How to Handle This (If at All)...

I think I would wait for the little girl to be nice then later, in private, I would thank her for being such a good friend to my daughter. Recognize that she is older and you are so glad she is able to set a good example by walking into school with your daughter etc. Hopefully she will try harder to live up to your praise:). I definitely would not talk to her parents about this.

I would not say anything to the other parent unless you want to end the carpool. I would however say to your daughter that "X" wants to walk with her friends at school. and to leave it at that.

You can't make kids be friends. And this other little girls mom has probably said to her just get along til you get to school and then go on in. Just because they ride together doesn't make them friends.

And there is a huge difference in kindergarten and first grade. age wise maybe not so much but growth and emotionally. and it sounds also like the other mom lets her watch way to much tv thats to old for her. Let them play when they want but the other little girl wants to get in to be with her friends. not hang out with a kindergartner lol.

Teach your daughter, that everyone is different, but it doesn't make it right.
There is nice and mean. I am sure your daughter knows the difference.
Tell her, some people are mean, some are not, but know who SHE is.
Don't let others affect her.

The other thing is: they are just car-pooling together. That does not make them BFF's. Especially for the older girl.
But being your daughter is younger, they don't see the fine lines socially.
But sure, the older one has attitude and denigrates your daughter.
So, if that were me... I WOULD right there, correct that girl. And I would tell the Mom that she is insulting the younger one.
It is not about comparing ethics between your family or theirs or about parenting.. but make it about how the older one is insulting the younger one. If the Mom asks how... then give examples but don't value judge what the older girl watches on TV etc. Because then those parents will not receive it well.

Or, you don't say anything. But if in YOUR car and this is going on... you TELL THAT GIRL... she is wrong. There is no reason to PICK on a younger child. Everyone is different and just because she watches shows like that or has a Justin Beiber party (ick), it does not make her better than anyone else. There is always people younger or older than her. And they ALL have different thoughts. I have heard kids like that.... at my kids' school, and I tell them "Oh yuck, I don't like Justin Beiber... you watch Austin & Ally? They don't look like smart kids they only worry about what others think of them. I'd rather be my own person....and think for myself."
I have actually told kids, that. In a nice tone of voice of course.

Teach your daughter, now... how to be her OWN person.
And to discern, icky attitudes and what a nice friend is or not.
I began doing that with my kids as Toddlers. So that once they started school... they didn't get too flustered over kids like that. And if someone was "mean" to them... they were able to just act like a Teflon pan, and be fine with themselves. Still.

Perhaps, you can explain that that older girl, is just a car-pool "guest." Not a friend or buddy.

And, not all "older" kids are mean to younger ones.
Some are though. So teach your child...
And not everyone has to like everyone.
Just be glad... your daughter doesn't have friends, like that! :)

You can dictate carpool, you can't dictate friendship.
Leave it alone. The other parents will see her behavior and either act or not.
IF it bothers your daughter, let it be a good moment to teach how to BE a good friend. This neighbor's not the only pal in town!
Good luck!

I would not say anything to the parents. They know their daughter acts this way at times and have taught her to say sorry.

You can teach your daughter that sometimes we're in a bad mood and some kids act this way. Tell her that it's the other kids problem and for her to not take it personally. Talk with her about how this makes her feel and what she can do to feel better. Ask her what she thinks she could think about that would make her feel better. All of this in kid's terms.

Your daughter will be around people like this her whole life. Good to learn how to deal with it now.

I suggest that even tho this girl needs to learn how to be more diplomatic it is good for her to be able to say she doesn't want to walk with your daughter. Many of life's problems are caused by people making nice and ignoring their own feelings.

I had a similar situation with my niece who I babysat for free. it got to be to the point she'd sit on my couch and pout and play her DS while my 2 daughters 2 & 4 yrs younger would get hurt feelings why she wouldn't play with them. I asked her a few times to interact and then brought it up to my sister. I didn't feel it was right for me to instruct her behavior after all I was doing a favor for free. my nieces attitude got worse and I mentioned it again and I said I didn't think she was very happy here so thats one of the last times I saw my niece & sister where everyone was cordial.

