I am about ready to pull my hair out. My son is NOT motivated at all to do any homework or put any effort forth to complete the homework. We always end up arguing about it. I am sick of arguing with him. I don't believe that I as his mother should have to put up with him talking to me the way he does. I usually get so frustrated that I end up sitting right there with him making sure he is doing it. He tells me he doesn't understand and that he needs help, even when I try to walk away he is calling me right back. I end up doing homework for 2 hours a night. I have 2 other younger children that I am always putting on the back burner because my son and I are battling. Please help. What can I do to change the cycle?
Thank you Thank you Thank you. First off, I talked to his teacher and she said he tends to "hurry or rush" through his work in school. She said that he is often the first or close to the first one done. His grades are average but he could put more effort into it. She said that she thinks if he were to slow down that he would do better and have more confidence in himself and his work. I have hired a tutor to help him. He will go once a week for an hour. I have also decided to spend 30 minutes after school with him (not doing homework) while my 2 younger kids play unto themselves. I really hope all this helps but if not, I am prepared to get him tested to see if it is something more than laziness. I have to get in control of the situation because right now I feel like he is the one in control. Thanks to you all for making me see that I AM THE PARENT here!! Thanks again. This is a great group of women!
Another mom mentioned books by John Rosemond. I second that. I have had homework problems with my 14 year old son, who has an IQ of nearly 140 but also has ADHD. I bought a book called "Ending the Homework hassle" by John Rosemond. I definitely recommend his book.
I first believe that you need to rule out a learning disability. Talk to his teacher to find out about tests and participation in class. If that is no help, have him tested for dyslexia, ADD, and other possible learning disabilities. Then- if there is no other problem- get down to business. This will take some imagination and investigation on your part. Find out if he is wanting attention or if he is being lazy. Don't fight with him- you are a parent- you don't need to get down on his level. Expect things to change- don't ask. Toys and games are a privilege. Time with friends is a privilege. If he wants attention, set aside EXTRA time with just him if he does his work. This doesn't mean that your time is a privilege, but it does mean that if he wants your attention there will be a better way to get it than to hold you up at the homework table. And if you find out that he just doesn't get one subject- get a tutor- $10-$15 a week is easier to lose than your hair- and easier to gain again. I know this sounds strict, but I truly believe that you are here to teach your children- not bribe, not reason. Children can reason out of anything- and when they learn a lesson well- play with them and love them- treat them with the respect that they have earned from you- they are only children for a short time. good luck.
Dear C.. I had the same problem with my daughter. For me, the situation worsened after her father left us. I finally got to the point that I couldn't sit with her without losing my temper and saying some very harsh things. Someone gave me the idea of putting her in an aftershool tutoring program. She had to do her homework there and she was much better with the teacher (trained to do this stuff, I wasn't. It gave me time to spend alone with my son (I was neglecting him too). She was able to learn ways to help herself so I didn't have to spend time with her and her homework. Good luck!!!!
Sounds like he has learning problems that the school can help with. Schools only help with problems like this thru special ed services.
If you would like to see about this you first have to write a letter to the district sped director stating 'I am requesting an initial full educational evaluation to determine if my child can qualify for special education services as specified by IDEA law'.
There's no need for him to keep struggling when he can get help.
I strongly recommend any books by John Rosemond. His books really helped me with my now, 18 year old son. There is even a book that is for homework troubles.
You can find him on the web or you can get his books for cheap online (half.com) for a fraction of the price.
Good luck. Stay strong!
sounds like he really does need extra help. 2 hours is excessive for a 4th grader. Get in right away to meet with his teacher and find out how they can help. Once they are behind in a subject and don't grasp the concept, it snowballs and everything else becomes exponentially more difficult. See if the school can offer a tutor.
he is frustrated. you are frustrated. don't punish him for not understanding; get him help. He needs to know you trust him and believe him when he says he doesn't get it. If you are angry and short with him, he'll learn to hide it and cover it in other ways so you will like him again. every kid wants their parent to be pleased and proud of them.
good luck. I'm sure it's not easy.
