How to 'Teach' 8 Year Old to Be Thankful

You teach him that by not jumping each time he makes a rude noise lol. If he wants a snack at 8 he is old enough to get one. set it up so that he is able to learn to be self sufficient. at 8 being "thankful" is really not something they know how to be. but he should be polite.

When my son said he hated his life, I talked to him about little kids who are homeless, have no toys, and can't buy food. I know it's cliche, but it's so important to show how others don't get everything we have.

Katie,

I agree with so many of the other moms, and Sherry has a good point, he needs to be polite. We are free to not like certain things in our lives, but they are what they are and it doesn't give us the right to be rude about them. Yes, there's lots going on around him so maybe his summer isn't going like he'd like it to, but he has a home to live in, food to be eaten, gets to go to a pool...lots more than many children his age have.

Thankfulness is something we should be practicing 365 days a year, not just during Thanksgiving week, but many children don't see that. I don't know that you would be open to something like this, but my nephew was getting the same way a little before he turned 9, so dad started taking him with him to feed the homeless at a motel. There's many children living there, so he sees them eating what they're served without complaining, and going through bags and boxes of used (but clean and usable) clothing, shoes and toys. They'll be doing a giveaway next month, the children will each receive a new backpack filled with necessities for going to school ~ paper, pencils, pens, crayons, etc., toothpaste and toothbrush, a hairbrush, a new outfit and a pair of shoes. When my nephew saw this last year he was truly humbled, they received just a fraction of what he takes for granted and were happy, he said they acted like it was Christmas. Many organizations take donations of supplies for projects like this, perhaps you could locate one near you and the two of you could go shopping for the things you'll be donating. This would give you a platform to point some things out to him.

He may not be throwing a full-fledged tantrum, but making the disrespectful noise, throwing his arms up and crying for a better life sure are the beginnings of one. I'd have replied I didn't appreciate being spoken to that way, and that the next time (and subsequent times) he did he would be going to sit in his room, not allowed to play, and would come out when he was ready to apologize for his rudeness. Another option would be to lose a privilege he'd been looking forward to, like an outing or new toy.

I would also make sure that everyone practices being polite and considerate of others in the family, using "please" and "thank you" when asking or receiving anything. He's old enough to get his own snacks, just make sure they're within his reach, and he's not too young for you to ask him to get you one. Maybe some responsibility will help him see what you're trying to convey to him.

Check out your local library for books on manners, responsibility, and thankfulness, the children's librarian can point them out. Summer is a great time to read and learn in a relaxed way, you can talk about the books and use them to illustrate points you're trying to get across to him.

And just remember, your guidance and pointing things out to him will turn him into the considerate, thankful, respectful, helpful young man you want him to be❤

I do understand why you're frustrated but maybe you could change your approach a little too. When he gets huffy instead of immediately taking the snack (or whatever else) off the table say something like...oh bummer. I don't respond when I'm spoken to like that so if you'd like a snack you may get one for yourself. Or...oh bummer. When you can speak to me nicely and be patient I'll get you a snack. This way you are showing him that he can't act that way and get what he wants but you are still using it as a teachable moment and giving him some grace to allow him to make a better choice. And, I'm sure some of it does have to do with hormones and body changes and "growing up" and all that stuff I'm not ready to deal with yet, so I can only imagine it's tricky! ;)

Mostly you have to model being thankful for whats good in your life. Children imitate their parents, do as they do not as they say. Don't give in to the temptation to complain about the stress of renovation, mention how blessed you are to be able to add to your home. Don't complain about his behavior in front of him, Thank God (aloud) you have a healthy son. If you model gratefulness in front of him and show how lucky you are to be so fortunate etc etc his attitude will change.

When my daughter was around that age I posted on here because she was so NOT thankful for anything! She just wanted more, more, more. Nothing was good enough. We offer to buy her a toy? She wants two! Or she wants the expensive one that we're not going to buy her. And then...upset. Not tantrum, but huffing and saying how she hates her life. Sound familiar?? She wanted more TV time, more sweets, more friend time, etc. Drove me nuts. And in your head your'e thinking "I raised you better than that!"

Now my daughter's 10, a besides the trip to the store today (which almost but not quite makes me want to take back everything I'm saying now!) things have improved drastically from then.

I took a lot of the advice from mamas and applied it and yes, it was a long road but we got there!

1. I agree, demonstrating patience and acknowledging their wants helps. "I can see you're hungry, but mama needs to finish this so if you can show me patience for a few minutes we can go get that snack." It helped for us to name what we wanted. "Show me patience." We also praised it when she did. "Wow! I'm so proud of you for showing patience! Now, what snack did you want?"

2. We let her know that begging for more was not to be tolerated. We told her that if we were going to buy her ONE thing, then it was ONE or NONE. At the first sign of huffing or ungrateful behavior we leave. I had to haul her out of the store whining once because I had wanted to be nice and offered to buy her an ice cream and she wanted two scoops and I had said one only. So she got none. I think I had to enforce that one only two times before that sunk in.

