How to Refues to Have My Son to Be the Ring Bearer

"Yes, he certainly would be handsome, I agree! But he's too young. No thanks." Period. Repeat as necessary.

If you don't want him to be the ring bearer, just say so. Tell them you are flattered they asked but he is too young and you want them to find someone else.

honestly , if they want the hassle of a 2.5 yr old in a wedding it's their hassle.

Beyond just out right saying you don't want him in the wedding there isn't much you can do. Did you tell them that you don't want him in there?

I don't think I've ever heard of a flower boy.

They don't get it, M.. But you do, and that's what's important. Just say that he is too young and that you will not put him through it. Tell them to find someone else.

It doesn't matter that they think he will be cute. What will really happen is that he will do something that will make them think that he's NOT cute and they will be fussing to high heaven about it. It will upset you no end to hear "I knew we shouldn't have had him be the flower boy!" People make this stuff up in their heads when they get caught off guard.

Stick to your choice - you do not have to give in. I also will tell you that it will cost a small arm and leg to go along with this. Let them get an older child who will also be cute but won't be your headache or responsibility.

Dawn

It worked amazingly at my wedding (just turned 2). Actually, there were a whole flock of toddlers, and it was brilliant.

And that is what your inlaws are thinking: Every single wedding that small children have made better. So they love the idea.

JUST like you're thinking, I didn't like kids in my wedding, so I HATE the idea.

1) Its not your wedding. The bride/groom may looooove having kids in their wedding and feel warm and fuzzy about it forever.

2) It IS your child. What you say goes
______________

Don't make it about you / your wedding. Because its not your wedding. But if you don't want your son to be in a wedding, that's your call.

I agree with you 100%. Far too young. It's not supposed to be about the cute little kid...and a little kid isn't so cute when they are throwing a tantrum from having to follow procedures all day anyhow. Just say, "No, thank you," and explain if you must.

I don't understand what it means to carry bottle of your wedding dress?

He's your child.
That makes it your decision.
Good luck!

I would just stand firm, and say, thanks but no thanks - like others have said, the IDEA is cute, but the reality could be quite different. He could throw a fit about wearing the suit or tux, he could refuse to walk down the aisle as expected, he could do a million things that you will be stuck having to deal with.

I had my godson (cousin's son) be my ring bearer for my wedding and he was 5.5 at the time. He ended up doing ok, but even at that age, he got the jitters and suddenly did not want to participate, tears and crying, all that. No telling how a 2.5 year old will react.

I would simply say, "I appreciate the honor, but I think it would be overwhelming for my son. Please respect my opinion as his mother."

My mom had 2 three year olds. At the wedding, one walked up to her daddy calmly, and one went SCREAMING down the aisle to his mother and then disassembled half her bouquet during the ceremony. I think kids under 4 or 5 are total wild cards.

Simply say that you are appreciative for the offer, but you are going to have to pass.

Ultimately, it is your decision. Thank them for being so kind and wanting him to be in the wedding party, but that you feel he is too young, and it would be too much for him.

He is too young. Even though it would be cute, it would be cute only for a few mins. Then it would be a pain. These people don't live with a two and a half yr old boy. Keep telling them it's not going to happen. If they would like he can set with them during the service ;)

He can just stand up there an be cute. As the bride you didn't need to have other people calling the shots. And as his mother, you can say what he will and won't do. You can say for example, its fine if he walks down with the rings, but he has to sit with me during the ceremony and remain with his parents for the rest of the reception as well.

I think that a person can choose to have the children in the wedding do as little or as much as they want. Most of the young children that I have seen in weddings sit with mom or dad, sometimes mom or dad will stand with them before they walk down, or stand at the end of the aisle when they are done. Most young children don't do much more than walk down the aisle and attempt to look cute for pictures.

However, 2.5 is pretty young and unpredictable.

Just decline politely and say you don't think your son is up to the job, but thanks for the offer. He's your child, you know him best.

Tell them you are flattered, but that your son will not be mature enough to handle it.

Just say no. You are his mother and know best. Non negotiable.

I just wanted to add that when I got married, I was the last of three siblings to do so. I had my nephew (2.5 years old) and my neice (6 months old) as my ring bearer and flower girl. Both of them were carried down the aisle by their dads. They both did wonderfully when taking pictures. And even if they would have acted up--that's okay, because it meant something to me to have them in my wedding. I wouldn't have asked my brother and sister if their kids could be in the wedding if I wasn't prepared for a little "upset" to happen, if it did. It didn't.

