How to Speak to the Principal About Moving My Child to Another Classroom

It's only been a few weeks. Give it some time. Also, totally weird that the kinder teacher said this. Very unprofessional and not something I would take too seriously.

Why do you trust the kindergarten teacher's opinion of the first grade teacher? Maybe she just doesn't like that woman!

You should listen to what the assistant principal has to say about all of this and go from there.

Before you try to convince the principal to move your grandson, it's worth sitting down with all of them and asking how they'll address your grandson's needs. The kindergarten teacher says they're not a good match -- but maybe she simply doesn't like this other teacher. Ask the administration to get involved and come to you with a recommendation. You'll get better buy-in from them doing this than if you walk in and insist that they move the boy.

I think Everley gave you very good advice. Meeting them halfway will show them that you are a reasonable person who is working within the system.

Please understand that many parents have teacher preferences, and that the assistant principle likely gets quite a few of these requests. He may also likely think that it's in everyone's best interests to see if he can facilitate positive change within the classroom first before shuffling kids around. Moreover, were I in your position I would also be talking to the school counselor and asking for their help in this as well, esp. considering that there is a huge transition taking place for your grandson.

Understand, too, that if the feedback you are getting is negative, the teacher may be reluctant to send that sort of message home every day. There is something to be said for discretion being the better part of valor; it may be true that there is a mismatch, and it may also be that the teacher is trying to give you confidence that she has things in hand and doesn't need to bother you with every little thing.

All of this is why I think that a sit-down with everyone involved-- to work as a team-- is the first, best step. If there is a continuing need which is not being addressed, do keep advocating for your grandson-- that is important, and I don't want you to misunderstand me as diminishing your concerns or taking the teacher's side. I don't. I think this must be very upsetting and difficult for you. That said, the meeting is the first place to start and go forward from there. You have a much better chance of being heard than if you only insist that the change be made and you don't meet up with them. That will only hurt your cause in the long run. Good luck!

ETA: therapy or counseling would also be very helpful. You don't say why their mother was gone from her kids for so long, but this transition may be making your grandchildren feel insecure in some way or may bring up something unpleasant for them, (and maybe even you?).... I don't know. If you are seeing extreme acting out and agitated/upset behavior, getting some extra help from someone qualified to give it is important.

She is a teacher, not a therapist. Not sure why you think this should be the teacher's responsibility.

I am a bit blown away that a kindergarten teacher would tell you that, even if she felt it. Very unprofessional. And if that's your only "evidence", you are going to have to throw that teacher under the bus during this meeting.

Our school would be very hesitant to even consider a different placement. Instead of going in with the mindset of getting a new teacher, I would go in wanting a plan of action for my child and accountability for the teacher.

Right now it sounds like lack of communication is the biggest issue with this teacher. And it sounds like she is dropping the ball a bit on homework folders, etc. There may be a valid reason for this. You need to hear her out.

Simply wanting "a better match" isn't really a valid reason right now. You need to work on a plan of action, instead of simply switching teachers. Your grandson has a lot of his plate, it sounds like the last thing he needs right now is another change in his life.

Give it time. Hear them out. Let them know your concerns. Make a plan. Talk about behavior modification plan and the possibility for a 504 if that is necessary. Give them strategies that work and find out exactly what the teacher is doing daily.

If the teacher says it's not a good match get her to go to the principal in your stead. She has more pull with them than you do. If they let every parent move their kids where ever they wanted they'd never get the classes settled down. This is why they just don't do this.

We had problems with my daughter's 3rd grade teacher (if you look back 2 years here...you'll find some of the issues we had). She started school in August and we worked until February to make it work - then we moved her. We had countless meetings with the teacher, the principal, and our daughter. We tried everything to make it work.

I think it sounds unfair to pin the teacher with the blame at this point for things not working. You need to meet face to face with the teacher and see what is going on. You guys need to work as a team - and let your grandson know what his "job" as a first grader is (acting respectfully, bringing homework home, etc). Let him know what behaviors are and are not okay. If working with the teacher and explaining to your grandson the rules of life doesn't fix things, then I would consider moving. But it doesn't sound like what he needs right now is more change.

Great, sounds like you are getting your conference. You need to take advantage of that, try to get all on the same page and give the teacher a chance. It is highly unlikely they will move your child. So don't count on that. And if you go in asking, they'll still say no, and now you've created an awkward dynamic with yourself and the teacher for the rest of the year. I would go into the conference with a positive attitude that everyone there is on the same team and you're all going to work together to help your grandchild get through this confusing time. You'll have some valuable insight for them, and they will have some valuable insight for you.

The teacher is probably trying to work with him within her parameters to help him function during the school day. And thats all she can do. I wouldn't stress on one homework mixup, that's the only thing that sounds a little questionable. The rest sounds like your son having some difficult behaviors and her just trying to deal with them and get him through for now.

