How to Phrase Bad News to a 5 Year Old

This will come up a zillion times, so you may as well deal with it now. We all have to teach our kids, "Our house, our rules." "They said WHAT? They did WHAT? They bought WHAT? They watch WHAT on tv? We don't do that here." This will cover anything they see, hear, or want to do at friend's houses. Maybe you could talk to the other mom about what would be going on "if" your daughter were to spend the night. You can discuss what you expect, and if she doesn't agree, then you have an out. Please think about the other little girl. She will need all the friends she can find, so your house may be a refuge for her. (Drinking usually means fighting.) At least she can see what a stable, loving home is like. So many kids think the most awful things are "normal" family life.

Try to go with her! I would not let her go either. Explain you do not feel comfortable with her going to anyones house- not just that one specific. Maybe you could go together.
Good luck!

We've had to deal with this, too. My kids are 11,10,8 and 1yr. Sometimes my kids will want to go to a person's house that I don't know or don't really approve of their lifestyle. Since we already don't let our kids do things that "everyone else" does, it's usually not a complete shocker that we say no. However, at age 5, she's still young and might not understand completely. That's ok. I would tell her that you will let her have overnights when she is older and that when she does, it can only be at a friend's house that you approve of. You can simply say that her friend's family lives differently than you do and you don't feel comfortable letting her stay there. Has her friend's mom or dad offered to have her stay? Called to invite her over? I tell my kids, too, that I will not call the other parent to ask them. They have to initiate the invitation. This could be another reason she can't go over there. Even if they do call to invite your daughter, the other reasons still apply. Good luck.

I have two suggestions. One is to tell your daughter that she is not allowed to have sleepovers until she is a certain age (whatever that is). Or, that you are not comfortable letting her sleep over at a friend's home but allow the friend to come to your house. You can also tell her that you don't know the family well enough to allow her to sleep over their house and that rule applies to all friends going forward (as I would assume it would anyway). And if she says well you know them, say you don't know what the home life is like inside their house, etc. It's your rule. Make it, keep it consistent and have her follow it.

I would stand firm with your convictions here. I made the mistake of trusting someone I thought I knew with my daughter and found out that they believed that demons possessed them & they were casting out demons from MY daughter. Their daughter told her she could see them in the closet--they were about 9 years old!! SO...just tell her she's not allowed to sleep over at other people's houses and if you want you can just tell her you've decided that sleep overs period are not allowed. Then you don't have to deal with the 'not over there but over here' kind of thing. Play dates are fun, doesn't have to involve sleeping over.

I think you are wise to not allow her over there and don't give in to the pressure they may place on you to allow her over.

I like what JC had to say, you tell her you don't know what their home life is like and it's your job to know before you let her sleep over.

I think it's aways best to be as honest as possible with kids. They can handle more than we think they can. And since this is an issue that is sure to come up a thousand times over her adolescence, now's a good opportunity to begin these discussions and lay some ground rules. Go ahead and have a talk explaining why you don't want her to go to their house. Explain the concerns you have and why but also tell her these are not things she needs to discuss with her friend. We are VERY picky whose house we let our kids go to also. They understand it though and I think inside are grateful we are so protective. My thoughts in your situation are more for the other little girl. She probably needs your daughter's friendship and your family more than you know. You can be a safe haven and refuge for her during what may be very turbulant times in her own home. I had friends in high school that loved being at my house so they could escape the chaos of their own family. My parents became second mom's and dad's to them and helped to mentor them through those tough times. Any time you can bless another child in need with your home and love and security you should.