My One Year Old Is Deaf to the Word "NO"

Oh man do I feel for you. I also have a red headed one year that is stubborn is all get out and thinks the word no only applies to her sister. I just redirect her the best I can if I have already said no and she just ownt quit. FYI my husband is a red head as well and according to his mom he was the same way and I dont think he has out grown it yet as an adult. He is just as stubborn and thinks he doesnt have to listen to warning of any sort(like dont take a radiator cap off of a car when the car is learned that one the hard way. It will get better for I hope.

My 18 m old is the same way. She thinks it's a game. I've been putting her in the corner for about three months, now. I pick her up and sit her in the corner facing the wall. She wails and gets up, but I put her back. After a little while she looks at me and I ask her if she's ready to be a sweet girl and she smiles at me. She is so smart and knows that if she smiles at me I'll let her come out. Now, if she's being bad I'll ask her if she wants to go into the corner and she nods her head no. Hope it helps. Good luck.

Sounds like she is just testing you. That's what kids do! They will always test the boundaries.She's trying to see what she can get away with and at that age they have "bad memory" Just keep being firm, and she'll get it!

Mom,

Your daughter will continue this stage in her life because that's who she is. The other children respond to you mainly because (and I'm taking a stab at this in the dark) you are a stranger to them or you are not their parent and so they listen. It really is that simple.

Keep telling her no. I have numerous instances in which I have told my child no and they did it anyways. You know what's gonna happen? They are going to get hurt, but they learn. It's a part of their learning and growth process. This is completely normal behavior, but they will learn from their mistakes.

So, keep an eye out, try to keep her safe, and keep telling her no until you are blue in the face!!!

One more thing....remember this stage cause it repeats itself when they are teenagers!!! You say no, they yell at you and they will do what they want (or at least try to).

But, I can tell you that if you give your daughter unconditional love, talk with her, praise her and spend quality time with her....life will go more smoothly for the both of you at all stages of her life.

It does get better!! Have a great day!!

P.

I had to laugh out of sympathy. My now 13 yr old redhead always did the exact same thing! She had her first foot stomping fit before she could even walk and was propped up in a walker! Consistancy is key and verrrry important! I swatted mine on the upper thigh area just enough to sting according to the danger involved in what she was doing. First time was the swat and removed her from the area, second time was harder and removed her, third time just as hard and put her in time out and leave the room (mind liked an audience). I would hang out around the corner and every time she got up I put her back. Yes, some days it seemed like that's all I did but eventually she realized how it worked. She is still my boundry pusher so we have to be very careful and plan ahead as to where we stand on certain issues and behaviors. Good luck!

id say if there isnt anything behind the no or suggested eh eh then she will continue doing it. pick your punishment and enforce it after the no. you will prolly have to do this repeatedly for the first times until she gets it.

For things that I don't want my 16 month old to touch, I have always used "Don't touch that ______" - then I tell him the reason he shouldn't touch it. Sometimes we say no more often that we think, and it becomes obsolete.
Reasoning with a child this age about why we don't touch certain things may sound silly, but they get it after a bit.
I hope this helps-it has worked for my son on many things, such as the Christmas tree, the dog food, outlets, etc.

She's testing her boundaries. You MUST stay on top of it and be consistent. Try to minimize what you have to say no to (remove breakables!) My girls started this between 6 and 9 months. My almost 11 month old isn't out of the phase yet, and my other girls routinely test boundaries again to see if they have changed. hehe

S. mom to four girls 5,4,2 and 11 months

Your daughter may be just curious. Try redirecting her toward an activity that is safe. Also, instead of No, trying a more specific word such a "Danger" or "Off Limits" or "That Hurts". No can be too vague. You can even implement some basic baby signs so she will understand. There are several wonderful books on Baby Sign Language. I used it with all my children. It will help field off some temper tantrums and frustration now and in the future. When you swat her, she may demonstrate your behavior and begin hitting because she will think that is the way to resolve a problem. And the other children are watching you and may also start the same action. You will need to childproof as much as possible--fireplace protector, cord cover. You can find these online at OneStepAhead.com and other places as well.

My son (now 5) was/is the same way. He does exactly what I tell him not to. Unfortunately, I've had to resort to a lot of reverse psychology (not sure how that's going to work when he starts school this year!!).

What I've also found to be very helpful with him is that instead of telling him what he CAN'T do, I tell him what he CAN do instead.