Unfortunately it wasn't something we could work out. Now my little sister babysits my niece for free. My sister & niece aren't allowed to attend my children's birthday parties or play date or anything (by their choice not ours, they are always invited). It has really put a strain on our relationship.

I will say to be careful if you bring it up to her parents, they may be insulted and it could ruin your relationship.

I would not say something to her parents. She's not "a brat." This isn't an eye for an eye situation or civilization. We don't need to continuously escalate small issues and blow them up into huge ones.

First, while it's sad that this little girl hurt your daughter's feelings it's actually a good life lesson for your daughter. It's all right if someone doesn't want to be friends with her.

Secondly, the other little girl explained why she was running ahead and not waiting for your daughter.... and sure, she didn't say it in a very polite way but she wasn't mean. She didn't call your daughter names or insult your daughter. She's only 6.5 years old so she's not going to have a grasp on diplomacy. That needs to be taught over years and years. There are plenty of teens, young adults, adults, and elderly that don't have a grasp at all on diplomacy.

I don't see a problem with addressing the other little girl directly as a situation occurs. "Emmaleigh, I understand that you feel that way, but when you say it like that it hurts Lila's feelings. Maybe next time you could say it this way instead: ______."

Most importantly, make sure that your daughter knows that her worth is not dependent on this girl's friendship and it's all right if this girl chooses not to be friends with her. As long as the girls can be polite to each other, they don't have to play together or be friends. They just have to occupy the same space for a short time on school days.

I gotta tell you, even if they were the same age, and in the same grade, and best friends since diapers, once they hit school, everything changes.
Carpools (and dinner parties) start to get very awkward.
If you MUST carpool, continue to do so, and make sure that certain rules are followed in the car, like no name calling, gossip, etc.
But if it is at all possible to take a bus (where a larger group makes for more chances to sit with kids you actually LIKE) then do it now!
<sigh> It's so hard when they start to grow up and have personalities and preferences of their own, including who they actually like and want to hang out with :(

No, don't say anything to the parents. It will only cause problems. The girls are only 5 and 6, and this stuff is normal. When the girl is bratty while with you, correct her, as you have been doing. Then just give your daughter some words of wisdom about people like this girl, and tell her to go find some nice girls to play with. Don't make a big deal out of it with either your daughter or the other girl. It's life.

This won't be the last time your daughter has to deal with stuff like this - empower her now.

"what can I teach my daughter about how to respond when her friend decides to treat her this way?"

I would teach my daughter that somebody who treats you this way is not a friend and to keep looking... Even if this other girl does not share the same interests, she still needs to respect the fact that your daughter likes x,y, and z. The same goes for your daughter. Even if she doesn't like the same things, she needs to respect the fact that the other girl does like a,b, and c.

Whether you continue to the rideshare is up to you but your daughter needs to realize that you are doing nothing more than sharing rides, no friendship is implied.

Focus your energies on helping her to establish 'true' friendships.

i'm not sure i would mention it to the parents, this sounds like typical kid stuff. you need to handle it when it's on your watch, hubby needs to handle it on his, just like they "should" on their watch. whether they do or not, you can't control. confronting them will just screw up the relationship, so unless you're ready to end the arrangement, i wouldn't.

i have to disagree when you say that your addressing it "puts an end to it". then why does she start up again every time? why are you having to repeat yourself constantly? if you were serious and she knew it, it would not be something you're still having issues with.

i think you and hubby should both be a little firmer with her. bottom line, when she is in your care, you are responsible for her. so take responsibility, and put an end to her acting like a brat. it really is that simple.

No, don't say anything to the parents. It will only cause problems. The girls are only 5 and 6, and this stuff is normal. When the girl is bratty while with you, correct her, as you have been doing. Then just give your daughter some words of wisdom about people like this girl, and tell her to go find some nice girls to play with. Don't make a big deal out of it with either your daughter or the other girl. It's life.

This won't be the last time your daughter has to deal with stuff like this - empower her now.

