How to Tell 9 Yr Old We're Moving

I do not know if it is possible to bring her there on a weekend vacation and show her the area, have her look at a possible home or two with you (mom and daughter trip) and show her all the new things to discover in Boston.
http://family.go.com/travel/things-to-do/massachusetts/bo...

here are some fun looking things to do to help show her why this could be a fun/good thing. Plus discuss with her best friend's parents getting skype (they should be old enough w/ parent supervision) or letting them build a private web page together about thier daily lives.
http://www.ehow.com/how_###-###-####_reatingpassword-prot...
Good Luck.

After the initial crying, what will your daughter ask you? Think about what may concern her. She's nine years old. You want to anticipate and be able to answer every question she comes up with.

But you and your husband need to let her know as soon as possible. She will need time to cry and time to adjust to the idea of moving across country. She will need time to share with friends and her family.

One thing you may want to think about is family solidarity. "This will be a new adventure for all of us. It's a little scary for me, too. But families stick together and family members help one another. This is a good opportunity for Dad and we need to give him this chance."

That's a big one.
I would tell her very soon. Maybe sit her down and talk about Daddys; job and what he does. Do it on a weekend oh but not this one!! This is Halloween let her have trick or treat at least. So next weekend or if trick or treat is actually Saturday in your neighborhood, sit with her in the living room and tell her Sunday.
She is going to cry. She is going to hate you and you are going to "ruin her life". You are not but she will think that and probably tell you.

Get her an email account.
Let her Skype now with friends and Grandma.
Let her have as many sleepovers every weekend from now until you leave with her best friend.
Be excited, she will catch on if you are sad about this move and she will be more so.
Go to Boston online and see how many things you can do. When you get there do one right away .
Let her help pick the house.
If you buy, let her do her room how she wants it and try to get it done first thing. My 12 year old's last room had four different colored walls, this one has neon green. We move every 3 years, military.
When packing have her pack all her lovies in her bag so the movers don't get them. Have her get her stuff in your van, and you get the rest of your bags in your van before the movers get there.
Save out some movies.
Send her to her friend's house those days to spend the night.
When unpacking get the kitchen done and then hers and the three year old's room and a bathroom.
Right away, now, look for a Brownie Troop or a gymnastics class or something she can join.
Then go home next summer or have her best friend come to see you.
Stay positive, she will be OK.

I would prepare her now so the move wont be such a shock.

Well even though I am an adult I think I kind of understand how your daughter feels. We live in Pa. The majority of our extended family reside about one hour away.
However my only sister and her family live in Ca. I miss her and my niece and BIL. I had most of my cousins 5-15 min from me growing up.
Maybe you will eventually be able to move back? Could you ask your husband this before you mention it to your daughter.. You could say well we are moving to Boston but its only going to be for 2 yrs. and it will go fast

I haven't done this, but once you tell her, maybe introduce her to Skype, let her know how often you will be able to visit. If it is for a set period of time, let her know that too. Show her pictures of the new town, let her help in picking out your house. Let her be involved with all that type of stuff, maybe she will get excited to meet lots of NEW friends, while still being able to "see" her old friends.

We just moved over last Christmas break and my kids both joined their schools in January. It worked to their advantage being the new kids in school. Everyone wanted to meet them and their transition was pretty easy. I'm sure your daughter will be upset at first, and you need to try to not let her know about your lack of excitement. Try to think of it as an adventure and make sure you plan a trip to return over Spring Break/summer.
To help with my transition, I joined a class in the area called Moving On after Moving In. Check out the website for information and locations. www.justmoved.org

Hopefully your daughter can chat online with her friend after the move... if you have a webcam that would be better. Or buy her some greeting cards and let her mail them off and they can keep in touch that way.
Your daughter will be fine tho, and she will make new friends, she's still at an age where moving and changing schools is not too traumatic. Highschool age is usually the worst time to make those changes.
When you do sit down to tell her about the move, make it sound fun, exciting and adventurous rather than saying "I know you will miss Suzy and Grandma and your bedroom, etc" Dont put thoughts into her head that she may not even think of herself.

