How Would Divorce Affect My 15 Month Old?

Read your previous post and I think your son will be fine and much better if you pick up the pieces and GET OUT much sooner rather than later! Your husband is not capable of loving anyone right now, for whatever reason and that is a VERY unhealthy situation to stay in. Leave and then file papers. Leave while he is at work so that you do not have a confrontation. I wouldn't make an announcement to him, let him be served with the papers and stay away from him. Not sure if you need one, but get a restraining order filed if you feel he will come after you in any way. Also make sure to do what you have to do to get full custody and no/limited/supervised visits for him since he cannot seem to communicate love to your son. Just my thoughts. Good luck to you!

Hi H.,

I too have read and answered your previous posts. Please listen to Nicole (hers is the only one I've read so far). Divorce is never easy, but yes, it will be easier for your son while he's young.

I am feeling from your posts that you are scared, but you know the correct answer of you should/need to do. I am reading/feeling your fear and that by asking us these questions you're looking to us to help give you the strength you're going to need. To know that you're not alone.

Let me be here to tell that you are not alone. We are here as your internet sisters in motherhood to cheer you on, to let you know that you do have the strength to do this. That you are worth more than what your husband is giving to you. That as a mother, you have already shown great strength in being a sahm to your son and suffering through an ectopic pregnancy/hospital stay all by yourself. Divorce is a scary and overwhelming concept, but just take it one step at a time. Get your ducks in a row, be prepared, research what you will need and have to do and get yourself ready and then hire an attorney to help you through the legal process. If at any time you think that you will be physically threatened when you tell your husband your decision, plan ahead - have your child out of the house and have a friend with you.

You can do this, and we're all here to support you emotionally.

Best,
S.

I left my husband when my son was almost 2y.o.Much like in your case, I was a sahm and dad used to travel a lot, be gone, most of the time, so I was my baby's universe. That made the separation A LOT easier, especially because I went back to live in my mom's house, so he had another, very loving, adult that would fill in when I was busy working (I found immediately a job, obviously) and because I went back to my hometown we have always been surrounded by friends and relatives that were so very happy to have us back and so we went from isolation (physical and psychological) to a warm, welcoming environment, that made wonders for myself and for my son. It was like coming to life again. I too decided to remove my son from that situation out of fearing him becoming like his dad: that is a decision I will never regret. Almost three years after leaving, my son is growing happy, healthy, balanced,. I have a better relationship with his dad (easier from afar) and always made sure our son knows he's loved by him. He's used to his dad being away because he does not recall living all together in a house, He was simply too small. So, the sooner, the better, and make sure you place him in a new environment filled with friendly faces and happy things to do...children adapt very easily, especially to "betterness" (new word I guess?). Good luck.

The faster the better...much better to handle this then deal with it. Good for you for not settling...life is too short! My friend is settling on a nasty hateful marriage, and it disturbs me greatly since her kids will pay the price. Go and find a better life for both of you...Good luck!

I have read your previous questions and my heart goes out to you! You are dealing with a LOT right now.

My opinion is this.....a divorce will be easier on your son than growing up in an abusive household.
Hopefully your husband will wake up to his behavior and be able to co-parent successfully.

I am sorry that you are having to make such hard decisions right now. HUGS!

divorces are always hard on a kid. but staying together when it's bad is worse. in your case it'll be less of an issue because he's so young and his dad isn't around much.
good luck to you!
khairete
S.

I believe children should grow up in a healthy two parent household. The key word being healthy. It sounds to me like your husband has some pretty serious issues and he's refusing to face it. He may have any number of problems like bipolar disorder, sex addiction, or be manic depressive. I'm not a doctor but his behavior seems very abnormal. You have to consider what will the outcome be if he learns your husbands habits vs growing up in a broken home. You are in charge of teaching your son to be the kind of man you'd be proud of. Children learn by example even when they know the example is wrong. My mother was a screamer. I vowed to never scream at my kids....guess what, I scream! I have to remind myself constantly that it's unacceptable behavior. Your son doesn't deserve to see his mother treated poorly. You sound like you know what you should do but you are looking for someone else to help give you the confidence to do it. You CAN do it. My step-daughter was 2 when her parents divorced. She's great. She has great self respect and respect for other people. She knows she's loved by both parents. She doesn't have any solid memories of her family before the divorce and therefore hasn't got any bad memories of their divorce. Her brothers who were 5, 8, and 9 have a lot of bad memories. Their mom was drunk and their dad was never home. They felt the pain from both sides and had a tough time. If your marriage isn't going to make it or you know your marriage is wrong for your son then get out before he's older. If it's going to end no matter what then the sooner the better. Your son needs a house full of love. You can provide all the love he needs all by yourself.

