How to Teach Child That Games Are for Fun and It's Not All About Winning?

Well... having the instinct to go for the jugular is not something you should convince her to give up, in my opinion. A strong desire to succeed will serve her well in life. Teaching her that winning isn't the point is not resonating with her because she knows you're condescending to her! Winning IS the point. BUT, the flip side of that is that no matter how good you are, sometimes you will lose, and when you do, you shouldn't be a jerk about it. THAT's what you need to teach her. I would do that by reminding her before the game that if she wins, she should be a gracious winner (let her opponents know that she appreciates their sportsmanship and/or thank them for playing with her), and if she loses, she must remember that there will be a "next time," a chance to redeem herself, and though she may be disappointed, that she will be punished if she throws a fit. Then play the game and see how it goes! It will be a work in progress for a while, but she will get it eventually.

i think it's just one of those tough life lessons. we went through it too. we kept playing games, and when i'd lose i would tell him i'm so glad he won, that next time maybe i'd win, etc. made him aware that other people like to win too, and that you can still be a good "loser" (maybe not in those words), and just like when he wins he has to be a good "winner" too. at 5 he's mostly over it - he wants rematches if he loses now ;)

no way did i ever let him win just for the sake of making him happy. i'm glad to hear no one suggesting that! ;) good luck and hang in there. being gracious is NOT something we are born with!

When I've cared for children like this we start playing a LOT of games where there is a loser.

Being a good loser is a learned thing for a lot of kids, and to be learned it has to be practiced.

I guess I would say this one is going to take a bunch of practice.
Can you have some older children help model being a good sport?
BEfore you start the game and during the game and after the game, talk about what you expect him to behave like and why that makes people enjoy playing with him. ANd like wise it's always funny if mommy says we aren't going to throw a fit are we and then show them what the fit would look like, -ridiculous when mommy is stomping and waving her arms and moaning.
but honestly if he is hardwired this way, it's going to take a long time for him to be able to master this skill, but it is possible. provide lots and lots of practice and when he does act like a good sport by not stomping off, and not yelling, or giving up, praise him to the moon!!

I think playing board games together and by your example. My daughter and I have been playing games since an early age. I don't show a lot of emotion whether I win or lose. It is more about enjoying the game. You take the good with the bad. If he loses one game than encourage him and say 'maybe you'll win the next' and play a second time. Never let him resort to cheating if he is not winning or quit the game. You never know when you're going to catch the big slide in Chutes and Ladders or be lucky enough to get the big ladder. You have to hang in until the end of the game to see who wins. But it doesn't matter win or lose, just enjoy playing the game.

We went through this with our youngest son when he was about 4; now he's almost 8. Here's what worked for us.

We would play a game, and when he would get upset from losing we would pack up the game and have the same conversation that you have with your son. It's important to have fun, be a good sport, be nice, etc.

The next time he wanted to play a game, I would remind him of how badly he behaved when he lost before. I would tell him that we couldn't play because he was such a sore loser, but that if he would think about how to play nicely and be a good loser, then we could play the next night. The delayed gratification seemed to help.

The next night we tried again with reminders before we started of how he needed to behave if/when he lost, and focusing on having fun. Usually he did better then. Sometimes he would relapse and have another bad bout of being a sore loser, but he really improved pretty quickly.

He was fairly mature for his age, so that probably helped. Now we play games all the time, and it's fun! :)

ETA: He has a brother who is 6.5 years older, and that may have helped, too. He was already a good loser by that point.

It is just because he is only 4 and as he gets older and matures he will get better at this. My son was the exact same way. We had to take a little break from sports/games bc he would get so upset. When we did play a game with him we talked about how it is just fun to play and it is ok to lose sometimes and win other times. We did the same with sports - he would see his dad and I run or bike in races and we would talk about how it is just fun to participate and it is fine to not win. He has really struggled with this but he is GREAT at it now at age 7. He has fun even when he loses now. I had a stranger once tell me that her daughter was like our son and it took till age 7 till she would play a sport. My son was 4 at the time and he was the only child out there sobbing and refusing to play tball. She really made me feel better. And she was so right. Your son will get better at this too - don't worry!

make sure the games your playing with him are age appropriate a lot of preschool games are made so that everyone can play. when we started playing games it wasn't who "won" it was who finished first, then who finished next etc. and we played til everyone's cootie got finished etc. he is not ready for games yet that have winners / loosers

My (almost) 4 year old daughter just got a Hello Kitty Bingo game. I love it because there are always ties. She thinks it's great that more than 1 person gets to win, and she is usually a terrible loser.

Maybe you could find a boy version of this game.

I think this is a fairly normal stage with kids. It was with my daughter. She eventually grew out of the need to win every time. If she tried to cheat to win, I ended the game.

I think it's a maturity issue. We just gave up board games until he was 5. I don't think anything we can do can make losing hurt less when you are 4.

It is a stage most kids go through and it will probably pass by age 7 or 8. My just turned 6 year old is better now than he was at 4.

I agree with a lot of the advice you already have. (So why am I adding to it? I don't know.) If you can gather some *good* losers to play games with you and your son, he will definitely learn by example, even if he sits the game out on somebody else's lap and watches. You could stress, informally, that there's no prize for winning and no shame for losing. If I lose this time, the winner is my cousin Benny, and I like him, so I'm still happy. And if there's a reward - like ice cream - it's for everybody who plays.

Chutes and Ladders is, indeed, a good game for learning this sort of thing. So is Sorry. Do you know it? It's been around for decades (we played it when I was small). There's enough for the players to do to keep them thinking (nothing harder than basic counting) - and enough randomness to make it a game of chance, not skill. Preschoolers can beat PhDs in perfect honesty. And it's fun - you don't know what will happen next.

It's not only that society stresses to us that we MUST be "winners." Some people are hard-wired to have that attitude, perhaps from birth. Others seem to be natural "Who cares?" sorts of people, even when they should care. Everybody has something to learn.

Oops. I have never learned that lesson. I am super duper competitive. I wish I could not be. Yes, do try to break him of it. No advice here except, its a killer.