How to Make My First Child Except His New Baby Brother

Have him help set up the crib/or any part of the room. Have him help with alll he can if all else fails you can redo it when he is asleep. But by all means sit downand do things with him after the baby is born. Have him get you the diaper bag, let him put something "Special" of his in yoru over night bag for the hospital. Ask him if there is anything he would like to give the baby from his stuff. Youd be amazed at what he says. But by all means include HIM WHENEVER possible even if its help me pick the blanket color. So what if it dont all match....

Dear A.,
COngratulations on your new bundle of joy!
Many times siblings do react to new changes. It would be much healthier for him to learn to take action instead of react. Therfore, YOu want to provide choices that will help him grow. This is just the perfect time for him to grow and realize his own growth. Once the baby is born you want to let him known that he is now a "big brother." The title in itself carries responsibilities. He is no longer a baby, he is now a big brother. YOu want to start reenforcing that concept even before baby is born. One way to do that is by explaning, showing and visualizing what big brothers do. Explain the difference between babies and big brothers. YOu might even want to make a book with your son tittled, Why Babies Need a "Big Brother". YOu can give him responsibilities that will make him feel the joy of growing up. SOme might include helping mommy to sing to baby to sleep, read to baby with a wispering voice while baby is asleep,(mommy can model and supervise afterwards), organize and sort baby clothes, match and put away baby socks. I am sure u can think of many other responsibilities that will your son can do and have fun doing it as mommy is watching him become responsible. Many times we make the mistake of chasing our kids away from the baby not wanting the baby to be interrupted from napping. Instead of family adapting to baby, I think baby needs to learn to adapt to family. Maybe both need to adapt to each other making it a give and take relationship. Whatever you transmit to your son he will react to it. If you transmit confidence in that everything will be fine, then he will have no problem, if you transmit fear and worry that they will not get along, then thats what YOU will have caused.
YOu want to transmit love, joy and happiness that a new member of the family will soon be joining in. Soon there will be another team player. Soon there will be another little bundle of joy who will want to share his love with the family and vise versa. YOU can also go to the library and pick up children's books that relate to new family members and read to your son. He will have fun understanding and you will have created a "super reader". If your son not yet a reader, you can teach him how to read pictures, letters, and small words.
Soon he can start creating his own little book of pictures with mommy and him waiting for the new family member.
A., no need to worry now for anything, enjoy the time you two have together and make him think about how much fun it will be when baby gets home to help you have even more fun.
Spreading the LOve,
R. ROdriguez
Sucess Coach
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N.Hollywood,CA

Hi A......Your 4 year old is old enough to talk to and reason with so that will make the newness of the baby easier. You need to start talking about the new baby while he is still in utero. Make your 4 year old a part of loving and caring for the new little one. What you forget is that the baby when you first bring him home sleeps a lot and there is plenty of time to still spend with the older child. Things seem to take a natural course and your anticipation of problems is probably worse than it really will be. Just make your 4 year old as important as you can "The big brother who helps Mommy take care of him". I think the 4 year spacing is wonderful!!! Good job!!!Congratulations and good luck!!
J. :)

I hear you . . . My four year old welcomed his baby brother 3 months ago, and so far the transition has been smooth. Here's my advice:
1. Expect your son to go through an adjustment period and give him some space. It's normal and soon he'll accept the changes in his family.
2. Don't compare your kids and try not to let family members compare them, especially within listening range of your four-year-old. My mother-in-law kept saying that our new baby was a lot calmer than my older son and this made him (the 4yr old) act up more! So, now, when others try to compare, I make sure my first-born is not able to hear them.
3. Read books NOW to your son that talk about new babies. Marc Brown's "Arthur's New Baby" is a good one and there is another called "Za Za's Baby Brother" by Lucy Cousins. We read these and compare our family to the characters.
4. Have a basket of goodies (my son loves cars, so that's in our basket) that you can give your older child when he helps with the new baby or when visitors arrive and bring a gift for the baby and not one for him as well.
5. Lastly, try to be patient with your older son. I went through 3 weeks of nipple bleeding and painful breastfeeding and was very short with my older son. I wish I could go back and be nicer, more patient. But, I can say that I hugged him a lot and reminded him of his special place in the family as the first born.
Good luck!

