How to Get Sleep with a Newborn and a Toddler

Put the toddler in their own bed and close the door. As long as the toddler is clean/fed, do not worry. And do not start the new baby sleeping with you.

Read the books Babywise and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Sleep is the most important thing for the whole family. These two books have very specific instructions and techniques that work! It isn't easy getting into a regular routine once the second child arrives, but it is absolutely necessary if you want to feel calm and rested.

Hi P.,

I feel your concerns. They were the same ones I had a couple of years ago. My 2 little ones are 1yr and 8 days apart. Hannah was still sleeping in my room in her baby bed when her brother was born. So I put up a playpen bassinet thing by my bed for the baby. When she was about 14 mo old, I transitioned her into a big girl bed into her room, and put the baby in her baby bed. It was rough at first, but my suggestion is just be consistant with your older child, no matter how you decide to do it. 2 yrs later, its a breeze condsidering where we came from. They share a room now, and although getting her to sleep sometimes is a chore, they won't go to sleep without each other and they sleep all night long. Kids are such a blessing, we as mom's just have to roll with the punches, and find out what works best for us. If co-sleeping works, DO IT!! Whatever you feel comfortable with and gives you the rest that you are going to need to keep up with them both, cause trust me, the fun is about to begin! LOL!!! :)

Have a great day!

D. Mattern-Muck
The MOM Team
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My newborn is 2 1/2 weeks old and I had the same fear. I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old too. My 3 year old wasn't taking naps but sure could use them so a month before the baby came I started laying down with my son and taking naps. my 2 year old is a good napper (she is still in the crib and hasn't learned to climb out yet. I just push through the mornings and get stuff done but right after lunch we all lay down and take naps together.

I have a two-year-old and twin babies. No husband in the house and I work full time outside the home. However, I get the best sleep now than I have had in years. My toddler is in the big bed with me and the twins are in their cribs right beside me. Yes, I get interrupted, but we all just go back to sleep. My toddler is happier and sleeps better than in his own bed. I take care of my babies faster and they go back to sleep. Be close to your kids. Everyone will benefit. Life is good.

I don't know if you attend church. But there are parenting courses that some churchs run that help you stabilize your baby's wake sleep cycles and by 8-10 weeks the baby sleeps through the night as in 7-8 hours. So the first 6 weeks are rough as with any new baby. The course is called (the book is called) Let the Children come along the infant way by Ezzo and Ezzo. You can purchase the secular version through book stores and it is called Babywise by Ezzo and Ezzo. It is the same information but doesn't have the God stuff in it.
If you go through a church that runs the courses you can call the people who run the course for support and assistance. If you just go buy the book you are on your own.
I am also a postpartum nurse and we are told to tell the parents not to co-sleep, the risk of falling asleep on your baby and suffocating them is too much of a risk to even think about. Or with pillows in the bed and blankets etc could easily suffocate a new born that cannot even lift it head let alone move a blanket off it. You are so sleep deprived in your first few weeks that you wouldn't know if you rolled over on to your baby.
My husband and I run these courses through our church. Read the book it doesn't take long and the information is not rocket science and makes a lot of sense.

Good luck

Congrats on your upcoming new little one! My daughters are 23 months apart. How I handled the sleep situation - I co-slept with the baby in the nursery (breast feeding) and my husband got the toddler to bed/sleep. This was the only way I could do it - I couldn't imagine trying to handle both. Good luck!!

Do you co-sleep with the toddler?
Are you planning on co-sleeping with the newborn?
Reason I ask is because unless you're planning on co-sleeping with both, or if you're needing to transition the toddler to his own bed -- I don't think it will be as stressful as it might seem right now. I don't think you're toddler will be the limiting factor on sleep as much as the newborn will (for night time sleep). What the other ladies have said sounds good to me. We took advantage of naps a lot. I don't have any family near, so it was just the kids and me at home all day every day...naps are good :-)

hth
K., mama to
Catherine, 4y
Samuel, 14m

I am a single mom with a 28 month old daughter who STILL sleeps with me (and she does not sleep well either...she always talks in her sleep and tosses and turns ALL NIGHT). I am 16 weeks pregnant and soon to be in the same boat as you! I don't know what I'm going to do when the baby is here. I hope she grows out of it by September, but I really need to get her trained in her own bed before the new one gets here.

Good luck...I wish I had advice for you.

i agree with co-sleeping and breastfeeding. ltos of good cuddle time, and everyone feels safe. the baby wise book did NOT work for us, it just didn't. i knew it right away. i don't function without sleep either, but luckily during those first months of a newborn's life you really only need to communicate with your kids. don't worry about being a superhuman, just focus on those little bundles of love you have, and of course your husband... just put your energy only where you need to.

