Stop & Listen Please!

Try playing "Red light, green light" to get him to understand the concept of stop and go. And then say "Red light!" any time you want him to stop something in real life.

What are you telling him stop about? Is it so often because the area he is in is not contained enough? Maybe not childproofed enough?.. (not a criticism just a thought) If all he hears is stop, do not go over there. Stop, do not climb on that, Stop, do not pick that up? He is going to tune you out.,

I agree to try a different word. Freeze, Red Light, Alto (Stop in Spanish). If he still ignores you, that means he is disobeying you.

If you tell him to stop and he continues. Pick him up and take him to the time out chair. Tell him play time is over unless he begins to mind what you say.

If you are talking about running out into the street, that is an "always grab him and hold him and tell him, I said STOP!" "You will now sit down here for 4 minutes in a time out."

Hello E.,

I've found with boys specifically, I need to physically touch them, like on their shoulder to get their attention. Then tell them what I want them to do.

Children, as I'm sure you're found out, have so much running around in their head, that sometimes they honestly don't hear us, or have a hard time stopping what they are doing at that moment. By touching them, it makes a connection, resets the activity and redirects the behavior.

I hope this helps.

R. Magby

In my Daughter's preschool.... and then her Kinder teacher... they would use a certain kind of clap to get the kids attention.
it was like: clap.clap.clapclapclap
And then the child had to do that same clap back, in reply... then go and sit down or stop in their tracks and turn toward the Teacher. Because it meant that there was a REASON for her to stop them.

Or, I have used a bell for my kids. Or, I tell my kids to "look at me in the eyes...." when I call for them or want them to stop something.

Or in schools as well, they use colored cards: red/yellow/green which indicates what is going on or what is coming up etc.

Or, use tally marks to tally up all the times he did not listen.

But also, maybe he just does not have a matured impulse-control yet. And kids get easily distracted.

But, you need to have a consequence of some kind... because I am sure there are times when he can at-will stop... but just ain't doin' it. And other times he may not be able to do it. But he is of Preschool age... so at this age... there is the assumption that a child can understand and then complete a "stop" request. Maybe not perfectly all the time... but the majority of the time.

good luck,
Susan

I have to say to my boys "stop your feet" or "stop your body" for them to stop. When I just say "stop" it mostly does nothing.

Some great ideas below. With our daughter, sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. I say to her "I need your eyes" and then she'll look at me - and then I have her attention.
Another idea with your son might be to use a small reward system. Give him positive reinforcement for being a good listener, whether that is simply saying 'thank you for being a good listener' or even giving small thing like a sticker, or if he accumulates enough stickers during a week, he could earn a small item.

I was also going to suggest red light/green light. My son loves that game and I use red light instead of stop whenever I want him to stop. We also play the freeze game, but red/green light works best for us.

For a child i nannied for.....This was a constant battle, sometimes he was just too busy doing whatever, he really did not pay attention. So we talked to peditricain and she gave ideas........The one that worked for us was to. Have a lil whistle in your pocket and lightly blow it when he was to "stop" and pay attention. After a while and explaining over and over again. He eventually learned to pay attention to things when he was busy doing his own things.

My sweet 4 year old couldn't seem to comprehend my telling her not to get out of her booster seat and seat belt in the car all day today...so she lost what she really, really loves...today's gymnastics lesson. It seems that anytime my child loses something she really enjoys or loves, her understanding of what I'm telling her seems to grow and grow. Tonight she spoke with her dad on the phone (he's away on business right now) and told him all about it...so it was very clear that she understood everything. I have a feeling she will not have an issue with staying in her booster tommorrow.

I agree with the post that asked how much you are telling him to stop. It is kind of like saying no to a child. Unless it is something severe you don't want to use words like stop and no, because you need them to work when it is something dangerous. Try using different words for different situations. If he is running away from you try Freeze. If you need him to stop what he is doing so he can listen to/answer you try something try Turn Around, or Look at Me. This way when he starts running into the street and you grab him screaming stop thats dangerous it will mean something to him.

