How to Get My 2 Year Old to Listen to the Words "Come Here Please and Stop"

Teach him the Red Light/Green Light Game. Play in and around the house, in the yard, at the park etc. When you yell red light - he will be trained to stop in his tracks until you say green light.

Hello A., I can't imagine how frustrating that must be. You know I was always against putting a child on a leash, until I became the parent of a VERY active little girl. She is only one year old, but I'll tell you what, same situation, I say stop she runs faster. She thinks I'm playing chase with her. My mother in law bought us one of those backpack harnesses. it's a cute little monkey that buckles around the child's chest, and the detachable tail is what the parent holds on to. We use it more as a training tool than as a "leash" I am teaching her 'red light, green light' with it. Green light I let her run then when I say, yellow light slow down, and I gently pull on the harness to let her know it's time to slow down, then when I say red light if she doesnt stop, I gently stop her. My hope is that we will not need the harness in public. It's just a way to teach her to "stick around" And so far she is getting the hang of it. I hope I was of some help. Good luck. A. Z.

I had that problem with my daughter a few times. I told her if she didn't listen to mommy that she would have to stay in her stroller. I also started playing the game "freeze" with her and explained that anytime I say freeze she has to stop in place. As a game, we would both freeze and then when I said go we would both jump around. She now stops when I say freeze and she says it to me from time to time when she wants to "play" freeze.

When my daughter was at this stage she once ran for the street because her Daddy was parking across the street and wanted to run and greet him. We live on a very busy street and a lot of cars were zooming by. I have just had a c-section 3 weeks before and was holding my son and just couldn't move very fast. She had a little pony tail that day and it was all I could get a hold of (sounds very mean, but it all happened really fast) so I grabbed her by her hair and pulled her back. She was really upset and told me she was mad at me for being to rough with her but she got the point. My husband told her that Mommy would do anything to keep her out of danger, even hurt her a little by pulling on her hair. Then he showed her what would happen by putting an apple in the road. "See, apple sauce! We don't want any Julia sauce! Stay out of the street"
Now she looks both ways and holds my hand. She also tells her brother "dont go in the street or mommy will pull your hair, no baby sauce!"

Kids love to be chased. They love it, it is a game. So I found a fun and tricky ways to get them back. I act like I am holding something in my hand and I look into my hands (like I am holding a butterfly) and say WOW look at that and they run everytime. Then when they get there I say, "Look inside, its love!" I then give them a big hug. The other one is I say ok then I am going to race you I put my back (after you say stop) to them and yell, Ready (wait) Mark (wait till they are closer) Go and race them the other way.

Mother of four.

My first thought is kind of a tangent. If you aren't already, finding a way to wear your newborn can make keeping up with a toddler much easier and less nerve wracking. My baby wraps and carriers were lifesavers when I had a little baby and a 22 month old.

I also was at my wit's end about getting my two year old to obey. We did at least have him trained about streets pretty early. For that we told him no then hauled him into his room for a time out if he stepped into the street. I'm starting it with my 14 month old now, and he seems to get it. Something similar probably would have worked for running away, but I know how hard it is to be consistent and on top of discipline when you have a newborn to look after. Maybe you can do some practice outside your home when your husband is around.

I agree with everyone who said that a two year old isn't old enough to stop doing something just because you explain that it is dangerous. In a truly dangerous situation (going into the street or running into a parking lot) I think the fear in mommy's voice can be used to good effect, but maybe that is more for younger kids.

My now 3 year old is no model of perfect behavior, but it is very nice that he is old enough to understand explanations of "If you do this, then this will happen (sent to room, bicycle put away, have to be carried, etc.).

