How to Handle Separation Anxiety with 2-Year Old?

My oldest went thru it a bit at 2, it lasted a couple of months and then he was fine. When baby came he actually started getting more attached to dad, finally. :-)
My younger son is 2.5y and is doing this lately. I think it's partly feeling yucky from getting his huge back molars, and from introducing the idea of the potty, and we've been talking about preschool. Although now i'm remembering that he did it for no apparent reason a few months ago.
I will give him the extra attention while it's obvious he needs it, but with him I think the best way to handle things is to not deviate too much from the usual (or at least not for too long). For him, he needs to see that i'm still confident in what we're doing. If I reinforce that starting preschool IS something to be scared of then he'll be worse.
I'd say just drop the talk about baby for a bit, it is a very hard concept for toddlers to get (I don't think my husband or I "got" it before the first one lol). And if you feel like she needs the attention and you aren't getting resentful about giving it then give it, but with words like "do you need some extra cuddles?" rather than "what's wrong? are you okay?" kind of talk.
When it really wore on me that he wouldn't let me leave him, I just did so with people he knew and that knew him and who wouldn't be worried if went high drama. Then i'd come back sooner than usual and act like everything was fine because every thing was fine.
The best I can remember, they each went about 2 months with it.

Yes every thing you are going through is normal. Great news, huh. (please don't shoot me!) At 2 there is a separation period. She is afraid you are not going to come back, whether or not the new baby was going to come. So the thing with Church is normal and will pass.

When my daughter was one she used to chase me into the shower for some time alone, and it was a short shower! I just lived through it. But I did take lots of pictures of her having temper tantrums. One time at 5 years, I told her it was not my fault and to go yell at a tree. She did and I have a picture of it.

I know that you are really tired, but if you can develop a sense of humor about your situation, it my help her to choose different behavior. Something like Dad and I will race you to the bed and the first person gets to read the story, the second tucks you in.

Most kids deal with separation anxiety at one time or another in their lives. My daughter was about 2 years old when it really started to show it's head. I always rocked and cuddled her to sleep at night and was generally her primary care giver. It was time to start teaching her to fall asleep on her own, go to Grandma's house for a play date etc and she flipped!

I found the best routine was to go at it slowly and talk lots. With bedtime I didn't just put her down and leave her crying I'd cuddle her for the duration of 1 song (she likes having her own music "You are my sunshine" on repeat while she falls asleep, which started about the same time as the anxiety) and then I tucked her in. At first I'd stay beside her bed till she was asleep, a week later I moved to the edge of the room, 3 days later the hall, 3 days later down the hall etc. When she'd fuss I'd tell her not to be afraid or don't worry Mommy's still here that was key once she couldn't see me. We talked lots about how mommy will always come back (at church, with grandma etc) and that Mommy loved her. And when she was sleeping I was always just a call away.

After our youngest was born I had to go through a little of it again, but by then she'd learned that I wasn't leaving her. When it came to Daddy doing bedtime it was a matter of getting her excited all day on how special it was to have Daddy put her to bed!! It became a game!

I think you are doing great. Just hang in there and she will continue to get the insurance she is needing. I would not force her to go to nursery unless you really need to. Her reaction is normal for her age and at age 2 your love and empathy will mean more than trying to verbally explain things to her.

It sounds like you are doing everything that you can to try to understand her and I applaud you for that. As a military spouse we have a little experience with separation anxiety. My son was born in 2001 and his dad was deployed before he was 3 months old. Dad took one of his dolls and took pictures of himself with it and emailed them. As my son has grown they have traded off on who cares for the snake doll during a deployment and trying to take the silliest pictures possible. (he is 8 now) When I had to leave him at school for the 1st time his dad had deployed for 18 months and he completely freaked out about being "completely alone". I couldn't use the doll as it was Dad's turn so I solved the problem by leaving him with something to "take care of for Mama". I gave him my necklace and we have used this for our daughter as my son grew out of needing it. It has always worked for us. I wear the necklace and it only comes off if I am in the shower or she is caring for it. When I get ready to leave I take the necklace and tell her she has to give it back when I come back. At first I made a big deal about how I was trusting her to keep it safe etc. and it switched her focus to the job she was doing for Mama instead of the fact that I was leaving. She had something to remind her of me when she felt insecure and it reassured her that I was coming back. It worked so well her preschool teacher made Mama necklaces for Valentines Day and other moms are now using theirs in the same way. Best of luck! Oh 1 other idea I gave my son a baby when I was pregnant that he could care for. Steve became his responsibility and at first when my daughter was born he would carry his baby around and take care of it. By the time the novelty wore off he was used to his sister and no longer cared that there was a new baby. Maybe she is feeling like she will be displaced by the new baby and a baby of her own or some other age appropriate responsibility will help?

My nursery leader at church told me (when I went through the same thing with my daughter), that MOST children at 2 years old go through a separation anxiety, and it lasts about a month... sure enough, two months later, she loved nursery again :) Good luck!

Separation is hard on mom and child! It sounds like you are really trying hard to keep the love and empathy flowing, but also feeling worn out.

Here's an article I found helpful called Healing the Hurt of Separation: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/44/64/Healing-the...

I found listening to my daughter cry and empathizing with her really helped her get it out of her system, so to speak. It took about 6 weeks for us. (She wouldn't cry when I left her at school, she'd hold it until we got home and she had her nap. Then she'd cry for about 30 minutes while I held her and told her I was sorry it was so hard.)

She's going through a second separation anxiety stage now at age four and I plan to keep connecting with her and listening to her upsets to help her through it. It also helps that I have people to talk to about how hard it is for me sometimes. (Even we moms need someone to love, support and listen to us while we cry or rage at how hard this can be sometimes.)

One thing that helped us with our two year old was that my husband started doing more stuff with her - specifically, every Sat. i went to prenatal yoga (which i also recommend, btw) and he spent the morning alone with her - at a playground, or shopping, or whatever. It really helped them bond, which, in turn, helped ease the pressure on me to be her primary go to point. Not an immediate fix, but it did help. With a bit less pressure on me to be on all the time, i was also able to give her more patience when i was on.

good luck.

Separation anxiety is tricky and completely different with every child! My now 6 year old daughter had to be pulled off of me from about 14months to 4 years old. Every morning at daycare was a struggle. Most days I left her school crying....but not because I was leaving her crying but because I was so fed up with her crying and kicking and screaming. When she entered K4 it slowly just tapered off and she hasn't cried or refused to go a single day to Kindergarten this year. My son cried the first 2 weeks of school and that was it because I refused to deal with it again. When dropping off at school I walked him in, said our goodbyes and left. I didn't hang around or even look back. It worked like a charm! When putting him to bed I did the same thing. Good luck!!! I know how much of a struggle this can be!

The first thing that I would make sure of is that nothing negative is happening at daycare. Whether it is bullying or something that could be more serious, I would take he r response seriously, which it seems like you are. I don't want to be super alarmist, but I'm just a protective mom as well.
As for the new baby thing. I am pregnant as well with a 2 year old & we have gotten him several big brother books & baby is coming, etc. as well as a small cradle & doll that he rocks his baby to sleep in. He seems to be getting excited to be a big brother. good luck with it.