I wouldn't say anything to the parents.

I would continue to do what you've done and speak with the girls themselves.

I know the girl may come off as bossy and what she said surely hurt your daughters feelings, but it's my guess that the older girl sees your daughter as a bit of a "baby". There's a 1.5 year age difference, and at that age, that can seem like a lot. I would try to tap into the girl's empathy a bit.
"Yes, I know she's not as old as you are, I know she's not as fast or as grown up as you are, but she still has feelings and you two are friends. Would you want a friend older than you hurting your feelings? Of course not. So, let's just really try to be nice to each other, okay?"

Kids who have siblings go through this stuff all the time. The older ones seem "bossy" and tire of their pesky little brothers and sisters, the littler ones try to keep up, want to tag along and be allowed to do the same things as the older ones and their feelings get hurt when they can't.

I would just about bet that next year when your daughter is out of kindergarten, things will change quite a bit. I'm 50 and I remember being in kindergarten and kids saying things like, "Kindergarten baby, born in the gravy." I still don't understand what that's supposed to mean, thus the maturity of the "big" 1st graders saying it.

I just think this is fairly typical. It sucks, but your daughter and those her age will be low kid on the totem pole a few times in their lives. The first year of Junior High, their freshman years of high school and college. I think it's best to deal with this between the kids because really, the older girl, although not always "nice" isn't exactly targeting your daughter to be mean to her.

Just my opinion.

Best wishes.

Nope. Wouldn't say anything to the parents. I probably would say something to the little girl along the lines of "I'm so glad you can be nice to my daughter, even though she's younger than you" when the other girl is in a good mood and joking around with your child.

Separately, I would talk with your daughter and explain that the older girl wasn't very nice, but that they are in different grades and that the older girl wants to act...well, older, and that it's probably best if they remain neighbors but not "friends."

I think first grade is the one of those "milestones" where kids don't want to be seen as a "baby" any longer, and maybe her school friends have been teasing the older girl as being a "baby" since she is friends with a "baby." Not saying that it makes her behavior right...just a reason for why she might have started acting that way.

Do you feel this girl's behavior is to the point that you want to start the conversation with her parents? The "you might need to figure out other arrangements" conversation? Perhaps starting with "You know, (Child's name) seems pretty unhappy with the carpool situation, and I wanted to talk to you about it so you knew what was going on". I would just give a couple exact incidents, keep them brief and without judgment. If you do want to continue giving the rides, then let the parent know "I like your child and am still open to the carpool myself, and I also felt like you should know what's going on. I want this to be an arrangement that works for everyone."

(Don't expect them to be happy. No one likes to hear unpleasant things about their child. If it were me, I'd sleep on it, or wait until after the holidays, reevaluate, and then have the conversation. I'd also ask the opinion of someone I'm close to and who has sound judgment. This is the kind of thing I bounce off my husband or a couple of girlfriends, because I want to be sure it's not 'just me'. )

I would also talk with my child about choosing friends. Some kids are not nice. Some kids are fun to be around. My son is five and we've talked about how some friends are easier to be around than others. He's had friends who have ignored him, and sometimes me. When my son complains to me, we talk about it briefly and do some problem solving. When someone's not being nice, what can we say? Could you come up with a strategy with your daughter that when the other girl is being rude, she could chat with you instead and ignore the girl. Let her know that just because this girl is not kind, it doesn't mean that other people shouldn't be able to enjoy themselves. Tell her that growing up means enjoying lots of different things, one at a time, and that just because this girl is bragging about liking different things, it doesn't mean that your daughter is missing out. What your daughter likes is just as special as what this girl likes.(You can tell her that a lady said that the stuff she thought was great when she was 32 is kind of boring now that she's 42. ;) )

Don't overtalk it, and pick and choose those moments carefully. Some things seem bigger for the adults than they might for the kids. You could ask your daughter how she feels when she's around the girl in question. See if this is temporary upset or if anything of substance comes up. See what she says before you decide what you want to do. I wouldn't mention breaking up the carpool to her until you are ready to do so, and if you do, let it be your decision. I also know that many of these situations do tend to self-correct if we give them time and do a lot of reflective listening. I hope that's the situation in this case. You seem like a really nice mom, and I know I would hate to see my kid treated like this. Good luck.

