W.W.
Welcome to mamapedia, S.!!
Congratulations on your first baby!!
Okay - I think I have more questions than answers.
1. Where is your husband in all of this? WHY does he give her what she wants?
2. WHY is she at your home? Did you invite her or did she come on her own?? Or worse...did your husband invite her??
3. Why can't you tell or ask her to clean up after herself? Seriously. This is going to BLOW UP - and by "this" I mean YOU. You are nearing the end of your pregnancy and your hormones and emotions are all over the place...and it will NOT end pretty..
So, you need to "man up" - sorry - but you need to set boundaries and you need to get your husband on board. You need to ask him - how will he feel if HIS CHILD is hurt by his own mother because she's in poor health??
I'm really sorry - but if your husband gives in to his mom?? He hasn't cut his apron strings yet and this MIGHT end up being a contentious battle and one that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and marriage.
You NEED to sit down with your husband and have a SERIOUS talk...I'd meet him during lunch one day so this discussion does NOT take place in front of his mother.
DO NOT BLAME HIM!! DO NOT ACCUSE HIM!!! Tell him HOW YOU FEEL..
John, I'm scared that our baby MIGHT be hurt if Joan falls asleep while holding him. (notice I said Joan instead of "YOUR MOTHER")..
John, I'm under a lot of pressure right now. Having Joan around is not helping me. It's stressing me out. I'd like to set up a date that she goes home so that WE can concentrate on what needs to be done before little Johnny arrives.
John, after little Johnny arrives, I will need time to recuperate. I will need time to get breast feeding down. Yes, I know it's natural and people have been doing it for millions of years - but **I** haven't. I need Joan gone within the next week so that I can clean up the house and focus on little Johnny.
DO NOT dig at his mom...do NOT bad mouth his mom. Make this about the two of you and your unborn baby. This is YOUR life...not hers. This is YOUR marriage...NOT hers...
You NEED to learn to set boundaries...ASK her to clean up after herself...tell her "Joan, I'm sorry, my belly is so big right now, it's really hard for me to pick up the (insert whatever it is) off the floor...could you do it please??" See...you are NOT accusing her...you are not stating it's HER mess...you are asking for her help....and that's what she wants to be is "helpful"....and if you ride her enough about it?? She MIGHT get it...
Keep in mind, if you are not a doctor, you cannot diagnose her. And you can't change her...
You have to help your husband cut his apron strings...he's a grown man now about to become a father. He can cut them...still love his mom...and be a man and husband!!
GOOD LUCK!!