How to Keep Toddler in His Bed at Night

See this is why I feel barriers and child proofing never work if you are completely dependent on them. Instead of the child looking at anything as is this right or wrong, they look at it as if I can get to it then it is okay.

In other words you have never explained to him why some things are off limits and he is old enough to understand.

He will keep mastering all your barriers until you explain why they are there, start taking them down and letting him earn your trust that he knows right from wrong.

NO ONE! I know would ever say it is okay to lock a child in their room all night! It is very unsafe! He is trapped! It is kind of scary that you would consider something so unsafe before thinking about perhaps it is time to teach him right from wrong. :(

Locking a kid in their room is heinous and should never ever ever be done. IMO I think it's abusive.

I would never leave a fish tank and fish food where a 2 yo could get to it.

My 5 and 6 yo girls have a beta fish and we keep it on a shelf in their room that my 2 yo cannot reach. If the fish is put on the lower shelf, my son will come in and dump fish food.

Fix the diaper situation as others have suggested. Double up, or get a different size or brand. Whatever.

Personally I think you and hubby are being VERY unfair. Sorry to say this in a not nice way but basically for 2 plus years your son has been used to sleeping IN YOUR BED and now you guys are "sick of it" and want to have him in his room. Well I'm sure your ped and others warned you about having the baby in your bed, and them getting used to it etc. So now that that is exactly what has happened, do not expect an overnight resolution! Wean him from sleeping in your bed. Work on it. He is a two year old, not a grown adult. As the saying goes you made your bed, now you have to lay in it.

Please do not even think of locking the child in his room.

V.:

First off consider that Oliver is wearing the wrong size diaper - and that's why it's leaking. IF he is wearing the right size and urinating that much during the night - then maybe his liquid intake needs to be decreased prior to bedtime.

You took the aquarium out of his bedroom, right?

Why do you have a toddler in a bunk bed? Sorry - but blocking off the stairs is an INVITATION to disaster. Get the top bunk off the bed and store it. It's like you are begging for an accident to happen to your son.

DO NOT EVER lock your son in his room. Seriously. Would you want it done to you?! If the answer is a resounding NO - then you don't do it to your son. Oliver is old enough to follow SIMPLE instructions and rules. You need to explain to him SIMPLY why he cannot do things like dump fish food into the aquarium...guess those need to be stored in a better place? Maybe tell him that if he does these things - the fish will have to go bye-bye??

Keeping him out of your bed? Tell him simply "Oliver - you are a BIG BOY now. You sleep in your own bed." If this means taking him back to his bed EVERY NIGHT...then you take him back to his bed EVERY NIGHT he comes to your bed. The longer you allow it - the longer he will do it. Justin has to be on the same page as you as well. If it means you take turns taking him back to bed...you take turns...don't turn this into the diaper changing drama you have with him...simply state - Justin - in order to keep Oliver out of our bed, we have to be on the same page. We will be taking turns taking him back to bed. This is what we will tell him (Oliver - you are a big boy now. You need to sleep in your own bed) and we will be on the same page. If you will not work with me on this - it won't change. He is OUR son.

Baby proofing? Sorry - he's 3. The ONLY baby proofing we did was the baby gate at the top of the stairs. I was NOT going to rely on others to baby proof their home in order to bring my child by. We taught them what they could and could NOT touch. PERIOD. So instead of "baby proofing" your home? How about TEACHING him what he can and cannot do? You will find your life is MUCH easier.

Good luck!

Can you just remove the stairs from the bunk bed? Put them into storage until he's bigger?

I was one of the evil parents who locked their kids' door until they were asleep. I also ensured that it was as dark and uninteresting as possible in there (by putting dark shades on the windows, having no nightlights, and disabling the wall switch; I put in a pull switch at the ceiling). I also locked their door when I needed a shower.

Locking them in isn't permanent. It won't be long until you'll be able to communicate better with him and he will understand that when it's bedtime, he is to stay in bed. But right now....yeah, locking him in for his safety and your sanity is where it's at.

ETA: Oh, and my kids aren't scarred for life. They're both very secure, happy kids today. To start, I explained to them that they need to stay in bed and I will see them in the morning. I also made sure to unlock the door once they were asleep so they could come out if needed later in the night. They rarely did.

Well that's the pitfall of co-sleeping (no judgement from me, you do what you gotta do so everyone can get some sleep!). But you kinda have to KEEP doing it until HE doesn't want to anymore. Which could be a week, or 10 years.

