Teaching 2 Year Old NO

What Sheri G said. The loud forceful NO! is for important stuff. A quieter no, but stern, with a quick "why it's not done", and a redirect to something else works. You're telling them no, then why not, then giving them an alternative. Eventually they won't do it because they know not to, and they know WHY. To me, that's better than "because I said so" (which you do need once in a while), because you want them to know how life works - cause and effect is super important to understand.

Physically stop him from doing whatever you do not want him to do while saying no. My daughters knew at about 15 months what no meant. For example, if they started to go up the stairs I would say no while picking them up and redirecting them to another activity. The trick is to stop the behavior before it actually even starts. If you see him reaching for the picture frame say no and redirect him before he touches it. One of my pet peeves is when a parent says no, the child continues to do what they want, the parent continues to say no getting louder and louder until the child stops. IMO if you are going to allow the child to stop when they want, save your breath and don't bother to say no in the first place.

I'd save the "no's" for the really important stuff. If he hears "no, no, no" all day long it will not be very meaningful. Most of the time you can reidrect. Use a forceful "no" for times when the behaviour/activity is dangerous to your child or someone else, like running into the street, throwing sand, kicking or hitting.

Redirect-and don't say no unless you mean it-after a while, a baby, well anyone, will tune out an endless string of no's. Get all the no's out of his sight-things he cannot have, touch or consume. Instead of saying no-say "that's hot" "it will hurt you-ouch!" "Ok-let's leave this here" "Let's do this" "Let's be gentle" "Let's sit on this" "Let's not stand on this" As much as you want to teach no-and you want your child to listen-the trick is, as a parent, trying not to say no-it's not easy, but in the long run-it will make life easier. If you think it is difficult to redirect and be patient-and you're the adult-imagine a baby learning the finality or the concept of "NO".

You don't need him to learn "no". (Actually, he knows perfectly well what no is - he's just doing what a lot of 2 year olds do...) You need to redirect him or give him age appropriate consequences.

Some children do "opposites", because it gets a rise out of people.

Let's say he keeps messing with the TV and you tell him not to and he ignores you. Pick him up and put him in his room. Tell him that he is not allowed to play with the TV when you do it. Leave him in there for a few minutes and then ask him if he is ready to listen to mommy. If he goes back to the TV, give him ONE reminder, and then it's back to his room. Over and over. Yeah, it's a pain, but once he sees you mean business, he will leave the TV alone.

The other thing you can do, if you are of a mind, is to pop him on his bottom with your hand, firmly say no, and pick him up and remove him from nearby the TV. Some people don't want to establish a precedent for spanking, so you may not want to do that.

When your child sees that you aren't going to allow the offending behavior no matter what he says or how he laughs about it, and when you give him a reason to stop, he will stop.

Dawn

Many of the tips already listed work well for almost every child I've every worked with:

Toddler-proof. This is a temporary stage, and it will be less frustrating for you and your child if fewer temptations are within his sight or reach. If he can't have it, try not to let him even see it.

Avoid using the word "no" when possible. Save it for real emergencies, and for times you are immediately (as in, while you say it) available to physically stop him. This can be done gently but firmly.

Some kids don't start with the "no's" until they're three, but most will get there at some point if that's been the most common command they hear. So teach alternate commands (again, direct, physical direction helps make it clear that you mean it). Try stop, wait, freeze, or other commands. "Freeze" can be made into a fun game, in which you and your son yell "freeze" while dancing or tumbling. This can be an especially useful command when out and about, in parking lots and crossing streets.

Give positive commands and suggestions. Redirecting kids is one of the most effective behavioral corrections. Showing a child what you DO want is often all you need to do or say. At least after some practice on timing.

Comment with appreciation when your child does well. You may have to train yourself to notice, and you may need to start with very small successes. Kids will often respond by doing more of what you appreciate. Just a good word, especially when combined with a friendly smile or touch, is enough for most kids. Wild cheering is overkill for those little things that we should all learn as a matter of course.

Try to avoid giving any command that you're not prepared to follow through immediately. Once your little guy realizes that you're not messing around, you'll notice he complies more quickly and consitently. But remember he's practically a baby, and self-control is something he'll learn gradually over coming years.

Physical punishments and time-outs don't work equally well for all children, and often can be avoided with some planning and attention during this awkward stage when a child is becoming a "separate" person with awareness of his own wants and needs.

Wishing you success!

Be sure to change your tone and facial expression with the no. Mostly Sherri G.'s advise is perfect. Redirect, put stuff up, rinse, repeat. No! Should bring all action to a complete stand still. Do what ever you need to to make that one word count and over use will water it down every time. I hate to be somewhere that every other word is no. It becomes like the Charley Brown cartoons, Blah,Blah, Blah....

I've found that no is the most useful word at this age if kids obey it, and it's not a personal insult or self-esteem destroyer in any way. My kids are very resilient and bounce back right away when told "no" by teachers or anyone else. Just the other week my son (now 4) and another boy were goofing off in Tae Kwon Do, and the teacher gave them a stern "NO!". My son stopped right away and sat down where he was supposed to be and was not upset at all. The other child started crying and his mommy felt the teacher was too mean to him.

