How to Talk to 11 Year Old Son About Euthanizing Our Dog/ Should He Be Present?

The library might have books to help you open the discussion. Ask him if he wants to be there to say goodbye. He's old enough to decide. From what other moms have said, it is a peaceful process.

Your son is old enough to decide whether he wants to be there. Death is part of life and euthanizing a pet that no longer has the quality of life it deserves is part of responsible pet ownership. It's a difficult lesson to learn, but an important one and I think that having him there and witness what is happening is probably less scary and painful than what he will perceive if it is left up his imagination. Ask him, if he feels ready to be there, let him.
Good luck.

Just explain that when pets are in so much pain, they can't tell you how much it hurts, and the most loving thing you can do as their owner is to end their pain. Then, explain what they will do as part of the euthanizing, and ask him if he would like to be there. You don't have to pressure, but let him know that it will give Ollie great comfort to have the family he loves by his side.
Oh now I'm crying. lol

If your son wants to be there then let him.
If he doesn't want to be there, then don't force him.
People have no trouble allowing kids to see kittens or puppies being born.
Death is a side effect of living.
This is a part of what it means to have pets.
We care for them, we love them and eventually, most of the time, we out live them.

I would be honest with him and make him aware that sometimes, when animals are suffering, and there is nothing more that can be done, it is kindest to help them to die. You might be able to tell him that Ollie is close to dying, but in a lot of pain, and the veterinarian has a special type of medicine that can help him to die without being in pain or suffering any longer. With a younger child, I usually recommend avoiding terms like "giving a shot" or "putting him to sleep" because it can be confusing for them, or make them afraid of things like shots or falling asleep. However, at 11 years old, I know my stepsons knew the difference. Sometimes, some kids handle it better than some adults I've seen. Your own vet should be able and willing to talk to him as well.

As for having him there, I would ask him how he feels about that. Every child is different and you need to judge for yourself how he might handle it. I've had kids as young as 11 and 12 in the room with the pet when it's done before, they are usually on the mature side and understand what to expect, and why it is happening. I've also had families who had their kids wait outside or in another room while the other parent stayed with the pet, and then let them come in afterwards. My daughter is 5 and when we lost one of our dogs this past fall, she was in school and I had to make a decision right then and there. There was no way I would have had her be there, even if it was possible, because she gets way freaked out about any kind of injection as it is, and I think it would have been really traumatic. But after she got out of school, I told her what had happened (I just told her that Sophie had died, and she knew she had become very ill the day before), and asked her if she still wanted to see Sophie one last time. She said yes, so we went up there (it was where I work) and they had Sophie wrapped in a blanket and it just looked like she was asleep. DD was able to visit, pet her on her head a little, and say her goodbyes. I think it helped her a lot to process what had happened and she said she felt a little sad still, but better afterwards.

Good luck to you and your family, I am very sorry you are going through this...

He's old enough and I would just be completely honest with him about the whole thing.
Having him present? I wouldn't - it's so so hard. That's a tough memory to have rolling around in an 11yr old head. I had to do this about 1 yr ago. Also, you have to consider the feeling of your dog - they feel you. If your son goes into a hyterical mess, it will upset the dog further. I took our dog by myself and although I had constant tears streaming down my cheeks, I was aware of only sending out love and calmness to my dog - no saddness, no fear........
Great, now I'm crying again..........Hugs to you and your family.

Just speak to him honestly and let him decide if he wants to be present. At eleven he's well aware that our beloved pets do not live as long as we do.

I highly recommend finding a vet that will come to your home to put him down. Our experience was very peaceful, our Kaya didn't know what was coming we just gave her a treat and held her while she slipped away. My 8 year old was there her little sister elected to go to the neighbors.

When we lost our oldest 2 cats a couple years apart we brought the kids with us and they were there when the vet put them both down.
It wasn't scary or traumatizing to be there vs leaving them with a sitter.
They got to say good bye. They got to pet them and love on them until the end. We got to stay as long as we needed after they were dead to say goodbye. It was very peaceful and loving. It gave the kids closure. They went with me to the vets to pick up their cremated remains when they were done. We got them in cedar boxes with their names engraved on a brass plaque on the top. We also got a certificate of death and a plaster paw print of each one to keep. The boxes are on my headboard in my bedroom. To this day someone will sometimes go and give those boxes a hug when we are missing them.
We are all glad that we could be there for each other, for ourselves and for our very beloved cats. Mine were much younger than yours. When we lost our first my boys were around 7 & 4 and I was around 4-5 months pregnant with my third. When we lost our second oldest my kids were about 9, 6 and 2 years old.
At 11 years old I don't see a reason to be sheltering them from death. It is a natural things that happens to everyone at some point.
We explained that their bodies were getting very old and weren't working right. Their bodies were not going to work any more so their body was going to die and their spirit was going to leave and go somewhere else (we're not Christian so we don't use Heaven). We explained that the vet was going to give them something that would take the pain away and then something that would stop their heart so that they would not have to live in pain anymore. The first oldest cat had been sick for some time and treatments weren't working. The second oldest had been slowing down a lot and then developed a very aggressive and fast growing oral cancer, she developed tumors in less than a week. It wasn't a surprise with either one.
We have always been open about death. They have always known that things die. They'd had fish that died, they've had plants that died, they've had toys that died.
Just be open. Just explain it in basic and simple terms.
I am sorry for your loss. It is never easy to loose a loved one.