I had the same problem with my son in the 3rd grade. First off it should not have to take you guys 2 hours to do homework. I thought that was a real problem for my son and I so I called his teacher to let her know what was happening. His teacher told me that homework should only take 30 minutes each night and if it was taking longer then she would have to tweek his homework. Just because other kids are doing the homework with no problem doesnt mean that every child is on the same level. So she gave him a little less and a little easier and he was able to do it by himself and then I would check over it. It made such a difference. So I recommend speaking to his teacher about it and see what he/she can do. Also give him a reward. I started doing that, giving him about $5 a week if he completed all his homework by himself (and respect you at the same time). It actually motivated him.
Regardless of how his grades are, there is a possibility he has some learning disabilities that are causing these problems. I would suggest that you talk to his pediatrician about it. If the pediatrician agrees, you can get a note from him asking the school to do testing. You can get the testing done on your own but it is very expensive and often not covered by medical insurance. The school will do it for free and it is done by the county school psychologist. The school has certain obligations to each student to ensure they get an education. Even if your child has no learning disabilities, he may qualify for some help from the school with homework. If your son really doesn't need the help and is maybe just a little lazy then going through this process might give him the motivation he is lacking to get to work on his own. Hope this helps, S.
Honestly I would talk to his teacher, they are wonderful resourses. And in the mean time , sit down with him from the start, forget the fighting and arguing its not getting you anywhere. Ask him what he dosn't understand and explain it the best you can. He may not be having any trouble and just need some attention from his mom, hes the oldest of 3 , I was the oldest of 5 and I can relate the younger ones always have the most time with mom.It could be for him homework time is mommy and him time.
As a former third grade teacher, I get this question a lot. My advise is to first ask the teacher if your son is having trouble in class with the material. Second, I would put a limit of how much time is spent on homework. For example, an hour should be enough time in 4th grade to complete their homework. Put a timer in front of your son so he can monitor how fast/slow he's going. Once the time is up, he must pack everything up for the day. What doesn't get done will have to be explained to the teacher. A lot of times, the kids are embarrassed when they don't have their homework completed, or may have to suffer some kind of consequence from the teacher. This will also show the teacher what your son is having trouble with. I hope this helps you out!
Wow! Is this new problem? How is he doing in school? Has his teacher said anything about his behavior or performance in class?
I am asking because it sounds like you may have a learning dissability on your hands.
Both my sons (14 & 8) have them, we have had lots of help and they are both honor roll students now. That is not always the case, but with the right help you can see incredible advances.
There has to be a deeper reason he is struggling.
My third grader battles me with school work, too. I did a lot of research and found something that has given us a lot of hope and help. Please check out this website. http://www.brightsolutions.us/ It was a lifesaver for our family. It turns out that the most common reason intelligent children struggle with reading/writing/spelling/math is dyslexia. It is very, very misunderstood. This could help a lot. Good luck.
My son is in 4th grade as well. We went through exactly the same thing up until the beginning of this year. He is very active in sports, and so we use that as leverage as much as possible. During off seasons, we use the TV, video games, outside play, whatever he enjoys most. If he doesn't give me 1 good hard hour on his homework, then he gets and hour of whatever taken away. If there are any questions after trying to complete it on his own, I will help him, but he has to TRY it on his own first. We also discovered that our son is ADHD, so that with his medicaitons is helping a lot. I think that the back talk and the hard headedness ( LOL ) is an age thing. My son trys to get away with that, but we are very stern with it. Kids need to know that speaking to adults the way they do sometimes is very disrespect full. I make my son appologize, and then may give him an extra chore or take away an hour off of his bedtime. They don't have to be sever punishments, but there should be some concequence for that type of behavior.
OMG I have the same problem!! I sit with him for hours every night and am so, tired of it. I am begining to think he may have a learning problem. I have just set little goals one thing at a time in his room a very quit spot and as he finishes one I give him another it has helped some. If you have any advice for me please send it my way I am open to try anything. :) GOODLUCK
Have you tried taking away all of his favorite things, like TV, his favorite toys. Thats what I use to do with my children sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But if he can't do all of those things, it might movtiate him to do it.
C. D,
I wish I knew the answer to your question, but instead, I am writing to tell you that you are not alone. I, too, have a 4th grader that brings home mediocre grades and when it comes to school (and only when it comes to school) shows little interest and motivation to succeed. I pray daily that I will have the patience to get through, what I hope, is a temporary lack of interest and until that time, I feel it is my duty to inquire about the completion of homework, assist when needed, and staying on my child to get homework done by any means necessary.
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