Our first child is 14 months old. I turn 40 this June. Next June, my husband is scheduled to be deployed. This wouldn't even be a question If I wasn't of advanced materal age (yes, that's the technical medical term for women who deliver children at age 35+)...we would wait until he got back. I do not want to wait until I'm 42 to get pregant, for obvious reasons.
So the question becomes: Is it better to try to conceive now, and then hubby will be here for his/her first few months, or try to conceive closer to his deployment date, and go through the pregnancy while he is gone?
I can see pros and cons to both, but am interested in other people's experiences and perspective's on this. Of course this is all predicated on God's willingness to go along with our plan of getting pregnant again, but for argument's sake, let's say he's on board. :)
Here's some details that may help: We got pregnant on our first try. Our son is healthy and thriving. He goes to daycare. I work full-time from home. My mom and brother live very close by, and they are our babysitters. My in-laws love visiiting with their only grandchild, but are pretty hands off in terms of help (they've watched him a handful of times in the last 14 months while we run to the store or something...but that's about it.).
Edit: I appreciate that people have their own opinions about how old is too old to conceive. I’m not looking for someone to validate my choice to conceive at this age. I am looking for input from women who have been in this situation with their spouses who have been deployed.
take prenatal vitamins, when trying to conceive, too.
That is what my OB/GYN always said.
Since age is the criteria for you, then start now already.
It can take time to conceive.
I think you should start trying now in case you aren't pregnant by the time he leaves.
Dawn
Wow - I vote for starting to try now. With luck, you'll be pregnant and deliver with him at your side, and then have a few weeks or months to recover and adjust to caring for two kiddoes before he deploys. Good luck!
I'd go for it now. My husband is currently deployed and I'm home with my 2 little ones and it's going surprisingly smoothly now. Here's the thing. Things can change on a dime with the military as you know. Say you hold off trying for #2 and the deployment gets pushed back or changed. (My husband was told 1 1/2 days prior to leaving last summer that he was no longer going with that unit and that things changed, he'd be home for another 4 months then go to a different until to deploy for the year. UG!
If you get prego on your first try and Dh is there for those first few tough months, you'll be in a good groove when he leaves. The kids will keep you so busy that the deployment will fly by and when he gets home, you can start fresh with 2 toddlers who won't ever remember Daddy being gone!
My DD is almost 4 and she's just started having a tough time with Daddy away. My DS is 17 months and is blissfully clueless! We're halfway through and contemplating a 3rd when he returns. I'm an older mom as well so we don't have a lot of time to decide. I love when people say, "Oh, why don't you just let it happen, blah blah blah". Well, that's great when you don't have to plan your life and your family around moves and deployments! Just remember, there is never a great time to have a baby when you look ahead, but looking back it will turn out to be perfect timing!
Personally, I think I'd rather have an infant while Dh was gone than to be pregnant during that time. Who knows if he'd make it back for the birth? Also, with my 2nd pregnancy I had to be on modified bedrest for a few weeks and I would have been up the creek if he was away. That said, if it doesn't happen now...don't give up trying even if you will be prego while he's gone. It will all work out.
Finally...with the military...we make plans...God and the military laugh!
Get on those prenatals and go for it!
i would start now, that way if you need help with anything, there will be an extra set of hands. no two pregnancies are the same, unless you count both of my terrible ones :p
First of all, in response to the writer just ahead of me, Brenda -- no offense to her but I completely disagree that you are too old. I had my daughter at 42 and have every bit as much energy and patience as my younger counterparts. And statistically, older parents actually have MORE patience as they typically are more assured, mature and financially sound. So... go for it. But, I would not worry about the timing so much and just try when you can. I have a friend who got pregnant at 48 on her first try, but know many more who struggled over 35 or with baby #2. So, while it's not any reason to lose hope, chances are it might take you a bit more time at 40. So don't waste any of it -- try try try while your husband is at home! There are pros and cons to both the options you put forth in your question, so why limit yourself. It will happen when it happens and you'll make it work either way. But given your age and time constraints, I would just go for it every chance you get. Best of luck to you!
I've had this very same issue as my Husband had deployed 2 times in 3 years and we wanted to get pregnant as well. My husband and I had both decided that there isn't a good time to get pregnant while your hubby is in the military because you never know when and if he's going to deploy again.
I would just make sure that you have a good support system where you are because having a young one, being pregnant and having your husband in another country will be quite stressful. :)
I would go ahead and start trying as soon as possible. My best to you and your family!
There really is not way to tell you what is best, it has to be what feels right to you.
My advice is to get started trying asap. I know plenty of women who had trouble conceiving #2 after getting pregnant easily the first time. I had our daughter at 38...I'm now 41 and still trying for #2. I recently found out I had a blocked tube...that could have been the problem but who knows.
I don't want to scare you or make you think you'll have problems. I just think its always better to do it now rather than wait when you're older. Our eggs get weaker as we get older.
Good luck with everything and thank you to your husband for doing what he does...
I have 4 kids and my youngest was 6 months when my husband left on deployment. It was tough but got easier as the baby got older, not sure if I'd choose to do it again though but I don't have any family around, when I needed to do things without him, I had to ask friends to babysit. My husband misses all the kids, but he really gets bummed that he's missing out on so much with the baby. IF we have another we're not going to try for another 2 years once my husband is on shore duty, but I'm only 26 right now so age isn't a factor for us. Do what you gotta go, but also think about how your husband will feel missing out of so much.
How did your first pregnancy go? I was really sick with both pregnancies- making the second one really difficult while chasing a toddler - harder than caring for two children after the baby was born. Of course how one pregnancy went is not a guarantee of how the next will go. I think this is going to have to be your gut decision - what seems harder to you - being pregnant while caring for a toddler, or having a newborn while caring for a toddler? What does your husband want to do? Good luck!
Don't get mad, but this is my opinion only...40 is too old to have a baby. Alot of mothers I know has a REAL hard time with patience and too tired to chase 2-3 year olds at 50.