Personally, I would not say anything to the parents. I understand that you must be having lots of feelings about what she said to your daughter, but I think I would use this as an opportunity to encourage your daughter. I think the real importance here is letting your daughter know that she is "OK" even though other people may act certain ways. For all you know, this little girl could've just been in a bad mood or she may just be an overally grumpy little girl. We have a neighbor who is that way and I just encourage my daughter to play with other kids, to walk away when she is acting a certain way if it makes my daughter uncomfortable, to speak up if she needs to, etc.

I think if you witness this little girl's behavior, you can say something. Or, you can teach your daughter to say something. This too shall pass, I'm sure.

My 6 yo son and the boy up the street, both new to the neighborhood, became good friends at the beginning of the year when they were assigned seats on the bus (they are in different classes thank goodness). This past month, their relationship went sour. They couldn't get along on play dates so we had to stop them. The other boy can be really mean and my son didn't know what to do. He unfortunately decided to handle it by being physical and hitting the other boy after he was made fun of on the bus (in front of the other kid's parents). You can bet they said something to us. So it is important to talk to your daughter about how to handle this other girl before it gets out of control. She will run into other mean girls that you won't be able to control. I told my son to act like the other boy isn't bothering him, say "whatever" and walk away, not to give him that power and definitely not to hit him.

no i wouldn't say anything. at this age the 1 year age difference is huge to them. if it suits you to carpool i wouldn't say anything.

Heck yes, I would tell her parents. They should know that their little brat is being nasty. Of course, I wouldn't word it that way :)

Let them know that your DD really likes their daughter who probably doesn't want to be seen with a Kindergartener - so if she would be more sensitive, that would be great.

And remind your daughter that she is her own person and has her own likes/dislikes and that is perfectly fine.

If my son treated another child that way, I would want to know. So I'd vote for saying something to the parents. You can bring it up relatively softly, saying older kids often get self-conscious about being seen with younger kids, but that this little girl didn't seem to understand how it made your daughter feel.

Just picture yourself in those parents' shoes. What would you want to know, how would you want it conveyed?

I would talk to the older girl.

At drop off time, I'd ask her to stay a few moments after DD gets out of the car. I'd try to have a conversation with her and get her on YOUR side. Ask for her help, since she's SUCH a big girl.

I'd say something along the lines of, "Sweetie, I've noticed that you like to tell DD all about the things you like, and then you make fun of the things she likes because they are for littler kids. (Pause for response) But you have to remember, you're older than she is. You like different things. It's okay for people to like different things. Do you think you could let her like what she likes and be kind about it? (Pause for response) I've also noticed that you like to tell DD when she's not doing something right. I think that you like to do that because you are older and know a few more things...what do you think? Okay, but next time, do you think you could try saying it in a much nicer way? You are such a big girl, DD wants to do big girl things and be a big girl too. The most important thing about being a big girl is being kind and helping others. Can you help her by showing her how to be kind and thoughtful? I REALLY appreciate your help!"

I don't think that you need to involve the parents just yet. Get her on your side so she doesn't see you as an adversary and your DD as someone she has to be better than.

Best of luck!

to little kids there is a big difference between Kindergartners and first graders....the K's are "babies" and it might not be "cool" to be seen next to them all the time. The other girl might be getting teased or something? Kids are JERKS.
Perhaps she might just not be a social person too? who knows
I have "that daughter" too. Her best friend and her ride to school everyday and sometimes they get out of the car and don't walk together. Mine might be in a mood. Mine, we just figured out, gets low blood sugar drops and ends up just being moody...like quiet, doesn't want to joke or sing or laugh or walk with her bestie or anything. I thought she was just a brat! But it was her blood sugar....feed her a banana she turns into the best kid ever?!?! go figure.
So unless that girl is bullying your daughter or disrespecting you, I wouldn't say anything...

