How to Teach Our Son About Money & Hard Work

Updated on July 26, 2012
T.C. asks from Round Rock, TX
10 answers

My husband's friend(the complicated one from my previous question) called him to ask if our son would mow a yard as a job. He agreed, and the friend immediately handed our son the money in advance. This is a job that our son can't do by himself, but hubby is letting him keep all the money. Also I watered plants as a favor for a neighbor on vacation. When she got back, I mentioned that my son had helped part of the time, and she gave him $10 for helping. During the school year, my husband set up a reward system to pay him a certain amount for each day of good behavior at school. How do I improve his understanding of what hard work really is, especially when other people are so willing to give him money for not so much work?

*Here's the longer explanation of the yard-mowing situation with my husband's complicated friend, if you're interested. Friend promised someone that we have never met, that he would have his lawn service mow their yard while they were out of town for a month, for only $30. That deal fell through. Friend couldn't do the work himself because of a religious holiday and then going out of town. He offered our son $40. Hubby knows his friend is annoying and disorganized, but still agreed to help. Hubby knew full well that our son couldn't mow the whole yard himself. The 3 of us together didn't even finish the job! Our son is not very athletic(10 and weighs only 56 pounds), our mower is hard to push(turned out that it needs a new fan and blade), I wouldn't let my son use the weedeater(and it broke too), and we don't own an edger. Our son mowed 1 row and helped move the extension cord around the whole time, Hubby mowed the rest of the front yard and used the weedeater, I mowed 1/3 of the back, then we gave up for the day and went home to order the parts to fix our mower. Hubby let his friend know that the front looks presentable, and we'll go back in a few days to finish. Hubby doesn't care whether we do a good job, because neither he nor his friend is planning to have it cut again in the 2 weeks before the family comes back from vacation. Friend also wanted our son to mow his own yard. Luckily, when hubby offered to send me over to do it, the friend declined.

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So What Happened?

We got the parts and fixed the mower together. Then when hubby asked our son if he wanted to stay home instead of finishing the job, I said no, this is his job and he needs to come help! We worked together and finished(so much faster and easier after fixing the mower).
Part of the problem here was that my husband accepted the job as a favor to his friend, intending it to be a family project, but the friend gave the money directly to our son in advance.

More Answers

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

First of all, you shouldn't allow your your son to accept jobs he's physically unable to do. Ten year old kids usually do things like pet feeding, plant watering and maybe a little light babysitting, not yard work!
Secondly, he WILL learn the value of hard work, you just need to allow it to happen naturally.
When my two older kids were younger (around 11 to 15) they got paid very well to pet sit, water plants and bring in mail for neighbors. When they babysat they got paid WAY more than I ever did at that age. The thing is, they KNEW they were getting paid a lot. Kids really aren't stupid, they get it. They knew that the families around here pay well because 1) they can afford it and 2) they like having a trusted and close neighbor and/or friend look after these things. I liked the fact that they were paid well for these jobs because we don't do allowance, chores are just expected, so it was nice for them to have some spending money.
Now they both have summer jobs, my 16 year old daughter is making minimum wage working 12 to 16 hours a week as a receptionist/sweeper in a hair salon, and my son (19) is making just a dollar over minimum wage as a day camp counselor 30 hours a week.
They are also putting gas in the car, so believe me, they GET it, and your son will too! Just make sure he's doing work he can do himself, that's AGE APPROPRIATE. There's no sense of pride and accomplishment in getting paid while dad does the job for him, as a matter of fact that kind of sets him up to a sense of entitlement.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

Mowing the lawn isn't a good way to start teaching anyone about hard work and how to manage money, esp if they aren't used to either to begin with.

If your son can't finish the job, make him give the money back.

Let him start small, like doing things around the house that you do. Let him help you take out the trash, do the laundry (folding, adding detergent, etc), dust, clear the table - all the common every day things. When he can do all those things without trouble or fuss, start adding on.

If your son does do some work and he gets paid for it, make him put part of it in savings and then let him spend the rest, even if he gets $10 and you let him spend $1. He will never know how valuable money is by just "earning" it and not getting to spend it. He will learn the value of his money the minute he has to part with it.