With children like ours, you almost have to make it into a game. She'll eventually know when you're really serious about NO (like my 5 year old knows my NOs when I mean he's in danger). Another mom once told me that she uses the word "Danger" instead of the word "No". Seems to work for her.

Good luck! Not all kids are alike, and there isn't much you can do to make her change. My 2 year old understands the word no and we haven't done anything differently with him than with his 5 yo brother.

I think the word "No" has lost it's luster in her vocabulary. Sometimes we can tell kids no so often that they don't bother to pay attention to it anymore. When we were teaching my daughter not to touch things that weren't hers, we used the words "don't touch, not Abbey's (insert your daughter's name)", then we would give her one of her own toys or take her to something that she is allowed to touch. It takes awhile for them to figure it out, but you just have to keep redirecting them. I wouldn't swat her on the diaper at her age. It's meaningless to a one year old. Some kids are much more mischevious than others and it may take longer to sink in, but you have to continue to be consistent. Make sure you have baby proofed your outlets so that if she does touch them, she can't get her fingers in there.

Now that my daughter is a little older (just turned 2), we started doing the running away from Mommmy thing (sometimes in a parking lot or the street). Instead of saying "stop", we use the word "freeze" and it works like a charm. We, as parents, spend a lot of time telling our kids to "stop" doing something, so that word too had lost its meaning. The word freeze works and she stops immediately when we say it.

Consistency is key and you may have a strong willed kid on your hands, but you can't give up. Always try to give her an option of something she can have so that she isn't always hearing no and being told she can't have or touch things. Best of luck to you!

Is your house baby proofed? She is acting developmentally appropriate for her age group. Tell her ouch, that could hurt us, and get her involved in something else. It may seem like a broken record, but you will get through to her.

Like everyone has been saying, think about stepping up your babyproofing so you won't have to say no as much. For me, this meant getting the screw-on outlet covers(my son would remove the other kind with his teeth!), also a bigger fireplace screen. We did time outs on the sofa so my son wouldn't hurt himself or anything else during a tantrum. Be consistent and pick consequences you can always follow through with. It's OK to explain why you are telling her no, but watch out, don't let it lead to talking back as she gets older.

Hi R.,
That must be very frustrating. You could get a special little chair and put it out of the way and whenever you tell her no and she doesn't listen you could put her in it to sit, just for a minute. Explain that this is the No-No chair and when she does a No-No she will have to sit there. Kind of a time out. It all depends on what motivates her. Every kid is different but most don't want to be hauled off to sit in another room. Good luck.
H.

OMG, this just brings back those memories of my babies (now 7 and 8)! At this age you just have to be consistent in physically removing and redirecting their attention. If you say NO all the time, it loses its effect really. Just wondering if you physically remove her at the same time you are saying no, so she associates it better with what is expected of her when you say it? Everybody has different temperaments, of course. Sometimes it just takes extreme patience - she will get it after you do it over and over and over and over and over consistently!

Sometimes for young children, words like "no" and "don't" are hard for them to register. You're telling them not to do something, and they can get confused because they don't know what you want them to do. Try using positive phrases when telling her what to do. Then, explain why. When she goes to put her hand on the hot stove, tell her "Keep your hands away from the stove." Say it in a voice that will tell her that it is an urgent act for her to follow. Then, go to her as quickly as possible. "The stove is hot. If you touch it, you will get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt, because I love you." These statements will teach her more than just telling her "no".

My baby boy (now 10 months old) was into all sorts of dangerous things - climbing up stairs and playing in the toilet and other things that were harmful. I read a book called "To Train up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl (I highly recommend it!) They advocate reinforcing the word "no" with a swat on the hand (they use a rod, which I use but I also use my hand in the absence of the rod) The point is to condition their mind to associate the word "no" with unpleasant sensations of pain. You don't have to swat very hard, just enough to make a child startle and draw her hand back. After training, you no longer have to swat at all- you just say "No" and they stop (it's a miracle!)