Also, the kindergarten teachers recommendation really has no validity here, I think your grandson was probably a totally different kid last year. His mom coming back into his life after over a year of absence? That's huge. That is a changed boy to go through a transition that big at a young age.

I'm a school counselor who spent many years working elementary so I know how it goes there. Trust me, you'll get more success going in with an open mind and ready to work with them for your grandson's sake, than you will going in making demands. Good luck and God bless.

i'm shocked that the K teacher would say such a thing. i'm also taken aback that instead of talking to your grandson's teacher, you're talking to his former teacher. also, you're making an awful lot of assumptions based solely on a 1st grader's perceptions.
you've already decided what course of action is 'right' before you've even met with the school folks. back off and go into the conference with an attitude of understanding that these are professionals who DO want what's best for your child too. you're not an expert in this matter, and you don't yet have enough information to make a reasoned judgment on how this should be handled.
the mom coming back into this child's life is a HUGE thing. it's far more likely to be related to this disruption than that a 1st grade teacher doesn't like him.
khairete
S.

It sounds like you're putting the cart before the horse. You don't really know what's going on in the classroom because you haven't had a conference, and you don't want to have the conference unless your preferred outcome (moving the child) is already decided.

I wouldn't underestimate the effect of this child's mother being gone for so long. That's a huge impact on a child even if the reaction is a little delayed. So the fact that things were fine and now are not might not all be due to the teacher.

I find it shockingly unprofessional of the kindergarten teacher to meet with you when you haven't met with the principal or the first grade teacher, and to say they aren't a good match. Are you positive she wasn't posing a general observation that not every teacher and every child is a perfect match from the get-go and that there's an adjustment period?

It's very possible that the first grade teacher is letting your grandchild get acclimated to school and isn't writing a whole lot down, and is saving it for the conference.

Moving a child is a huge deal because he has to start over with a class that's already oriented and used to each other, and your grandson will be the odd person out. You only do that as a last resort. What's to say that the issues your grandchild faces won't be present in the new class? Perhaps they have nothing to do with the first grade teacher's style or personality.

I think you need to go into the conference with an open mind, and with the idea that you, the teacher and the principal are all on the same side and concerned with the best interests of your grandson. You can ask what that procedures are for the homework in the folder, for example, rather than just say that nothing's been changed or look at.

Please volunteer the info about your grandchild's mother coming back into the picture and some more details as well. It's also okay to ask the school psychologist to get involved, either with you, with your grandson or at the conference.

K., given all the horrible emotional upheaval in your grandson's lives thus far, you are being very quick to blame the teacher on her not being a good fit thus far.

Your grandson is clearly acting out with the return of his mother recently and that is NOT something the prior teacher ever had to deal with.

So, you need to be supportive and collect a few more data points and give this teacher some time to help him settle down and settle in.

Sounds like it's time to start that counseling you said you plan to get them. I would not delay it one more day; your grandson really needs some help navigating strong emotions and the upset of his mom's return, all of which is happening at the same time he's leaving a safe, known environment (kindergarten) for a new, strange, more demanding environment (first grade). I would involve BOTH an outside counselor and the school counselor too. The conference at school really needs to be about the boy's emotional upheaval and working out a regular schedule for him to see the school counselor and for the school counselor to possibly be in direct touch with his outside counselor if needed. You, too, should talk with his counselors (school and outside) and get some counseling on how to help him navigate this difficult time.

Moving classes would be another upheaval for him. Get his first grade teacher involved; she needs to be on notice clearly that he has family issues that are creating difficult behaviors on his part, and the school should be fully aware that he is getting counseling (it really does help if the teachers are in the loop and KNOW that a kid is having issues at home and is getting help -- teachers will be far more accommodating if they are kept in the loop and treated as allies).

If mom pops in and out of the kids' lives, they're both going to need counseling anyway, probably for years to come, so they grow up understanding that it's not their fault that mom is not reliably in their lives. Bravo to you for raising them, grandma. You are the strong and steady presence in their world.

I had a problem with a teacher and a classroom. Set up a meeting with the principle. When you get in there you do not let them change your mind. You say my child needs to be moved to another classroom starting today. I will tell you I got my daughter out of one classroom a few years back and am very thankful I did. I recently ran into a parent who's little girl is going to the same school I got mine out of. It appears this teacher that I got my kid out of screams so loud at her kids all day long and this little girl was telling her mom she could not concentrate on her work in the next classroom because this teacher was yelling soo loud. Just amazes me that nothing is done. I'm so thankful I'm out of that school.

You might also ask if the school counselor can work with him/them, especially if their mother is on the rebound and they are going through a major life change.

Our school probably wouldn't do it...but try the meeting first, at that time you can ask the teacher if she thinks he would do better in another class...it sounds like he might be a handful...she may agree to it.

You would really need a clear reason why. Meet w all and give it a longer try.