How to Uninvite Someone Nicely?

Tell her the complete truth. You talked to the rest of the family and they say its him or them.

Problem solved.

If she is going to stay with this loser, that is what she has to deal with. (I wouldnt say that though.) ;)

Good luck!

Can't do it.
You already invited them.
I don't play the "family drama" game.
No O. tells me who I can & cannot invite to my own home.
If they want to leave or call the cops (??) so be it.

i understand the family's feelings, but once you've invited him it's up to YOU. i hate the whole hostage 'if so-and-so is there you don't get the privilege of ME' attitude.
i really don't like uninviting.
if you must do so, just call her and apologize but be firm. she won't come without him, most likely.
at this point someone's going to get their knickers in a twist. you just have to decide whom you're the most comfortable with offending.
khairete
S.

Haven't you ever heard the old adage "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?"

You should invite this guy. And the family should make it clear to him that his BS will not fly. All of you together should be showing support for your SS by pulling this man in by the shirt collar and saying "listen, MoFo, you mess with our SS and you'll have US to answer to!"

Just a thought.

At his point, you do not uninvite him.

Once he is invited, you cannot take it back, unless in the meantime, he does something horrible.

Remember the invite is really to include your step sisters boyfriend.. Not to somehow show approval, but to make ss happy,.

Later (another day),, these other people on their own, need to speak with ss privately about their concerns with her ongoing relationship with a person who in the past has abused her, not shown her respect.. whatever their problem with him is..

This is not the time to do this.

If you un-invite him your sister will most likely not come to the gathering.

Your sister will most likely cling closer to him - he will encourage that and also encourage her to cut off contact with family.

This is what abusers do.

She needs her family.

I can understand why your family would not want to encourage your step sister's relationship with this guy. (He BEAT her?!) However, you (knowing their history when you did so) told her he could come. Once you've invited him, it's done.
Just my opinion.

I have been there and done that. With abusive people the goal is to separate you from the support of friends and family. Perhaps embracing him to keep an eye on him may be the best move to be made.

Other family members do not get to manipulate or dictate who comes to my home. That is just rude. If they choose to leave they are welcomed to do so but they don't get to tell you who you can and can not have in your house.

Don't make your sister have to choose between the family and her man (and I use the term man loosely). Don't uninvite him but you may want to stagger guests coming to your home. That may be a better solution.

Set up 4 hour blocks of time and invite on set then invite the other set if you want to or just keep the plan the plan. Express to your family that you don't want a scene but if they want to abandon your sister and let the boyfriend see the family split on his presence then that's their decision but you wish they would reconsider to show this abuser a united supportive family front.

I hope this advice helps.

Your family needs to understand that this is not about THEM. It's about your SS. The way to show her support is not to exclude her BF (which will only serve to exclude her as well, because an abusive man is not going to let her go to this by herself anyway). If your family really wants to help her rid herself of this guy, they need to step up in meaningful ways - offer her a place to live while she gets on her feet, help her get counseling to understand why she puts up with this... etc etc. Simply throwing a fit and demanding that the bad BF is not invited doesn't help anything, and will likely make the situation worse for her. I was in an abusive relationship in college, so I speak from experience.

I would not uninvite him. If the others don't want to come that is their choice and let them tell her why if she asks them. If she asks you tell her to ask them why.

Why should you have to be the devils advocate here?

Unfortunately even though everyone around her can see how bad he is for her but her... this is her choice as to who she wants to be with. Sadly the family has to except that without liking it!

If you want her to be at the family dinner then you have to realize they are a package deal and he will be there especially since you invited him.

you did the right thing here... the rest of the family needs to grow up a little on it.

Good luck and I hope you have a good time and everyone can put the drama aside for a few hours.

The event is happening in your home, correct? And you're an adult, correct? Then this "other family member" can't call the cops if the boyfriend shows up unless he's wanted by the police or starts something at the event. If the other family member chooses not to show up, then so what? Let them leave. That's their choice. That's their drama, not yours. Don't get involved in it.

I think it would be incredibly rude for you un-invite the boyfriend. It would also damage your relationship with your sister. Don't un-invite him.

Sounds to me like your family is issuing an ultimatum that YOU have to enforce, and that's not exactly fair. If people don't like your SS's boyfriend, then they should talk to her... not ask you to do the dirty work.

There is no nice way to uninvite him - even if you tell SS that it's everyone else and not you who doesn't want the boyfriend there. If your SS is in an abusive relationship, she needs her family. And if you uninvite her boyfriend, SS probably won't come either and you all will be excluding her too.

I'm surprised he would really want to show with the things he has done. I don't think there is a nice way to uninvite him. If you forbid him from coming that may push them closer together and she doesn't need that.

Is this bf violent or has a warrant for his arrest? If there is nothing outstanding about him (in a negative way) then you DON'T uninvite him. And it's your house...do not let other family members bully you into being the bad guy...if they don't want to come because he will be there, that is their problem. Your step sister chooses to be w/ this person....it really doesn't matter if you agree or think it's a bad idea. It's HER choice.

You already said she could bring him...be the grown up and let that stand.

I was bullied into not inviting certain family members to my wedding...long story. But to this day, I wish I had gone w/ my gut and had them there. The people who were "bothered" by it are not nice people anyway and why did I WANT them at my wedding!? Unfortunately, it would have affected a lot more people than me, so I did what I thought was right. Luckily, my sisters DID invite them...and guess what? Everyone got over it!