My sister and her husband were both in the wedding, and their daughter was so little, there wasn't much of an issue with tantrums and such. My brother was in the wedding, but I made my SIL my Bridal Attendant, which she preferred because it gave her the opportunity to take care of my nephew the day of the wedding. She was proud to have him in my wedding and didn't miss actually being "in" the wedding herself.

"Just say no." I suggest that if you say no without trying to convince them they'll accept your answer. When you give them reasons they think that if they can counter the reasons they can convince you to let him do it.

It CAN work, but only if you WANT it to.

Our son was about 20 months when hubs and I got married, and he was our ring bearer (Although if we didn't have him, I definitely would not have chosen a child so young). I didn't have a super long dress so he didn't have to carry the train. My mom held his hand and walked with him down the aisle. It worked for us.

But, we wanted it to work. We made it work, because he is our son and we wanted him to be in the wedding.

Would I go through the trouble of trying to get him to be the ring bearer in someone else's wedding? Probably not. Lol

how?
smile and say 'yes, he's pretty dang gorgeous and he'd look great. but he's too young and wouldn't have fun. sorry!'
you're his mom. just say no.
nicely.
khairete
S.

Just say no and leave it at that.
You're the mom so it's up to you. Your decision.
Good luck.

come up with an alternative that works for everyone

I had two 2 1/2 year old nieces as my flower girls. we knew they were little so we painted a wagon white and had them pulled down the aisle by their big brothers. it was adorable.

I wouldnt start a war over your son being tired for one day. Tell them how you think maybe he should J. do the aisle and not everything, but if thats tradition let him do it. its J. one day of hecticness. is it worh starting a fight oveR?

Part of the fun of having kids in a wedding is that kids are so unpredictable. My daughter will be 2 1/2 this summer and she is going to be the flower girl in my brother's wedding.
Will she be perfect like a doll and follow all the rules? nope! But, we will have fun!
L.

You are right, you child is far too young. This decision is up to you and your husband. I wouldn't even take him to the wedding or reception since you will be the one chasing him all over. This should be an occasion that ALL of the adults can enjoy.

2.5 year old children all dressed up in a tux could be considered CUTE (not so much handsome).

You are right...stick to you guns on this one.

Just keep telling them that you have decided that he is too young, and then change the subject.

Since you are the mother you can be with him and make sure that he doesn't inconvenience anybody like it sounds like you were. Yo be the one to drive him to the church, stay with him in the back until its his time to walk down, scoot up to the fron and be there for him in the front and then scoop him up in the back when its over. And be with him for a few pics. IF it seems like too much then say so. But do let him be in it b/c he is not too young if supervised by you. And make sure everyone knows that if he does melt down you will be ready to take him.

But if you do not feel that you are able to stand up to your husband's family and the same thing that happened at your wedding will happen at this wedding and they will override you then say no. However this may be tough for you as well.

M.:

Welcome to mamapedia.

If you don't want your son to be the ring bearer (most boys are ring bearers, not flower boys), then state it.

I'm not sure what you mean by bottle - do you mean BOTTOM? of your dress? YOU didn't like your dress being held by the kids - MAYBE she does.

If your son is not potty trained - good diapers will solve the bathroom problem....

You can practice with your son for a few weeks before the wedding. that might help instead of just thrusting him into this situation. Then it might go better than you think.

Good luck!

Do you know if he will be with anyone else? My son and another little girl will be walking together, both 2.5 years. We decided to have my 5 year old walk with them just in case. I think my 2.5 year old would be fine but don't know the little girl well. I agree, you can't base what will happen off 1 incident. You know your son and if he has to walk by himself and you don't think he can do it, have a conversation with them.

he's your child, you are in charge of what he can/can't do.

but most of the weddings in our circle of family/friends have had young ringbearers & flower girls. All weddings went a.o.k. & without an issue.

every kid's different!

Brainstorm with the hubby. its a cute idea, but logistically tough. Say he can do it but only if you or your husband can carry him down the aisle. He can't do it himself so having one of you do it would be nice. You could wear something nice but you will not buy a special dress or hubby can wear whatever suit he was going to wear. Son can wear regular clothes until the ceremony time, then quick change to the wedding stuff, then change back to comfortable.