Hubby Help

Hi S.,
IMO directness in this case is the only way. Cook him a nice meal or take him out to dinner (alone) and tell him over the meal. Maybe reading is just not his thing and he needs to hear it from you. Tell him that you've been through pregnancy twice before alone and this time you want it to be a partnership thing...after all he is the father. Tell him what stages to expect and what would be helpful to you. Remember this is his first time and maybe he doesn't know what to expect and is scared.
Good luck.
W. Q

Maybe he's afraid of losing the sexiness in your relationship.

Not only that, but I've learned that most guys just don't like reading much. Or not whole books or chapters of books, even. Unless they're instruction manuals :)

So, maybe just cut out certain sections and leave them in places where you know he will find them and have a private minute to look at them (hmm... on the wall in front of the toilet, maybe ;)

There's also a great Caveman's Guide to Pregnancy, written by a guy for guys. It's very, very funny! And it's informative, and it teaches him how to treat mama right. I say, get it, pronto, and pull out the scissors. But only cut out short sections, or cut out pages but only highlight short sections that you want him to read. Put the funniest things out first as bait. It'll keep him reading everything else you tape up, whatever book it's from.

L.

Okay, so he just doesn’t get it. Men have no idea what a physical toll pregnancy takes on our bodies but heaven forbid they get a cold and the world is going to end. I will say this in his defense that What to Expect When You Are Expecting is a total snooze wrapped in a pastel cover. Nothing is going to catch a man’s interest like a detailed description of what is going on in your uterus. My husband found (and actually read) a wonderful book when I was pregnant with our first its called "Be Prepared". It’s written like a Boy Scout manual AND HAS PICTURES (and not the gross kind as he so lovingly put it).

http://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Practical-Handbook-Dads...

Just try to meet him where he is and hopefully this man who loved you enough to marry you will grasp the importance of lending a hand with the dishes. And if not here is a book for you.

http://www.uncommongoods.com/item/item.jsp?source=related...

Hi S.,
Have you talked to him and told him how you feel?
I think if you tell him you've already gone through this process twice alone and would love for him to be involved in this one as it's so much better to share this miracle.
He might respond to that...
Good Luck and best wishes on your pregnancy!
C.

Mornin' S.

I think the wisest thing you can do - after you've already asked and talked with him about how you feel which you have done, right? - is to drop the topic and pray. Wouldn't hurt to leave the book out, but most important is keeping the peace in your home for you, your children and your husband. I would encourage you NOT to make a big issue of this.

Pregnant women still have chores - like cooking dinner and housework - so keep up with that as best you can with no complaining and pray then pray some more. YOU cannot change your husband's attitude, only God can. : )

Hugs and blessings
C.

I agree that a calm heart to heart is appropriate, but then, you should drop it. do what you can around the house with a sweet attitude and leave the rest for the times you have a little extra energy, or you have a good friend over who asks "what can I do to help?" Take all of that you can get:) My husband really came around once he SAW me in labor and delivery. It really increased his respect for me and he was very helpful after that. My husband is not a reader, either. Is there a couple you are friends with, where the husband is an involved dad? Perhaps have them over, or go out with them and the conversation will almost surely lead to parenting and pregnancy. A live example from someone he likes may really help.

I had been trying to get my husband to read "smart couples finish rich" for two years. Two months ago he discovered that this particular book was available on I-Tunes. He down loaded it and listened to it. He has since downloaded Suzey Ormand's and Alan Greenspan's books all on his own and I now have my husband on the same financial page with me.
If you have to put it on his I-pod or phone yourself, do it!
Another option is to get the book on CD and put it in his car so when he starts the car to leave it will be playing already.
At the very least these extreme actions would demonstrate how serious you are about him getting involved.
Best of luck!

Your husband sounds just like mine. I understand that this is really important to you but don't get to stressed about it. Some men show their emotions different. My sister is blessed with a wonderful husband that does thing for her and is really sweet. My husband on the other had acts like a kid when I ask him to give the dog a bath. Just hang in there and don't forget your prayers.

God bless

My suggestion would be to sit down with him and have a heart to heart chat. Tell him how important this is to you and how much it would mean to you to have him involved and why you would like him to read/learn about the pregnancy. If that doesn't work, you can not force him to be interested, you will just have to accept that this is how he is. Then you just need do whatever you can to help yourself through the pregnancy. Also, the recommendation to enlist the doctor's help was a great suggestion. Good luck to you, I hope he comes around and gets to experience this miracle of life as an involved father :)

Hey S.,

First I want to say congratulations! I had two children prior to marriage also. My husband and I decided to have a baby together. I want to ask you to ask yourself first, did he help in the house before you were pregnant? What is feelings about housework? Appreciate him for the support that he does give and don't say anything. I am learning time and time again when we complain, it doesn't make men respond. It does something to their ego and they retract. I have learned with my husband if I want it done I need to sit back and let him notice it (sometimes) I just don't do it. My husband pays more attention to things like the yard and the cars. He looks lastly at the house. He will help out in the house and try to get things done, I have just learned to let him do them in his time. When I was pregnant I worked on what I could and didnt stress over the rest. Get your 2 year old and 4 year old involved like its a game. Especially with their toys or rooms. Involve your 4 year old with loading the diswasher (if you have one) or rinsing dishes they are excited about t doing it that age. But whatever you do don't complain and don't try to "force" your husband to become active. If he says he is not interested then let him be not interested. I have found out that they will pick it up on their own. When I have left my husband alone, someone else has mentioned it to him and he takes their advice. Who cares who it comes from as long as it gets done! Relax yourself so you aren't stressed! Also find quick meals! When I was pregnant we did simple things. Especially as it get into summer, (baked potato and salad night), cooked enough spaghetti for 2 or 3 days.