"...Career wise we NEED to do it..."? I know this isn't the question - but I'll say it then go on to your question. There is never a NEED to move across country and away from all of the people who are important to you unless you have no job, no income and no hope of finding it where you live. Kids need to have other people around who love them - grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I doubt you can change your husband's mind now - but I'd try. I may be presumptuous, but to me it sounds like your husband is very career oriented and wants to move up the ladder. That's completely understandable - and it may be a great honor and compliemnt for him to accept this job in Boston - even if it means you and your daughter will be isolated, in January, in Boston. On the other hand, if this job is neccessary becuase his company is closing, or his job is being eliminated - then you really have no choice.

Regardless of the underlying situation, if you're going to Boston, you're going to Boston. Put on your big girl dress, smile and make the most of it. Get some travel books out of the library about Boston. Find some good websites about Boston and tell your daughter sooner rather than later. Be realistic about the sadness of leaving friends and family - you can't really sugarcoat that - but you can present the move in the best light possible. Tell them yes. we're going to miss Sally and grandman, but we're going to do these things to stay close to them:

If you can, travel to Boston with your duaghter for a weekend with her before the move - take her to all the cool places in Boston - the children's museum, on the Ducks tour, the USS Constitution, Fanueil Hall, Qunicy Market, etc. If her best friend's parents would allow it, take her best friend so they can see it together.

Get set up with skype on your computer and with your family in CA so you can all video conference online. It's not perfect but it's better than nothing. I know lots of family's who stay in touch this way - even around the world.

Fortunatley, Boston is a good vacation destination - so the possibility exists for lots of family visits. Encourage that - make sure you get a house with a spare bedroom, etc and send out constant invites to your west coast friends and family.

Just make sure to be upbeat but realistic. Tell her you know how she feels becuase you're sad about missing your friends and family too - but you're also excited about this new chapter in your family's life. Afterall - it is exciting too. (My family moved to San Diego from NY when I was 8 for a year - and it was fun, exciting, adventurous - but we knew it was just for a year) Tell her that you'll now be able to go to cool places that are tough to get to now - like NY, Washington DC, Montreal, etc.

Finally, at age 9 kids are still pretty flexible. She will probably makes new friends at her new school pretty quickly - probably more quickly than you will. (sorry to say). Age 10-11 is probably when it gets really difficult to move so it's going to be OK.

When you get there begin to get plugged in right away - find a church, lots of them have MOPS (Mothers of pre-schoolers) groups so you can meet other moms with kids your son's age - and you'll find that some will have daughters who are 9. On the cold winter weekends in Boston go to museums, learn about the city. It's a small, walkable, college town that's rich in American history. You will have fun and it will be an adventurous time in your family's life.

Good luck mama!

We just moved 2 months ago. You've gotten lots of great advice. I would only add one thing (and maybe someone said this, I didn't read all your responses). Yes, be positive about the move and focus on the good things about your new place/town, but also acknowledge her sad or angry feelings. Let her express them and let her feel safe in expressing them. I think that really helped my kids. We listened to their sadness, gave lots of hugs, asked what they would miss and then focused on the new place. If you only focus on the new place, she might feel she can't talk about all those hard feeling inside about leaving her home, her friends, her school. There is a grieving process with moving that needs to be acknowledged and worked through. We've made sure there have been lots of phone calls and even some visits back to the old town. We signed up for soccer and scouts. We toured their new schools before they started. It takes time and we're still working at it, but they are getting settled. Good luck with your move!

Hi Aimee
I know exactly what you are going threw. We moved the first time in 2002 from Wi to Tx. Totally away from ALL family and everyone we ever knew. Our oldest was in 1st grade and our youngest was 3 . This move was not as hard for them. But moving away from Grammy & Gramps was VERY HARD. But they were able to visit 1's a year and we did as well. Then 2 yrs from the month we moved to AR. lived there for 2 yrs. The girls were very happy where we lived and loved thier friends. We loved it there as well. Then my husbands job transfered us for the 3rd time back to TX. but to a diffent town. So within this time the girls had to say bye to alot of great friends. I was very hard for us to say those NASTY WORDS to your girls. But like you, for all the right reason we had too.