Congratulations. What we did was make a big brother shirt and a onesie for the baby. Then in the hospital my kids brought the baby a gift and the baby gave one to them too. Also make sure your not holding the new baby when your son sees him for the first time or 2.
Another thing is everyone wants to see the new baby, so we had a big brother/sister BBQ. It was a time to celebrate them (so they thought) and everyone can see the new one too.
Just remind everyone who comes to see the baby to make a big fuss over the older one first.
Honestly my son was 2 and 4 months and as soon as the baby came home he started potty training himself. So it can go both ways.
Best of luck
Happy late mothers day
C.

I have two sons. My oldest was a little over 2 when I had his brother. What we did was we gave him a boy doll towards the end of my pregnancy. He and I would "feed the baby bottles" (we used real ones) and change the babies diapers (again real diapers) and do all the things with his baby that mommy was going to do with the new baby. Then when I had his brother when it was time for me to feed him, Justin would feed his baby and so on. It only lasted a couple weeks because he soon realized that he could help change brothers diapers and feed him and rock him. I think that Justin haveing his own baby in the beginning helped him not to feel jealous because he had a baby to take care of the same way mommy did. Once he was able to help, he was tickled pink because he was mommies helper with the new baby. He would tell everyone that he got to help cange the diapers or feed or rock....whatever. Just something that worked well for us.

E.

My 2 1/2 yr old son does fairly well with his 2 month old baby brother. We used Blues Clues Baby Brother DVD to introduce him to the concept. We also talked to him about how important he will be to his baby brother and cuddled him a lot before baby was born. 1st day home he wanted to hold baby, we set him up with a boppy and he wouldn't give him up-they took a nap together. The honeymoon period has worn off a bit now, but he still loves his brother and hugs him with vigor. We remind him to be gentle, that's an issue and he does sometimes want to be held like a baby. We make a big deal and pay lots of attention our big "baby". We laugh alot and go about it day by day by day. Hope this helps. Congratulations and Good Luck!C. P.
San Jose City Coordinator
NUTRAPOWER
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I am going to have the same problem soon. I have a 4 year old daughter and I am expecting our new daughter July 9th.
She is very excited about the baby as I have read many books to her about it. I also keep telling her what a big girl and big helper she will be. I have tried to show her the special parts of being a big kid and all the stuff she gets to do because of it and tell her that baby's dont get to have any fun. I am thinking I will just have to be way more attentive than usual with her after the baby comes. I am also inlisting my husband and mother to take her more places and keep her really busy for the first few months (circus,disndey land and zoo).
I can only hope that all this will help. I wish you luck and congrats on the new baby.

Hi-

We have 2 boys w/the same age gap as you. They're now 6.5 & almost 2. To get our older son ready, I bought all kindsa books about babies, being an older brother & the changes that will happen. We also had a good friend who had a baby a few months before that we spend a lot of time w/so this gave him an idea of what new babies are like. Luckily, our older son didn't revert or digress back to babyish behaviors but it's been a hard transition for our older son & think it was the start of some behavior problems. Our older son got lots of attention from my husband's mom & step-father. They did & still do think the sun rises & sets on him which is great but don't have quite the same attitude for our younger one. Our older son is very observant & perceptive so he's picked up on this. He has never hurt his younger brother but little brother is still not his most favorite person in the world. I sometimes think if he were a girl it wouldn't be so hard. My husband was got 6 weeks off after our second son & took total responsibility for big brother & in hind-sight, I think we shouldn't have done it that way. I now think I should've tried to spend more time w/him. As most people will say, try to spend a lot of time w/him before little brother comes, let him know all the things he can do as the big brother & how you'll need his help. I'd also suggest taking him on a tour of L & D so he knows where you'll be. We missed the tour w/our older son. When he visited his little brother, it was the first time for him to visit someone in hospital & he was a bit scared & intimidated. Congrats on the new baby & good luck!

