How to Deal with Guilt of Going Back to Work.

The guilt of going back to work versus the guilt of not being able to provide for your child... put it into that perspective ;) It's the QUALITY of the time you and your kiddo spend together, not the quantity. You're giving your child a very valuable gift of not ever having to want or need anything by working... the flip side, is not having enough food or clothes and being miserable, and having a miserable parent as well. You're doing the right thing!!

Be confident when you go back to work, and he'll be fine too. Every kid has to go to school eventually! Mentally prepare BOTH of you, and get him excited about making new friends and learning new things at daycare :) TONS of parents do it, and you'll both be fine too :)

I'm a working mom and my oldest is now 3 1/2-he stayed home with gma until he was 2 1/2-and part of that time I was laid off so I was also home a lot with him and my now 18mo old daughter.

After being laid off and going back to work was really hard-but my son loves DC/preschool and benefitted from it extremely because he has no cousins near his age and we don't live near my friends with kids. I probably missed him more then he did me-and yea he had some days where he sobbed when I left-but they get over it QUICK, if you don't play into it and just go. Then you can cry on the way to work. :)

I love his school/teachers-that's the key-I know he's well cared for and learning a lot. Our daughter is now 18 mo and I'm thinking of sending her a few days a week now too-she's still with gma-cuz she also needs to play with more kids I think.

My view is that as long as you spend time with your kids when you are home-it doesn't matter if you are a SHM-any time you give them is quality time-my son doesn't resent my working, he knows that we have a special time in the car on the way home from picking him up-I always bring him a 'special' snack for the car ride and he knows we'll play when we get home. I also always make time for just him time or just her time with my daughter so they get individual attention.

If you do what is right for your family and make time for your kids and they are secure in your love-they will enjoy school, become more independant and feel safe no matter if you are with them 24/7 or not.

Oh sweety, you will very quickly realize that you will struggle with this WAY more than he will. I had the same images in my head when I went back to work, but the first time I dropped them off, and realized they didn't care at all, and that they LOVED daycare, I could breathe more easily! I took that as a complement of my parenting, because my kids were adjusted enough to be ok with their environment without me coddling over them.

Your baby will be just fine. Deep breath and tell yourself he will be fine! And so will you!

You put one foot in front of the other and do what needs to be done. Some days I just repeat all the reasons I have to work and those reminders help my focus. As a former nanny you can appreciate all the extras your son will reap by having a variety of loving adults in his life. As an aside guilt trips are part of the parent package. Try to leave your bags unpacked so the trips don't last too long. Lots of hugs. You and your son will be just fine.

OH T. I feel for you. We want what is best for our kids and we want every precious moment with him. Would it help you to read studies showing the difference between children who go to daycare and children who stay at home with parents and relatives? No difference unless poor quality daycare. Make sure it is a great daycare, you wont have to pay forever so tighten your belt and pay extra if you have to so you know he is in a great place, with caring adults and lots of stimulation and supervision. (discipline problems should be Prevented by close supervision not punished at this age) Another thing that helped me is scheduling a fun Mommy and Me class once a week so I didnt spend all my non work time cleaning and running errands. I loved starting his bedtime routine nice and early, turn off phones and tv and make it a slow relaxing one on one time to rock in a chair, read books, sing songs and not feel rushed to get him to bed on time. IF he cries hysterically when you drop him off find out how long he keeps it up. Most cry dramatically for one or two minutes! Just long enough for you to get in your car and drive out of the driveway! If he cries when you pick him up at the end of the day it means he forgot you were gone he was so busy playing and suddenly seeing you reminds him you were gone all day! thats a good sign! Its all harder on you the him! you either go thru it now or when he goes to K. Hope this helped

What works for me is that I look at the finantial aspect of it. If I do not work, there are no dance lessons, no swimming lessons, no team sports, no going to the movies, no awsome toys/games no new bikes everything is a hand me down from friends. The stress of check to check living taking a toll on the happy home. or I work and little one gets to have all that, friends and a leg up on school if the daycare is an educational one.

You really have to look at where your priorities are, There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM if you can afford it, and that is what you want, but in todays economy not many of us can afford it. (I give all SAHM credit, there are no vacation days, sick days or coffee breaks. Your live and breathe work 24 7. so do not think my post is a judgement to you, If I could give you all an award I would.)

OK...breath deep...once you go back, it will get a lil easier. I worked outside the home when my kids were babies and it was so so hard! Looking back, I know there were things I could have done differently to ease my guilt and worry. I now run a home daycare and one of the 1st things I tell potential new families is that one of my priorities is to keep their child safe and happy, so that while they (parents) go to their job, they can focus on their job and not be pre-occupied w/ worry all day that their child is unhappy or uncared for.