3. I learned to allow her to show her anger in her room. If she's angry, we tell her to go ahead and be angry in her room and she can come out when she's ready to join the family. It's not fun being angry without an audience! She now checks her anger, and if she's really mad she'll often say "I'm going to be angry in my room now." Once I knocked on her door and she said "I can't come out now because I'm having some drama." I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing out loud!

Just keep doing what you're doing. It will sink in, I promise! My daughter is now very polite. She thanks us for doing things very sincerely (where she never did before) and she's not whiny (very often) and she appreciates what's being done for her. Of course we have episodes like we had today, but overall I'm so proud of her! And you'll be proud of your son too as he grows into a little man. :)

My answer to this is "service" to others. Meals on Wheels, Salvation Army meals, donations, getting groceries for an elderly neighbor. I think when we remove ourselves from ourselves, we become more kind, considerate and thankful.

i'm noticing with my 6 yo she must be having a growth spurt or something, I can't see the height change yet but if she says she is hungry She needs it now! I used to think she was being impatient/rude/etc but now that i am watching a little closer I think it's a blood sugar thing and she really does need nutritious food or she looses her mindand maeks me miserable. I"m not talking between meal snacks but in the summer sometimes lunch can be late by a half hour, but if it is she gets mighty cranky.

I know that isn't exactly what you mean but it sort of goes along with the checklist for infants, did they sleep well, eat well, poop well, play well, start there and then start looking into other things like gatitude.

We llike to play a game at dinner i've heard it called roses and thorns, or onions and something. basicaly we take turns telling one good thing that happened that day and one bad thing. My good thing might be it was so nice how everyone helped fold laundry, and my bad thing might be i was disappointed that the pool was closed and we have to wait to go. It might set up a good system for sharing and getting into his head before he is a full fledged teen and it will also model and teach him gratitude and patience.

Not only do you have to love and support, you also cannot tolerate ungrateful behavior. For this age dealing with disrespect and bad ungrateful attitudes, PLEASE get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.

It's a given that we all want to provide a patient positive home, and lead by example. You still will, but you need effective ways to stop the bad behavior, and 8 years old is getting REALLY late in the game. Don't delay!

My kids are extremely thankful, sweet, generous, grateful and all of that, but nothing else was allowed. Grunting? NOPE, that would have gotten a serious consequence. Reminds me of when we were kids, and my dad would tell us to do some god awful chore, he would add, "And smile about it" which was funny, but he was serious. Bad attitude? Not allowed.

Get the book PRONTO. He will be so grateful for the new boundaries, his self worth and satisfaction will skyrocket. The behavior he is exhibiting is human nature, and it takes timeless discipline given in love to teach the old fashioned ideals of gratitude and respect. They are not easy to teach.

He's going to be a "Tween" soon.
Tweens are from ages 9-12.
A Pre-teen.
My daughter is 8.
Some of her friends Moms, have said that their kids are ALREADY getting a bit more moody/surly and just icky. They being on the CUSP of becoming a Tween.

And, it can also be due to their changing hormones and developmental changes. Almost guaranteed.

Growing pains, also being of emotional development.

Google Search "Tween Development" and many good articles will come up.

You said, he has been this way "lately."
Kids, always need to be looked at, in relation to their developmental age-phases and junctures.

Next: is he getting enough sleep?
And if he is going through a growth-spurt... well, this affects them too.

And during growth-spurts or anytime... if a kid is hungry, their blood-sugar levels drops and becomes uneven... this then, makes a kid or anyone... moody and fussy and impatient. Me, included.
So... this is a biological HINT... that a child and adult, needs to eat. Kids... NEED to GRAZE throughout the day... to prevent uneven blood-sugar levels.
My daughter is like this. Grazing and snacking throughout the day, keeps the blood-sugar levels, even. Hence, their moods too.
My kids graze, on healthy stuff in addition to their meals. All day. It does not, interfere with their appetites for meal time. It keeps them, even keeled.

ur child is going to emulate those at home, thank ur husband, other children for the littlest to the major. thank him when he does something for you. remind each other to be thankful, not the material things but for the beautiful morning, to eat a meal together, etc.

make him realize how much he has to be thankful for. this is going to sound harsh, and i know a lot of people will think i am super evil. but, take everything out of his room except his mattress and a pillow and blanket, put his mattress on the floor. no toys, no furtniture, no nothing, just the mattress with the blanket pillow and a change of clothes for the day. he gets no tv, no outings, nothing for the day. 3 meals, as basic as you can make them. have a talk with him about how, with all the things you allowed him to have that day, a warm safe place to sleep with a roof over his head and 3 meals, that he was more priveledged and wealthy than the vast majority of the population on this planet. have him watch some documentaries on 3rd world countries. my husband and his family are from Romania, they lived there when it was communist. i listen to his parents talk about how things were, how little they had, and i feel so selfish sometimes with all we have. nip that little attitude in the bud now.

