How to Go About Discipline

I've recently done a "plus and minus" chart for my son. I also posted a list of rules. When he breaks a rule, I give him a minus. If he does something on his "plus" list, I change the minus to a plus. When he fills up the chart, he gets a reward.

Sounds like he needs some positive attention. I'm reading The Power of Positive parenting, which I recommend, but in short you praise the good stuff and redirect the not great stuff.For example, the loud music- I know you love that music, but can you use head phones while the baby sleeps, or even better, the baby is sleeping so why don't we do _____ together.

I am reading and re-reading the book "Teaching with Love and Logic"... I read it before, but only half-heartedly... but this time I am reading it with a purpose and it really is helping... I would strongly recommend it to everyone who lives with and/or works with children. It is helping me at the preschool where I work, as well as with my own daughter... and it can be applied to all ages.

Love love love, discipline, discipline, discipline. Increase the love, increase the discipline. When all is well, give genuine positive love and attention. Don't bribe to be good, or reward for what's expected, just keep things very close and loving as much as possible for an 11 year old boy. Do things he really likes for him, let you know you love him in ways he will like. Win his respect by respecting him and being a good role model with how you treat others, never giving other people attitude, etc. On the flip side. Step up the discipline. Whatever you're doing, it isn't enough. Being disrespectful and talking back is not allowed. Don't consider it attitude, consider it a capital offense. Act strongly and immediately every single time he does it until he learns. It may be a little too late at his age to completely re-teach him, but the harder you work, the better it will be going forward. Don't give up on him! Good luck! Check out the book, Back to Basics Discipline, A Program to Raise Extraordinary Children by Janet Campbell Matson

Can you ask your 16 year old to talk to the 11 year old for you? Just in order to find out any information and pass it on to you. Maybe there is a reason your 11 year old is acting out. I remember being 11 and sometimes it's easier to talk to your older sibling instead of your parents.

T.,

On the matter of the noise, babies get used to that anyway, and maybe he will stop if you ignore it. On other matters they say if you think of ways to reward when they do something right besides punishing when they do something wrong, that helps. Good Luck with it,

M.

We are dealing with this issue also. What we have tried with sucess is rewards. We have a chart that the kids check off in the morning to keep the routine going. If they fail tehy do not get the reward. If they do meet the reward they are allowed to play 30 minutes of video games ater homwewok is done. Its easier to do the rewards instead of punishment because it is incentive to meet a goal. Just like if you were at work you get a raise beased on your good job prefomance :) You might want to offer a different reward based on your sons intrests. We also offer a $10 reward certificate for 100% on tests (or a smiles for our oldests behavior chart)to be spent as they desire. they can be saved or spent on books or small toys in the price range of what they have. I make them take the reward certificate with when we go shopping so they can't claimt hatthey have ine and then they don't. It helps build the responsibility level and understand how $ works. I would also speak to him about what HER thinks would help him have a positive attitude int eh am. Maybe he wants to sleep longer or stay up later. Allow him to be part of the process. If he is still having trouble, remind him that he helped make the decision and is responsible for how he acts :)

What is Dad doing while his son is copping an attitude ? Sometimes the best way to solve the problem is to have his dad let him know in NO uncertain terms that NO ONE talks to his wife that way.

When our older girls were young teens, my husband didn't intervene if we argued, but when the kids got rude, he let them know they weren't allowed to talk to me that way.

the other thing I always did was to say that feelings are okay, but if you are going to behave inappropriately, you have to behave that way in your own room. When you are willing to behave politely, you may come out. I know he has to get ready for school, but if he's going to be loud, send him outdoors. He can bellow all he wants outside, and then come in and be quieter so the baby can sleep.

If the baby is up, I wouldn't worry about it. The infant will get used to the people in his environment.

Also watch for the source of the loudness and attitude -- is it because he isn't getting any attention because there's a newborn ? maybe you need to make some changes, too.

Personally, I have NEVER grounded my kids. And I never will. I don't think it's viable for discipline unlesss you are punishing them for staying out too late, or something like that. Making them stay home for acting out at home isn't helping you out much. It just makes both of you feel worse.

I am thinking that this is very hard for him to have been the youngest for so long and then not anymore. It is easier when they are toddlers. He may not realize that this is why he is upset and acting out. Hopefully he will realize that this is not such a big adjustment and enjoy a new sibling.

There's a great book called "How to Talk to your kids so they'll listen, and listen so your kids will talk" (Faber). I just recommended it to my sister and she said it's made so much difference. Try it.

They also published one called "Siblings without rivalry" that's really good.

I second "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk"...it's the BEST book when it comes to discipline...there is a teen version too. I've used the methods taught with my son since he was three. He is now 16 and an honor student and the most respectful kid you've ever met (yes, I know, I'm braggin' lol). I credit that book...I cannot say enough about it!! I just went to his parent/teacher conferences and all of his teachers echoed the above...saying his is the best behaved kid and they wish every kid was like him...so sweet and helpful..seriously, as my son having MY genes, he could have easily gone the other way...I was a handfull! :)

Well did this start when the baby arrived. If so it sounds as though your son is jealous. He is no longer the "baby" he is no longer getting most of the attention. I would sit him down and have a heart to heart talk and then is it continues, you just tell him you love him and that he needs to start listening and behaving and if he doesn't than he will be grounded with no tv,computer, games etc..etc... for a long time but through it all you are still going to love him. good luck

I second the reply on the book How to talk so kids will listen, and how to listen so kids will talk. (Faber, Mazlish) or Liberated Parents, Liberated Children (also Faber, Mazlish)

I attended a class based off these books and they helped my son and I connect on a new level. its doesn't always works but thats part of discipline.

Good luck!