I'm Concerned How My 4Yr Old Daughter Will Feel Once My 2Nd Baby Arrives

When I brought home my second baby, I had a 'Big Brother' Party for my older son. We got a cake that said congratulations on being a big brother and people brought little gifts for him. These were the people that came to see the baby, but we made it look like they came for the big brother party. And I'm thinking about doing the same once I deliver my 3rd in October.

HI there, I have an almost 4 year old daughter and a 5 month old son, so I know how you feel. All I can say is to try and keep her routine and activities the same as much as possible so she can see/ feel the baby does not impact her life ( school, social activities ) much and try for one on one time with both parents often so she can still feel special. As I sit here typing my husband took my daughter to he gymnastics class while I stayed home with my son. We also feed, bath and put him to bed first, then have a early dinner with her followed by her own bath and story time, That way she gets some alone time with us no matter how crazy the day got. Be very patient when she display jealous behavior - they all do and it is an adjustment- and try and include her with the baby by having her fetch diapers, sing to baby etc. Buy her a present from the baby so she can have something special when she meets her new sibling and get her a ' I am the big sister" shirt and ask friends and family before hand to make a big deal of that. Good luck. She will be fine and if she is anything like my daughter she will think her little brother is just the best thing ever.

My children were 4 years apart and I had no issues with jealousy. I too have a boy and a girl. To tell you the truth he loved her, he helped me, but he went about his business playing and didn't seem bothered by it at all. Just make sure to make her a part of things and allow her to hold him, and if she is interested in helping let her be a mommies helper. I would try to keep her life as normal as possible without to many disruptions from a new baby. Try to continue her same bedtime routine, if you put her to bed then continue to do so. She will see that the new baby is going to take some of the attention and time that was only on her, but keeping it as normal as possible I think will help. Good luck on the new baby!!

Hi T.,
My daughter was 4 when my son was born too. She was sure she was getting a sister, said the baby told her she was a girl! When he came out a boy, I was nervous about how she'd take it, but when she met him the next morning, she came into our house calling, "Where's my brother? I want to see him right now!"
There were never any issues of jealousy or rivalry. I was amazed at how smooth the transition was. I don't think kids believe that you don't love them anymore, that's not what adding another baby to the family is about.
I wasn't big on the "bring me a diaper, bring me a wipe" helper thing. She just enjoyed being with him. She liked for him to sit in the bouncy seat in her room and watch her play. If he cried and she talked to him, he stopped.
I think some things that helped her have such a smooth adjustment were the following. First, I kept her routine the same. She still went to camp and daycare where she could play with her friends as usual. People were surprised that I didn't keep her home with me during my couple of months of maternity leave but a tired mommy and needy newborn would not have anything to offer her, she needed the stimulation of other kids. I also made time just for her - since I was EP'ing (no latch/no suck baby), I could leave my husband with the baby for a couple of hours on the weekend so that I could take my daughter on an outing. I'd have MIL come or a babysitter for an hour after the baby ate so that I could have that time to just do something with my daughter - play in the yard, read stories, do a craft or bake something together. I still did the bedtime reading with her, hubby had to deal with the baby if he was awake then. Find alone time for her/with her. Also, since it often seems like the baby comes first and is so needy, if the baby would start to fuss and I was doing something with my daughter, I'd say "I'm sorry, you have to wait a minute. I'm busy with K right now." Of course the newborn had no idea what I was saying, but my daughter got the message loud and clear - right now, at this moment, YOU come first and the baby does not
Good luck!

I would make her your little helper. That will make her feel involved and needed. I was 5.5 years older than my sister and I still remember how I wanted to carry her and my mom wouldn't let me in public b/c she said that it would look to strangers like she made ME take care of the baby. I was crushed, b/c I WANTED to carry her, hold her, etc. -- I think that it also helps to have visitors (like grandparents) to bring biggsister gifts and not be SO fixated on the newborn that they overlook the sensitive feelings of the bib sis. You can discuss this with them ahead of time. -- Congratulations!

I think 4 is a great age for this. My older son was almost 4 when his brother was born, and he did well because he could understand what was happening better than a two-year-old could. It's great that you have a name, as you mentioned. Let her know that new babies sleep a lot at first, so you'll still have time to do special things with her, and he won't be getting into her toys or anything (for a few months, anyway!). You can let her feel helpful by bringing supplies to you and the baby (burp cloths, diapers, a towel at bathtime, etc). She can choose a stuffed animal or toy to present to him when he gets home. We went to Build-a-Bear and put 3 hearts inside the bear. She might even help get the room ready. When we sent announcements, we included a photo of him holding the baby. Good luck with the birth and homecoming!

I have a 5 1/2 girl and a 2 1/2 boy...we named our second as a family before he was born and that helped. Also, our son gave her a special big sister present when she came to see him in the hospital after he was born. Girls are very maternal and very eager to help take care of the baby, so any jobs she can do include her - go get the diaper and two wipes, can you help me pick out the baby's outfit, etc. Also, make sure she gets one on one time with the parents without the baby.

When you make plans for or during your one on one activities with her you might remind her how you enjoy doing things with her that the baby can't. Also with my 5 yr old I used a photo of his baby sis to create a big button captioned My Baby Sister. He wore it to school and loved getting the attention.