If you find a daycare/nanny/babysitter you are comfortable w/, that will make a lot of difference. Also, know, if your child has not been in daycare before, there will be a transition period where he will be sad and cry when you leave (I always hate when that happens because I know it ramps up the mommy's guilt at leaving!) But hang in there...once he gets used to it and has fun, he'll be ok! Always say good-bye and give hugs and kisses, but don't linger! That usually makes it worse!

Anyway, you're doing what you have to do for your family and your son will be ok, and I think you will too! Don't worry about the dishes or the beds...spend your extra time w/ your son...that other stuf will get done when it gets done! :) Best of luck to you both!

Stop feeling guilty. First off you said you need the money. You are going to work to help your family in this economic crisis. Your son is on an adventure to learn with other people his own age. He is going to do things and explore. Yes there will be a few things you may miss but there will be others you won't.

No one is going to do everything the way you do/did it but it will get done. He will will be fine and so will you. As one poster stated start him going a little ahead of schedule to adjust to his new "home". Once he gets the hang of it he may just take off running to play once you put him down.

What you are doing is teaching a child to be independent and happy. He knows that his mommy/daddy love him but so do these other people. He will learn coping techniques and he will cry but that is part of life. How often did you cry as an adult? A few times but it all turned out well. So stop thinking the worst and think of the best for him and you and your family. Besides you are showing that mommies do more than stay home you are being you a woman separate from mother. Remember that that you were a woman, a wife and then a mother in that order. I will get off my soapbox now.

Good luck all will be fine.

The other S.

There is no reason to feel guilty for working. By bringing home a paycheck, you are providing him with food, clothing, medical care, and a place to live - all good things.

Daycare is fun for them. They get all sorts of new and exciting experiences to stimulate them. It helps build a strong immune system. It helps with school readiness. It helps aleviate attachment anxiety. It helps them individuate. Daycare is fun and so is being able to pay the bills and have a little fun money left over. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are making the hard choice to do what's best for the whole family, baby included. He wont sit unattended. He wont cry. What helped me was to take my kids to private daycare where I had a one on one relationship withthe caregiver. They have been going to her since birth and she is family. I dont have to worry about turnover and new staff or overcrowding.

Why do you feel guilty? You're doing something good for your son and your family. You're not putting in harm or danger or being selfish. Yes, there will a period of adjustment but such is life. I would take him in before you start your job so he can slowly get use to his new enviornment. So a couple hours each day more and you leave on the third day or so. Also, if you keep crying and feeling guilty, he will pick up on this and think this is a bad thing when it is not.

I agree with everything that has been said so far - these moms are so thoughtful and eloquent - and I just wanted to add this: Once you go back, let the housework slide!!! That is what has helped me tremendously. My husband does his fair share, God bless him, he even cooks dinner most nights b/c he get home a little earlier than us, so he starts dinner and then when i get home with my son, we just play and hang out!!! The house is dirty but who cares?! We are thinking of hiring someone to clean just once a month. We only do laundry, etc. when our son naps on the weekend! It's great! I really feel like I do get a halfway decent amount of time with my son because I have just LET IT GO in terms of my housekeeping standards. :) Also try to find a place with on site daycare if you can, and a short commute - anythng to help increase your time with your child - lots of hospitals offer on site daycare, maybe you could work at a hospital?
Your son is going to LOVE playing with other kids!!!! :) And he will be so happy to see you when you pick him up. (PS - my son started daycare at 6 months, he goes on site at my work and I would visit him over lunch every day - when i came in he would squeal with delight and when i left, he didn't cry because he didn't really understand i was leaving! Then he would squeal with happiness again when I picked him up! It was SO much easier than I thought it would be!!! :)
UPDATE: I wanted to add too, most people say not to linger when you drop them off, but for us the opposite is true. My son needs me to spend 10 minutes with him playing and getting him eased into the day, then most days he is OK when I leave, sometimes he even waves goodbye with a smile! He knows I'll be back. :) But if i try to do the drop off too quickly, he cries! Also, if he does cry when I leave I pick him up and give him a big LONG hug and that does the trick. So don't think you have to just dash out the door, do what works for him.

Both of my children were in daycare from 3 months until they started kindergarden, and I know it was the best thing for them! They are both smart, and independant children who adapt to new situations well. However, my daughter cried EVERY day when I left unitl she was about 2, and it tore me apart! One day I watch the video monitor in her class room and less than 5 mins after I walked away, she was totally fine! Playing, smiling, happy as can be. Wow, did that make me feel better. I have been a working mom since they were born, and I am a firm beleiver that day care is a great thing. Your son will be more than fine, and the experience will help him delvelop his social skills. You will be fine too, it is hard at first, but be strong, and do what I did, watch the cameras after you leave, it helped me tons! Good Luck!

Hi... You got lots of good advice already so I won't add.... I just want to say that I completely understand how you feel. I've been back to work for a few years already so I'm a few years past where you are now, but I was exactly in your shoes and felt the same way. Still do sometimes! My boys have been fine..thriving in fact. All is well. I'm sure it will be the same way for you. Best of Luck:)