Make him feel like he has some control over the changes in his life we let our son help name his sister take and let him talk to the baby kiss the belly rub the belly , If he is feeling for the baby to move and the baby moves say "See he cant wait to play with you " or "He is trying to get closer to you" "He loves you ". Use the babys name and say the baby is going to be so lucky to have you as a BIG brother. Give him a Job to do that is just his. Putting the babys bottles in the sink or clothing in the hamper. My kids are 3 1/2 yrs apart and best friends to this day because my oldest still has his jobs to do for his sissy. Hope some of it helps. Krissy

4years old is a good age for a child to become a sibling. they usually are sure of their love from you at that point.

i suggest singing to the baby together now. having your son massage your belly and do things like read to the baby. this will help your son get ready and start sharing in the love of the baby now.

try not to worry too much. let your son feel what he is feeling and validate it. it's okay for him to have mixed feelings, things always change. i have a son who just turned 5years old and a new baby. the baby is inlove with his older brother (he's his favorite person). my 5 year old is happy to know that!!

When I was expecting I allowed my oldest son to feel my stomach, read stories, and when his younger siblings were born, I allowed him to help me with the baby. He helped change diapers and burp, and he would help put them to sleep.I gave him some responsibility only big kids get. at first it was rough the 1st couple of weeks, but once he saw the diffrence of him now being a big kid, he adjusted fine.

Dear A.,

Just make sure that he is involved in all the goings on about the new baby, and he will probably like to know that he will be the big brother - also make sure that he knows how important he is to you and Dad. He may have some problems, but I bet you that they won't last long especially if you pay a lot of attention to him and don't leave him out of baby stuff. Give him a little job or two to help with the baby, and don't tell him not to touch the baby, but teach him how to touch softly and easily - stuff like that. Have lots of fun and make lots of jokes - kids love jokes. Sincerely, C. N.

My oldest was 3 when I brought her baby sister home. To make it harder, her sis was born 5 days before her birthday so we didn't have a big party that year, just grandparents and 1 friend.
What I did was enlist her as my little helper. I was berastfeeding so I was always spending time with the new baby. But I would act like I couldn't do things and really needed her help. This made her feel special and excited that she took care of the baby too.
I also made sure that when the baby was sleeping, I'd spend special time with her- just the 2 of us.
Before her sister was born, i read her books about a new baby. We also designed a onesie for the new baby and I let my daughter pick out a gift for her new sister. (a stuffed bear) I got her a sirt that says "I'm the big sister" and the baby had the "I'm the baby sister" one to match.
Now my girls are 7 and 4 and the are best friends. Yes they have their moments, but through out the day I always catch them hugging and kissing each other.

Hi A.,

My first son was 4 when his baby brother was born, and I was worried about jealousy issues, too. Luckily, things worked out great! My older son was old enough to help me out so much, so I just made sure to make him a part of taking care of his brother. I tell him all the time that he is such a great big brother, and that his role as a big brother is to help take care of, and protect his little brother. Sometimes he gets a little jealous and complains, but I talk to him about his feelings an assure him that I love him so much, and he feels better after some hugs & kisses.

Hello A.,

When I was pregnant with our second child I let my son 3 years old pat my tummy a lot. He wanted to see the baby. I told him to talk to his sister. He would say hello to her threw my botton of course..LOL Months before she was born my husband and I went out and bought a gift for my son and we told him it was from his new sister. Give it to him the day the baby comes. Say something like your brother got you a special gift for being a big brother. Also when your four year old son comes into the room to see you after having the baby make sure you aren't holding the new baby that way you can greet your four year old first. Then introduce the new baby to him. We did all these things and it's been working very well. My son loves his sister and they now play very well together. There were times he would say I am the baby, but that was just a short time. We just keep saying he is the big brother and a big boy now. Oh I heard another secret a co-worker did with her kids. When talking with you new baby say things like "just think your big brother is going to teach you new things like playing ball" and say "Look how your big brother gets your diaper for you, what a big helper he is." Praise your four year old while talking to the new baby. Of course you can come up with your own special praises for your four year old. I wish you the best!! My daughter was born on July 31, 2006 Congratulations to you and your family! Annette M.