I know it's contrary to what the trend is about phrasing things in a positive way and avoiding no's, but when you have three kids in the grocery store every week (like me), and one is heading to topple over a display, and the other is starting to push the cart away, and the other is about to eat the coffee grounds in the grinder, you just need them to stop right away when you say one word, not work a whole system around each little thing for thousands of things per day. If you are consistent and effective after one warning at home for "no" in the early formative years (two being the tail end of the easy phase), it will stick in public too. (though each of mine tested me once or twice in public of course-they're smart!) Just prevail and be ready to enforce (see book). Whatever you do, do NOT say no with no enforcement behind it when you are first teaching your child, because then the child simply learns that they do not have to obey "no" (even though they TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT) and then it is a useless thing to be saying all the time.

Again, "no" is not a "mean word". It just means "stop that immediately, my dear child who I love, and I REALLY mean it". Two is on the old side of mastering this, but not quite too late if you are consistent. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.

Your little one is learning limits. Still a bit young to get the result you're hoping for here. Keep directing away from the behavior that's causing the problem. Children may say 'yes' or 'no' at this age, but they don't really grasp the concepts behind the words. Oh - and give yourself the time out and hug. It's frustrating, isn't it? :-)

My 2 year old is the exact same way! When I tell him no he also laugh and keep doing whatever he's doing. I have tried saying NO in a loud firm voice with serious facial expression and it dont work. Redirect his attention on other things. BUT keep teaching him the meaning of NO. It will kick in one of these days.
GOOD LUCK!

Make it into a game - for my at my daycare I have a "line" in the front yard all the kids have to stop at. It's just an end of one driveway, and to the rest of the world it looks the same as every other end to a driveway. But I teach my daycare kids that line by putting them on one side and being so happy, saying yeah, this is the right side, super and clapping and cheering. Then I put them on the other side of the line and get all sad and angry and say NO NOT THIS SIDE, BAD.... I do this over and over about a dozen times. Then any time they go over the line I do it a dozen more. Even the young toddlers learn it quickly.

Another thing to remember - if you are trying to get them to STOP because they are running into a dangerous situation I say FREEZE instead. We stop at stop signs and stop picking our noses, but FREEZE we do not hear very often and it gets immediate attention. I teach this in the same way - by making it a game and randomly doing it so everyone freezes after they have learned it.

We don't use no much, instead with offer corrective instructions. i.e. smacking the dog, use your gentle touch. throwing the blocks, play nicely or blocks are for stacking. no is reserved for the dangerous. At which point, we still offer a reminder. i.e. climbing on the back of the office chair gets him a "no, chairs are for sitting" and he is removed. a second attempt gets him a "no, mommy said chairs are for sitting", and he is removed. a third attempt gets him a "no, mommy said don't climb the chair, if you can't sit on the chair you will get punished." at which point we remove him, stand him in a corner, and hold him there while he cries. Sometimes he will run right back to the chair after being held in the corner. In which case, its straight back to the corner. Doesn't take more than a few times in the corner till he decides the chair isn't all that interesting.

We've used the corner technique in stores when he decided the automated doors were fun to play with. At grandmas when he wanted to open the oven door, and elsewhere. There's always a corner available.

We hope to graduate to a true time out soon, but our boy isn't one to keep still for long enough as yet.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I agree to curb the use of the word "no" except in situations where it is important he stop. Then, you MUST combine the use of the word "No" with physically stopping him. Don't expect that you can say "No" and he will automatically stop! He won't!

You must either physically stop him or take away the thing he's not supposed to have BEFORE you say the word "No." For example, he grabs something he's not supposed to have. Walk over there, take it away, and then say "No" firmly, but not necessarily loudly or with a mean face. You can be firm without being loud.

Most people say "No" before they stop the child. The child then learns that the word "No" means momma is going to come over there and they either turn it into a game, run away, or try to do what they were going to do much faster!

The word "freeze" is more effective if you want the child to stop. You can start it as a game, and reward them for freezing. We use it in gymnastics all the time, and children as young as 18 months understand the game.

When you use the word "freeze" the child can be rewarded when he freezes. You really can't reward after using the word "No," so that's why your child doesn't really care about it.

Also, you can keep repeating the word "freeze" until the child complies. It's much more positive.

Good luck!

Stop using the word No, because by 3, your child won't say yes but will be saying No. It's a developmental stage that most kids don't skip!

Save NO for the really important stuff, so that he learns that when you say it, he really has to listen.

You need to use distraction at this age. The laughing is the first step in them learning about testing boundaries. The next stage will be out right refusal to listen, and they hit, scream, etc.

I dont remember saying 'no' by itself at that age. Usually I said 'thats a no no TOUCH' or 'no MOUTH, yucky'. I think a two year old can understand that easier than just no. It also works best if you quickly redirect then to something they can do, like the outlet is a no no touch, here is your toy car, lets drive it in the living room. If he continues with the unwanted behavior, hes old enough for a short timeout. Remind him and redirect him a few times, if he continues, tell him no touch very firmly and remove him to a playpen or crib for 1-2 minutes. It might take a few times but he will get it and stop with the unwanted behavior. At this age I would only timeout for really naughty stuff, like touching the outlets or other things that can get him hurt.