house phone while at home. I worry about cell phones and brain cancer myself, so I use my house phone more than my cell phone.

Good Luck! I'm curious to see what other responses you get, because I will be there myself before I know it. =)

I hate this texting thing too.

I am constantly saying to my daughter, wouldn't you like to hear your friends or (boyfriend saying he loves you).
She said, no mom this is the way we do it now. (It's cooler). At the same time I think if she really loved him she would want to hear him speak, and want to hear him say I love you. (They broke up a couple weeks ago).

I think I have more of a problem with adults that do texting, times have changed since we were kids. We actually did things as kids, (Movies, parties, dances, etc.) The kids now just meet to hang out. You ask them what they did and they just say hung out. Sat around and talked to each other. (Boring). I'm hoping that my daughter will change to talking on the phone now that she has a job, and that she will understand the communication factors better. I try to tell her that when you can hear their voice and their tone it has more meaning. But if they can't hear us when we speak what makes us think that they'll hear anyone else. Good luck with this. I hope it doesn't make things worse in the future. Hopefully they'll all grow out of it. J.

In our house, the phone is given over to a parent at bedtime on school nights, it does not go to school, and only gets used if all homework is finished and family time is over. Weekends are a free for all...text, talk....whatever, as long as it does not impede homework, family time or sleep. Works for us, and our teen.