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F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Well, I think you need to give him age appropriate "jobs". It doesn't help for him to have a "job" but then not be able to do it. We have a 16 yo (spec needs), 12 and 9 yo. Instead of a chore chart, they each have a chore they are required to do (in addition to keeping their rooms clean and doing their own laundry). My 16 yo cleans the bathroom when she is here (every other weekend), 12 yo dtr loads and unloads the dishwasher daily and our 9 yo son takes out the trash as needed and the cans to the street and back. They each get paid $3 per week. We also started doing something different this last week. Our 2 youngest are ADHD and the psychologist said to do rewards instead of punishments. So each of the kids have a jar with their name on it. Every time we catch them doing something nice (sometimes we REALLY have to look for something, lol!) they get a rock to put in their jar. Each rock is worth .10. At the end of the week on Fridays, they get their $3 plus cash in their rocks. Then if they want to go shopping, we do. My husband and I decided to let them spend as they wish. If they want to buy a cheap dollar store item or a candy bar, they can. But then when they see something that is $14 and they don't have enough, we remind them that if they didn't buy that cheap thing or the candy, maybe they could have gotten that. Them paying for things on their own has REALLY opened their eyes! They are also more aware of when they do or say something nice because we make a BIG deal about it and positively reward it so they are seeing the benefit of that also. So maybe you can try some of these things to start. Also, I believe Dave Ramsey has a financial plan for kids. Good luck!

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

My older daughter will be 10 in September, so she's of an age with your son. She likes to work to earn money to buy herself things as well. I'm thinking about the jobs my daughter does, and they're a bit different than your son's jobs in a few ways. I choose the jobs my daughter does, and I don't allow her to take on jobs she can't do by herself. For instance, we had some friends coming to visit, and they have a 2 and 5 year old. Ahead of time, I let my daughter know that if she would help watch the little ones (while we were all in the house visiting), I'd pay her $5/hr - BUT, if I had to intervene every 5 minutes, she wasn't getting paid. (I should say that my daughter is very calm, rational, and mature for her age, and loves younger children, so babysitting with adults in the house is not a stretch for her.) My daughter also files paperwork for me (we own a construction company, which is a very paperwork-heavy endeavor). The next project I have for her is data entry (entering invoices into our accounting software - don't think I'm not a little nervous about this one, and I WILL be backing up the entire software before she comes within 10 feet of my computer! LOL). Anyway, bottom line, I choose jobs where I know she can do it all by herself, maybe with some explanation up front, maybe with a little checking up in the middle, but mostly doing by herself. It's not one of those, "Here, I'll file this giant stack of paperwork, and you can watch me, and I'll pay you for working" sort of deals. Someone asked her if she would feed their animals while they were out of town, but it was all the way across town so we'd have to drive her. I said no, because at that point it was more ME driving there and doing it, not her.

I guess to me, at this age, working should provide the child with a sense of real accomplishment. If mom and dad are doing most of the work, then there's really no way the child can learn a lot or have a feeling of real accomplishment, or know how hard it REALLY is to earn a dollar. I think your son should start with things he can physically do. For instance, if his goal is to mow lawns, he can start with weeding flower beds. Everyone hates that chore, but a small child is great at that - small hands, closer to the ground, still young and spry! LOL As he gets bigger and stronger, he can move on to pushing the mower, edging, etc. Or he can take on extra chores around the house (cleaning windows, baseboards, whatever isn't normally on his list of chores, and that you hate to do!).

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P.W.

answers from Dallas on

I see where you are coming from. I think your expectations for a ten year old may be a little high, but I understand you want him to understand the value of money. You and your husband just do your best to be on the same page. You can't stop other people from doing what they do, but you can have your son return money if you don't think he did anything to deserve it...... or allow him to keep some of the money and donate the rest to charity. Just kindly explain your values to your son and let it go at that. I wouldn't worry about "working hard." When he wants something, don't you think he will work hard to get it?

