hello moms, childhood friends living in different parts of usa have an idea to shre a vacation house between five couples kids ages 1-6 how do i say no to this idea?.out of the group im the only one sahm with the smallest kids, demending schedule husband (lots of traveling ) and no help with the kids. the rest of the moms have lots of help with the kids and very involved husbands for dinner and bed time routine at home every night. my ideal vacation is to stay at the hotel enjoy my husband and my kids to myself, no cooking and no cleaning.
Just say what you said here. "I'd love to be with you all some time, but this arrangement will not work for us. Sorry. Have fun!"
Just be honest. say that you'd love to do that when the kids are a little older but right now, that's not the kind of vacation you can do.
Be honest - just tell them that your idea of vacation is to stay somewhere where you are not responsible for cooking and cleaning. I get that this would just be like your normal day other than the location and the number of people in the house. Wouldn't really seem like a vacation to me either if I were in your shoes.
12 kids in ONE house?
There is not enough alcohol in the world for that!
We have done many of these large family big house rental vacations. They are a lot of work. Food becomes the biggest chore and of corse we women slave while kids and dads play. Even when they help with a meal or two, its still endless shopping. organizing, fiddling, rearranging the refrigerator, dishes.......I still think they are a great way to spend time with people, and a fabulous way for the kids to bond, and for cousins to bond with cousins. For this, I am willing to sacrifice. For kids of friends that may or may not play a meaningful part of your child's life, not so much. but you are not delusional about the amount of work. My father graded every type of vacation by its work to fun ratio.
But to your actual question, don't lie to your friends and tell them you have other plans. Tell them the truth, your kids are too little and it sounds like too much work for you- not your idea of a vacation (who knows maybe they exempt you from kitchen duty to get you to come)
Why is it difficult to say 'no' to what you need?
"Hey friends, it sounds like it's going to be a zoo at the big house, so kiddos and I will do a hotel. We'll need to have it quiet at nap times and bedtimes, so this is what will work best for us.
Can't wait to see you all!"
Or do you not want to go at all? That's fine too. It's okay to opt out and do what you need. Let them know you'll be up for a group 'something' in a few years time when the kids are older. If they are good friends, they will understand. And you have to be cool with them doing it without you, too.;)
I'd say, "Wow, I'm exhausted just picturing that! I wouldn't be able to cope with it without losing my mind, but I hope you all have fun!"
Well, to me it's pretty simple, Mom. Just. Say. No. Just say that you can't do that - it's too hard. And stick with your plan. Quite frankly, if they balk at your feelings, then what it's REALLY about is wanting you to financially subsidize their idea. Don't do it.
You hold the power here - not them. If you let them make you feel that you can't say no, it's all on you...
Good luck and stand strong!
Dawn
you say "we're gonna sit this one out, but i hope you guys have a great time"... i'm baffled as to why this is difficult lol
Just say it doesn't sound like much a vacation for you and you'd prefer a hotel room with maid service. Makes sense to me. We rent vacation homes a lot now that the kids are older but with little ones sounds like a lot of cooking & cleaning and very little privacy.
Also how big is the house? FIVE couples and their kids under one roof sounds crowded and a recipe for issues. However you decide to say it, stand your ground our you'll end up regretting it.
Just tell them what you told us!! I think it is totally understandable that you would want to stay at a hotel. A 'house' vacation is not really vacation for a mom anyhow-all the work of home but away from home. And with little kids you are not going to be able to rest. I prefer hotels as well for the same reason. Shame on your friends if they cannot totally understand this.
Did this already with 17 people. Five Adults , all women. Twelve kids!!! I can not do this ever again. Way to many people.
Tell them it wont work for you. Thank them for the offer but decline. If they persist and keep asking, keep saying---No, I am sorry that won't work for us. It sounds like its too much work for your family and it wouldn't be much fun----plan something for your family, alone. GL
I did something similar with family members. I added up the beds, tried to figure out the sleeping arrangement and figured that I would not like the crampness that would be. So I found a smaller rental one block over that my family stayed at. We then met up for most activities, lunch and dinner. Come bed time, my family drive the whole 2 minutes home. It actually worked out quite well because then the families with the older kids didn't have to be quiet while my kids were sleeping.
With that many adults in the house I suspect you would have lots of help with the kids, cooking and cleaning, but if you don't want to do it I don't think you need to give a reason. Just say no thanks, I have other plans.
I used to do this kind of thing fairly frequently and love it... and have organized MANY of those kinds of trips.
As an organizer... you know what I would want to hear?
No.
Why? Because if one family says yes, knowing they'll hate it and be miserable (thereby making everyone else miserable), I'd want to put my head through drywall. Then. Why. Didn't. You. Say. So??? Yeesh, girlie. It's US. C'mon. We love you. We don't want you to be miserable. (Ahem... and we also don't want to be made miserable by unhappy people).
If you need some wording:
1) That sounds lovely... in a few years when the kids are over. Right now, it would be too much work. I'd need a vacation from my vacation!!! Keep me in mind, though, in a few years... yah? (( And if they politely try to argue that the work is lessened because of extra hands... Simply remain firm. Don't waffle.)) No. I love you guys, and appreciate it, but I KNOW my family. I'd go cross eyed. I want LOTS of pictures, though!!!
2) Honestly, we only have enough (money/ time/ etc.) for one vacation this year, so we're just going to keep it 'just us'. What with Mr. MomCeo's schedule, we REALLY need the family time.
3) I love you... but there is no way on EARTH I'd even think about doing this. I'd go crazy. And then you guys would have to commit me. No bueno. Come over for drinks Friday? We need to catch up. How are blah blah blah
4) Thanks for the invite! It would be way too hard for us though.
5) etc.
As in... be honest and say no.
No way, this does not sound like fun or vacation. It sounds like what you do at home! I would just say that you would rather everyone rent rooms at the same hotel so you can all still hang out at the pool, enjoy room service and maid service and the local eateries and tourist attractions with little work for anyone. Tell them you have heard horror stories of couples who have done this and have ended up not having the good time they were hoping they would have and you don't want that to happen to all of you. Good luck!
Can you get your own place nearby?
Say that you're getting a hotel but you'd like to meet up with the group for daytime outings.
How to tell them? Firmly and immediately! I totally understand not wanting that type of vacation. Let them know that you already have other vacation plans or be honest that while you appreciate them wanting to include you, that your idea of a vaation includes a hotel where they make your bed for you and you don't have to cook and do dishes.
Years ago when my daughter was a toddler, a group of our friends wanted to do this and invited us. We declined. They wanted to rent a house for two weeks. The rest of the moms were either teachers and off all summer, or were sahm's who were used to doing almost all the childcare. I was a working mom. All I had was two weeks of vacation and I had no desire to use it cooking, making beds, washing dishes and having my husband pal around with a bunch of guys who didn't spend much time with their kids and left the childcare to their wives. The wives expected to do all of the childcare on this trip, and my husband and I had a coparenting relationship
Your friends mean well by inviting you and think that you'll have fun. Decline graciously and plan the vacation that you'll enjoy with your husband and kiddos.
When I've done road trips with my friends with multiple kids I hardly ever saw my own kids. They were always in this one or that ones rooms playing. They also slept there and I had little trouble with them. They were so busy playing and having fun I didn't do anything more than sort of help supervise the group when we were all together doing an activity.
So I think this sounds like tons of fun, I'd be getting a LOT of help at bedtime and dinner time, etc...all that would be done with the help of every little girl over the age of 3.
Here's my thought. Why no just go for the weekend part and not the whole vacation.