I left my husband when my youngest was 22 months. Yes, it affects them. I guess it really depends on what kind of relationship they have with their Dad. Kids want, more than anything, to be close to both parents. Even if they never met the parent they want to know about him or her an meet him or her and fantasize about what that parent would be like. Of course living in a horrible marriage affects kids too. I dont know what your issues are or what you have done to try to improve your marriage. How does your husband treat you? Have you read books about the male mind? I think the new one is called Wild Heart (I havent read it) I highly recommend Mars and Venus In Touch. Have you tried marriage counseling? sometimes men who reject counseling will change their minds when the marriage seems to be ending.

Dear Hi!

I do not ordinarily post regarding my divorce...But I want to share a few things with you...my biggest regret is that I did not divorce earlier in my marriage. I had some notion that staying together til the kids were older was somehow better. I also tried to continue to work on my marriage thru counseling (he was un willing to go with shortly after alcohol emerged as an issue...but I digress)...and although I became a stronger individual, the problems between my ex and I grew.

In short, there was a 'crisis' situation...and I filed immediately. It is not easy with kids...no matter what age they are. You need (IMHO) to search your heart LONG and hard....and if YOU are convinced that the marriage is not able to grow...and move forward and THRU...divorce now.

My only regret is that I 'tried' to stay for the kids...and things 'blew up' in a BIG way some years later. I wish I had divorced sooner...BUT...the good news is...I can say...with TOTAL honesty...I left no stone un turned to save my marriage.

This is MY experience only...and my kids seem to be doing well...time will tell...

Best Luck and good thoughts!
Michele/cat

You question is kind of vague. You ask if your son will be affected but from what I am getting, you do not plan on EVER seeing your husband again. It seems like that has been the pattern and to avoid the stressful situation when your husband returns, you would feel more comfortable if he was just out of your sons life. I hope that I am not assuming but that is how it sounds to me. So that is what I will advise on. I left my first husband when my son was only 9 months old. My son is 22 now and has only seen his "father" once and that is when he signed the divorce papers and he was about 15 months old. My ex tried to call on that first Christmas so my son would have been about 26 months and had no interest in talking to him. He called about a year later and I was already re-married. I found my true mate and we are still together. When my ex heard my husbands voice he asked who that was and I told him that he was my husband and we have not heard from him since. My son has my husbands last name and knows that his Dad loves him and has taken care of him all these years. He knows that he has a biological father and sometimes wants to meet him but now is so angry at him it is hard to listen to him. He knows why we left and he also feels that since he has not even tried to contact him he is scum because how can someone do that. I tell you my story to tell you that there is good and bad. You have to really weigh your options and make sure that you teach your son the right way to be with women and that some people just cant do it. If you need more advice ask and I can give you more. Hang in there.

The better the parents act with each other in the presence of each other and of the child, the more the parents co-parent instead of using the kid to hurt each other, the better off the child will be. The key is everyone being respectful, or at least polite. That's the best thing my parents did when they divorced.

If your husband was home all the time and your son had a strong bond, it might be pretty hard on him. This isn't the case, though. If he's all you know, I can't see how it would really effect him. If a divorce would make you more happy and feel better about yourself and life, I think that would effect him more...and in a good way. Your son is very young and this is not likely to really harm him in any way. If you are convinced a divorce is what you must do, then you should make that choice.

You CAN do it and you have received some great advice here from the mamas. You already have the answers in your heart. Take the first step. Many thoughts and prayers are with you.