Hi A.,

I have a little boy who just turned 2 as well (2 weeks ago) and we JUST went through this exact same challenge. He loves to walk along with me rather than going in his stroller, but he used to run off ahead of me all the time. I finally made it his choice - he either walked with Mommy OR he went in the stroller. Those were the only options. If he ran away I gave him one warning and if he ran off again he went into the stroller. No negotiating. It took two times, and lots of frustrated tears, but I just explained to him that it was his choice and HE decided not to walk with Mommy, so he had to get in the stroller. Period. Now, all I have to say if he looks tempted is, 'Joe, if you run off, you're going to have to get in the stroller.' and that's all it takes because he knows that I mean business and he'd much rather walk next to me than be in the stroller.

Give it a try. Like with most things, the key is consistency. Do not negotiate or give in to tears. Not even once, if they think there is away around it, it won't work.

Good luck, D.

Good luck, D.

I recently read an article from a medical journal about the brain development of toddlers (if I can find it I’ll post the link in an edit). It talked about the issues with telling young children to “come here”. The problem is that “here” is a relative term to a toddler. When they hear someone say “come here” their mind thinks “but I am here”. The researchers found that they got the kids to be more responsive by changing the words they used. Instead of using abstract terms like “come here” and “stop” they would use more concrete terms like “hold mommy’s hand” and “put your hand on the tree”. You may want to give it a try and if it works please let me know.

Best of luck,

Alli

Hi A.,

All kids are different, but what worked for me was designating a time to play chase at home. This way I could control where we played chase so when he started running away when we were walking on the street I would tell him that we could play chase when we got home or remind him that we already played chase, etc. It's not that he's not listening, it's just that he wants to be chased, so do it, but on your terms. It seemed to work most the time! Also, I would tell him over and over again while you're playing chase on your terms where it's safe, that this is where we play chase, not on the sidewalks. And then ask him, where do we play chase? Drill it into him!

Good Luck!
S.

My daughter and I always played Red Light, Green Light. Red means stop and green is go. We did this on our walks in safe places (in the park, backyard, etc.). Once it was a part of her schema, I moved to other places, walking down the sidewalk.

Over time I added other actions like skip, hop, twirl, baby steps. She gave each one a color name.

She is 7 1/2 and we still play every Sat. as we walk through the tunnel to/from Chinatown. I'm the one who has a tough remembering the color codes, so I just try them all out early on for a refresher.

Stephanie

When my daughter does that in the store, I put her in the cart and don't let her get out... can you restrain your child in the stroller or something? It continues to happen for me, but it is less often because she knows she will be strapped in. I'm going to read your other responses, too, because I know just how you feel!!

I also taught my kids the game red light green light. Since my daughter really liked that game, she would always stop cold when I yelled, "Red Light!"

If that doesn't work, you probably do have to get strict and teach him some discipline. Take him somewhere relatively safe, like an enclosed playground, and practice with him. Don't give ground at all, since this is a matter of his safety. Just wait until he comes. Be calm, and don't get mad, but don't give way. My youngest daughter used to do this to me, especially at the mall, so I know what you're experiencing.

It's not easy, and the same thing obviously doesn't work for every kid and every parent. Must be tough, especially with a new little one (congrats!). Good luck!

I addressed the "STOP!" by introducing a game to my toddlers - Red light, Stop!/Green light/Go!" We played if for a few days straight around the house. Then, when my son or neice would attempt to dash away from me, I simply shouted Red light STOP!, and they did right in their tracks. You can also do this by playing "Freeze" and running around doing silly stuff and shout Freeze! and stop still in your pose. They think it is so much fun at this age.

The "Come here" continues to be a challenge, and my son is almost 4. A friend of mine suggested reading "Dare to Discipline" by James Dobson. I only just started reading it. You can buy one really inexpensive on eBay (tons of used copies for sale).

I stop trained my son at a year and a half. If he took one step after I said stop, he got a swat on the bottom. I did have to chase him down the block a time or two. Have him practice stopping every day. Consistency and repetition is how they learn. When holding hands and walking with him say stop and have both of you stop. Sometimes it sounds like I am ordering a dog around, but you need a one word command that will work everytime. The only time it wasn't working well with my son is when he was wearing ear muffs. He got swatted three times before I realized that he may have not heard me. oops. Now at three, he reminds me to stop and look for cars.

