How to Tell My Boys That Their Grandma Has Passed Away

My sister-in-law died earlier this year when my kids were 2 1/2 and 4. They were extremely close to her and we visited her often in the hospital and extended care facility. The day she died, I contacted my older son's preschool teacher for advice. She told me to be completely honest with them and not to expect much to change in the way they went on their day. Which is exactly what happened. I sat them down and told them and they were like "okay, can I go play now?". After a few weeks, is when it really set in for them when we didn't go visit her and talk to her on the phone. We get helium balloons and let them go outside to their aunt and we go to the cemetery and "talk" to her and we look at photos all the time.

A.:
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother in August and am still dealing with the loss. My son is 3 and actually grasped the concept pretty well although he thought Grandma drove her car up to heaven (she wasn't in an accident so I am not sure where he got that from). We still pray to her everynite and tell her good nite and that we love her. I did bring them to the services as well. It might be nice to bring them there sometime when there isn't a big crowd so they can ask questions. Be sure to not tell them that she is sleeping b/c they could get freaked out about going to sleep. I also found a book called Water bugs & Dragonflies by Doris Stickney. It is a great book that helps explain death to young children. It might be a bit advanced but I think your kids will like it. God Bless

First off let me say that I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard for us to deal with a loss in the family let alone tell small children about it. Sit them both down and let them know that something sad has happened. You could say to them that she went to heaven to be with Jesus. She is still alive but her body that she lived in has died and they will see her again in heaven one day when they go to be with Jesus too. Make sure you tell them it is ok to cry about missing her so they don't feel like hiding from you to express their feelings. give them a big hug and tell them you love them.
They are still too young to grasp what death is, but by trying to explain it too them will give you a great peace of mind. I do hope that you and your family will have comfort and peace during this difficult time. God bless you and I will say a prayer for your family~
A.

A.,

My name is J., although I go by Jen, if your family is a strong church going family you could easily tell the 3 year old that she went to play with Jesus. There is a Country song called, "Help Pour Out The Rain," That has helped me explain things to my three little girls. If you need any other advice just let me know. ____@____.com

There is a time for everything under the sun, I love that proverb. I am sorry that you are in so much pain right now, I know you must have very fond memories and hope they help ease your pain.

That proverb has a lot of help in it as well. Children understand more than we give them credit for. We think that because they are so young that they miss so much. Not True! They are very intelligent, at no time in our life do we learn as much as when we are young. They are naturally empathetic to the pain of others. Your boys knew, inside, they knew that she was old. They knew that she sick and that she was in pain due to her age. They may not be able to verbalize but they knew.

You can not shelter them from life but you can help them accept what life gives us all, a time to die. She was old and it was her time. In your own way take some time to explain to them about how sick she was, how much pain she was in. Help them to understand that in his mercy our God does not like to see any of our very old people in pain and sick. He lets them know it is their time to pass on, out of this life and move on to the next phase. Children can be afraid sometiems. They may ask about when it will be your time or their time. It is best to let them know that most people are very very old before this happens and that they welcome it at that time. That is a good thing to bring out, that older people look forward to this phase of their life. For them it is a reward for a life lived well.

I hope this helps. Remember death may hurt us, because we are the one who are left behind. Let your little ones see that to those who go, it can be a very positive thing.

I can still remember when my grandfather died, it was my first experience. I could see and hear all of the tears. For me it seemed to be such a sad time for everyone. My mother pulled me aside and reminded me that people cried because they would miss him. She said that it was alright to cry because you will miss, but to remember to be happy for him as well. That made a big difference to me and my out look on death as a child.

Tell them that they will always have her in their hearts and minds with the memories they have of her. If you have pictures of her especially with them, make a small photo album for them to have and keep. We did this with my grandkid's when my grandmother passed (yes a great-great grandmother) she was a big part of their lives too and they treasure the pictures.

Many years ago, I explained to my young children that God needed my father-in-law, their grandpa, in heaven for a special job and we would all get to go someday, too. Tell them we are very sad that she's not here with us anymore but she's very happy in heaven & looking forward to seeing us when God needs us up there someday, too.

I would just tell them that Grandma is in heaven, and we will see her again someday just not right now.

K.

