How to Cope with the Loss of a Baby...

It takes time. My first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage and it was devastating. We had to take time to grieve the loss and had to take time to accept that we may or may not get pregnant again. Miscarriage is not a result of anything you did or could have prevented. Something was wrong with the poor baby and your body knew it would not survive. Miscarriage is not an indicator that it will happen again. Basically...you just have to take time to heal and hope that you are able to get pregnant again soon.

It took me over a year after my miscarriage but I also have friends that got pregnant right away after their miscarriage...so you just never know. I will say you will probably worry more when you do get pregnant. I was spastic the whole time in fear of another miscarriage...but I have 2 beautiful healthy girls now.

I don't know the circumstances with your SIL but I do have to say it is pretty normal for you to feel bitter and angry towards her. You just lost a baby and here she is pregnant without even trying. Those feelings will pass soon. But I do think it was rather insensitive of her to call so soon after you miscarried and told you. :(

We lost our first child (now have a 6 y/o and 3 y/o) when I was 15/16 weeks pregnant. I was devasted. For me, it took time, lots of it. I was scared to death to get pregnant again, b/c what if it happened again? When I finally did get pregnant 6 months later, I didn't want to talk about it. I felt that if I got excited again, that my heart would get broken. It was close to 5 months before we told people that I was pregnant and willing to admit that there was this little thing growing inside of me. I enjoyed the pregnancy for about 3 weeks and then I got a pulled groin and was in pain the rest of the pregnancy. I really didn't enjoy that pregnancy. Now I regret that I just didn't live in the moment. Being pregnant truly is a miracle and out of our control. It's hard...everyone processes a miscarriage differently. Give yourself time to process your feelings. Talk to other Mom's who have been through this. You are not alone.

P.S. One thing my husband and I did was plant a tree in our yard in remembrance of the baby. It certainly helped me on the days I was feeling lost and alone. I could look at the tree and it would just give me a feeling of peace.

I want to start off with letting you know I will be praying for you!!! This is sooo very hard! I too was in a very similair situation. We had 2 wonderful boys and were exspecting a third child, we got prenant right away wih our boys but with our 3rd, it took 7 monthes. I was starting to think it would never happen, then I got pregnant! At our 18 week ultrasound we found out that our baby girl had died. We still don't know why, test come back fine. Hardest thing that I have ever lived through! We waited 2 monthes and started trying again, thankfully we got pregnant right away and we had a picture perfect pregnancy and delivery. My precious 3rd born is now almost 16 monthes old and she is well worth trying again, yes it is more stressful to get pregnant after a loss, but if you truley want a third don't lose hope! My boys helped get me through our lose. Remembering that even if I wasn't lucky enough to have 3 children, thank the good lord that had 2! I can't wait to meet my baby Kayla some day, she has been a blessing to our family even if the only time we held her she did not feel our touch. She touched our lives forever! Your in my thoughts and prayers!!!

I am so sorry for your loss. I recently learned of a great website that many moms have found helpful. It is called Faces Of Loss (http://www.facesofloss.com) and is a place for women to tell their stories and connect with other moms. The women on the site have lost children in many ways (miscarriage, still birth, SIDS and more) and have found that getting to know the other moms on the site has helped them to grieve and to heal. I hope you'll check it out.

You may also want to try to find a support group in your area (maybe through the hospital) where you can have face to face support and contact.

Give yourself permission to deal with it when you are ready and move ahead knowing you can handle it later.

It helped me when I couldn't conceive. Then we adopted our son. God is good all the time.

I am so sorry for your loss! I know how you feel. I lost one to an ectopic in Feb. 2006, and two to natural miscarriage on May 31, 2010 and July 11th, 2010. A fellow mamapedia mom sent me a book that really helped me. I'll mail it to you if you'd like. Time does heal. It took much longer to get past the first one. It helped me to name my angels and keep my pregnancy tests. Do what feels natural for you and give yourself time. God bless and let me know if you'd like that book.

H.,

I don't have any words of wisdom but what I can share is empathy. Your story and my story are as close to identical as two lives can be. I have two beautiful children and we were going for number three. I miscarried 3 days after finding out we were pregnant. This happened the first week of July of this year. Within the month four of my friends/family announced they were pregnant. It has been tough and heartbreaking. Should we try again, should we call it quits, we don't know. All I can offer you is the knowledge that you are not alone. My best to you and your family.