Katie,

Thank you for writing this question, because my 8 year old daughter has been acting the same way. It has to be a phase. I learned a lot from the responses. We had a discussion today because she was whining for candy while we were out running errands. I asked her if she only loves me when I'm doing or buying things for her right that second. I hope it made her think about her attitude because I reminded her of all the great things we've done recently that we didn't have to do, and that my mother would never have done with or for me (too busy and too cheap). It's like she can't think of something good that happened five seconds ago. She is also getting to that stage where she is more independent and can do more for herself, but doesn't want to because that means less that I will do for her and the end of being babied. By the way, I'm very sensitive to only being tolerated for what I do or give to others, because that is how I was treated at my former job. Once I left to take care of my DD, I wasn't doing anything for anyone anymore, so I was quickly forgotten.

When she starts pushing my buttons with the ungrateful attitude (it could be a ploy to get attention, even if it is bad attention. Your focus was on your email, even for a little bit, rather than your son), I'm going to follow my priest's advice by praying a short prayer. My DD was trying to weasel out of doing a page in a workbook by whining about it. I said the Lord's Prayer instead of yelling at her. She gave me a funny look, and did the page.

When I was a kid and didn't want to eat liver, I got the starving kids in India response (my dad was there in WWII). Now I tell my DD about the starving children in Haiti. I think we'll need to find the time to do some volunteer work.

Katie,
I truly believe that MOST of the problems we have in relationships, on the job, in business, and in churches stems around inconsiderate, ungrateful, do it for me now, right now, attitudes. I want to be thankful and I think that I am thankful. But...More and more I think that all complaining, all fretting, all bitterness, and so much of what we all write about on here stems from a me, me, me attitude.

Hello Katie,
The nice thing about Mamapedia is the variety of responses you get from moms coming from so many different perspectives. I looked through to see if anyone has said beyond, "It's a phase." You've had a lot of good advice and here's another idea. He's perfectly normal and you're doing a great job! : ) Yet another child development belief is that your son is beginning to go through his "9 year change." It's when a child realizes that he is not just an extension of you but his own person. It is kind of a scary realization and can manifest itself in a child in many different ways. There is a book called "Encountering the Self" (Koepke) that addresses the 9 year change. Some say 8-9, some 9-10. As most "phases" go, there is more than a simple 12 month range to most changes in any given person. It may be worth a look: http://www.amazon.com/Encountering-Self-Hermann-Koepke/dp...
Good luck!

This summer we have been having lots of conversations regarding consequences - both good and bad. I have 8 y/o twin boys so I do know what you're going thru! When either of them does a spontaneous act of kindness etc, they get a good consequence. Sometimes it's just a hug and me telling them how wonderful they were to do x, and once in a while I'll give them a dollar or something just to mix things up. When they do something bad and they get punished, I ask them if they remember what a consequence is. It has taken over a month for me to see any true insight to this sinking into their little heads!! At first when I'd give them a good consequence, they were happy but of course one of the boys started asking for 'stuff' either a dollar or a toy or something. So that let to an adjustment in my strategy and more talk about action and the golden rule vs gifts. This also lead to the "I did this for you so you have to do that for me" statements. Each step of the way has brought up new bumps, but as long as you're consistent and tell him calmly why, it seems to help. I too have been fed up with electronics and tv. I'm an admitted TV-a-holic and had led my guys down that road, so last summer we cut out tv except in small and only occassionaly increments and this summer we got rid of cable all together. That has helped.

I know consequences don't exactly tie in with being thankful but in an odd sort of way, it does. I've had to explain to my guys that the more they ask for,the less they will get because they don't value or appreciate all they have. This is a consequence of not being thank ful.

It's helped. Good luck!!

I don't have any advice - just wanted to say that I understand completely. My 14 yo stepson complains non-stop - NOTHING is ever good enough! Example, we are renting a beach house for a week in August. We invited my husband's whole side of the family so we will have 13 people there. People he loves to spend time with and doesn't get to do so too often since we live in different states. You would think he would be thrilled! Nope. He has already asked if we can get a "better" house next year - we haven't been to this house yet! It has a pool, hot tub, multiple sun decks, game room, pool table, 5 TVs, game systems, etc., etc., etc. He of course focuses on the fact that it's a bit of a hike to the beach!!!! He can never just say, "Wow, thanks!" even when he knows we are making a huge effort. It's always, "I want more, I deserve more..." We have tried explaining to him what a charmed life he has; that he has more than my husband and I ever dreamed of when we grew up poor living with single moms that struggled. In one ear and out the other! Our next plan: he's signed up for 2 weeks of volunteering after we get back from vacation!!! He's going to work with people who have multiple physical and/or mental handicaps. We'll see if that gives him a finer appreciation of things! Good luck w/yours!