Husband That Just Doesn't Get It

Ounds like the typical man for ya! My ex-husband was the same way! He thought just because he was around and making money, that he didn't need to change diapers, or play with Chrystina,or feed her or anything like that! I couldn't satnd it! So one day I just said here yah go change her diaper and get her PJ's on! So he acted like he was trying and was like help me I can't do it! So just tell him but in a calm manner! IF not maybe scare him a little bit by sleeping on the couch or somthing! That always worked for me!

Hello T.,

I wanted to let you know that I to am one of those mom's you try to do everything. Both my husband and I are CEO's of our own companies. We have 2 boys 3 1/2 and 10, trying to balance everything can be tough especially when your dealing with Kid schedules, Flight schedules for work ect. One thing that has worked for us is my husband and I rely on each for help now it's not always 50/50 sometimes 20/80. We always communicate openly with each other and when one can't full fill something the other will pick up the slack. If I were you I would sit down and talk to your husband about how you feel and just because you choose to have a professional career doesn't mean your not allowed to vent a little when your overwhelmed. Trust me I know how hard it can be to balance work and family but you and your husband need to be more of a team. I saw that you live in White Lake so do I. Best of luck to you and don't try to be Wonderwomen.

I became pregnant with my second child when my daughter was 9 months old also...and I was a stay at home mom and still tired all the time~ it's normal. My husband is in the coast guard and has a relatively "stressful" job and we found ourselves constantly using the "I'm just tired" excuse for when we'd snap at each other about random things. Even though I WAS tired, it's not really an excuse for being mean to the man I'm supposed to love more than anyone in the world. Hormones run a number on you and he needs to understand that, you should buy him some "fathering" books and highlight the sections on hormones and tiredness so that he'll take pity on you instead of hurting your feelings ( MY husband and I both loved "What to expect when you're expecting" it's at any bookstore). As for your part, I'd honestly just stop doing as much around the house and ask him to help but make sure to tell him you appreciate his help. You are going to need your rest in the next coming months more than you realize so take/ask for help when you need it~ and deal with it day by day.

My husband is simular, well was.. When I was pregnant the first time, he thought that I was just over reacting to everything, finally one day I blew up at him. I told him that it's not easy and if he wouldn't be more considerate then I would be the same way to him when he's had a rough day. We then looked up a lot of information about pregnancy, and he couldn't believe what it did to a womans body. Then while I was in labor, I made sure he was there every second for it.. With our second pregnancy, he's been a lot more conciderate towards us, and he helps out a lot with our son. I hope he realizes what a wonderful, yet hard job it is to be a mother and pregnant. The second pregnancy take a lot more out of ya than the first, I think.

well now men will never understand it cause they never have to go threw it but tell him to go buy a watermelon strap it to him make him work with it all day come home do the cleanin take care of the baby an make dinner tell him if he can do it just one day without bein tierd an needin some tlc u will not nag again they cant

Don't get offended by the title, but "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a wonderful book that explains why men do what they do and how to get them to do what you want. It really works and my husband now does everything and more just to make me happy! A little effort on my part to change made our marriage so much better. My husband doesn't know about the book but he thanked me for "whatever it was that made me understand".
Good luck.

If you figure this one out, could you let me know? :)

I agree w/ alot of these suggestions. Karen had said somethig about the book "proper care & feeding of your husband" that is an awesome book & trust me u will learn from it. Just tweeking YOURSELF a bit can make all the difference. U will get some insight of how he thinks & reacts to things. But most of all if u need help, ASK him. he cant read minds no matter what us woman think. LOL. I know the hormones play a big role but u need to try to handle them. its all about self control & thats hard when u r preg. I do know that. & sometimes u cant control it but he is your life partner. this is who u chose. u should make the best of it. hope things go ok. best of luck to u.

I read your request earlier and then came across this article (at the bottom) and thought it was something that might help you. Hopefully this helps you explain to him that while you like to do everything that you normally would, you still need more help from him in other areas. Aand that by having the extra help you will be less likely to be moody (iffy with you being pregnant, but possible) and less exhausted most of the time.

Another sneaky option would be to let him take care of everything for a day or two and arrange for you to go away for a girls night or weekend. Prearrange it and say you would like him to walk in you shoes for a day or two. The only thing that you can't have him expierence is being pregnant unless you rent one of those sympathy bellies. But this could backfire on you if you don't talk about it first.

The Hunter-Gatherer Difference
Have you ever noticed the difference in the ways men and women talk? As women, we like to explore, analyze, and discuss our conflicts, often nodding and completing each other's sentences. But if you interrupt men while they're speaking or overload them with information, watch out!

This difference is a byproduct of our evolution. As "gatherers," our prehistoric female ancestors survived by multitasking — tending to the children, stoking the fire, and developing social bonds with other women all at once. We thrived by being mentally complex. Men, meanwhile, were the "hunters," focused on a single goal — such as driving the bison into the ravine, killing it, and bringing it home. Thinking about anything else could have been a fatal distraction.

Our cave-dwelling days still resonate in how we communicate — and argue — today. So when you want to hash it out with your man, focus on the solutions. Instead of playing the blame game or delving into endless details, approach the conversation with a sense of what you want him to do. Communicate requests like do the dishes, put the kids to bed, or touch me like this in a way that's respectful, but direct. Also, be sure to say what's bothering you, instead of nagging or, worse, brooding and never saying anything.

Show your man that you can talk to him in his language — and he just might surprise you by speaking back in yours!

Men are very direct. If you are tired, tell him. He is not going to notice this on his own. Guys are not like that as a general rule. If you want him to do something to help out, ask him to do the specific task you seek. It might help if you consider hiring a maid to come in a couple times a week, just for the pregnancy, too. That way, you get the help, without having to nag.

If you are really determined to get him to change his behavior, you may just have to consider letting the nanny go, telling him that it's silly to have a nany when he's right there. This will likely cause the objection that he works at home, so he needs the nanny. But, you could counter that thousands of parents work at home without the benefit of a nanny. I imagine that after a few weeks of trying to "do it all" himself, he will change his tune.

You may not like my advice - fair warning.

I think you should say to him, "You know, I think you're right". And then back off of the things that you can and see if it makes any changes. What I'm hearing from him is "you're wearing yourself down and it affects how we interact". And he may be right! What's more important - a clean house, or having your husband enjoy talking to you?

Your job - well, only you know how much that can change. The baby is a no-brainer -- obviously you aren't going to cut down on him! But the cooking and cleaning... You're fortunate to have a nanny - are any housekeeping services included with that? Would your nanny be willing to do dishes, etc, for a small raise?

If your hubby isn't willing to pitch in with things such as housework, that's fine- everyone helps in their own way. But you should be free to make other arrangements so that you can give him what he needs - pleasant time with you - and you can get what you need - help from *someone* (doesn't have to be him) and some extra rest.

On the upside, you'll feel a lot better (as far as being tired) once you get past the first trimester, and you're almost there!! Congratulations on your new baby!

HI T.,
My name is A. I have the same problem kind of.I have 4 kids 14,9,6, and 14 month old.I work full time on midnight shift I go home after a 10 hour shift take my girls to school and try to get some sleep with a 14 month old.My husband works full time morning shifts.I get no kind of symphony from him what so ever.He just says you had a chance to get some sleep when I got home but I have children to feed and bathe before I have to do another 10 hour shift.So i see where your coming from .I would love to be pampered by my husband but i am always getting told that i am nagging or complaining all the time.I have alot on my shoulders and i would just like a little help and comfort from my husband .