How to Tell an Almost 3 Year Old About Their "Step-grandpa" Died

You received some very wise answers and a couple comments that might not help in the long run. I worked with children for over 14 years in this field. When children don't understand what the adults are telling them, they make up their own explanations which are often worse than the actual circumstance. They often blame themselves in some way. What I recommend to parents is to invest in a few good children's books about death that you can keep in the house. As children grow, their understanding changes and they ask more questions. These books are great resources for actual words, concepts and ideas to use with your kds. When you can, go to the children's section of the library and ask the librarian to point you to the books dealing with death for children. Read them first, then order the ones you like. To die, means that everything in the body stops. Everything has a beginning and everything has an end. As a mom, you need to teach your child what the word death means, just like you explain other words the child does not yet understand. I like what one of the moms said and I have told people this too-that love never dies even though the body does. If you need any other help, please write. Good Luck to you.

I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old and my father, their Grandfather just died this past June. My 2 1/2 year old didn't really understand anything. However, my 4 yo did. We told him that Grandpa died and that he went to Heaven. He says "With Muff and OohRah?", our dogs. So he did understand death and I did catch he and his friend talking about it alot. They both also went to the funeral. They saw Grandpa and Said "Good-bye" The only thing is my dad had lost so much weight the last 2 months that I'm not sure that the 2 yo even recognized him. If you believe in God. Simply explain to him that he is in Heaven now with God and watching over us. We can still talk with him, he just can't answer us. Hope this helps. Kids understand so much more then we give them credit for.

My thoughts - tell him now about death and explain it as best you can. If you tell him that he went 'bye-bye' then it seems like that is something that Bob wanted to do and I'm not sure that is the message that you want to send either. He might be mad at Bob for leaving Grandma and thus leave negative memories of him instead of positive ones. Three year olds are smarter and pick up more than you think they do - he'll get it.

Good luck,
K.

I am sorry for your loss!

I would be careful saying he went bye-bye, because then your son will associate people saying, "bye-bye" with leaving and never coming back.

My son is 3, too, and we did the fish experiment for his 3rd birthday. It didn't work out very well, and he lost 3 fish over a few months. Also, a couple months ago, my in-laws had to put their dog to sleep.

Although he wasn't overly attached to these pets, he understands the basic concept of death. We explained to him that the animals died and wouldn't be coming back. We explained thay weren't alive any more, and talked about how other people are alive, plants are alive, our dog is alive, etc. so he could see the difference.

He seems to accept our explanation. He asks lots of questions, like, will I die some day? Will you bury me some day? Why is Uncle E. in heaven (his grandpa's uncle he never met)? It can be hard to answer some of the questions, but we just try to be honest.

My husband and I believe that if you realize you're a sinner, repent to God and ask for his forgiveness, and turn your life over to Him, you will spend eternity in heaven with Him. This is the underlying message in all we teach to our kids. It makes it pretty black and white. When he asks about people that we don't know if they gave their lives to Christ before dying, we just say they died, and give a very basic medical description (She was sick and her body couldn't work any more, and she died. Her body is buried in a cemetary).

Kids accept things at face value. I don't think it is scary for them to discuss the cycle of life. Two or three is old enough to start to grasp basic concepts of death.

Good luck.

my sister and i told are 3 year olds that their grandpa got sick and had too many owies and even though he loves them very much he couldn't get better
but he lives up in the clouds and watches them play
my daughter asks me to kiss her goodnight from grandpa and she told him happy halloween tonight

I'm very sorry for your loss. My grandfather just died in May and it was very hard to tell my 5 and 7 year old sons. We sat them down and told them the truth. Told them that he died and he went "bye-bye" to heaven with God and he couldn't see him until we are in heaven too.
Your are right, it's a part of life and this is how they learn about death. just saying he went bye bye could make him concerned when you go away for a while that you will not come back like bob.. Make sure he knows there is a difference and death is that difference. Unfortunatly this is how he will learn what it means.
Good luck and god bless...

Depending on your religious affiliations (whether you believe or not) you can do what I did with great grandpa. He is up in heaven being a guardian angel, looking upon you making sure that you will be ok.

My son was almost three when his great grandma died and he was 3 when we had to put our family dog to sleep. I explained to him that grandma died because god needed her to be with him and that she went to heaven to spend a very long time with god. Of course he wanted to know what heaven was so I tried to explain to him that heaven was a place way way up in the sky and that it was a very fun place that grandma and our dog(pj) would enjoy very much. Now every night when we say our prayers my son says good night grandma and pj. Like you said it is hard to explain to little ones but I think, like you said it is part of life then need to understand. Good luck

We had to deal with the loss of both grandfathers within a couple of years with our sons. Our oldest had an easier time as he was 3 and 4 at the time. With the youngest ones (twins at 2 years old), we used the term "all gone" to convey the difference between the idea that going bye bye isn't a permanent state whereas all gone is. They really seemed to get that and immediately began referring to grammy and grampy's house as just grammy's house. They still do ask for him every now and then and sometimes one will correct the other with grampy's all gone. Now that they're almost 3, they also have heard us talk to our older son about his grampy having died, so they're adopting that language some too.

I have always been very honest with my children. My 7 yr old knows about death and what happens, because he has lost 3 people very close to him in his short little 7 yr life. I think it is easier to be honest from the very beginning than to not tell them the truth and having to deal with it at a later date. You can use your religion to put it however you want but I really think being honest is the best idea

J.:
So sorry for your loss! My grandfather passed away this past June and my son was very fond of him. I basically told him that grandpa went to heaven and that he will watch over us. I don't know if I would say he is going bye-bye because when people go bye-bye they come back. You don't want to confuse him when you go bye-bye, he might think that you are not coming back. My son will still say "Grandpa in heaven watching me!" You would be surprised how much kids know. Good Luck!

The biggest thing you want to remember is that you don't want them to generalize it into other people who "leave" go "bye-bye" and she will worry that THEY won't come back. I have read and heard that you never want to say they went to Sleep, etc. Maybe you can talk about them "going to heaven" or something. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I would just really worry about the whole "bye bye" thing, especially if you use it for you leaving or someone else being gone for a short period of time.

I'm sorry for your loss. Trying to explain this to our children is a hard thing to do. I told my children when my Father was killed that even though we can't see him or feel him he is in our hearts and love never dies its ours to keep forever. You can point to his heart and tell him his Grandpas love will be there forever. There is another post similar to this with some good advice on dealing with death. I will tell you the same thing that I did with my kids(they were ages 8, 5, and almost 4) we made art projects. On canvasses the kids painted pictures, then in black permanent marker I wrote their favorite memory, we glued a picture of them with Grandpa on there also. We also have a story called Dragonflies which we love, If you would like me to type it out let me know I'd like to help anyway I can.

I explained to my daughter about what death means when she was young. I told her that when a person or animal dies that they don't come back. I explained that they are up in heaven watching over us. She likes to talk about our dearly departed, but seems to understand that she will not see them. If you tell your son that his step- grandpa went bye bye, he might just ask when he'll be back. Try to explain that when he left that he cannot return, but if it was up to him he would. Explain to your son that he had to go to a special place & is watching over all of you. No I'm not really religiuos, but I think explaining it this way it makes children understand a little better. When my daughter's goldfish died when she was around 4, I let her flush it to fishy heaven. She said her last goodbye & sent it on its way.