What we did we sat them down and explaned to them that we had to move because of daddys job, At first they were very upset. But they were able to understand and we MADE SURE that they stayed in contact with each and everyone of thier best friends. To this day our youngest calls her best friend that she met in Pre-K. (3 yrs old). They call each other on every holiday and b.days. They get on facebook and talk to them almost daily. You see just because they are so far away does not mean that they have to lose the friends that they already have. Plus tell her "Just think of how many more people you are going to meet."
The family calls every weekend and talks to the girls. They talk to them to let them fill them in on what went on during the week. And if they don't call we call them. Or whenever the girls wanted to talk to them we called "except when they were trying to get out of going to bed."
NO matter how you say it, it is always going to hard on them, as well on you. The advice I have for you is to make sure the kids have a great school and education.

I always say I can make a home anywhere as long as the girls get a good education.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND Yes I would tell her ASAP so she can be perpared and her friend are as well. It will be easier on her.

Facebook, Skype, whatever - all great suggestions. I only wanted to mention that you should really focus on anything and everything positive about the new location - e.g. you'll have a bigger room, or the neighborhood will be really cool, or there are a lot of great things to do where you're moving to, or describe some of the amazing things about Boston (I don't know what they are, but I know people just absolutely love living there). Anything you can think of.

If you are also friends with your daughter's friends' parents, you could fly your daughter out for a visit for say Christmas or MLK or Pres Day weekend or something. Course, you can only do that at this age if you find a non-stop flight. SWA is the cheapest, but not sure they fly non-stop to SLC. Delta might, but their unaccompanied minor fees are pretty high.

We moved every two years when I was child. I am telling you I am much better off being exposed to different things and learning quickly how to meet people. There are of course downfalls. But in today's day and age with skype interent cams and technology it is so easy to keep in touch with our friends and family in all new ways. My mom always approached our moves an adventure she started with what's cool to do in ...... We would spend some time learning about the area. My mom and dad always included in the picking of the house ect. Make her a part of the adventure and change. Let her know that her friends will always be there for her. Buy her an internet camera if she does not already have one this way she knows they will be a part of her new life. In the old days my mom used to buy me my own stationary and stamps and special stickers so I could keep in touch. It will be a wonderful experience if we you make it. One piece of advice though is make sure you know what the school district is expecting from your kids. I think that was the hardest for me. When we moved I might be behind because my school did not do that subject or thing at the same time. Make sure you prepare her to be a success at the school. Do not assume that Boston has the same curriculum or goals for your child's grade. Happy move!

The sooner you tell her the better. You need to be very positive. I loved all of the suggestions about letting her decide what color or colors the walls in her new room will be. I also loved the suggestions about groups for her to join and dance classes, gymnastics, etc. All of these things will be very important. If possible, could you stay behind until the end of the school year but this too would be hard on your immediate family.

I'm more of the adventurous type and have had my family around me for over 40 years and I'm kind of tired of the drama that comes with them. I would kind of cherish the distance. Absence may make their hearts grow fonder but my family has many issues and drama and never a dull moment.

You also will need to learn how to make new friends in your new town. How are you going to do that as well as build new support systems? You may be lonely at first if you are not an outgoing person. You daughter may pick up sad cues from you. Try to not do that to her no matter how you are feeling but make the most of it.

She can and will make new friends. Plan an in school party about one to two weeks after you arrive. This can be sort of an ice breaker. You may even consider volunteering at her local school and may meet other parents that way too. Learn as much as you can about Boston and the surronding areas. You can share all of the fun things there are to do around and in Boston with your daughter. She may get excited about that but try not to dwell on what she is loosing but the thngs she is gaining. Same thing for yourself because most of us find exactly what we are diligently looking for, so look for the best home, best friends, best fun ever in the new adventure.