My daughter was 4 1/2when her brother was born. We really tried hard beforehand to make sure she understood that he was going to be a part of the family and he was her family too, not just a new baby- but her baby too. We tried to let her help as much as she wanted to, including getting diapers, helping to change him (with assistance of course), holding him, "reading" to him, etc. She did really well with it- I wish they got along so well now :) (They are 7 and 2 1/2). We also took her to a sibling class so she knew what to expect. Oh- something some people frown on- We allowed her to be there when he was born. To this day she is very proud to say she was the 1st person to see him (not quite true). She sat in a chair by my head with her grandpa so she could see enough, but not too much while daddy and grandma helped me. I also breastfeed and was very open with her about it, so she would breastfeed dolls while I breastfed her brother. It wasn't all perfect, but we didn't have too many major meltdowns. Good Luck!

Hi, My son was the same age when my daughter was born. I was worried about the same thing but he did really great. I would say involve her as much as you can with the babies arrival, like helping with picking the name, take her to a routine doctor visit, my hospital offered a big brother/big sister class that was really nice she offered them ideas on how they can help with the baby and they got a certificate. Some of the jobs she told them they need to do when the baby comes is make sure visitors wash their hands and help open the presents for the baby since babies can't open presents. My son was all over both of those. We also went to the store and I had him pick out a gift for the baby so when he came to see us at the hospital he gave that to her. Also, I made sure people who were coming to help me for the first 2 weeks home spent time with him, took him to a movie, out to McDonald's, etc. That was what I needed help with more than the baby so that made him still feel special. She will do great I"m sure.

Hi T.,
I haven't read the other posts but I now have three. My daughter is also 4 and she is a big sister to now two younger brothers one of which is 9 weeks old. The biggest thing I found was to keep the routine for her as normal as possible. I would keep reinforcing how much you love her and how important she is to you and what a big helper she will be to you once her baby brother is here. Ask her to help bathe, diaper and pick out his clothes or give him his pacifier. I do this with my daugther and she seems very pleased when I ask her to help pitch in. When I tell her what a big girl she is and give her a "high five" or stickers or an extra fruit snack she beems with pride... I also make sure that when I get a break from the boys I take her (just her) on errands with me so we have one on one time. Congratulations and Blessings to you on your impending birth.

I agree with all the advice about making her a helper. Also when my younger kids were born, I made sure to have a small gift for them that was from the baby. Make sure you set aside special time for you and your daughter to have by yourselves, and make sure that family coming to visit the baby say hello to your daughter first and spend special time with her and not just fawning over the baby...

Congrats and hugs!!

Just be sure to include her in everything you possibly can with the baby, and as hard as it is, make some time every day just for her. Even if it's just to read a story. Let her chose the outfit for the baby when dressing in the morning, and remind her that he will soon be looking up to her as his big sister. We got our one daughter a "I'm the big sister!" t-shirt, and she was so proud of it. It'll work out. You'll see. Tell her than love never divides, it only multiplies, as we get more people to love, our hearts get bigger to hold it all.

My kids are only 21 months apart, and they are the best of friends.

We do have several friends with the more significant age difference, and it seems the larger the age difference (in general), the greater the adjustment when baby comes home.

What I've heard to be really helpful is to get them involved now in the planning process of picking clothes, room decorations, getting their opinion on names. And, starting traditions of special time for just you and her/daddy and her both now and after the baby comes can be really helpful.

Good luck!

My daughter was three and a half when her new brother was born. Keep her involved now as much as possible have her read and sing to your tummy. I had a big sister kit to give to her when the baby was born. I was induced after a weekly appt so my parents had to give her the kit but when she came to the hospital she was scared and apprehensive at first but warmed up real fast. The kit had big sister books, a Tshirt, a stuffed bear, and a kids digital camera for her to take pictures. Like I said she was scared at first but was soon taking a ton of pictures and wanting to hold the baby. Now 9 months later they are very close she loves her brother a great deal. She still reads to him and sings to him. We made her a helper she gets to pick out his clothes sometimes and picks out his jar foods, she helps feed him sometimes too, she helps with changing diapers and gets one of us immediately when he cries. Her attitude changed a bit after the baby came home. She became more defiant and regressed wanting help to do everything she already had been doing on her own. She tries to manipulate our time when the baby is around, showing off acting out trying to get our attention. This still happens at times but is getting better. We try to make time for just her. I take her to get our nails done which she loves to do. Dad takes her for bike rides and the the park. I took a day off work and took her to the mall where she got a build a bear and we painted pottery together. We make time playing games with her when the baby is sleeping and on weekends she takes naps with mommy alone it is out special time together. We have movie nights in our jammies on weekends after the baby goes to bed. Anything we can to give her her own special time. She understands that the baby can't do things on his own yet and needs mommy's and daddy's and sissy's help. But I think she also understands that she is just as important and that we love her just as much. A little wordy but I hope this helps.

Great advice you've gotten. The one thing I would add is if Daddy is going to help out more - like the bedtime routine, for example - start doing that before the baby comes so that your daughter is accustomed to other folks being a part of her routines. My kids (4 y/o girl, 8 mos. boy) are 3 yrs and 4 mos apart and I found that was helpful, in addition to all the advice below. You might see a little anger from your oldest - my daughter started acting out a little (with me, not her brother, thank goodness) - and that's normal. Having one-on-one time with your daughter post baby is the best thing you can do too. My daughter loves her baby brother and always makes him laugh - the issue is more her wanting my attention so I try and take any opportunity to do so. Mommy and me dates have been very effective!