I thought it was worth a try and trained him first on the stairs. I put him at the foot of the stairs and, with rod in hand, I waited until he tried to crawl up them (he was only four months old at the time and already very mobile and very headstrong!) It took about a week of swatting him every time he tried to crawl up them. But he now responds to the word "no" quickly. I don't even tell him "no" for the stairs or the toilet anymore - it's like there is an invisible fence and he won't go near it! Many people have remarked what an 'easy' and 'Obedient' baby I have (!!) He has been (and still is) very headstrong and stubborn to the core...but at least now he knows what is off limits! Consistency is the key. Hope this helps :)

A one year old is not going to understand the concept of "no" at this age. Most of the time, if they do stop when told "no" it's just by chance. Babies at her stage are naturally curious. Continue to be consistent though in telling her no, but don't expect her to get it! Just baby proof everything like crazy now!!! Spanking has not been proven to help in anyway! It just hurts them and probably you as well. don't give up! Remember, babies and toddlers are explorers and they will eventually learn!

I have no advice since my 14.5 month is does the same thing. In fact, he now says 'no-no' as he reaches for the forbidden item. Yikes! We have our hands full, don't we!

Try shaking your head no or waving your finger at her.

Honestly, she's a year old... she's not going to be able to cognitively process "NO" for a while. If there are things in your house that are dangerous to her, you might need to modify the area to make it safer. Children this age respond well to re-direction, if she's getting into something unsafe, redirect her with a toy, pull her away and sing a song, call her away and tickle her tummy when she comes to you. Most children respond well to positive reinforcement. Also, you can expect that she will naturally be exporatory and WILL get into plenty of "NO NO" things in the next year, or two, or three. If you only repond w/ NO, that's all you'll be saying after awhile, then wait til she tells you NO! You might want to get a good book on child development so you can understand what is going through her brain at each stage, it will be less frustrating for you!

I found that each of my children were different. With my oldest daughter, she had to be physically removed from the "no" item/area multiple times. With my middle daughter, "no" and redirection to something else worked the first time and with my youngest daughter, "no" worked and she redirected herself. I feel for you having a stubborn, albeit, happy go lucky child. It can be quite a test of patience. My suggestion is to tell her "no" and remove her from the area/item until she gives in. With most children, it is a battle of the wills. The one who gives in loses.

Wow...I remember that phase. Seems like No doesn't work for a while. I think they get so tired of hearing that word all the time that they get a little defiant about it. Two things that worked for us for a little while...One scream Ow! Or Ouchie! Or something like you are getting hurt and do it in an alarming panicky voice...sometimes a quick scare can be taken more seriously than a demand. The second thing is to really quickly get them interested in something else...pick her up and put ehr by a toy and be real excited about playing with it with her. She will forget about the plug for a while because it did not get her the attention she was looking for...and eventually she will be disinterested. Hope those ideas help!

Good Luck!

small children only understand 2 things- boundaries and consequences. Don't believe that she can't understand no. she's got it loud and clear. "no" isn't heeded because it doesn't hurt or cost her anything. remove the object, her, or you from the situation if she disobeys. ie. put her in a not-fun time out spot, take away something she doesn't want to lose. she'll get that it's not fun to ignore "no". vice versa, praise obedience. hugs and yea! also, give positive commands. instead of don't touch, say put your hands down by your side or in your pockets (older child) or "hands off" for a little one. we also taught one finger touch and gentle touch, as well as hands off. for deliberate defiance (shouting no back to me) I on the bottom with a spatula. but it has to sting, you may need to pull the diaper aside. of course, you don't want to do this for cuuriosity, only defiance. We loved using signs, made all the difference in the world. and ditto the extra childproofing. also, make sure you're engaging her in activities so she's not left to her own devices!

I have a 6 year old and 2 1/2 year old. The best thing that has worked for us, if they don't respond to "No" is to redirect them to something else. My younger daughter is quite stubborn, and this seems to work better for her. Hope that helps!

My daughter did the same thing and I didn't like the hand spanking thing. You have to figure out what works best. For mine, she did NOT like to be in her crib. Every time she did something like touch an outlet, I would go over to her and say No-No and take her immediately to her crib. Less than a minute I would go and get her out and let her play. It is a bit more time consuming because you have to be consistent and really put her in her crib everytime but in one morning (after quite a few times), it sunk in and worked!