Talk to him, and let him decide if he would like to be there or not. Support his decision.

No, I don't think your son needs to see this. This is a memory that will live with him forever. His memories won't good ones, they will be memories of your dog dying, laying on the table dead, and maybe even feelings of resentment.

He is only 11. This is a part of life, but he doesn't need to witness it. I agree with someone else who mentioned that you should start talking to him about Ollie passing away (if you haven't already) and prepare his mind for the inevitable. But then do it while he is at school. It will be much easier for him to bear.

Sending prayers for strength and wisdom to you.

You have to be truthful and matter-of-fact with your son. 15 years is old for most dogs, and death is a part of life.

If your son wants to be there, then yes, he absolutely should get to be there and say goodbye when your dog is euthanized. It's good for the dog, and it's good for your son. All of my kids were present when we had to euthanize our dog in the middle of the night. They were all grateful to be able to say goodbye to their dog, and they were not traumatized by it.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, it's heartbreaking.

Hi G., in our home, we talk openly about death..We have ever since my son was younger and his grandfather was ill and then passed away. We told him the truth as to what happened. Additionally, my MIL who is Italian and very vocal, speaks open and honestly about this or that relative having died.. so in our household, being as we didn't make death such a mysterious and bad thing, I think my son is a bit more conditioned to it than perhaps others (this includes some adults)

I do think that every child is different and therefore might be more sensitive to certain matters such as death. you know your son better than anyone, do you think he could handle knowing your dog was euthanized?

If you do, then I would definitely tell him and let him know why it's for the best... As for when you do it... that I would play by ear... see how your son first handles being told about Ollie and then decide from there.

To me, it is a delicate matter but another part of me also thinks that your son is 11 and if like mine (who is also 11) will have plenty of questions on his own... In my son's own case, I'd actually ask him if he wanted to attend (this after explaining the procedure) .. if he said yes, I'd probably allow it.. Again, this pertains to my son as I know him well and think he'd be ok with it.. Trust your intuition..

I agree with all the great advice on explaining how this is a very compassionate and kind thing to do for a pet who has given you all the love and loyalty he had to give. As for being there, it is a pretty traumatic sight watching the pet go, it has been 8 years since we went through this with our Scooter and it is still a painful memory for me, and I'm 45.

I feel very strongly that you should not allow your 11 year old there for the death.
Let the family say goodbye to the dog at a park, or while feeding him his favorite treats. The vet visit is unnecessarily traumatic for a child, and he doesn't really need to witness it to undestand that the pet isn't coming home.
If it were me, I would have given the kids some really good days with the dog, talked to them about the dog getting old, and maybe going to heaven soon, and then when they seemed prepared for the inevitable, I would have had the dog euthanized without them necessarily knowing that it was happening, and then just telling him he passed away while they were at school. There's no harm in them NOT knowing that you chose to end his life. (No judgement; just it is what it is...)

I would be upfront. Ollie is not doing well. There is no cure. His quality of life is poor and you and the vet agree that putting him to sleep is the best thing for him. Does your son want to be there? Would he rather just spend some time to say good bye at home?

It's hard. Even for adults.

I would say you should offer him the opportunity to be there. If he doesn't want to be there, don't make him. Let him say his goodbye's before you go. If he does want to go, let him.

How to talk to him about it? I'm thinking you probably already are in some ways. He understands that the dog is elderly, and is losing body functions. Have you discussed at all what is likely to come next? Do you know? Perhaps if you haven't had him evaluated recently by the vet, you should take him for a check-up and take your son with you. Ask appropriate questions about prognosis regarding your dog and encourage your son to ask any questions he might have also.
It will be a good way to open the conversation with him, and to hear from the vet what the reality of aging may be like, and what euthanizing would be like and how it can be an end of suffering for your beloved pet.