First of all, how unthoughtful of your SIL to call you just for that reason...it would have been surely less painful to learn some other way about her pregnancy or if she had told you because YOU called her. Well, so much for female sympathy. I am sorry for your loss...perhaps accepting the fate that was given to this baby will help you move on...do you know why the miscarriage happened? Maybe something was not forming in a healthy way in the fetus and God did not want to create a suffering creature..God's ways are often unknown to us but some time from now, when other things will happen (who knows, maybe another, healthier, full term pregnancy) you will better understand the sense of this sad event in your life...Give yourself some time to heal...life happens in so many different ways. All the best, PB

I am really sorry for your loss. I have been there. We loss a our 3rd pregnancy also at 8 weeks. It was very hard for awhile. We waited the 2 cycles and tried. We got preggo and had a beautiful little girl in July of 2009. I will say the first 12 weeks were a little rough on me. I was worried. We had two US that showed a baby with a HB. That helped me once I got preggo again. Try to stay positive and love the babies you do have. I have to say my 2 other children helped me out. Good Luck. Again I am sorry for your loss.

Hi, I feel for you and I am so sorry for your loss. I had a misscaraige also. I tried for years to get pregnant, it finally happened & I lost the baby at 12 weeks. I too was devastated. It is a hard loss to cope with. For me, the only thing that helped was time. As time went on, I began to heal. It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant at that time. It's like salt in your wound, isn't it? Its ok to be bitter and mad for a little while. Just don't get mired down in it. It's natural to feel those feelings.

I did get pregnant again 6 months later. I had a healthy baby girl. Yes, I was terrified my entire pregnancy that I would lose her. I was afraid every single day until she was born. You will be afraid next time too. It's impossible not to be. But once again, just don't get too mired down in those feelings.

Give yourself some time. It's going to take awhile to heal from something like this. I wish you all the best.

hi ~
First, let me say I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words that will make it better, you just have to keep going. Believe it or not, it will get better.
I'm an OB nurse, and can tell you that it's not uncommon to lose a baby in the first trimester(less than 12 weeks). It does not mean that it will happen again. You do need to give your body some time to recover (and your heart) before you try again. You probably already had hopes and dreams for this baby. If, for some reason, you miscarry a second time (but, again, probably not), there is testing the doctor can do to see if you might have a hormonal problem or a clotting disorder. You have already carried 2 babies with no problem, so there's no reason to believe that either of those would be a problem now. More than likely the baby was not developing as it should....think about what a miracle it is that any babies make it! All of the cellular division that has to happen just right...it really is a miracle :)
It is hard when you've been trying and someone close to you becomes pregnant without trying. And it's normal to feel angry and that it's not fair. That's OK...you'll still love her baby when it's born, how can you not? :)
Don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve for all that you dreamed. And before you know it, you will be dreaming new dreams for another little miracle.
Take care, give yourself time, and be well.
D.

Well you're on the right track. Talk about it! Sharing with others who have gone through it is so helpful. I don't know if you told your friends and family, but if not you should, they will be happy to give you some love and support. Miscarriage is common, but it is no less devastating then any other death. Allow yourself to grieve, it can come and go like waves on the beach. When you feel sad, let yourself cry. Don't get stuck in your sadness, but do feel it. Its just as harmful to ignore the pain too.

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is no way to be sure it will never happen again, but keep your trust in the Lord, that His will will be done in the matter. You can't let yourself live in fear, it will affect your ability to be a wife and mother. Stay calm and peaceful and try to surrender your dream of a third child to God.

Best wishes!

So sorry Mama. Hugs to you!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. My neice's second pregnancy ended at 9 months when her baby girl died in utero due to a knotted umbilical cord. She is now 8 months pregnant again and it has been an uneventful pregnancy, although she has been pretty stressed for most of it. I bought her a sculpture from this website and she really appreciated it. The lady who makes them is amazing and does each one specifically for the person who has lost the baby. They are great things to help you remember. Sometimes, creating a special place for your memory makes it easier for you to move on without feeling guilty. God bless. http://www.alexandrasangelgifts.co.uk/catalog/Sculptures-...

I'm so sorry for your loss and for your struggles. We've lost 3 pregnancies in the last 4 years and while we have a gorgeous baby girl, I still ache for the others. Time does heal all wounds, but the pain never completely goes away. I can tell you that after 2 losses, I was frightened throughout my entire pregnancy with my daughter but when I was finally able to hold her and gaze at her beautiful little face, it was undeniably all worth it. I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant (after the 3rd miscarriage) and I've been waiting for the "other shoe to drop" for the last 7 months, but I can't wait to hold this miracle baby either.