But like Jo says, you CAN change up the rules all the sudden without scarring him for life, but you'll have to really COMMIT to it and let him know what the new rules are without emotion. In fact you could change the entire bedtime routine while constantly reiterating NOW THAT YOU'RE A BIG BOY, this is how big boys do it. I think it will likely take up to 3 entirely sleepless nights on your part to get it done. But you'll have to be constant, you can't let him back in the bed, you'll have to stand outside is door to be sure he's safe until he gets used to the routine

He WILL get it, it WILL be ok, he is not an infant anymore.

Or you can just keep it the way it is until HE thinks he doesn't want to sleep with his parents anymore. That'll happen, too.

:)

I would not lock him in. First, you want his room and bedtime to be a soothing place. Not a place of panic. Secondly, if there is an emergency...fire, break in, etc., do you want to be panicking as you are trying to pry a door open or worry because your baby can't get out. It's definitely worst case scenario, but it's a scenario that can happen.

It sucks, but the only options I see is to continually bring him back to his bedroom until he learns he needs to stay there. No talking. No cuddles. "It's time for bed" and lead him back. It's exhausting and infuriating. Keep in mind you are trying to change a behavior that has been "ok" and "accepted" for over 2 years. It's going to take time and patience.

Our daughter was the WORST at staying in her bed. And she too was an escape artist to the max. Double baby gates wouldn't have stopped our little monkey either. She was never allowed to sleep in our bed and we still has BIG issues getting her to stay in her bed.

In the mean time, sounds like you need to double check the baby proofing. My daughter was our little trouble maker. If a mess could any way be made, she would make it. To make matters worse, she figured out those baby locks pretty quickly. We had to be pretty creative and very proactive to keep our curious toddler safe.

Put up a gate. Get a tall gate or double them up. So put up three Do what you need to do, but after letting him sleep in your bed for 2 1/2 years don't expect miracles without dedicating a dew sleepless weeks to him.

V. Rae, I sleep trained my older son in his crib early on and never even had a problem with putting him in his twin bed. BUT... when I got pregnant, I would fall asleep reading to him. Here I was, in his bed and I fell asleep with him. (Tough early pregnancy hormones!) That was such a mistake! When I stopped doing it a few weeks later, he would scream for me to come to bed with him. And instead of sleeping through the night, he'd wake up and come in my room. This happened when I was big and pregnant, working full time, miserable beyond belief, and ANYTHING (including my husband getting up in the middle of the night to pee) that woke me up, ruined my night of sleep because I couldn't fall asleep again. Absolute misery!

For both of these problems, I just would not let him come in my room at all. Yes, I let him cry. It lasted several nights with both issues. He was 2 years old and I hated it, but as an older mom who was working and miserable pregnant, I did it anyway.

As far as HOW to keep him in his room is concerned, I talked to the ped about it, and this is what he told me. He said to either turn the doorknob around and lock it from the outside, or if I couldn't bear to do that, to go to Lowe's and buy a cheap interior door and have them cut it off high up above the doorknob, and sand it so that there were no splinters. Install the doorknob with the lock on the outside. This way, the child can see into the hallway, but unlike a gate (or double gate) there's nothing to grab onto to climb over the door. (Make sure there's nothing in the room that he can stack...) And for your concern, you can see into the room to make sure he's not climbing on the higher bunk. Perhaps removing the mattress and covers on the top bunk might help it seem a lot less interesting to him (uncomfortable at the very least.) The other thing you might do is put that mattress on the floor, UNDER his bottom bunk, and then pull it out at night into the middle of the floor so that he can CHOOSE to sleep on it or on his bottom bunk. This will also make you feel better about leaving him in his room. If he DOES climb onto the top and falls, he would fall on that mattress in the floor. That's safer.

I didn't end up having to do this. Being really strict with him and not letting him in my room at all in the middle of the night worked. But I would have used the dutch door concept if I had needed to.

It is VERY important that you corral him into a safe room. His room should be where he stays since your spouse is sick and tired of sharing a wet bed with him (which I admit I REALLY agree with, LOL!) Safety trumps crying, in my view.

If you are 100% consistent and do not give in to him about coming out of his room, then he will get to the point that he goes to sleep and stops waking up. You'll have a week or so of crying his head off, and then it will finally stop. It will be very hard on you, but perservere...

Good luck!

I wouldnt lock him in, in case of an emegency I would babyproof more and keep things away where he cant get them and keep brionging him back. you'll lose sleep for a few days and then he'll stop coming in
OR
What we do for nightmares (which you could do until; he's trusted around the house and can do the above) is we have emmy's old (she's 6 now) crib mattress under our bed and if she has a nighmare we pull it out and she sleeps beside the bed on the crib mattress. So you could have a mattress protector on that and J. clena that and not have him in the bed with you

If you lock him in his room while you are sleeping then he will find a way up his bunk bed.
BUT WAIT!!!
If he is in his room, door wide open, he WILL find a way up his bunk bed.
Why is there a bunk bed in the first place?