I have 3 kids ages 6, 3 and 1. I have one word for you that will SAVE your sleep!
CO-SLEEP
Okay I have one more word that goes well with co-sleeping and that is
Breastfeed!
In response to another poster Please, Please,Please do NOT do Babywise. It is a traumatic way to raise your baby. Parenthood and babyhood should not be traumatic.
Good luck!
T.
Would you like to make money and stay home with your kids?
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I don't sleep well with the kids in the bed with me.

I made sure they each slept in their bed and I lay with them for a little while if they needed me. Having my space gave me an area to totally relax and get a good deep sleep--even if I was woken up after 3 hours.

I also napped in the daytime while they napped. It took about a year to get both kids on the same exact schedule. My kids are 1 year apart. Ds started walking about a month and a half before dd was born and he was eating table food, otherwise it was totally having 2 babies on different schedules for awhile.

Your body learns to adjust to catnaps, snacks, and always moving with a baby in your arms. ;-) And you also can tell yourself it will only last for that one year! By the time the baby is a year old it will be able to do so many things and the older one will be used to sharing mommy.

Hi P.!

There is a great book called "Sleeping Through the Night" How infants, toddlers, and their parents can get a good night's sleep by Jodi A Mindell, PH.D. I was given the book as a gift when I was pregnant with my second child and read it before my baby was born. It was amazing how simple the advice sounded and how great it worked. I have passed the book on to several people to read and we all had similar results. My daughter slept through the night at three months old. She is now 23 months old and sleeps 12 - 15 hours a night and takes a 2-3 hour nap! One of the greatest things that we did was find a baby friendly stuffed animal (no hard nose or eyes to bite off) to put in her crib from the time she came home from the hospital. To this day she still sleeps with it. When she wakes up in the middle of the night (even a 3 months old she could see it) she can find the animal, everything is OK and she goes back to sleep. My suggestion is to have two of the same animals and trade them out each night or week so that they both work. My daughter has two of the same ones, but only one was in her crib from the beginning (I didn't think about changing them out) and she knows the difference by sight, touch and smell (even when both are washed at the same time).

Good Luck!

T. V

I also was worried when I was having my second. I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. My husband and I came up with a system. He was mostly in charge of the 2 year old and I the baby. I am breastfeeding. He takes over after dinner until bedtime. That way if the baby falls asleep you can catch a little cat nap. The other thing that we did is he did the feedings in the early part of the night and I would go to sleep. He would turn in around 11 or 12 and then it was me for the rest of the night. That way you can get some sleep built up on the front end of the night.
Just like everyone tells you, nap when they do. I have been pleasantly surprised at how well our baby is sleeping through the night. OUr 2 year old didn't sleep through the night until she was about 9 months old. Our other little one starting sleeping through the night( a 6 hour stretch) at 3 months.
You will do great. You adapt quickly. Focus on getting your sleep, dishes and vacuuming can wait. Best of luck!

I have three children. My youngest two are 18 months apart. I went to bed when my children did (around 8:00). I read somewhere that the sleep before midnight is more important than the sleep we get after midnight. My 18 month old woke up during the night because she was wet, not for any other reason. One important thing is to get your kids back to sleep as quickly as possible so you can get right back to sleep as well. I learned to get my newborn back to sleep within 20 minutes or so. Change, feed, burp, bed. Hope this helps!

Hi P.-

My first two children (now ages 6 and 4) are 23 months apart. When I was pregnant with my daughter I worried about this as well. Does your toddler have a regular nap schedule? If so, make sure you keep that schedule going after the baby is born. During the first couple of months the baby will sleep so much that they are bound to overlap so that you can nap as well.

My son quit napping shortly after my daughter was born. I continued to put him in his room at his usual nap time but allowed him to play quietly with his toys. This quiet time allowed him to learn how to play by himself and also allowed me time to rest. If your toddler does not nap well try to establish quiet time now. Have your toddler play quietly in his room for a few minutes every day at a set time. Slowly build the time up so that eventually he will give you an hour or so.

On really bad days, I just put both kids in the car and took a drive. Usually after about 15 minutes I had both of them asleep.

Like everything else with kids, you'll figure out what works best for you and everyone will be fine!

Good Luck,
K.

Oh honey, I feel for you! My oldest 2 are 23 months apart also. I found that taking naps when my toddler did was great. I was breast feeding the baby, so we would just lay down when my daughter went to sleep . I have found that generally breast feeding has given me much better rest than my friends that bottle feed (no getting up to prepare bottles all the time) but I also cosleep with my babies, which I know is not for everyone. Good luck!