A little about me: I am a working mother of 4 sons who are 16, 14, 12 and 4.

your husband sounds like mine, 3 years ago. He went to my doctors appointments but that is where it stopped. He was plenty old enough to be responsible and I had every reason to believe he was a total sweetheart! Yet, when I went into labor with the first child, he acted like a total jerk. It was a bad experience as far dealing with him was concerned. I really believe he couldn't wrap his mind around what I was going through and he was very wrapped up in the stress at work. It was really bad for a while. Lots of arguing and ultimatums and enlightenment (plus 3 kids) later, we are doing great and he is the wonderful father and husband I always suspected he would be. You might have a long road ahead of you. Don't get upset with him if he doesn't get what you are going through because that is impossible. Men don't get that this is a traumatic experience pjysicallly for you. Eventually, he will get it. Stay calm and patient with him but be clear with him that you need him to do his best to show you he is there foe you.

Talk to your Doctor before the next appointment. Ask the doctor if they will help you out. They can mention that you will need extra help, and can ask him if he has noticed some of these things.

IE:

How is she doing? Are you able to let her get enough rest? Does she seem to have mood swings? Is she tiring out more easily? Are there any foods she can't eat right now? Is she having morning sickness? How's your sex life?

He may just need someone else to make him "see".

There are several pregnancy books geared for guys - one I got for my husband when pregnant with my now 6yo was "She's Having A Baby and I'm Having A Breakdown". It's written by a guy and talks about pregnancy but with more of a funny lean to it. I got a couple others that I can't recall the titles to right now - but I got them all at my local bookstore. He actually DID read through them! Maybe that will help.

As far as things around the house, just do the things that you CAN do - I imagine you really have your hands full with 2 preschoolers themselves! Don't be afraid to let some things slide in lieu of making yourself crazy and totally worn out!! I'm 28 wks pregnant now, and my 1st tri was BAAAAD. I literally could NOT do everything around the house, and hubby was barely lifting a finger. I let a LOT go and the house looked like CR*P (still does)!!! When my DH griped I said that he most certainly could do something himself if he hated it enough to open his mouth (this led him to shut up about it but still not do too much LOL - but at least I was not hearing it)!

I too was completely alone during my pregnancy so I totally understand why you want someone to participate in this event! My friend was also pregnant shortly after I was, and her baby's daddy was around. She would print off the emails that you get from the what to expect website. They send you an email every week and she would place them somewhere he would see. It shows the baby growing and he grew interested very fast. Just an idea...hope it helps! And congratulations on your soon to be new arrival!

S.,
A little about me - Married 38 years, mother of two, grandmother of three. Having been married 38 years, I've realized that Men ARE from Mars and Women ARE from Venus. We think differently about things. The fact that your husband is excited and going to every doctor's visit with you is awesome.

When our 32 year old daughter was born, my husband was hard pressed to be in the waiting room because he was terrified of hospitals. Your husband may be giving you as much as he is emotionally capable of right now just by going with you to the doctor. Remember, you've been through this twice. This is his first. Sometimes men want to learn stuff on their own, without admitting that they need to know it. My suggestion is this, try leaving the book in the bathroom. When he's having some alone time in there, he just might pick it up. If he doesn't, my experience is that when I try to force anything on my husband, he becomes more resistant.

When I have expectations that my husband is going to be as enthusiastic and interested in something as I am, and he isn't, I get let down. My expectations of others is what usually gets me in trouble. (I just had this conversation with my daughter yesterday.)

As far as the housework - let him complain. Don't take his complaints personal. He'll get over it!

Best of luck and congratulations,
L. W.

He is very much acting like the typical husband during a pregnancy. Many of the best husbands and dads have no interest to learn more than "must know" information. I guess it's sort of like women and cars. We usually don't know or care how they work, but we sure want and can drive them. I have a wonderful husband of 22 yrs. and a great father to our two children, however there were days I thought it would be easier to be a single mom because my expectations weren't met in what I had wanted or hoped he would do and it disappointed me or made me mad. The sooner you accept it and try REALLY hard to ignore it, the better and the longer you'll be married. Just take care of yourself and the children in every way possible. He'll be there for support and emergencies, but maybe not the daily participation that we moms/wives would LOVE. Most men don't get it and never will. Ignore those things, love him and have good girl-friends to confide in!

Congratulations !!! I'm also pregnant with my third - 12 weeks. But, don't expect your husband to want to know all the icky details of pregnancy :) Most men, just like us women, are thinking a lot about other things during pregnancy like finances. I don't know about your husband, but mine doesn't really want to hear about my issues....although he rubs my feet and tries to help... he also gets tired and worn down. I think his main concern is that he will have to go an entire 6 weeks or more (during those last months) without sex. Maybe you could get him interested in reading a book about sex during pregnancy :) Otherwise, I think this is something he will need to do on his own.