Good luck. It's hard, I'm sure. Our precious pooch is only 9, but we were having to consider euthanizing her when she was only 6, for some seizures and subsequent issues. Thankfully she recovered her health and is fine. But age is coming...

I'm so sorry!!!!

Totally agree with Christina... You should definitely be in there. I read a lot about it before we had to put down our 14 year old pup (hardest/saddest decision of my life)... I read, their hearing is the last thing to go. So I whispered, "I love you" up until the very last second. (brings tears to my eyes now)....

I would let your son decide.
Hugs!

Let your son decide if he wants to be there. But please, YOU be there. Let his last living memory be of being held by someone he loves and trusts.

I haven't read all the responses, but my initial thought is that if your son specifically asks, then let him go; otherwise, plan to do it while he is at school. i don't know that i would ask him, but rather, see if he asks about going when you do talk to him about ollie's deteriorating health and the inevitable. i definitely wouldn't keep your son from being there, though, if he wants/needs to be.

and i am so sorry about your dog. what a tough time this has to be for your family. :(

Inform your son about the decision that you and the vet have made. Then, ask him if he'd like to join you. Let him know it would be nice to assist Ollie in the car and say his final goodbye but tell him he can wait in the car or whatever. Also, be sure to tell him it's ok to say gooddbye at home.

I am a dog person. I am so sorry and I can't imagine how hard this is.

If you are close with your vet, I am sure s/he would talk w/ your son ahead of time. Maybe your son will have a question to ask the vet, too.

Or, explain that this medicine will put Ollie at rest w/out pain. There are always books for children available at the library. If you are planning to get another dog, there are soooo many rescues that need homes. Maybe you can discuss this with him --- explaining that dogs have a shorter life span than people, but, in a few months he can help you search for a doggie that needs a home.

In the meantime, you can show him animalrescuesite.com. He can click the box for free and this click will provide bowls of food for dogs in shelters each and every day.

My friend had to put her elderly dog to sleep in the Fall. She said that she was glad she did not bring her daughter ( a couple yrs older than your son) because she had a hard enough time w/ it and couldn't imagine letting her daughter experience that. But...everybody is different. Personally, I would not bring an eleven yr old. One of my other friends has her dog's ashes on the mantle. She did not bring her son, either.

I agree w/ Lisa P.

Rainbowbridge.com is a site for pet support during this difficult time.

Yes, be honest about what is happening with the dog and approaching it from a humaine perspective. Do not let him watch the dog be euthanized though - he will remember this forever and it is not a fond memory. I have one and wish I didn't.

Maybe make a cement stepping stone from the dogs paw prints before you do this. You can find them at Michaels (or any other crafting store) and they are about $10. It will be a nice thing to help your son let go and have something tangible to remember his buddy. When the cement is wet, you will just help the dog step into it, making an impression.

http://www.michaels.com/art-minds-12inch-stepping-stone-k...

I am so sorry you are going through this!!!
We have 4 of our doggies put down and it's the hardest thing to go through. We have never allowed our kids to stay. My husband couldn't even stand staying. I had to. I couldn't leave them. If you decide to allow your son to stay there, it is going to be really tough on him. I stayed in the room with our dogs and cried for at least 20 minutes after each of them was put down. Our vet allowed me to stay as long as I wanted. I can tell you that it was extremely hard and painful having to leave them.

Good luck. Sending lots of hugs your way!!! :)

You're going to have to be honest with him and just explain that Ollie will not get any better; he will only get worse. He has no quality of life and that it would be cruel to make him suffer. Explain that at some point in the probably near future, Ollie will not even be able to get up. You will come out one morning and poor Ollie will be sitting in his own waste because he won't be able to control himself and he won't be able to get up to get out of the waste.

That's what happened to us. We tried to hang on and I felt horrible when I came out that morning and found my poor sweet dog lying in his own filth.

I took him in that morning and had him euthanized. I believe he understood what was happening and I truly believe he was grateful.

It was hard. I stayed with him. There was no way I was letting him go out alone. It's very calm, and very respectful. Give your son the choice of being there or not. Support him no matter which decision he makes.

So sorry. This is very hard!

We recently had to have one our cats euthanized, she was 21. My son who was ten at the time wanted to be in the room and took it very well. Sure he was upset and sad that she was gone but as for the whole procedure he did great. I explained pretty much what was going to happen beforehand. He even insisted that he be the one to carry her, hold her in the car wrapped in a blanket to take her home to bury. I would just ask him and let him decide. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I definitely know how hard it is.