I have one suggestion. You might be feeling extra tired in the last few weeks, so this will help with that too.

Start spending your day, especially time with your 23 month old toddler, as if the baby was already in your life. Like, put the baby seat into the car (you may be moving your toddler from her/his favorite spot in the car). Start spending 15 or 20 minutes relaxing in your most comfortable chair while telling your toddler that this is "mommy-baby" time and asking her/him to play quietly for those minutes (where you can see her/him or in a bedroom).

Then remember to make a few minutes for just you and your toddler. Good examples include reading, listening to music and dancing.

You will want to try to nap when your toddler is napping as well as when your new baby is sleeping. For this, don't hesitate to ask family, friends, church "mother's day out" and any other help you can get (can your husband hold the baby and entertain or feed the toddler supper while you get a shower? get a nap?) Don't feel bad about asking for help with laundry and dishes! That made a big difference to me. Good luck!

Hopefully your newborn will be a sleeper. In my case, that is what happened - my first was a crummy sleeper and my second slept through the night from the first day! If this doesn't happen, you should solicit your husband's help in taking care of the toddler while you take care of the infant. In preparation for the birth of our second kid, I made my husband and son work on their own night routine, as I knew I wasn't going to be able to handle the toddler and the newborn all myself. This wasn't easy, as my son really didn't want anything to do with his father at night, but just through persistence over time, my husband is m son's first choice when he wakes up in the middle of the night, now.

Good luck.

Not to sound corny or anything, but if I were you, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

I have two boys, 22 months apart. It's not as hard as it seems like it would be, as far as sleep or other routine stuff goes.

The best advice I can give you is to accept help when it's offerred, have a few people you can ask for help (number one being your husband), and prioritize so that you make the most of the few quiet moments you DO get.

I really really wouldn't worry about it, though. I'm sure you'll find that your family will adjust into a routine in just enough time for you to not lose all ability to function.

Good luck!

I have four children, ages 5,4,2 and 1. So I've been where you're at. Here's my sleep solutions:

Toddler should have own bed. It's fine if the bed is in your room, but the toddler should not be in your bed with the new baby (I know some who disagree, but I also know some who nursed an infant, toddler and grandbaby all at the same time- I'm just not superwoman, LOL0 You can even have the toddler pick out a neat cool to touch nightlight (my girls have one with a big butterfly on top) and a new blanket. this might help him stay in his own bedroom.

When the toddler goes to sleep, lay down in bed and breastfeed- it is necessary you breastfeed and learn to do so laying down. Change the baby's diaper and then nurse, and you can drift off to sleep while nursing. when I wake up and the baby is finished and asleep I put the baby in a bassinet or something next to my bed. It's easy to go back to sleep.

When the baby wakes up, I do not immediately pick her up. I wait until she is actually crying and then I nurse her. By the time she is seven weeks old she'll start waking, squirming and fussy just a tiny bit, and then go back to sleep on her own. If she doesn't and cries, THEN I nurse her but only then. Soon she should be able to sleep five or more hours between feedings! But until then, if you nurse while laying down it will help.

Also, nursing will release chemicals in your body that you are missing when you are sleep deprived. This is another benefit to breastfeeding!

My kiddos are 17 mos apart and it was very hard the first few months. I would say we got NO sleep the first month or so and then it got better, but not great. When my daughter was around 9 mos it was so much better. But she was a terrible sleeper. My son (first born) was a great sleeper though as was sleeping through the night at 2 mos! It depends on the baby. Just make sure you are prepared to not get a lot of sleep in the beginning. That way if you get a sleeper, you will be pleasantly surprised!! And after a few months, hopefully you can get both to take their afternoon nap at the same time and then you at least have that time to rest. GOOD LUCK!!!!

I think that if your toddler has a schedule for sleeping, then you might be able to encourage your newborn to get on the same scedule (with-in his own) so they are sleeping at the same time as much as possible. THen the important thing is to make sure YOU also sleep at that same time! I have a 21 month who only sleeps about 8 hours every 24, including naps, & I work full time out of the house. So when I get a chance I take a 20 minute power nap as often as I can...at work on my lunch break, when he's content watching a movie, etc...They really help!

I feel for you, I have a 2 month old and a two year old, they are 23 months apart. I am still trying to figure out the sleep thing because the baby goes to bed late and my toddler wakes up early. They also have completly different nap schedules. I have found that if I really need the sleep I try to go to bed when my toddler goes down. Then I just wake up to feed the baby when I need to. There have been a couple of mornings that my husband has gotten up with our toddler and let me sleep in with the baby. I don't know if this helps at all, but I am sure that eventually both kids will be on the same nap schedule. Well good luck, and I hope you get some good sleep.