Dear mamas,
My 3 years old will not go to sleep on her own. She always wants me to lay down with her and then start asking toys, hugs, books, water.I wait until she fall asleep and get out of her room and in few hours in the middle of the night she will come to our bedroom.Please advice what works for you in terms of putting her to bed and letting her fall asleep on her own and stay in her room the entire night. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and i can't do it anymore.
Thank you.
try The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers by Elizabeth Pantley:
http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Toddlers-Pres...
good luck!
You just say to her that it's time for her to stay in her room and go to sleep without you there, that you will check on her and she is not to come out. If she does you need to discipline her and put her back. You don't go lay by her. If you want this to work you have to be consistent and firm and let her know it's over. In the future I would not start this with the next child or children. It's much easier to not start it than to start it and then have to stop it. Shouldn't take more than a few days to a week to break it though if you are firm and discipline for not staying in bed. She'll learn to fall asleep soon too even if she is awake for a bit in the beginning. I've been there and done this with my first only he was a year and I was sitting by him patting him all hours of the night and had a new baby. I didn't do it again though.
im curious, my 5 year old still likes M. to sit with her until she falls asleep, as for the coming into your bed, the only thing that worked with M. was J. keep taking her back and then I made a chart for how many nights she didn't get out of bed and she got a reward after 10 days
oh also m daughter likes a nightlight so i got rid of all light in my room, and told her i know she likes one but i cant sleep with one so then she started choosing shed rather not ask to come to my bed
Your 3-yr-old might be ready for sleeping on her own. I used a no-cry-it-out technique but it takes a few weeks of work. What is very important is to assure her -- that you are not "gone" just because you are not in the room. She will need a bedtime routine after the baby arrives where she can feel loved and not "left out". See attachmentparenting.org for more info.
The previous idea about the night light might work. Maybe putting her bed in a corner of your room would work for both of you. If she asks for anything, try saying that it's no longer time for books, water, or toys, that it is time for sleeping. Being a "broken record" is key here. Be consistent.
Maybe exaggerate (won't need to exaggerate, I bet!) that you are so sleepy; so, sleepily give her a hug, repeat "it's time for sleeping [in your own bed]", and lay back down. If she can walk into your room, she can walk back to her bed.
I favor co-sleeping and this is the situation doing so helped me out tremendously. Everybody got a good night's sleep! But it's okay to resist doing the co-sleeping thing.
Good luck and congrats on the new baby!
Something that helped for a friend who was struggling with the same issue was talking to their daughter about all the big kid things she liked to do on her own and then relate it to falling asleep alone too. They phased out the time spent in bed with her each night, starting at like 20 minutes and then over a week or two going down to just a couple of minutes. Some of this depends on how independent your daughter is, so might not be the right fit. Good luck!
Remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with your daughter. You have made it a fun game for her at night. She finds things to ask for and when you give her those things, it delays having to go to sleep. Then whatever you have done when she comes to you in the middle of the night has become something for her to look forward to. She probably looks forward to waking up in the middle of the night. If she is like my daughter, she just didn't want to miss out on anything and never wanted to go to sleep in the first place. She wanted to decide when to sleep and where. We never let her to make that decision but it was her desire.
You just have to retrain her to learn that you will no longer be able to play the game. Don't tell her that but tell her that because she is so big now, she will be doing things like a big girl. Find ways to reward her for going to sleep on her own. Don't reward her with things but with time with you (games, dress up, whatever). Then when she adds up a week of going to sleep by herself, she can go to the library with you. After another week, she can go some place else, etc.
You will not want to associate this change with the baby coming as she may resent the new baby. Just keep reminding her what she can do because she is so big. It will come in handy when you can point out that the poor baby doesn't get to play dress up or read books at the library (maybe keep baby home with daddy).
Don't bemoan the fact that you didn't start this a long time ago. Just know that you can retrain her and be consistent. If you let up once, she will think it will happen again.
Here are some tips that may work and the link below has more info. Good luck!
http://blogs.goddardschool.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/01/09/c...
To instill good sleep habits remember that consistency matters so much:
o Bath Time
o Goodnights
o Tuck and Talk Bedtime Story
o Lullabye (yours are best)
o Goodnights
I started out singing or laying next to our son also. Actually, it was right after his little brother was born that I transitioned him. I started out by sitting next to his bed instead of in his bed. When ever he tried to talk to me, I reminded him that it was time to go to sleep. After a few nights he stopped trying to talk to me and began to focus on sleeping. I still stayed until he was asleep. After a few more days I started making up excuses to leave. "Mommy needs to take clothes out of the dryer, but I'll be right back." "I need to clean up the dishes, and then I'll be right back." Whatever the excuse was, I always came back. I gradually lengthened the time that I was gone (2 min, 5 min, 15 min). Eventually he was asleep when I came back, but I always checked on him.
It was really only a couple of weeks before I began walking him to his bed, saying goodnight, giving kisses, etc. and leaving the room. He goes to bed just fine about 90% of the time. And unless he's sick or has a bad dream, he doesn't bother us at all at night.
Hang in there. Be patient and compassionate but firm, and you should be fine!
I have alwayz read to my kidz, our 11 yr old Grandaughter who is ours, still wants to be read to occasionally, it's just a nice bedtime experience.
I would tell her, 'Mommy is going to start bedtime stories now so when the new baby is here we can all read together' get her a drop of water (if you get too much she will want to get back up to potty, make sure she went before tucking in), tuck her in (if you have a rocker or a comfy chair put it in her bedroom now before baby comes), read her the story, kiss goodnight & leave the room. It may take a few times but looking forward to that special time with you & soon to be new brother or sister will become a tradition in the family.
My last two were only 17mts apart & when I got my 3 grans to raise the youngest 2 were 15 & 2 months, so I know that bedtime can be when you are @ your most tired, you will be suprised @ home much this can help you to unwind after a hectic day.
Good Luck & Congrats!