While boyfriend doesn't sound like a nice guy, your ss is your family, so you need to let her know you support her and that you are there for her. Sorry you are in the middle of this...hope it all works out.

Well, the cops won't do anything if he isn't doing anything. I think you are certainly in a pickle. It comes down to it, this is your home and you can invite who you want.

I would call the girl and visit something like this, let's pretend her name is Jan:

"Wow Jan, I was telling XXX you were bringing XX with you to my thing and she got totally crazy about it!!! What the heck happened? Tell me everything."

She may feel close enough to you to tell you and she may tell you things not told to the others before...she may clear up some things, she may tell you more than you want to know, she may reach out for help, she may brag about how cool he is and how they like BDSM.....who knows what lifestyle they choose.

The conversation would eventually lead to:

"Do you think all He** will break loose if he comes?" She'll talk a few minutes then it's your job to discourage her or lead her into saying "I think I'll just tell him to stay home". That way it is not something that offends her but is her suggestion. You're the empathetic one here and she would not want to get you all involved in her feud with the family.

By being somewhat on her side you also open the door for future assistance or her starting to feel close to you though, if you don't like her and don't have feeling for her as a relative then just be blunt and tell her you changed your mind.

I would just explain to her as nicely as you can, that after careful consideration and speaking with the remainder of the family you all think it's best that he doesn't come. If she objects, then I would just tell her that you are all concerned for her wellbeing with him and as long as he continues to treat her this way, he is not welcomed. That you love her but can't understand why she would put up with all that he has done. While you can't control who she chooses to be with you can control who is going to be allowed at the family function. Just be ready for "well if he can't come, I won't be attending either" speech from her. That's something that you will have to accept. Start off positive and end as postively as you can. Good luck!

If she was left in a bar by the boyfriend, she must be an adult. Further it sounds like your function...need I say anymore?

just come right out and tell her
I personally wouldnt want the tension at my house, andnot watn him to come.
it will put you in an akward spot, and if your already the host, you dont need the drama..

I think even if you somehow "in a nice way" un-invite him...your step sister will most likely not come either. So, I think you really need to weigh whether that is what you want to do or not.

Think of it this way, at least you and your family will be able to keep a good eye on him so that he may not hurt her in your presence.

I would send a brief email to the rest of the family saying something along the lines of, "SS's bf has already been invited and I dont feel comfortable now asking him not to come. I know there are some strong feelings about him but this is her choice of who she wants to be with. I have to support her and hope you will too. I would appreciate it if we could all act like adults during the party and not cause any drama or uncomfortable situations for anyone. I will ask the same of SS. If at any time anyone feels uncomfortable, I will understand if you will have to leave the party early in order to keep things civil. Thanks for your understanding." I would also contact SS and say that the family isn't happy hes going to the party and that you would like a drama free event and to please keep that in mind. Good luck.

Are you talking about my sister?!?! HOLY COW!! Her now fiance was the same way for years and we all hated him. Things have been good with them for a while now and he has gotten help. I still wouldn't pick him for her, but it's her life so it's whatever.

We had this issue last Father's Day. My brother had just purchased his home and wanted us to come over there. But my sister was not allowed to bring her boyfriend. It turned into a huge fight, but now of course things have calmed down. My brother still refuses to see her fiance, but he will at least see her now.

Honestly, honesty is the best policy here. Tell her the bf is not welcome and if she wants to skip it that's fine, but SHE is welcome.

Tell her the truth, which is ALWAYS good...but if she doesn't care to hear the truth, simply tell her that this gathering will end up being an intervention for her boyfriend that your family will have full control over! Good luck & prayers for you & your family & especially the boyfriend! = 0 )

If this is your get together which it sounds like it is, you have final say. If others don't like it, they can leave. But...if you are all meeting together and your not hosting, I would call her and tell her that the other family is having an issue with it and you wanted to tell her so she can decide. She is a big girl, she should decide what is best for her. GL

M

You are going to have to call and explain in a loving fashion. Don't do it because the family gave you this ultimatum. Do it because it is the right thing to do. I would just explain to her that you love her very much and you do not condone or appreciate the way that he treats her. That you would support her in any thing that she does but you cannot support this relationship. If it were me I would not want this man in my home or around my kids (if you have any). I mean if he cannot respect the woman he "loves" than how can you expect him to respect you or your home.

I think you need to handle it very lovingly and again over the phone or in person, emails can come across so negatively sometimes when you don't mean for them too. I would also not mention the families threats of leaving or calling the police that is only going to cause more drama.

Good luck

Just tell her that you apparently overstepped your bounds by telling her she could bring him. That you mentioned it to some family members and they said he was not welcome due to his treatment of her. And if she has any objections she can take it up with the rest of your family.

I'm just cracking up at the reaction of the police that would show up to a call where the complaint was they didn't like another invited guest at the party.

If (and that's a big if) I felt like humoring the rest of the family I might call her up and tell her what's going on and see what she thinks would be best. Otherwise, they're free to leave any old time they want to.

I wouldn't uninvite him. I would be sure that a lot of male family members are there and that they SHOW him how much your SS means to them and that they have a conversation around him, NOT with him, about what they would do if someone ever beat up one of the women in the family or the like.

You aren't going to stop the relationship and uninviting him will make her "love" him all the more.

I recall one family event where my niece's boyfriend raised his voice to my niece. OMG!!!!! The males immediately jumped in his face and I don't think that boy has raised his voice to her since. They made him apologize to her and to every family member. He was so humiliated but it did the job!