I would buy a harness or a wrist to wrist style child safety leash. Explain to him that it is very dangerous for him to not listen when you ask him to stop and come back and that his behavior (running awary) is both naughty and dangerous. Let him know that until he can listen to you, he has to wear it so that you can keep him safe.

When you are in safe places...walking a path in the park or a sidewalk on a quiet street, you can test him without it. Put it back on him immediately if he refuses to listen or runs away. You may want to enforce some other punishment when you get home to impress how dangerous and naughty this behavior is. He will probably not enjoy being tethered to you and if you are consistent, you can quickly break this bad habit.

Look for one at a used baby clothes/item store. Not sure where you live, but I have a blue harness style one I would sell to you for $6-7 plus whatever it costs to ship. Email me direct if you're interested. Good luck!

Dear A.,

If you can’t run after him, you must keep him in the fenced back yard, in the house, a safe park, or have someone with you who can run after him.

He is only two and while he probably understands the word NO, he is still too young to take in a lot of words. Some will disagree with me because they feel “their” two year old is brilliant, walked at 8 months and was potty trained long before the age of two. For most of us, this would fall under the category of “urban myth”.

It was my experience and belief, when I small child is not listening, and doing something that puts him/her in danger, (if there is time, and their often is NOT because they are so FAST), call their name firmly and loudly, but don’t scream, and say; “Bobby NO” If there is NOT time you must (or someone must), go after him/her, stop them, physically removed them from what they are doing. Get down to their level, put your hands on their shoulders and speak to him/her in a firm and direct manner. “You don’t run from mommy”. “You don’t go in the street unless mommy is holding your hand”. “You could get hurt”.

I am not opposed to a swat on the backside, when removing a child from the street or a dangerous situation when they have run off. I don’t mean beating or hurting, I mean getting their attention!

Blessings…….

Safety must be first. At his age he has no idea the danger in running away from you. He could go in the street and be hit by a car. I suggest you buy a harness of some kind and there are really cute ones. They have a leash that goes from the harness with a zipper in the back to you.
He can't get out and you have full control of him yet he has some space between himself and you on the leash. I had four young children and had to use this on my youngest daughter when new baby was in the stroller. I saw one last weekend on a little boy at the mall. It was so cute with a monkey on the front and he was walking in front of his Daddy. He must not go out front unless he has this on and you are holding the leash. Accidents happen so fast. As time goes on he will understand but right now he doesn't.
Even with the leash on you can practice walking with Mommy.
Now with my very active grandson I can not take him to the mall unless someone that is faster than me goes with me. It is not cruel. And to hold a child's hand for a long time is difficult and our hands get sticky. Maybe you and both your children can go for walks together using this.
Take Care,
F.

Hi A.,

Put a harness on him when you go out. That's the best thing for his safety now when you are also dealing with an infant. It is not cruel and mothers have been doing it for many years and it gives you control and peace of mind, which is what you need. Hope this helps.

Patti b.

My son was two also when my daughter was born, and while he was very good at listening and following directions before she was born, after she was born it was like he forgot everything I ever taught him. I didn't read all your responses, so sorry if this is a repeat, but after my son darted out in a parking lot once, I immediately went and bought a monkey backpack harness. It has a backpack that stays attached to them and it has a removeable tail. This way, when we were in parking lots etc where he needed to stay close, I could put the harness on him, but then remove the tail say when we got to the park. He always knew that if he misbehaved the tail was going back on, so it worked pretty well. I also gave him the choice when we went to a store of either riding in the double stroller or walking with the monkey. We only needed to use the monkey for about six months until he outgrew the need for it, but now I do occasionally use it with my daughter who is two. It is frustrating when you can see the look in their eye and know they are going to bolt, but they are just out of your reach to stop them. My kids both actually didn't mind the "monkey backpack" as we called it. Only once did my son fall while wearing it when he tried to bolt with it on and reached the end of his tail and came flying back. For me, safety was more important than worrying about what other people thought about me having a harness on my kid. Luckily they do outgrow the bolting stage, but when you have a newborn, it makes it much more difficult to chase after a toddler.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090325/sc_livescien...