Hi E.,

Okay, this answer might draw ire from other mothers, but I had the same issue with my daugther right around that same age.

Sometimes my daughter learns best from being able to relate to something, so what I used to do is to to purposely not listen to her when she was asking for something or telling me something benign. When she got to the point where I was noticing that she was getting frustrated, I would tell her that when she does not listen, it feels a lot like how she was feeling right then. I would then do it the right way, and ask her to tell me her story again. I would listen intently, ask a question about it, if it was appropriate, then ask her which was the better "listening choice". Sometimes it would take a time or two, but eventually, she got the idea and started becoming a better listener. You might try this with your son, although again, another mom might have a better, more gentler way to go about it.

Sometimes, even though it seemed harsh, I had to teach her by having her taste her own medicine. I know a lot of moms will disagree with this, but it did work for me.

I wish you all the best. I totally understand how frustrating it can be to go through what you are going through.

Take care,
L.

I played the "wiggle, stop" game. We will dance around singing "wiggle, wiggle wiggle. Wiggle your (insert body part name here) and then throw in a quick "stop" and take turns being the game leader. Have him tell you when to wiggle and stop. "red light, green light" in the car works too. Or put on some music and make up your own game to teach him but make it fun and not discipline and they pick up pretty fast.

what about freeze dancing?

Hi E.,

I love getting physical here and actually playing games like "Simon Says" where kids can learn the start / stop in different ways. Please know that your little guy may know exactly what you want and yet his choosing to ignore you is his way of expressing himself and his independence (as well as in some cases actually acting out some form of pain). Does he respond the same way with others? Is everyone on the same page with their expectations for him? Sometimes ignoring the action and a few mins later when things are calmer come back to reiterate the expectation is beneficial. Believe with your love, support and consistency, you will help him through this. S. A. K., MFT

Sounds to me like this little guy is getting your attention whether that be good/bad. If he isn't harming himself and you say stop and he doesn't let him take the consequences'. If it happens that he's going to fall a few steps inside well it will only scare him. Same with climbing. Since you have tried so many things with him to get him to stop he's getting your attention whether again its good/bad. If he hurts' himself then you can say "see" mommy said stop now you hurt yourself. Explain then that he has to listen to mommy and if he does it again, well same thing again. If he listens to you in every other way this is the problem, however if you find that he isn't totally listening to you have his hearing checked by an Ear,Nose,Throat Specialist.
Good luck, but don't be surprised at how quickly this little one will learn.

I do the stop, look, and listen song. I think it's from Barney and my son sings it!

Here it goes:

You have to stop (you have to stop); you have to look (you have to look) and you have to listen (you have to listen) before you cross the street

So, stop, look and listen, before you cross the street.

We add or own phrases depending on what he has to stop for. The only problem is that sometimes the jingle sticks in your brain and you can't get it out (especially in the morning).

But it has worked like a charm:)

I find if you call him on it, it helps. Say I do not like being ignored. When my kids break rules, it costs them a toy (you can see my other answers for full info on this, so they know that ignoring me will not be consequence free. I say stop, & they do not respond, I say that is one toy shall we go for two? & low & behold the miracle of hearing happens & they stop! Hardest part is remembering to have them pick toys once your home. I keep it in my to do list on my phone. :)

The word "stop" means that you are stopping them from having fun....
This is what I did when my kiddos were 2-3 years old...

"Danger" means they will get hurt....
Stop your feet, stop your body, Dont touch, stop and listen....
The sound of your voice will tell them that it's a 911 situation or a command.
Soft voice for instruction, stern voice for immediate danger or command.
The important thing to do is make sure that your child is "looking into your eyes" when you are speaking to them. Have them say: "yes, Mom"... So you know they understood... this way they know you mean business.

It worked for me. two-strikes for not listening = consequences.

Good Luck,
Shell