Before I had children I studied early childhood development in college and one of the courses I took discussed discipline and guiding a child. Of course the approach was from the perspective of a teacher or nanny and not of a parent but the tools taught still hold true. Obviously if you are a caretaker of someone else's toddler spanking or hand slapping is completely out of the question. At the time I was working as a nanny and I was asked to count how many times I said no to the 2 year old I was watching. It is amazing how quickly and how often that word can slip out. And it becomes meaningless to the child. What I learned is that if you use your words to tell a toddler what to do rather than what not to do, communication is so much better. For example, your daughter is about to grab for something that is dangerous or breakable. In a firm voice say "Stop" (what to do) and then redirect her to something appropriate she can have or do. It doesn't usually take long to distract a toddler from the inappropriate behavior or object if you find something more interesting. I usually try to find a substitute that is similar to the item or action in question. For example, if your daughter is climbing on the fireplace maybe she just likes the climbing and she could climb on something else. Make it easier on yourself and her by moving items that are in that category out of her reach and make her environment as toddler-friendly as you can. It doesn't take very long to break the "no" habit and I feel it is well worth it.

We have 3 children, and ages 1-3 are the challenge, but they will pass. Set her up for success. Stage your home in a way that is child safe, with the fewest danger zones as possible at home. However, she needs to listen. Instead of saying NO all the time, tell her, Honey, the stove is hot, hot, hot, It will hurt you, make an owie. My daughter loves to sit on the cabinet and cook with me, but if I have a hot stove, she is at risk for being burned. I have her reach out close, and feel the heat, not so that she will be burned, but so that she understands it is hot. I do not have a problem with her reaching for things that are "hot" because she understands first hand. She is testing the waters, figuring out her world. She wants to explore. Instead of NO NO No all day, explain to her "this will make an owie, or this is mama's special thing." My children responded well to both. They will still touch things, break things, tear things, so anything precious, remove from their reach. We used the 3 foot rule. Everything went above 3 feet.
Be careful if you take her to another home that is not necessarily childproofed.

because we use the word "no" in everyday language so often, you can develop your own danger words. I just heard recenty of a MOM who gently taught her child the words "hot" and "sharp" by putting her little girl's finger in "uncomfortably warm" water (you do not want to scald the child, so this is very tricky) and used a straight pin to show sharp. Then she connected them with the word Danger! That is their code word for when the little girl must stop what she is doing and look at Mom. Obviously just use those words when they are necessary so they don't wear out too.

My now 8 yr old only needed to touch something once, like something hot, to understand why we said no. My now 6 yr old took a few more tries, and still tests us. Stay firm, and don't give in. The other kids listen better becuase you are not their mom and they probably don't know your limit like your child does. That's my experience anyway, my kids are great with other people, and the same with other people's kids with me, but when the parent walks in, it all changes.

I have a 15 month old boy, who is also a redhead, as am I! keep at it, be firm. She'll get it. She's testing the boundaries. It's normal. My little guy still does it with lots of things. It took several weeks, if not months, for him to stop what he was doing and look at us when we said "NO!". Now he will stop, but he dramatically falls to the floor and cries for a minute or so. Use it on the important things and don't say it for every single mild annoyance. I truly believe that swatting a 1 year old, even if you aren't hurting her, doesn't teach her anything, so don't do it. I do believe in spanking when they are older and can really understand the punishment - and only for severe or dangerous disobedience. Also, some friends of ours recently told us that "time out" is effective at that age. We've been using it for about a month and it works quickly. It only took 2 times before he knew exactly what "time out" meant, and wanted to avoid it.

Try saying "ouch!!" instead. It gets my daughter's attention much better than "No." It also is an explanation all on it's own. Also, it's all well and good to baby proof your home to decrease the amount of times when you have to say no, but it's impossible to baby proof the world. You are doing the right thing by recognizing that you have to have strategies that help her to know not to touch things when you are in an unfamiliar environment.

You are not alone! My son is 16 months and still is testing every limit he can think of. Child psychologists say that children who do that, Hear the word no and keep on trying, actually feel very safe and are well adjusted. it is just there way of testing the boundaries of their world. Some even say it is a sign of intelligence.

We use the word "Danger" and it seemed to have a different effect, but for things like playing in the dogs water bowl, I tell him No then I have to pick him up and move him to another room or he will keep "testing me" over and over.

Just take comfort that eventually she might get the meaning of the word No, but for now is a happy loved, stubborn, intelligent little being.

Take away the temptations. I had a teacher at a parenting class say we really can't get mad at them for situations we place them in. Also, instead of using NO's, which turn them off, simply pick them up and redirect them without saying a word. Or, for example, instead of Don't throw the ball in the house, turn it into a positive statement by saying something like, Whoops! (to get their attention), We throw the ball outside, ROLL the ball inside. And then help her, or demonstrate. If she's a redhead, she's definitely going to fight the NO's :0)