I went through the same thing with my son at about the same age, now 4 1/2. I once remember him running straight into the day care parking lot and he scared me so much I gave him a big slap on the bottom. I don't belive in hitting, but this was my reaction in pure fright of his misbehavior. I hugged him and explained how it scared me and how it's important for him to listen to me. We agreed on a stop area at the day care gate and he never again ran past that without me. Unfortunately, I think it's just a 2 year old thing to not listen. You need to take him a side BEFORE the fact and explain why he needs to listen. 2 years old don't have any notion about danger, but you can explain to him how cars are dangerous and how it upsets mommy when he runs away without looking. He's really too little to be "a big boy" but still, you will need to explain that you count on him to help you, since you have the baby to look after, too. Find some common ground like giving him his freedom when OK and holding his hand when it's not. In any case, for parking lots and the sidewalk it's a must to hold hands, even at my son's age! Reward him in any way you can for being good, so it pays to be good. A small piece of chocolate or another little surprise in anticipation of good behavior will help. You'll probably need to talk to him 10 times about this, but eventually he'll understand and listen. In any case, be sure to explain it's not a joke or a game. Even at his young age he'll feel that you're serious. Good luck!

p.s. be very firm when you tell him to stop! That firm voice will help him understand that you really mean it.

Try talking about what you expect before getting out of the car. "When we get out of the car I want you to hold onto me and stay close to me. The parking lot is dangerous." You can also give him something to carry in order to "help." Or maybe ask him to "help" you push the carriage. Whatever it is has to be more attractive than being chased.

It is all worth a try, but really this game is totally age appropriate behavior and you may need to leave him in the carseat until you have everything else ready so that you can hold his hand and keep him from getting away. Expecting him to behave older than he is will just get you both frustrated. But still, try to teach him what you'd like to see.

Make sure that when he does stay with you, even if you do have a death grip on his hand and he has no choice, you tell him how much you like it. "I love it when you stay with me in the parking lot. You are such a big boy."

so normal. I have a 3 year old and an 11month old, when he was 2 he did it also. He outgrew it, now I just have to chase my 11 month old around the house, while my 3 year old eggs her on. If it is not one it is the other. Also, get a good pair of running shoes, it is just beginning :-)Good luck. I have no advice, he is 2 after all, we just kept telling him no and chasing after him. He eventually go it. I kept him in the stroller a lot when we were at the mall, in parking lots etc. I let him run free when there were 2 of us and during mommy groups and in an enclosed space.

Hi A.-
I know this is frustrating for you, but rest assured that this is TOTALLY normal. I actually don't know a single 2 year old that doesn't play this game with his parents.

The only thing you can really do is be consistent with him and his consequences and perhaps give him a stern "no" and time out when you finally catch him. In addition to that, you can try and limit the chances he has to run away by always holding his hand when you are out or making sure he is strapped into a stroller.

I realize your patience is limited now that you have a newborn, buy try and come to a plan PRIOR to leaving the house - so you can deal with it more readily.

Good luck!!!