First off let me say I am sorry to hear about your Loss.
And my thoughts and prayers are with you and your Family.
Like everyone has said to you sit them down and tell them that Grandma has gone to Heaven to be with Jesus.
My son was 3 when My mother past away and that is what I told him that Grandma went to be with Jesus
And he asked me why and all I could say to him that Jesus had something for your grandma to do up in Heaven with him. And told him that some day he will see her again.
That she will always be with him looking over him and in his hearts.
My son talks about that to this day and he is now 32 years old.
I can’t believe that he still remembers that but he does.
Keep a picture of her so that you can show them the picture and say Grandma went to be with Jesus if they ask you where is she.

This could be why he still remembers that.
I know it is hard to talk to little kids but they know more then we think they do. And are stronger then we think they are.
Good Luck
K.

Good Morning A., I am so sorry for the passing of your precious grandmother. Please accept my deepest sympathy, sincerest prayers.

My Mother passed away in Aug this year from Alzheimer's. This past Friday Nov 14 was her Birthday. I went went my step dad, bro & sis, to her grave site, to give her Birthday Flowers. Like I did every year since she became ill. I also had to take our 2 youngest gr son's (3 1/2 & 1 yr) with me. (I watch them both daily)
Our son and daughter in law hadn't said much to Corbin when Mom passed away, except she went to see Jesus.
Zane was asleep and I left him in the car, it was viciously windy and cold. I explained to Corbin this was a very special place, even though Gr ma was in heaven this was a place we could come and visit, say we miss you and love you. Gr ma loved to dance so will you dance a little happy feet with Nana today for Gr ma. He did and he helped dig around and smooth out a nice spot to place and pack her flowers.

We were there maybe 15-20 minutes. He told his momma later that we went to a very pretty secret garden place to visit Gr Ma. We gave her flowers for her garden and did the happy feet dance. He was ok with what I told him.

When my daughter in laws father passed last Feb he was cremated and his ashes scattered. He had been in the hospital for maybe 3 wks before he passed of cancer. ( we didn't know he even had it, neither did he)he was being treated for blood clots in his legs. They only told Corbin Pops was at the hospital. Sometimes he still asks if Pops is still at the hospital or at home with Emme. I finally told him he was in Heaven with Jesus and he is ok with that now.

What ever you tell your little guys make it simple without a lot of detail. Don't be afraid to show your emotions at her passing. Because it is a sad time for us left behind.
Death is a normal part of living, it just isn't always easy to explain to little folks.

God Bless you A., May you and your family feel His peace and love surround you in the days ahead.

In His Love
K. Nana of 5

You have already received some really great advice...if you are a Christian...it is so easy to emphasize the positive side of death...that she is no longer in pain...she is singing praises to Jesus in Heaven...and that your and your children will see her again when you get to heaven. Let your children lead you by the questions they ask or the comments they make...dont overwhelm them with too much information at once.
I am so sorry for your loss...please accept my condolences.

Honesty and simplicity. Answer questions and know you'll probably be answering questions for months. My daughter was 3 when the first person she knew died, it was my great-aunt and she wasn't extremely close with her, but there were questions for a long time afterward. It's hard when you are grieving too.

K.

We went through the same thing with my daughter when she was 3 1/2 - 4 . Actually, around that time we had 3 deaths within a 6 month period.

Do not tell your boys that "Grandma went to sleep." There's no quicker way to make kids scared to go to bed.

You should also be cautious about "Grandma went away." There will be endless questions about where she went, when she'll come back, why doesn't she come back, will Mommy/Daddy come back the next time they go somewhere.

Whether you want to tell your sons that, "Grandma went to heaven" is obviously a personal choice and based on your religious beliefs.

Personally, I think that even young children understand that there's something different about being dead. Although they can't really grasp what death is, they do understand that it's a state of being that's apart from anything else they know.

We were honest with my daughter. "Grandma died. She won't be coming back. We won't be able to see her again. She will live with us forever in our memories. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. It's also okay if you're not sad or don't want to cry. You can ask us anything you're wondering about."

At 2 and 3 it's up to you about the kids attending visitation and the funeral.

We decided not to take my daughter to visitation. However, we did let her decide about the funeral since we felt she was old enough to make her own decision(she's rather precocious). She decided she wanted to go. At one funeral (remember we had 3 in 6 months) she was content to sit in the pew with us. At one of the other funerals, she asked to go up and see Grandpa. We took her up front and she wanted to know if it was "okay to 'pat' Grandpa" since she couldn't hug him. We told her that was fine - she did so once and then kissed her hand and patted him again "so he has a kiss to take with him." I think it kind of helped her to understand that Grandpa wasn't with us anymore.

The best thing is to do what you're comfortable with while being honest with the boys. Don't try to hide things from them. Don't force them to do anything either. You don't want to frighten them.