My middle son used to come to our room every night too. He would sneak in there and in the morning we would wake up to a wiggly toddler. I just had to suck it up and walk him back to his room for a week. Every night he would try to sneak in and I would wake up, take him by the hand and say, "nope, buddy. Back to bed in your big boy bed! I love you" and then back to bed he went. Like I said, it took about a week and then he was back in his room sleeping through the night.
I am really puzzled why you think that he wouldn't try to find a way up the bunk bed. Locked in or not, you sleeping or not, he will try.

I wouldn't lock him in either. Double up on the diapers at night. I use an "overnight" diaper from Walmart and then a Pampers Baby Dry on top of that. It works for me.
And I would hide the fishfood! You will have to keep walking him back, many, many times. Try this book: Sleeping Through The Night by Jodi Mindell. She gives practical answers to such sleep problems, but will also give ideas as to WHY its happening. Just when you get it figured out, things change. This book helps navigate all of that. Good Luck!

S.B.'s post is right -- if you lock him in, he will stand there at his locked door panicking: He cannot get out, he does not know where you are, and believe me, in his very young mind he will truly think you and daddy have gone away and left him (even if you talk to him through the door). Locking the door sends a message that you are done with him and will not come if he calls, period. Young children need to know that their parents will come if something is wrong. Locking him in would not teach him more independence; it would teach him that he is utterly alone and cannot rely on you. A child who is responded to actually is more secure and later, more independent, than a child who feels cut off or not responded to; children get more, not less, insecure if left shut away.

So, what to do?

You do indeed need to walk him back to his bed. Over and over and over. But it must never be in a way that gives him any attention; it needs to be utterly boring. He gets up; you do not speak to him or scold; you silently walk him to his bed, put him into it, and walk away. If he follows: Do it again. Yes, you will have some VERY long and sleepless nights. But if he gets any scolding, any fussing from you or dad, if you cave and he gets in your bed or sleeps on your floor -- that is attention, and you must withdraw attention. This is game to him; even negative attention like scolding is still a reaction from you, so deny the reaction. He needs to learn that getting out of bed GETS him nothing but a silent return to bed and that the game is now very, very boring.

If you must change him: Do it as silently as possible; don't chat to him through it. I would really look into workiing so that he has a good pee before bedtime; cutting out liquids after dinner or even from late afternoon onward; and getting better, more absorbent diapers, so you do not have to change him at night. He may be coming to your bed at night partly because he's half-awake due to his body telling him it's just about to pee - that semi-wakes him and he stumbles to mom's familiar bed, and then he wets. If his nighttime wettings are in the middle of the night (not early on when you are still awake), try this: Before you go to bed, after he's been asleep a while, you get him up (no lights on, no talk, just peel him up to his feet) and steer him to the potty (if he's doiing the potty thing) and have him pee, then walk him back to bed. That kept my daughter dry at night, and she never remembered it-- she was so sleepy that she just automatically peed and returned to sleep and it didn't disturb her. If he is not potty training yet -- please look at your routines and ensure he is getting less liquid as the day goes on, etc. as above.

You have a dual issue here of nighttime wetting and keeping a child in a toddler bed. Neither is fun BUT both are very typical -- you are not alone and this will not last forever, though that is hard to believe now! Please realize that you will have to return him to his bed over and over but it wont' go on eternally.

Another strategy is to put him to bed more gradually: Stay in the room as he falls asleep (no talking, stories, etc. after lights out; just your silent presence). Then after a week or more, you move to the hallway, sitting where he can see you through his cracked door. After a few nights, or a few weeks, you stay there for only five or 10 minutes then go when he's slightly awake. This gradual process worked for our kid when she was this age and starting in a toddler bed; she never did the constant getting-out routine because she knew we were there for her.

But please, please do not lock him in a room. Remember -- for kids this young, they sometimes believe that if they can't see you they aren't quite sure you still exist! Also, locking him in will teach him to stay there, yes, but it will teach him through fear and panic; it will last longer, and make him more secure overall, if you teach him through the disciplined approach of returning him. It is not fun and dad may object but if you don't do the work, you'll have him back in your bed again.

You could try "The Sleep Fairy" book. It has helped us tremendously. Also, take a child's age + 2 and that equals number of ounces their bladder can hold. Example, two years + two = four ounces. Hopefully that helps with the leaky diaper.