I like Christy Lee's sample script for you! If so far you have limited your corrections to simple statements in the car like "We don't talk to other people that way," -- and clearly that's not sticking since she repeats the behavior -- then I would talk to her along the lines Christy suggests. Don't do it in front of your daughter, of course -- you have to find a way to be alone with the older girl. Emphasize that idea of "you're the older one, you can be such a help and good example" etc. And keep the tone very nice and the language very upbeat; she might be the kind who will run to mom and dad and say you "yelled" at her, which is the term many kids use for anything an adult says that is remotely critical of the kid's behavior, no matter how nice the tone. So be aware that she may react that way -- if you talk to the mom and the mom suddenly seems cool, be assured her kid claimed you yelled at her....

You could combine the talk with the girl along with asking her parents first, "Is something about the carpool upsetting or worrying your Sally? I'm concerned about her. She seems to not want to talk to my Jill and also seems stressed when she's walking into school." See what they say to that. They very likely will be surprised and say that she loves riding with you etc. because kids can act very different in different situations and give parents no clues about other things going on in their day -- like how much they hate carpooling with a "little kid."

Don't be too interventionist, though. Your daughter does need to learn that other kids can behave this way, sadly.

Can you find ways to occupy them both during the ride so they are not getting into "what I like is better than what you like" discussions? Games like I Spy, or other things they can do separately that will occupy them so they are not focused on each other for that span of time?

Since the girls aren't friends nor you with the parents, I wouldn't say anything to the parents unless it really turns south, but then you may want to stop carpooling altogether.

I would say to the girl and your daughter, that while on car rides, we MUST be kind and respectful of others feelings. But I would tell your daughter that she is going to have to get used to walking into school alone. And that sometimes people don't feel like talking and we need to respect that too. The bossiness is hard to swallow, but very common, especially with girls.

I would say something. It's a long year of carpooling for your daughter to put up with her "moods" as it is, you have to draw the line somewhere.
And on the flip side, I would be livid if my daughter spoke to a peer that way. I would want to know and put the ki-bosh on that behavior.
I vote tell the mom.
I would also feel free in correcting the girls behavior as I saw it.

I would let it go. There is no rule that says that this girl has to walk into school with your daughter just because they ride to school together. I know your daughter's feelings were probably hurt and you should talk to her and empathize with her about that, but not say anything to the other child. If it gets too bad, just stop the ride sharing arrangement.

Sounds like a growth thing. She's a year older and THEREFORE canNOT be seen being friends or any connection to a BABY. This is so typical. If she has older siblings, it might be what she gets from them and decides that's how it's supposed to be.
Encourage your daughter to make friends in her own class and not keep hoping for the other girl to change. This tends to last a while. No need for them to be rude to each other, but a one year age difference might as well mean they speak different languages. It just happens. If they manage to become friends and put silly differences aside, then they have a chance to be long time friends. But they just need to grow up. And this kind of stuff starts early and lasts long.

I would take the opportunity to make sure that daughter understood that she is not less than the other girl but perhaps this older girl is having some self esteem issues, like "I'm Okay but You're Not". It's in that old book "I'm Okay You're Okay". People often try to make less out going people feel bad so they can make themselves feel better. This girls dominating parents may be hindering her having good self esteem.

So I would talk to her first and read her the riot act about not treating other people like that then if she does not try to be more friendly, saying it differently anyway, then I'd tell her if she does it again I was going to talk to her parents.

She may just need to not be around your daughter for a while. Over Christmas break don't let them spend too much time together. That way absence will make them get along a bit better for a while.

I remember when an older boy made a comment about my son watching baby shows...shows this boy was watching a year earlier. What upset me was the mom not saying anything. So when my son said the same thing recently to his little brother, I spoke up. I stated that his opinion was not necessary. Can't specifically remember what I said, but I tried to speak on his level "how would you feel" and "why do we have to only like what you like".
Kids need a chance to work on their own relationships, but it sure does help when an adult can help guide politeness to others.

I would just stop the ride share.