Hi A.-
THat is so frustrating. Here is my suggestion. Before he goes outside, have a serious chat. You need to be eye level with him, so maybe get on your knees or squat, or the 2 of you sit on the floor. Be very close to him and make sure he is looking at you and only you. Then tell him that for his safety, mommy REQUIRES that he follows her directions when the two of you go outside to play. Give him the example- use simple but firm speech- that if he does not come to you when you call him, like he did the other day, then he will not be allowed to play outside and will be disciplined. Give him the discipline- he will have to sit in the corner or help mommy clean the bathroom or something he finds NOT FUN. Take away TV time or dessert. If he does not do what you ask... Then ask him if he understands you. If he says yes, ask him to repeat it to you- that if he does not listen he loses something valuable to him. He must maintain eye contact with you. It will be a strenuous process. BUT, if you do this whenever he is to go somewhere or do something with you, he will not only know the expecatations you have regarding him behavior, but knows that he will lose something if he does not do what you tell him too. If he is good, make sure there is a reward- such as extra play time or a special saturday trip to the park. If he has rewards to work towards, he will be more likely to follow your direction. Don't let him run you over by trying to earn all his rewards at once. Make a jar or a chart, and when it is full of stars or marbles (he loses them for bad behavior), then he gets __________________. You can make it so that he must behave at each outing for a week, or earn 20 stars or one jar of marbles. Let him put the star on his chart or the marble in his jar. This way he gets to be actively involved in his reward and sees the negative when he has to remove a marble from the jar and loses that hard earned piece toward his goal. Let him help choose a goal as well. I used to watch a little boy who had a very hard time focusing and instead of being the ADHD child on meds, his mother chose to try this first and we worked with him this way, and she was very VERY successful. You have to be constant and follow through, but I think it is easier than chasing him all over or tying him down. =)
I hope this helps! Good luck!
-E. M.

maybe if he is not in your yard and can run free you could use a harness some of them look like a cat or dog . that way he could not run away. also may watch and see if he really hears you. good luck S.

These are some great ideas - the red light/green light is GENIUS - I am definitely going to be trying that with my 2.5 yr old who does the same thing. Thankfully we have taught him early on to stay on sidewalks, so he's never actually run into the street, but it still makes me nervous when he takes off towards a street. Thx for the question - I love the responses!

Hi! I have a now 3 1/2 year old and when she was 2 did the SAME thing! It drove me NUTS! And, at the time I was pregnant. What I finally did was restrict her freedom when we were out...like at teh grocery store-she had to be in a cart and when we were out other places, if I didn't have the stroller, she was holding my hand. There were no chances and we would talk about it. I realized that she just wasn't old enough yet to have that freedom of just walking around without holding a hand or whatever.

As she got closer to 2 1/2, I tried again-didn't work-she ran (I tried in a safe environment). When she was 3-it finally was working and now I don't have many issues although I do keep her close anyway but I let her roam in the same isle of the store or whatever.

Oh-and I used the red light to stop. We talked about it while we were driving about the lights and it seemed to work well for us using it with getting her to stop or green light to go or yellow to slow it down!

Good luck to you! I feel your pain!
A. :)

A.,
I started using the terms Red Light and Green Light with my boys when they were very young. It seemed to be concrete enough and they learned that it was a privileged to walk without holding my hand all the time. It is not perfect, but I can easily reinforce to them that they need to pay attention and if they don't, we have to stop our walk, they have to hold my hands, etc.
Good luck.

I liked a lot of the suggestions. My son (now 6!) is very energetic. At preschool, he was allowed to walk/run along the sidewalk, along the fence, as long as he would stop at the end of the fence, while I followed behind with my daughter. It was a bit of a game, because he would run, with his hand trailing against the fence, and stop suddenly when I yelled "stop". He only went past once, and had to hold my hand until we "tried again" a few days later. He was 3 at the time. This gave him some freedom, while I carried my daughter (who was 1 year at the time). At 2, he had to either hold my hand, or hold onto something I was holding (the stroller, diaper bag, etc.). However, if he let go, I went back to holding his hand. In a store or enclosed park, he was allowed a little ways away from me, as long as he stayed in sight, didn't get in the way, didn't knock things down - we had days where he could do this, and days where he had to hold my hand or ride in the stroller or cart.