When you think about all the details that go into conception and development of a baby, it's amazing the human race hasn't been wiped out altogether because it's such an intricate process. It's hard not to be angry and it always seems like everyone else is pregnant when you're mourning such an aching loss. You've been blessed twice and when the time is right, you'll be blessed again. Patience is always hardest when you have little control over the situation and want something so bad.

I wish you and your family the best and, again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I found a lot of comfort in my husband when we were mourning because we were in it together, that gave me peace at a very difficult time.

I also had a miscarriage when I got pregnant for the third time. It never even crossed my mind as being possible b/c I had healthy pregnancies with my first two. We kept a picture of the ultrasound (We went in for our first ultrasound at 13 weeks and found out the baby died). I also bought a tiny angel baby with wings as a keepsake. Time really does heal your pain. I wasn't sure if I would ever want to get pregnant again. One year later I got pregnant and we have now have a precious 9 month old baby boy. I was so nervous the whole pregnancy but he was healthy as can be. As far as getting pregnant again, my OB recommends you have two full cycles before getting pregnant again.
There's lots of miscarriage support blogs out there. Just Google it and read some. It may help to hear other moms stories. Good luck to you and your family. Angel Mommy hugs to you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I've experienced this too, and time was what helped me the most. Each day, week it got easier to accept. Definitely let yourself grieve. You lost something precious, and to feel sad, angry, mad is normal! Talk to other mothers/friends to see if they have experienced the same thing. I found through talking with friends, that some of my closest ones have been through it as well, but were too ashamed/embarrassed to ever talk about it. I don't know why woman feel this is something to keep quiet about, but through my conversations with friends, we all agreed that we felt better knowing we were not alone, and that we CAN talk to one another about it. Thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. You will be ok. xoxo!

Hi Mom. I was devastated with my first miscarriage too. Foreign country, hubby had just left for a business trip, felt very alone except for his parents, and the staff was in need of proper, compassionate bedside manner.
It hurts, yes. And not knowing why compounds it. It could be some of us are just more prone to it. Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to scream and shout. Your sister shouldn't have called to say that at a time like this. That was insensitive.
But maybe your body just isn't used to the changes that pregnancy brings. I was able again between my two oldest who are 2 years apart. Seemed any longer than that and it was going to happen again, because it did 3 years on, success within a year and a half, and then once more just slightly after. There's no rhyme or reason. Make sure you're in prime health, keep God on your side, and you're entitled to feel bitter and angry. Just don't let it control you, okay? You'll be fine, I'm sure.
The best to you.

I know your message was posted several months ago, but I see that you are from the metro Detroit area and wanted to share some information with you. First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope that you have found some peace and comfort in the months following this very difficult situation. My friend also experienced the loss of a baby several years ago. She felt inspired to do something in honor of her daughter and started a non profit organization to help fund programs for pregnancy loss and pregnancy support. This year Angel Kisses raised $19,000 at their 3rd annual fundraiser! It's amazing and I am so proud of her and all of the other women involved. The Angel Kisses website is http://angelkisses.org and there is a Resource link that offers information on pregnancy loss and support. You can also visit their facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/Angelkisses09?sk=wall
My friend is very passionate about pregnancy loss support and is also local to the Metro Detroit Area. If you are interested in talking with her or would like any additional information, just let me know.

ok first you need to relax and concentrat on your family your husband and your other two kids. Unfortunatly you may not be able to look at your sister in law or even talk to her for a little while. You need to let your self work through this loss and morning than you pick yourself up and start over. You will be worried until after your 12 weeks hit but thats fine just don't be obsessed. relax and let things work. God will bless you it may take some more time. He did this to teach some type of lesson maybe to slow down or hes saying hey your too busy chill out. But he will when its time bless you. Your a good mother and your other two need you.So relax and it will fall into place. Your probably thinking oh what does she know she probably never had a misscarrage well to let you know I have had 5 one dnc the rest i discharged on my own. Its worse than labor and giving actual birth to a healthy child. It sucks (excuse my french). But you can over come it. You will over come it. Look to god talk with him talk with hubbie make sure you and him can get some alone time and talk. Take time to spend with your other two its amazing how in a couple days you will feel much better. Take deep breaths and relax.