How to "Discipline"?

Hello,
I have a 6.5 month old son and he's rolling around and starting to reach for things that he shouldn't be in and my husband does the same thing...just says 'no' in a firm voice (while reclined in the chair) and gets mad when he doesnt listen...I personally think that you are doing the right thing because she needs to know what she's allowed to get into and what she's not allowed to get into (you should put things in a box/container that is ok for her to get into and try to teach her that those are ok) and if you are there to show her what is good and bad by being there and saying 'no' and pointing at what she's not allowed to get into...then I think it's a more effective way of teaching/discipline. Example: My son will pull on my hair as soon as I pick him up and I have repeatedly told him 'let go' and slowly/gently get the hair out of his hands and over time when I just say 'let go' in a mildly firm voice...and now is starting to understand -he knows to let go of my hair...I also try to tell him ...'nice hair' and make it so he is learning that it's ok to touch, but just not pull.

Hope that helps...first timer here too!

I do think its a "guy thing". It also is a reflection of how he was raised. Which there is nothing wrong with. I think telling her no and redirecting her at the same time is more effective at 11 months. That way she assocaites the word no with things she isnt allowed to do or touch. You should try to have a discussion, make it as easy going as possible and dont do right after he tells her "no", about a better way to do. You could say also say I read it in a book, or the doc said anything to make it so your not attacking him or questioning his ability to be a parent!
Good luck
S.

Your method of "redirecting" is one of the most effective! Saying no is ok but after a while it becomes an overused word that often later becomes ignored by a lot of children. This doesn't mean it shouldn't be used at all but it should be used sparingly and in conjuction with things like redirecting. I would tell your daught something like "that is not for us to play with, let's go play with..." or your husband could say "no, that is not for us to play with, let's go play with..." Just a NO wont do it, but a no combined with a reason and a redirecting will. She will get the hang of it and understand very quickly!

For the first 3-4 years (sometimes even longer!), the most effective type of parenting is GOYB parenting --> "get off your butt" and redirect your child respectfully, gently, physically while providing a simple verbal accompaniment if necessary (for example, "hot stove, ouch!").

While lots of people think the firm voice and using "no" 100,000 times is "the right way" to discipline, when any word is overused, it loses its power and kids will quickly learn to tune it out.

So... sounds like your husband could use:
1) a little support in learning about what behaviors are age-appropriate (and likely to fade out over time) *and*
2) support in learning and implementing some other strategies instead of just a loud, firm "no" from across the room - some great recommendations are:

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Davis & Keyser
http://www.becomingtheparent.com/br2_nav_mac/section2_nav...

The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears

http://www.mrdad.com/ (by author Armin Brott, several good books but this one might be most appropriate right now - Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad's Guide to the Second and Third Years)

Playful Parenting by Cohen is a great book

And no, you're not being too sensitive to this. You're absolutely right that redirecting is far more effective and respectful than "no"-ing from across the room, especially during these first years. I have a 13 month old and a 4 yr old - both still respond better (both in the short term & long term, in terms of learning and not repeating the behavior) when we physically get up and speak to them eye-to-eye, and if needed, help their little bodies stop doing that which we are asking them to not do (hope that makes sense). :)

Congratulations on your first year of motherhood!

I personally agree w/A L, saying no or I say uh, uh and the turn her to something else. They are not too young to understand at least not at 11 months of age. My daughter is 12 months and understood and understands now what no or uh, uh means. She doesn't always listen but she knows what I'm saying.I get that look of I know,but I'm doing it anyway. LOL! I think it is a guy thing tho to get aggetated when they don't listen. You have to try to explain to him that she's just learning and to be patient. Although he may not like that. My husband didn't! LOL!

S.

With my two kiddos I always said "no" and then showed them what I preferred they do instead. For example if they started to climb something I would say, "No... feet on the floor" as I set them down on the floor. If they tried to climb I would physically sett them down again while saying, "feet on the floor." That seemed to work for us but every child is different:)

I think you are both right. Saying "NO" without showing her will not teach her, but if you start saying "NO" when you stop her as well, it will not take long for her to understand. My kids clearly knew what "NO" was by about 9 month's -- after being taught with actions and words. Now if she listen's is a differant story.

I think the two of you need to come together on this one. Your husband yelling "NO" from across the room is half effective and distracting is half effective. It is just my opinion, but I think if you two combined the two types you will be doing great. You should get down to her level and tell her "no" or "you don't touch that" and then move her away and distract her. Good Luck.

You will also enjoy:

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

K.

It's a guy thing, but he is right to a degree you can redirect a young child forever and they still won't know what they are doing is wrong if you don't tell them, i try not to use the word no very often but simple statements like that hurts, or hot or dangerous depending on the situation work very well, and it is less annoying when they learn to talk because they in turn are not saying no all the time. good luck

You are right about how your handling your daughter.

And yes, it's a guy thing -- and it doesn't get any better.
The key, or "Secret" (now the keyword term of the year) is: Patience and communication with both the child and husband.

Keep it at it Katheryn and build up your engery, you're going to need it.

With best regards, B.

Katheryn,

Coming from a mom of 12 years, you are absolutely using the right discipline with your 11 month old girl. Children of that age need to be shown over and over again. I learned from my mother and saw my neighbor use the art of distraction to guide children away from what they weren't supposed to be doing. As for your husband, he is normal too. My husband was the same way and still is. But no matter what area of your married life it is, please be patient with him and show him alot of respect even if you don't feel like it sometimes. He will respond amazingly well. Do not show disgust when he doesn't do things just the way you like. I reacted all the wrong ways when my husband didn't interact or act the way I wanted especially with the children. He started to doubt himself and became very discouraged in his abilities as a husband and father. Since then, I have let down my expectations of him, begun to encourage him and let him be the dad the best way he knows how to be. Now I notice that in certain areas, he actually parents our children (11 and 8 year old girls, and 5 year old boy) better than I do. It's been a joy to watch our family develop over the years. One last bit of advice: Enjoy every moment, let go of expectations, don't worry about the future, and pray and let God do the rest.

I think you are doing right. That is how I treated both my children when they were babies. I agree that they are little and they dont understand and children have short term memory at that age. When my children were two, I would use time out, for not listening. It wasnt until my children were three that I felt they should understand when they were spoken to. I think babies are babies and they should be treated as such. Some people disagreed with me and said " I was too easy", but my son will be 4 and my daughter will be 6 and I think they are good kids.

Your doing the right thing even add a no with it. But it must be a guy thing because my husband was the same way.