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N.G.

answers from Dallas on

Well what comes to mind is that Mark Zuckerberg doesn't exactly work hard, but he's a billionaire. Bill Gates. Oprah Winfrey. All billionaires. And I bet none of them put in 8 hours a WEEK, let alone a day.

It's not his fault you're doing the work for him. Obviously he couldn't do it all, but you did volunteer him, and then you volunteered to do it for him, so how is he supposed to "learn a lesson"?

At 10, I think a chore chart at home would be more appropriate. He's too young to be mowing lawns without you doing it for him or standing over him to make sure he does it right.

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

You teach him by expecting him to perform the work! He should have been the one mowing the lawn. When you fix your mower, you need to have him finish the job. Does he do your grass? Our son was the mower in the family! That is a way to start earning money.

He started his own mowing business when he was 10. He used our mower, paid for the gas and made a small fortune! When he was 11, he and my husband went in together and bought a used riding mower. When we moved back to Houston, he had to sell the mower to some friends because we certainly weren't going to need it here! He made the deal and we decided to let him keep all the money.

When you work hard, anything is possible!!!

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A.E.

answers from Waco on

I am a bit surprised by some of the judgemental answers you are getting. I applaud you for wanting to teach your son about hard work. I think the things you are doing sound great. For those that said a 10 year old can't mow the yard, HA! I was mowing our yard at 10 and I'm a girl. Granted I couldn't run the weedeater yet, but I could push a mower. My husband was driving a tractor and plowing fields on the family farm at age 8. Perhaps the yard was quite large (sounds that way based on your description), but working on the job alongside your son is modeling exactly the kind of behavior you want. Modeling often does more good than anything you could ever say to a child. You should have perhaps considered NOT giving him the entire amount of money simply because he did not do all of the work, but if I were in your shoes, I might have done the same thing just to see if that seemed to motivate him more. Dave Ramsey suggests keeping a large clear canister for children - not a piggy bank but something CLEAR - where kids can physically see the money they are accumulating. I think that is a great idea. Don't buy everything he wants. Make him save up for the things he wants and then have him count out the money from his container. I also second the idea someone mentioned about the rocks. We have a marble jar in our house. We have been using it with our daughter since she was three. She is six now and still loves that thing! She will often ASK to do chores around the house so that she can accumulate marbles. Keep up the great work! Sounds like you are teaching your son very valuable lessons in life.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

we earned an allowance for doing chores. mostly it consisted of one of the kids assigned to one task for that month. it was all ogranized and charted at the begining of the year. we each got five dollars a week. i always horded my money and usually at any given time had about 80 bucks. what we did was one kid was assigned to take out the trash from each can in the house and to the street on proper days(you need to remind kid), the other took laundry from hampers to the laundry room, the other was in charge of dishes (washing and putting away). the next month we rotated. while this was great for house chores my brothers both mowed yards. we had a little over an acher and most of the neighbors had the same size. they mowed it for 20 a yard. not much edging needed. this was in late 80 early 90's. we used our own equipment. Now we had a 14 yr old who mowed but slacked off and complained about doing it so we told him he no longer had to. our yard is "normal and i would guess a fourth of an acher?? we hired another kid who is now out of hs and seems to appericiate the extra money. mostly they used our equipmetn but it all broke and they use there own for over a year. we pay 30 for our yard.

Job list- make a job list and how much he can earn and how often they can be done. Like water plants,3 bucks three times a week (so he is not watering three times a day), pull weeds 10 dollars every other month, clean bath room (show him how and what products)5 dollars.

Have him put 20% in savings 10% for charity, and how ever else you think he should save or invest.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Hmmm, you want to teach your son about "hard work" and how can you do that when people offer him money for very little work but when someone did hand him a difficult job, you and hubby did it for him.

Hmmmm, how can you teach him? Maybe by making/letting him do the hard work! Instead of you doing the backyard, why not your son? And why would your hubby volunteer YOU to go over and cut his friend's grass? Why not volunteer your son?

You can't teach him about hard work if you don't let him experience it!

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