Hello A.: I know how frightening not having a child stop can be. We live on a busy street, so we would go out and "Practice" listening and following orders. I gave up on the word directions as they were sometimes confused by it. I would mark in paint or some other means a line of never crossing and we called it our invisable line and firmly gave them instructions so they knew my expectations, then if they desobeyed I would punish them. I rewarded with hugs and cheers when they listened. For us it was a matter of true saftey for them to obey. I practiced this enough that they found that when I said stop it may be for their safty and they didn't have to have explaination of why or what I saw. I have done this with other children here as well and find that as they get older the younger children tell the little ones where Nana's invisable line of saftey is. I have also found that if I have a little one that is more stubborn than others that if I take time to sit and whisper my needs and concerns before we leave in their ears they will listen and be helpful. It is all about saftey and loving boundries. Enjoy the adventure of parenthood. Nana Glenda

Hi! I used to have this fear as Cole got older and started to walk. He is now 26 months. What has worked for me in the beginning when he started to walk was just always grabbing his arm and be very stearn and say "STOP". That has stuck to him and when I say it now, he does. Keep in mind, I was/am very direct and stearn everytime I did it even if he would cry. I would just let him cry it out. Although I know it's tough w/ your new baby (congrats!), when he would run from me when I would say come here, I just pick him up (even though he's throwing his tantrum).
Another way is to also tell him something he loves doing such as, eating ice cream, or seeing his cousins. These are desperate times when I really need him to listen or we need to leave the park, etc. I feel bad "fibbing" to him but oh well, whatever works! Hope I was a little help!

Here are the words: I'LL WAIT.
You are right, it is a game, and when you move at all, you lose the game, see? So you just say, "I'll wait."And do not move, wait for him to come to you. And praise him when he does.
And let him know he is teaching sister with his actions, so when he stops, praise him for that too (showing sister how to be safe). Good luck!

I second the harness. I bought one when my daughter was about 2 1/2 and she wanted to walk rather than be in a stroller in the mall. I became a nanny when she was 3 and had a 2 yr old and a 5 week old in addition to my daughter. His mom went out and bought one for him since he liked mine so much. It is not mean (I heard a lot of that!), it is a safety issue, you dotn want him to run too far ahead or into a street, and with a newborn, you cant keep running after him. Both Wal*mart and target have cute ones with animal backpacks (great for storing paci's or a baggie with baby wipes or a snack :) )

Ok, so I've got no advice. I just wanted to let you know that I'm in the exact same spot as you!! I too have the two year old son who just wants to run, and a newborn girl, making it hard to keep up with him. I've tried everything, none of it's worked yet - I just have to keep reminding myself to be patient and he'll be past this phase before we know it.

Two year olds must learn to obey their parents. This is for their safety and is not a game. Your NO must mean no, STOP must mean stop. Thousands of kids are seen in emergency rooms (and morgues) because they ran into a street or parking lot, reached up and pulled a boiling pot or sharp knife off the counter, or ate something they were told not to touch.

Each kid will be different when it comes to what it takes to make them obey, what we must do as parents is find what it takes for each of our kids. My older daughter was the easier one. A good firm, mama's not kidding voice was all it took. She'd stop, come back to me, drop something, or whatever. My younger daughter was much more stubborn. We had to elevate consequences to a swat for disobeying. I know it sounds harsh, but a quick swat on a diapered bottom to get her attention was much less harsh than being hit by a bus because she didn't stop when told to.

The best suggestion I know to get your sone to listen to you is to make him immediately regret it when he doesn't. :o)

Hi A.,
My daughter who is now 11 used to do the same thing and it would drive me crazy (and frighten me to death). When we were in a relatively safe environment (front yard, etc) I would simply "play the game" too - instead of trying to chase her down, I would say "come get Mommy!" and slowly run in the opposite direction. She would turn around and come after me every time! Once I caught her I would reiterate that it's not safe to run away from Mommy. Of course, if we were in a parking lot I would insist on holding her hand (or carry her) since the "chase Mommy" tactic was not safe.